My parents will not let me visit my husband
Hi
I been married for 8 months Masha'allah now with the Grace of Allah SWT. My marriage was an arranged marriage, but now its more love 🙂 because he has loved me since I was one. He is my step cousin. I love my husband more than anything in the world masha'allah with Allah SWT Grace, and will do anything for him. We are a couple; every couple fights and before I made a mistake by telling my parents that. My problem has started with my family and in laws after my marriage because my relatives got involved and ruin my life since I got enagaged. I went to Pakistan for my wedding because my husband has been living in Karachi for the last 19 years, and when I got there just 3 days later my mother in law started saying nasty things bout me.
My brother in law's wife is close with me. She told me things that I couldnt believe- sometimes I knew that she was jealous but that other stuff she told me was 100% true. They had the feeling that I'm from Canada and I was a dirty girl. But I told my husband, and he first accepted it that his mom would say things like that and later told me that "no, my mom is not like that". So on our wedding night he fought with his mom because at the wedding people brought me gifts (more money) and she took it for herself, my husband was like, "give her presents back"; she was like, "no way". But I left the room and went to my bedroom and heard the fight. My mother in law brainwashes my husband, and he listen because I think he is a mommys boy, but when I talk to him he is better and understands me. My parents say that my husband is fooling me? I have no idea what's happening- this is my first relationship in my entire life and I know nothing about relationships so im lost.....
My mom made a mistake and told my dad everything that happened in Pakistan, now my dad is using that as an excuse against me. " YOUR HUSBAND DIDN'T DO A BIG WEDDING LIKE I WANTED" .... and on..... so I wanted my dad to go, but my mom herself said no. So it's her fault not mine. My in laws are poor, but they did what they can and I loved the wedding, even though I'm not into big weddings. I like small weddings or just a nikkah. My dad doesn't know that I'm together with my husband (slept with him) my dad wanted me to marry and not get together with my husband. Which is really stupid- I mean there is no Islamic reason to not let a wife be with her husband.
Now 8 months later I want to go visit my husband for our first Wedding anniversary Masha'allah with the Grace of Allah SWT. But my parents won't let me. I'm using my own money and Shukur/Thank you Allah for giving me a job and money.
But they said that if I leave, I'm not welcomed back to their house or that I have to go leave by myself first and when I can afford that I can go. Why do parents always get involved? I mean I see lots of other people in my situation, and their parents pay for them to visit their husbands but mine wont let me.
I dont want Allah SWT to not forgive me, but I do everything to Please Allah SWT, my parents, husband n in laws. I dont want to upset anyone but its my life too, I want to enjoy it wit my husband as well. What should I do?
Your help will be appreciated. I'm seriously going to have a heart attack soon.
This is not a fair game from my parents. I love them, but I have a life too.
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Salaams,
It sounds like there are two issues here. The first one is that you have conflict with his family, and they have said hurtful things about you at a time they should be showing you their best support.
The second issue is the conflict you are having with your own parents. They have feelings about how you should go about visiting with your husband.
It sounds like parents are being unsupportive of your desire to visit with your husband because they are trying to protect you from the hurt that may come from his side of the family toward you. It sometimes is hard as a parent to let a child "live their own life", when the parent truly believes that "life" is one that will hurt the child needlessly. Certainly you can't blame them for taking the position they do if that is in fact the case.
You must consider this: if your parents were encouraging you to go see him and there were no issues with them that way, how do you think the visit with him will go? I am sure you are totally excited to see your husband again and have been dreaming of that reunion. How can you be sure that the awesomeness of seeing him again wouldn't be ruined if his family started talking badly about you again, or putting him in conflict with them again? I'm sure you love your husband enough that you don't want to create any stress or drama for him with his own mother or other relatives.
But the fact remains that you are married, and you and your husband are planning your life together as a couple. It sounds like the best thing you can do is talk to both parents (yours and his) together with him and iron out whatever issues there are together. This is ideally how families and in-laws should work things out to help you and your husband start life with the best possible foundation. Of course, you will need to do this by phone because of the distance. The truth is, if you don't start trying to resolve any conflicts which have already arisen between and within the two families, it will only get worse before it gets better. InshaAllah it can be prevented so that stress won't be upon your new marriage.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor