Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He threatens divorce when he’s angry with me

divorce, break up

Asaalamu Alaykum,

I met my husband overseas through relatives. My parents were not happy with the marriage, so they cut all ties with me. My dad denied I was his daughter because of my marriage. I support my husband financially because he is a student, and I am sponsoring him to come to where I live.

The past couple of weeks me and my husband have been having problems over little things, and he threatens to divorce me. He knows how much I love him and what I have been through to be with him. He tells me he loves me all the time, and when he gets angry over little things he says he wants a divorce. I don't know what to do, he hasn't spoken to me for a week now.

 

-proud muslimah

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8 Responses »

  1. sister

    salaam

    just give him some space and also let him know that you are not alone if he continues his behaviour that you will not support him at all full stop he his taking wrong advantage of the fact you have no family support do not let him continue to do that

    • dear sister,

      i am also like you.

      i have not much family support and my husbands threatens me.

      i am earning and for my salry he threatens me more . does not allow me to go to my mother place. and if i go she says you will give some money to them....

      it is tweleve years of our marriage and the problem is same.

      i was conceived in my first month of my marriage.

      i advise you not to conceive. if u have doubt on him.

      my husbands keep on threatening me saying talaq.

      my elder daughter is 11 years old. even before her he keeps on saying talaq.

      somehow he shows everyone that i am bad and even his parents say sometime it is good to saperate .

      my life became miserable.

      i dont want urs to become like that.

      if he likes ur money . i think he is same as my husband

  2. ASA sister,

    Let me get this right. You are financially suppoting your husband while he gets citizenship and he sits and just is astudent? And he has the nerve to be ungrateful and threaten divorce??

    Tell him to not let the door hit him on the way out.

    Manipulation doesnt work. He isnt gonna leave now bcos you are the hand that feeds him but once he gets himself together he will probably leave you.

    There are too many good muslim men out here. Let the manipulator divorce.. My husband is working a job and a business alone so i dont have to work and you shouldnt either

  3. ASSALAMALAIKUM-
    Pls explian to hin that thr the worst thing Allah hates in halal and permiited oredrs is divorce and this will reduce hids self respect if he thimks and applies that word in daily life.

    So he must understand and repevt your sacrifice and dedicatiom which he has seen with his own eyes and yr suffering to give him happiness.
    [BEARING A CHILD FROM THI MAND]
    Be little careful usually these type of people in future take the same step they repeat regularly and that might be garet burden on you and also yr child who is innicent and has the face the creul worlld with no fault og his.

    hope some advice from me might help you to overcome his repeated statement which is hurthing you so much-

    regards

  4. I have been there as many other girls on this forum. Sorry for the bad news, but I highly highly doubt it is getting better. I could have written these exact things...and in our culture, we are told, let your dead body leave ur husband's house.

    I would suggest to get some counsellling if you think you might be able to save the marriage--he has to step up to the plate and start doing some work.

    I would suggest one thing. Do not stay with him because you fear how ur family will say we told you so or embarrassment. You do not want to be suffering 10 years down the road. What you need to do is really think about if this can work--I think you need a mediator because you might not be able to see the whole picture, at least that is what I think. You have to weigh all the pros and cons, because once he starts earning--his attitude may just get worse and treat you like he doesnt need you at all.

    I am sorry for ur pain and pray that Allah brings ease to your life, but sort through your emotions, inshaAllah, it will be better.

  5. Assalaamu-alaikum Sister,

    Please get rid of this user asap. There is an abundance of these vile shameless creatures who use and abuse women for their own gain. Men are the providers not women; a woman is not obligated to give financially but if she does, it as an act of charity.

    He is a mass-produced parasite with no regard for you. He doesn't even respect that you are supporting him. Does he still sponge off you while he is giving you the silent treatment too? He is shameless and not a real man. I hope you don't have kids otherwise there will only be more disrupted lives. Who are the relatives that 'helped' you in this matter? His own family no doubt. They don't care, they only want to increase their wealth at any cost.

    You can't put up with this. You may have broken ties with your family but be patient as time is a great healer. Be brave and accept you made a huge mistake in this sham marriage. You can't allow yourself to be manipulated like this. Please do not sponsor him in any way. In fact do the opposite! Be the one to initiate divorce yourself.

    We all know that of all halal things divorce is the most hated. However just from reading the brief synopsis of your dilemma, it is clear to see the true picture, hence my comments. He may always tell you that he loves you, but these are just empty words without actions to back it up. His vile way of threatening betrays his own insincere declaration of love anyway.

    I'm sorry but don't worry, in the long run you will be better off without this bloodsucking ingrate.

  6. Sister,

    Your husbands threat of divorce every time he gets angry shows he is immature and has a lot of growing up to do. It seems to me that you gave up a lot for this marriage and he knows it. Be the bigger person and go to him and see if the two of you can talk. From my own personal experience, I have found that the longer the two of you do not talk...the wider the gap becomes.

    If things do not get better, involve your family. I know you say they have disowned you however, I believe they will always be there for you. You hurt them by going against their will hence the hurtful words to you. Never feel that you are alone or that you have to suffer in the situation you are in. Marital spats are a fact of life however, tossing around the "I will divorce you" card is nothing to be done lightly. It's shows your husbands lack of character and that is not a pretty sight in any man.

    Salam

  7. Sister,

    It looks to me that this man is only using you for money and citizenship as some sisters have advised. I made the silly mistake of supporting my husband financially. but when the money stopped we had a lot of problems and he left me. This was only one aspect of my problem beside many others.

    But what I am trying to tell you is that these men take advantage of vulnerable women and use them for their resources and it may be that once he has attained citizenship he may make the divorce a reality and you will be left shattered.

    Sister take action now before you get really hurt. Either leave him now or if you do love him and want to make a go of things try to see if he will change.

    Take control of the situation. For starters tell him firmly that if he threatens you with divorce again you will leave. Tell him you will not be paying for him as it is his duty to provide for you. Do not pay him a single penny! Do not chase after him let him chase you. See what his reaction is. If he is using you for money then he himself will leave or harrass you to give him money then you know he is only using you.

    But if he passes the test and behaves well then sponser him if you trust him. When he comes here nag him to provide for you and pay all the bills. Do not pay for anything even get the travel money off him. Do not give him any sort of permanant residence status keep him on temporary residence for as long as it takes until YOU are satisfied with his character. I have heard of many women who sponser their husbands from abroad but keep them hanging on to a temporary permit , they do not give them permanent residence until 7 or 8 years! Then the husband has got too much too lose kids investment house etc etc! I didn't get the chance to do this as I took my rose tinted glasses off too late!

    Most importantly rebuild your relationship with your parents. You and your husband should go to them and beg for forgiveness. Your family are their to support you and protect you.

    Hope all goes well x

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