My husband divorced me three times – I feel I did nothing wrong.
I. converted to. Islam 5 years ago when. I met. my husband.. He has divorced me . before 2 times and today he told me he divorced me.. . Thats 3 times.. I feel. I haven't done anything worng. I fast, I pray, and. I obey him in anything he tells me do.. . He spoke to a Imam before that told him that if he divorces me for no reason that is haraam.. . Is this correct?. . I read in an islamic book that if a women divorces . her husband without a reason she will never smell the fragrace of jannah. Is that the same punishment for a man who divorces. without a reason? Also,. I want to know if I . can refuse his divorce. if. I have done nothing wrong.
It is not just this - . he is going to leave me with no money, no job, and. in debt with no way of supportig myself.. . . Is he allowed to do this or does he have to make sure that i can support myself?
. Please can someone advise me what. I should do.
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Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim
Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah
It sounds like you are in a difficult and tragic situation. Divorce (talaaq) is in the hand of the husband. If he divorced you twice and now has pronounced a third divorce, then this is called the irrevocable divorce and you can not remarry him again, unless you were to marry someone else and that husband were to pass away, or you were to divorce him.
It is very important to make sure that all three divorces were valid. If a man is angry, and he says "if you do such-and-such, I'll divorce you!", then no divorce has taken place IF his intent were only to scare you or make you stop doing something. If he was in a great state of rage, or Allah forbid, drunk or under the influence of drugs, then the scholars say that no divorce took place because he was not in a rational state of mind. So this is very important to determine your situation, and you need to talk to an Imaam, perhaps the same one who counseled you before, to clarify your situation.
He is indeed allowed to do divorce you with no "good" reason, but it shows a great weakness of character and is considered a sin in Islam. If an Imaam had counseled him before that he was doing the haraam, and he did not take the Imaam's advice, then he sounds like a man who is hasty in his decisions, hot-headed, and not of strong character. It may seem terrible at this time, but it may be a blessing in disguise if you are no longer tied to this man.
Make no mistake; if the three divorces are all valid, you cannot remarry him, so you would have no option but to get on with your life. Even if he expressed regret, it is too late and he will have to bear the heavy sin of "playing" with divorce. You do not have a way of refusing this divorce.
If you have no money and no resources, you should immediately appeal to your family, the Muslim community, and any social services that exist where you live. You need to take care of yourself and learn a skill so you can support yourself. Don't worry right now about the debt; you can't pay with money that you don't have, so concentrate instead on developing skills for the future and you can inshAllah worry about the debt at a later time.
I know this seems terribly unfair, but you can take this situation and turn it around and emerge a better, stronger person. You are a strong Muslim woman, and you can use this opportunity to become stronger and learn to rely on Allah and then to take care of yourself. Even if you speak with an Imaam and determine that one or more divorces did not count, still, you need to learn a skill so you are not in a position of weakness. You know he has this character defect; even if you are still married now he may divorce you on a whim in the future, so you must have somewhere to go if it does come about.
I am so sorry that you find yourself in this situation. As a convert to Islam, you should be cherishing everything you learn about the Deen and you should have a husband who is your partner in righteousness. Continue to keep to your five daily prayers, fast, and make du'a for Allah to help you in your situation.
Fi Aman Allah,
Noorah,
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
This happened with me too. My husband also divorced me 3 times. I was not at fault. I think this should be banned. Because it is very painful to a woman who is not prepared or wants to reconcile, but the husband does not want to do so.
It has been more than a year for me. I am with my family now. They love and support me unconditionally. But still i sometimes think why did this happen to me. I pray, fast, give alms, did all the house work, cooked, cleaned, did groceries, even washed the cars. I am an intelligent and a smart and a good looking woman. So nothing was good enough for my Ex? Should there be a law that a couple should seek counseling for 6 months from a licensed marriage counselor and then if they still dont get along, they should separate?
This 3 times pronouncing divorce is becoming common now. It should be banned.
I agree. The same has happened to me. But unlike u my family are very unsupportive. I feel i have no one.