Islamic marriage advice and family advice

In love with a brother that used me and dumped me

I'm in love with a brother that has used and dump me I have tried to forget about him with prayer but my mind is stil there.

Later i met a brother after my istikhara on him. I saw in my dream that my mum does not approve it, i found when I woke up and I try to convince her, but my father don't approve it.

My istikhara on the 1st one show to me that we are sitting together as a big happy family and it as quit the relationship. Now I want him back in a right way that please ALLAH. What should I do on the second brother that is not totally approve by my parent?

- Sister in islam

Tagged as: , ,

12 Responses »

  1. sallam

    sister stay away from the brother relationships with nonmehrams are haram. if someone used you and dumped you them there not good for you! stay away from him! do it for yourself! love God, love your family and most of all love yourself more than you love this guy. not worth it!!!

    second guy stay away too unless he comes to your parents and asks for your ristah islamically. inshallah he will!

    thing is sister Just becuase you see something straight away ina dream doesnt mean its correct. Thats not how ishtikara works. humans are hasty and want an answer straight away. And dreams dont work that way, you may ahve dreamt about the first guy becuase its your desire to be with him. tell me how many dreams have you ahve without isthikara? And your dreamt bad about the second guy maybe becuase of guilt.!

    I would say involve your parents with proposals dont dive into it alone! they may give great advice inshallah!

    Allah hafiz

  2. I av informed my parent,they ar happy wit d 1st guy but i does not told dem dat he as used me,he as rang my fone to plead but i dnt want 2 do wot does not please ALLAH again,dat is hw i do prayer on evry guy i met b4 loving or after and it work 4 me.but in my drm wit 2 of dem i am hapy if i mary dem but 1 is suport and d 2nd is oppose by my parent.pls i nid ur help.i pray 4 him to repent and come back 2 me in a rite way.d oda guy is very far away frm me and wen he spoke wit my dad he does nt told hm he want 2 mary me and was unable 2 answer his question

    • Sister, please write in proper English so we don't have to strain ourselves to read your posting. thanks

      • sallam serendipity

        i was struggling to read the responce to so i didnt have a clue how to guide her...

        Allah hafiz

  3. Slms sister, my personal opinion is for u to speak to your parents and be honest about the first guy as well and explain the situation to them. They know u best and they would help guide u to make the right decision, if u are very serious about the first guy then tell your parents and they can speak to his parents and things can be done in the right way, u are very confused and I think u shouldn't be talking with non-mahrams, inshallah the right guy will come and ask for ur hand in marriage the right way

  4. Assalam'alykum Sister,

    Please concentrate on repenting to Allah (SWT) for the sins you have done. First things first, you are not allowed to talk to non mahrams unless necessary. You said and I quote "brother has used and dump me ", If he actually did that then why are so still keeping him in your mind, you should forget him quickly as possible. Do you think that marrying him will give you a blessed and happy marriage ? He might cheat you over there too, the marriage will be the worst in my opinion !!. Once he dump you it means he is not interested in you, so go on with your life !! If you are keen on getting married then involve your parents and do not haste. They give better ideas and advices. You also said and I quote "but i dnt want 2 do wot does not please ALLAH", talking to non mahram and so on makes Allah (SWT) angry, so therefore cut all ties with that man who " used and dump " you, and regret and repent about your pasts and insha'Allah you will find a pious muslim spouse with the help of Allah(SWT).

  5. Asslamualikum..
    In my openion u shuld tell your parents truthly all the situation and take them in confidence. let ur parents to select which is better, because they know your better . If u can't talk directly to your parents take help of your sister or friend to convey message to your parents. Obey the decesion of your parents.
    Hope this will help u, Thanks

  6. Dear Wael,

    Thankyou for your reply - it's good to hear it from a Muslim perspective...

    It's difficult where the heart is concerned. I know dating in Islam is wrong now, but he pursued me even though he has always followed Islam, prays every day and never misses any of his rozas. I hate to admit it although we could never be married I developed strong feelings for him and never thought this day would come where he wouldn't speak to me at all. He used to say we would always be friends and always used to ask me for advice and support with issues in his life and vice versa.

    What hurts the most is the way he just suddenly cut me off after 3 and a half years. I'm shocked that I helped him so much in life when he was in trouble with work and money and he suddenly just turned his back on me. We used to speak every day and now, suddenly - nothing.

    Your response:
    "it sounds like your boyfriend is feeling some religious guilt, especially now that Ramadan is approaching, and is directing his guilty feelings at you in the form of anger or blame. That's unfortunate, since he is the one at fault, not you. And of course Islam does not allow cruelty, or taking advantage of people"
    is perfect and insightful as I've been thinking about his behaviour all day every day since he cut me off and feeling sad and depressed too. I was thinking there was something wrong with me as a person, that maybe I did something wrong without realising even though we didn't argue.

    I thought we could at least be friends, but he won't listen at all.

    Anyway, I know I have to let him go... and if he wishes not to ever speak to me again, there's nothing I can do except wish him a happy life, even though it really hurts that he was very harsh and cruel with his words.

    We are not young - I am 39 and he is 47

    Many thanks for not judging me in a bad light - Ramadan Kareem to you and your loved ones

    • Thanks so much for your Ramadan wishes. Best of luck to you. What you are going through is difficult, but the complete cut off is probably best anyway. Trying to be friends would only make it more painful and prolong the time it takes to heal and move on.

      Wael Editor

  7. Dear Ms. S
    To answer your question about "Does the Muslim religion allow this kind of ....... with cruelty" I would say that no "religion" controls a human beings actions. God has given us a brain to help us make decisions wisely and to decide right from wrong and He has given us free will to follow what we want to do. I have a very dear friend who was treated the exact same way by a Sikh guy who actually went all the way to promise to marry her and even met her parents and introduced her to his family and then backed off when it was only a few weeks left for them to get married. Now should I ask you, if the Sikh religion allows a man to behave like that? No, because it was HIS actions. No religion per se is bad, it is us humans who make religion look bad.
    Take care

Leave a Response