Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My brother insults Islam

islam and waterfall, river, mountain stream


I am 16 and my brother is 19 and we are Bangladeshi living in the U.K since 2008 with our parents.

My brother always insults Islam and he never prays except Friday prayers when he comes with us. He hates everything to do with religion. He calls everyone that has a beard a "terrorist".

He said that he does not believe in religion but he is open to the concept of religion. He always laughs when someone ridicules our religion. He watches a lot of filth on the internet which I think might have corrupted his mind.

Our parents don't know that he is this bad but they know that he did refuse to pray except on Fridays.

Please advise me I don't know what to do. I want to avoid him but at the same time he is still my brother.

- sissoko46

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7 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    I think the first thing you should do is tell your parents. Sit down and tell them about what you've observed, so they can manage it accordingly. Since he is an adult, there is really no reason to continue supporting a person who mocks Islam and engages in sin in the home that would go against your parents way of running the home. I imagine that if you do tell them, he will likely deny everything you've said so you might want to bring some type of evidence- like a recording of him making insulting statements or a video of him watching the porn. Hopefully your parents are reasonable people and will see that he needs to be out on his own and supporting himself, not getting a free ride at home while he continues down this unfortunate path.

    Your parents are the ones who run the household, and issues like these are ones they need to take charge of. However, they can't do anything about something they aren't aware of, and that's why it's important that you sit down with both of them and have an earnest talk about what's going on. If, for some reason, they don't seem to care or believe you or it somehow results in nothing changing, I would suggest you do as much as you can to keep away from him and have as little interaction with him as possible. In a couple of years, you can remove yourself from the home by going to stay with some female friends or even another relative if he's still living at home then. When you do see him doing something haraam or saying insulting things, make a quick dua that Allah will guide him and try not to let yourself become emotionally reactionary to it. He's ruining his own life, don't let the way it's affecting you ruin yours.

    -Amy Editor

    • Amy,

      i think the advise given is inappropriate. if you had a sibling who was not in sync with islam would you just leave them alone and take your own corner ?

      this is his brother,and may be the only person in his brothers life who can show him what islam is. we should never cut down our ties with family. if he does that he may loose his brother forever. why should he/she (the poster) leave the house?? this is so inappropriate advise. showing recordings of his brother to parents ? why? this will make these brothers each others enemy forever.i can assure you 100% from many experiences.

      dear brother/sister sissoco46


      i know you are ina difficult situation. you are not the only one in it though. your family all have come to UK recently and your parents may not totally be aware of the the society and social pressure outside home. when we migrate to a western country our parents generally tend to live in a kakoon,and choose to ignore outside world. i dont think if you take this matter to your parents they will be of much help. but you know your parents better, they may be different then the usual.

      alos i will strongly advise against the recording or evidence etc as it will break the trust between you and your brother . he will become more rebellious and it will engrave in his mind that you think less of him. once our parents get to know about this they will make a whole uproar about it but thats all it will end up in...... just an uproar .

      you have to look at it with a very islamic perspective. he is your brother, so DONT ever cut ties with him. at this time he seems to be in company of people who just have a wrong perception about religion or who love to mock any religion. unfortunately our muslim community does not help either in making the sitiuation any easier for any body who's imaan is low, or they are struggling in some way.

      you are at the moment the only one in your brothers life , who is a window of oppurtunity for him to turn back to faith. dont close that window

      i understand that it can be difficult at times specially when he is disrespectful towards religion, at that time ofcourse best is to not get into any arguments or make the conversation more provocative, i strongly advise you dont ever let a conversation lead to your brother sayimng that he does not beleive in islam or he is no longer a muslim. he may be thinking that way but dont tip him that way as confirmation for himself. once he has said it, then such people want to stick to their word and want to prove it to others that they are not muslims. iam telling to throuigh experience that you will loose your brother for ever.

      try to be nice to your brother, be patient, make dua, try to find some place mear your home , where there are good islamic lectures( not the typical boring , shouting friday sermons that we all listen to but they have failed to effect anyone of us) . there are some great lectures on you tube. if you live in london there are many islamic gathering for the youth . try to go together there. dont tell him that you want him to go to these , say to him that you will like him to tkae you to it. give him some responsibility of an older brother, like you are looking upto to him.

      my dear brother , take this brother of yours as your responsibility as a muslim to guide him back to deen through your actions not words. DONT EVER leave the house . tis way the family unit will breakdown.

      when you feel really depressed about it , complain to Allah for lack of ways and opputunity. inshallah he will find a way for you. rememeber it is Allah who will guide your brother back, but your responsibility as a sibling is to keep giving reminders.thats all we can do. you must do some activities together, like gym, or walks, or hiking or youth camps, etc this will increase the possibility of your brother finding good muslim company and also bond you two together.

      if your brother does not offer prayers , give him a gentle reminder that lets pray we are running out of time or pray in the room he is in, this may make him want to offer prayers or atleast mak ehim feel guilty.this guilt is very important, if we loose it , we are truly lost .you need to work with him as if he is a friend of yours , who is open to idea of religion but does not really believe in it.

      you are so young , yourself, but mashallah your imaan is so strong that you cant see your brother go stray , that is a bleesing. be proud of yourself. get more knowledge about islam , so you can tackle questions easily and efficiently with wisdom , not just with emotions or arguments. read abour propets life , how he used to deal with people.try to focus on prophets life before fatah of makkah , thats hwen he faced more opposition of dealt with most difficult people with hikmah.

      there are good lectures from shaykh omar suleiman, suhaib webb, noman khan, baba ali ( show him his videos as he has portrayed the aspects of muslim where they are going wrong), ILM fix (texas), quran weekly, etc.

      my dear muslim, Allah is with you, may He guide your whole family to right path. ameen.

      • Salaams,

        I just want to clarify that I only suggested the distancing as a last resort, if the parents are not willing or able to step in. I still believe they should be looped in and managing what occurs in the house and with their children. That's their right and duty as parents.

        Personally, I thought this poster was female, so my answer was with that in mind. I was worried that a female confronting an older male brother or bringing accusations against him that could not be defended with proof could put her in a dangerous situation. I've read other posts on here where the younger sisters have been physically abused by older brothers for trying to bring their faults to light within the family, and I didn't want to put anyone in such a situation. Hopefully that will shed a little more light onto why I answered as I did, if this is in fact a male younger brother I think he can try to work with him as you mentioned but the parents definitely don't need to be oblivious to all this. And yes, in cases of someone being very rebellious or disrespectful to others they are living with, I do believe in "tough love". Anything less in these cases is enabling someone to continue their sin or folly.

        -Amy Editor

      • Assalamu Alaikum,

        Friend, THANK YOU. I really appreciate the answer you gave to the poster. Male or female, may be this poster is the only salvation for the older brother. I agree, the poster should not leave the house. Furthermore, she/he should never record what the older brother is doing. There is no doubt that will just increase animosities which is counter productive. The older brother is 19 still young. In his ignorance, he is screaming: "help me, I am confused".

        I agree, some you tube videos can be helpful. I personally admire Brother Nouman Ali Khan. He has wisdom and he has ways in getting into peoples hearts/minds by using humor/reason/quran/sunnah... I am one of his "virtual students". I think, the poster who asked for advice can introduce his/her brother to the lectures and he may find them helpful in bringing some guidance for this lost brother.

        Friend, Jazaka Allah for your compassion and word of wisdom,


        • jazakallah reader.i only could say this because i am facing a situation similar to this with my own brother. i faced it with a very close friend as well. i lost my friend not only from my life but i pushed her into admitting that she doesnt beleive in islam ...... i regret it so much. i learned the lesson for life that 'tough love' is never the right method specially when it comes to matters of deen. then when i looked into prophets life i saw that he was never harsh to people when they made fun of him, and infact it was his kind and forgiving behaviour that led many into the fold of islam.

          shaykh omar suleiman is really good as well. specially his tafseers of surahs.

          reader, please when you remember make dua for my brother that may Allah guide him and all of us to sirat-ul-mustakeem

  2. it will be good if the poster clearifies if its girl or a boy. if its a girl all the more reason not to leave the house. if its physical abuse in their own house by older brother ,it will be sexual abuse in someoneelses house by the non-mahrams there.

    if one is in a situation where brother is physically hitting a sister, then the best is to be out of their way as much as possible. ofcourse tell the parents ( but only tell them , no recording of porn watching etc) but if they are unable or unwilling to help then , the best recourse is to part your way but stay in the same house. if anyone needs to leave, it should be the person who is abusive not the victim.

    such people who are wrong, just dont want to be confronted and want to be left alone to go their own way, if you give them that , they dont hassle you anymore. i am saying this from experience. ofcourse our islamic obligation is to stop any wrong by hand first, if not by tongue, and if not then atleast consider it wrong in your heart. some times we have no option but to consider it wrong in our heart, no matter how much we want to change it by hand or tongue.

  3. Sister,I know how you feel,because I'm going through a situation similar to yours. My brother doesn't pray Sal-ah,doesn't do Du a,he even disrespects my parents to such extinct that you can't even imagine,he screams on little things and utters disgusting words for everyone,He thinks every man with a beard is a terrorist and Muslim women should not be wearing Hijab.
    Allah says in the Quran

    "You must believe everything Allah and his messengers tell you. Those who don't are disbelievers and will face a painful doom"

    "Those who deny Islam will be losers in the Hereafter."

    Sister I know its very hard,but believe me,you have to be strong and patient to solve every problem,because Allah loves those who are patient and who put all their trust in Allah.

    You have a great weapon in your hands in order to Ask Allah to guide your brother,and that is DUA

    "Whosoever desires that Allah answers his duas in unfavorable and difficult conditions, he should make plentiful dua in days of ease and comfort."

    Pray to Allah day and night so that he makes it easy and guides him,the power of dua is greater than we think it is. make plenty of dua my sister.

    Try to talk to him,make him realise how he is disobeying Allah,How it would affect your parents if they come to know this and how it would anger Allah,make him realise it by talking to him in a quite lone place,if he doesnt understand,then tell your parents,because you cant solve the problem alone. JazakAllah,your sister .

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