Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am beautiful & intelligent but suffering from divorce taboo

when I was 21 I got married by my parents will. It was a very abusive relationship. Eventually I got divorced.

now I cant forgive my parents and move on in my life. nothing helps not even prayers. I have so much resentment and hate towards my family for pushing me into this situation.

also, my heart doesn't find peace its been years and I still get a sinking heart feeling when I meet a new man. I cant find a reasonable man. The ones I like judge me because of my divorcee taboo.

-snowhite

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14 Responses »

  1. As-salamu alaykum sister. Good for you for getting yourself out of that abusive situation. As far as remarriage, they key phrase in your post is, "the ones I like." Let me guess: you are looking for a man who is handsome, well off, and never married?

    You need to broaden the scope of your search. Since you are divorced, you should consider men who are divorced. Don't try to look for "the perfect man" - such a creature does not exist. Be open minded and look for a man with a kind heart.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. Assalamu alaikum warahmathullahi wabarakathuh sister , keep on making Du’a from Allah , trust him , Allah will accept your Du’a until you say ; “Allah is not giving me what I want”.
    Jazaka Allah khairah

  3. Assalam Alaikum Sister. Congratulations on getting out. Our parents put way too much pressure on us to marry who they want but they do not live our lives after. I know what you mean about the resentment now. I am still married and it is hard for me to have a good relationship with my mother the way she bullied me into marriage. I know that I need to be good to my mother but the sight of her brings the anger out in me. I try to buy her things, do things for her to make up for my heart but each time she wants to hug me, I cringe. She never cared about my feelings and needs when I kept on saying this marriage was not for me and now her words all sound hollow to me. May Allah guide me, forgive me and put love in my heart for her. I often wonder if I have ruined my akhira because of this it is not easy for me go and be all lovey with my mother when my husband and I have just had a fight and my children are miserable.

    • "abc", there is no such thing in Islam as wazifa for success. In Islam we have dua', which is a means by which we ask Allah for our need. Allah may grant the dua' or He may not, as He wills. However, He will always reward the worshiper in some way. And we have dhikr, by which we praise Allah, and receive barakah in return. There is nothing guaranteed or promised to the worshiper except for Jannah.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Assalam Alaikum abc. Your words saying you understand mean the world to me. Up until now I have never been able to talk to anyone about this. I found this website and finally I have a place to tell someone my sorrows anonymously. No one knows the whole extent of what I have lived or am living. If my story is published, it always shows as pending so I do not know if you can read it, but will you read it and tell
      me what is your opinion. Am I a horrible person who is not a real Muslim. I want to be a Muslim, a good Muslim. One that my kids will be happy to have had around after I am gone.
      Are you also in a bad marriage.? If you are, my heart goes out to you as it does to any other woman who lives in a prison that no one sees. Again Thank you for your kinds words.

      • ABC / NaazAmreen
        Please dont leave your email I'd in public place .
        People might mis use it .Especially for girls and vulnerable women coming out of divodces/ breakup etc etc.

        Wael
        Why it is not moderated?

      • abc
        Even just email I'd will trigger initial connection .
        You have explained your details and provide I'd so men are expert to read and start communicating in way to please you and some sisters ends up giving up their mobile numbers after long communication .
        Even some sisters have met those strangers after they found they are comfortable and ended up in Zina in hotel rooms .
        We have read similar in such websites so better not to give even your email I'd.

  4. What's the purpose behind describing yourself as beautiful? I mean, what relevancy does your beauty have with your problem? Just because you consider yourself beautiful, doesn't mean you're spared from the realities of life. I'm sorry to hear that you find it difficult to get re-married, but it's sadly normal in Muslim communities to frown down upon divorcees. I can sort of understand why, because a divorce is a reminder to people that you made some bad decisions. Who's to say you won't be making them again? It's not impossible to get re-married, but I suspect you look for prospect in the wrong circles. Surely, there are other people that are divorcees like yourself? I'm sure they wouldn't run a mile as they are in the same boat as you...

    Also, you can blame your parents for putting a lot of pressure on you and for pushing a bad man on you, but ultimately, you made the decision to marry him. You didn't do anything to NOT get married. If your parents have realised their mistake, you need to accept that they didn't know any better and that they have learned their lesson. You can't go through the rest of your life resenting them, especially if they have changed for the better.

    • Nothing wrong if she has described herself as beautiful .
      I think she wanted to tell her background and context .
      I think its just matter of time and she will good match one day .

      Brother Cool

      • I didn't say it was wrong, I asked what relevancy her self-proclaimed beauty has to her problem. Beautiful or not, you go through things in life. It's normal. So I don't understand the mentality that being beautiful, somehow, is supposed to make life a breeze. Like struggles are just for ugly people, lol.

  5. OP: also, my heart doesn't find peace its been years and I still get a sinking heart feeling when I meet a new man. I cant find a reasonable man. The ones I like judge me because of my divorcee taboo.

    Many men will try to get close to you for sex, sensing you are divorced. DON'T HUG or touch or do any thing physical or talk about these things if you are looking to get married. If you live in a Western country you may be able to find a man who is looking to get married and move to A Western country. You have to be careful and find a man who WANTS to get married and not use you to get his citizenship.

  6. I have faced the same satuation, I am also loyal and well educated person with charming personality. Contact me, I wanna talk to you.

  7. I was like that but I learned to embrace everything. I am 21 and divorced my ex was a drug addict and a gambler and I had to choose stability and safety for my daughter over what society thinks . I am a intelligent and an okay looking girl. I have trust in Allah and my intentions are clean. Good things happen over good time.

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