Stuck in an unhappy marriage with cousin, I want to divorce
Betrayal by a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences in life.
Salaam...
Im 18 years old and have always wanted to marry someone I knew and we both were set on getting married to each other. I knew everything about him I was happy to marry him and I was looking forward to marrying him.
I was to scared to tell my family cos they dont really agree on 'love marriages' so he said he will come and ask for my hand, but for a whole year ma family had been telling me to marry my cousin which i kept refusing then things really started to get serious between me and my cousin getting married and now the pressure was really on so i said yes without thinking next thing im engaged 2 months later im married.
So i thought hes my husband forget the past and be happy and live my life with him now.
Now its been 5 months I've been married and they have been so miserable the marriage has not been consumated we do kiss hug etc. I told my husband about the person i wanted to marry cos i thought he should know i told him in confidence. He decided to go tell my whole family his mom and sister. I got in big trouble obviously and i told him this wen we had only been married 2 months. They took my mobiles,laptops, me going out everything away from me.
We hardly talk now he tells his mom loads of made up stuff about me then she tels my mom then I'm there getting in trouble. Hes making my life hell i dont trust him at all i dont love him and he hasnt given me any reason to show me hes my husband. Iv been feeling so depressed im on anti-depressants.. Ive lost so much weight and he stil hardly bothers with me. His mom is now turning against me.
I've been doing istikhara on divorce which is a big step but i've been gettin postive feeling that I should go for it but thats what in my heart so I'm confused really.
I still want to get married to who I wanted to marry before Im not looking for excuses to break my marriage but the evidence is all there that me and my husband are not for each other.
What would you all recommend.
Jazakallah
- sister11
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Assalamu alaykum Sister,
If somone from your side and his side and you both are unable to sit together and work out a peaceful solution to continue this marriage and you are not finding peace and you think this marriage is not doing any good for your dunya and your aakhirah and your husband is genuinely against you and is not willing to be kind to you and make marriage easy for you and you think that by divorcing him you will not be doing any injustice to him, to yourself or to anyone else and you think your life would be better without him, then you may seek divorce.
Do not remain stuck in a situation. Make all efforts of peace, try with Sabr, with your love, with family, if it fails and no peace is there, then divorce.
Do not make it such a quick decision.
First judge your ownself, did you make all efforts necessary to save the marriage without any bias in your heart?
If yes and it did not work and is not working, then yes, you may put forwarda proposal for divorce and be firm on it.
Also, even if you divorce is the previous guy ready to make you hise wife? How is his iimaan? How would his family respond to his marriage with a divorced lady?
Think well and only then take a step.
Pray to Allah much, read the Qur'an a lot with meanings and seek Allah's help.
Insha Allah, hope this solves your purpose.
Salaam,
Your brother.
As salamu alaykum, sister 11,
You haven´t consumated the marriage in five months and you are quite young, this is a big issue. You are too young to go through much suffering, as brother Munib said see if it can be solved through dialogue, if not talk seriously to your family and try to find the best solution.
If you want to try it with your husband, tell him that you want to do your best, insha´Allah to make this marriage work, but that you need him to be with you, insha´Allah.
If you think divorce is the only option after talking to your elders, bring the issue forward that you still haven´t been touched by your husband this will make easier the process of divorce.
All my Unconditional Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
asSalamu alaikum
i was in your situation 12 years ago and still am. The problem is that we have children and so this makes it even more harder for me to divorce. My family and husband will not allow any divorce as it will bring shame upon the whole family (due to being married in the family).
As you don't have any children it should be easier (emotionally/mentally) to get out of this marriage, in-shaa Allaah.
You need to think hard about the future.