Secret marriage; I am facing a lot of restrictions.
Assalam O Alaikum,
I have 3 children and recently married a married man as a second wife. His condition of this marriage is that it remains a secret. My family knows about this though and he has met with my family but not my children.
However, because of the secrecy of the marriage, he is not able to accompany me out of the house and has forbidden me from going anywhere without him except to the market or to send my children to school. Is this correct? He also has stopped me from working and though he gives me money for expenditure it is not always sufficient and he refuses to give more. He takes his first family on holidays, eating out, public functions but not me and my children. He refuses to listen to my feelings.
What do I do?
radblos6
Entries(RSS)
Salam sister.. If he is so afraid of his family, he should not have married you and you should also have known better. He does not need another family and you accepted his condition. Now, you are stuck and you need to figure out ways to get out of the situation you are in for the sake of the future of yourself and your children.
HE IS ABSOLUTELY WRONG . AND ITS HARAM . SPEAK TO HIM that he should ammend it else leave you thats it . Neither the quran nor hadeeth advocates his actions
Salaam Radblos,
I seriously suggest you take a long hard look at your marriage. First of all one condition of marriage is that it must be publicised and some scholars do say a secret marriage is invalid. I suggest you consult with a scholar to determine this if you are unsure. Whether it is invalid or not it is unethical and goes completely against the teachings of Islam. Its haraam. How can you fulfil your spouse's rights when you are in a secret marriage. You can't!
I dont know the full details of your situation but Islamically it is wrong.
However, because of the secrecy of the marriage, he is not able to accompany me out of the house and has forbidden me from going anywhere without him except to the market or to send my children to school. Is this correct?
No of course it's not correct. He is not even allowing you to support yourself.
I suggest you speak to him and ask him to introduce you to those famiy members you are kept hidden from and to publicise the marriage. If he does not listen then you may want to consider divorce otherwise you may be stuck in this difficult situation for a long time.
Sara
IslamciAnswers.com Editor
Salamualaikum,
Sister, it is not a sin to marry two women, but Islam ordains that men marry more than one woman only if he can manage, and deal justly with them. And people who have experienced this say that it is very difficult to do so. I heard Abdur Raheem Green say that. What you face is one such thing.
First of all, you need to convince your husband to reveal this to his parents. If your marriage was valid per the Quraan and the Sunnah, then insha Allah, it will be well. Trust in Allah and seek His Help in this. Once your marriage becomes known to people, then the problems will lighten a little, but according to me, the ill feeling or the insecurity toward his first wife will remain. You need to fight this with patience and trust in Allah. You need patience and Remembrance of Allah to fight it.
If you ever think he doesn't love you, then you can use what Allah has given you as a woman and please him.
But first of all, your parents in law need to know that they have one more daughter in law and it is you.
May Allah make it easy for you
Aameen
Wassalamualaikum
Muhammad Waseem
Salam o alaikum,
It really annoys me to see haywire opinions been thrown around without sound justification. First off it is NOT HARAAM if you do not publicise your marriage. Announcing it is recommended.
Secondly you haven't mentioned clearly the terms of understanding on which this marriage was based. If your husband is meeting the conditions that you agreed to before marriage than he is dealing with you Justly - if you want those conditions changed, yes you have a right to re-negotiate them however he isn't doing anything wrong if he is fulfilling his end of the deal.
As far as "going out" is concerned, if you do not have a clear legitimate reason to go out then stay home and stop moaning about it. It doesn't sound like he has imprisoned you as you are allowed to go out for necessities.
As far as the money not being sufficient - was it a condition in marriage that he will support you and your children? as he is not liable to support your children from your previous marriage by default. You said "sometimes" the money isn't sufficient which just implies that most of the times it is therefore perhaps you might need to have a review of where you are spending it and tighten the reins a bit sometimes.
What my sincere advice to you would be is to count your blessings first - you haven't mentioned how long have you been in this situation. practice Sabr at the few shortcomings that you have as the blessings would outweigh them many folds. You should also mention the good bits that your husband does for you and your children in order to paint a more realistic picture and stop people from throwing ill informed bad advice your way which will only complicate things further in your life.
and Allah swt knows best.
Regards,
Saqib
Dear
I think you have chosen the wrong person are you still with him till now.