Islamic marriage advice and family advice

In love with my friend and want to marry him



I don't know where to start..I guess I'll do it by my age, I'm 18. There's this guy who's a very good friend of mine and I'm in love with him.

I know it's not infatuation or mere attraction because I'm completely aware of how they are and tbh I know guys much more good looking than him. I want to marry him, I know he's the one I want to spend my life with.

I have no idea what he feels about me..basically its really complicated. Recently, when I met him, he told me I must gain a lot of sawab. I asked him why and he told me because every time I meet you, you make me remember Allah. I was very touched by it, it was the most beautiful thing anyone had ever said to me.

He's not a very practising muslim but I always make dawah that I'll help him and one day Insha Allah, we'll go to Jannah hand in hand. Another thing I really admire about him is that he never did anything or had any wrong intention towards me. When I started wearing hijab and felt a bit unsecure he told I looked much better with it, better then all those girls with their flashy hair. It was a big thing coming from him as none of his family members nor any other people close to him wear it.

Sometimes, I feel like he likes me and sometimes not. I wish there was some way, but I can't say anything to him, I'm too afraid.

Actually there's more to the story. In the beginning when we started to become friends, we were clearly interested in each other. Then, over the time we just became really close friends. He would tell me he liked me when I asked him who he likes, but then nothing ever happened between us. He told me everything, his past relationships and stuff. I even told him I liked him and he told me he just liked me as a friend.

Then, a girlfriend came along and I started acting desperate which resulted in a fight and then we didn't talk properly for a year. After that we gradually started talking again and he told me he stopped talking to me because his girlfriend was jealous. Now, we are very good friends again and sometimes I feel like he likes me as he gets jealous from other guys and the way he looks at me.

We were talking about a business he was going to start and I asked to become his partner and he was like okay so I asked him how much would I get paid and he said you asked to be a partner not a financial partner. Maybe I'm looking to much into little signs but I can't help it. I started practising and I know this kind of friendship is not allowed but I can't help it. I gave up everything else, but I can't give him up. And I don't think I can tell him because I don't want to ruin what we had.

I talked about it to my best friend and asked her why he wouldn't he give a chance to us when he can get with a random girl and she told because you're special to him. I don't know what it is, maybe just wishful thinking. I didn't know who else to talk about it to so I thought maybe I'd try a forum (It's my first time btw :P).

I've thought of reading the Istikhara salah but I have no idea how to do it and tbh I'm really afraid how it would turn out.

- me123

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3 Responses »

  1. As-salamu alaykum sister,

    There is no such thing as close male-female friendships, and such relationships are prohibited in Islam. The reasons are obvious. Such relationships almost always lead to romantic feelings and desires, either one way or both ways.

    You need to get out of this relationship right away as there is no future in it. It will only cause you emotional pain. You should stop all contact with this boy - that includes in person, email, text, and phone.

    If he's truly sincere then let him come with his family and propose marriage. However, I doubt very much that will happen. First of all, if he's close to your age then it's unlikely that he is ready for marriage financially or emotionally. Secondly, he has other girlfriends, and has sort of implied to you that he does not "like" you romantically, so it doesn't see that he sees you as marriage material.

    There is absolutely no future in this relationship. He's a little boy playing childish games. It's time to move on.

    Wael Editor

  2. Slm. I think u should be honest with him. Tell him how u feel and ask him if he feels the same way. Being honest with him is the only way to find out his true feelings. He might deny his feeling..but if he does then maybe u deserve better. Make dua to Allah swt and never give up. You are still young and will one day find a good partner.. Make dua that Allah provides u with the perfect partner. A partner that will take care of u and have an excellent character and a good muslim...and if he is good for u and has a good character and if allah wills then maybe u are destined to be with him. However dating in islam is forbidden. I suggest u make ur feelings known to him. If he feels the same way..then nikaah is the next step. However it is important to make istikarah and to choose a partner wisely. Don't despair Allah is always with us. Turn to him for help. Goodluck

  3. Hey there beautiful

    You might not like what im going to say, but im being really honest with you and my opinion is from experience. It seems that he is playing around a little.

    Basically. You are going through a phase where you like him and you psychologically take things the wrong way because you have feelings for this guy. Not nessesarily the wrong way but your eyes and mind exagerate everything that happends because you have feelings for him. But you have to remember he's just a guy.. You don't know what his intentions are. You NEED to forget him before something happens and you end up heartbroken questioning "what if". To me, this guy is just playing games. He probably knows you like him and he wants to play around a little because HE CAN.

    If he really liked you and wanted you that bad, he would of done something about it. This whole girlfriend.. He didn't speak to me for ages, because she was jealous crap is so immature. And it proves that if he really had feelings for you he wouldnt of had a bloody girlfriend in the first place.

    Listen to me, please do NOT get caught up in this crap. It only leads to paranoia and heartache. I've been there. And it takes a long time to heal.

    While nothing has happened between you two, be a good Muslim sister and forget about him. Don't tell him you like him EVER! That gives him the chance to do whatever the hell he wants because HE CAN.

    If you seriously can't forget this guy and in your heart you believe that he is a good Muslim and can benefit you islamically in this life - then talk about marriage? Think of the long term, you be going through a phase my love.

    Don't get caught up in this crap - I've been there seriously, and it's not fair. You just need to forget - that's what I would do. Be mature and strong, keep yourself busy etc.

    Hope it all goes well - dont make the wrong decision, or do anything silly. You will regret it as you get older and your heart will take a lifetime to heal.


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