We committed zina, but I’m disturbed about her past
Hadith about Zina
as salam walikum to all my brothers and sisters,
I am 20 and in love with a girl who loves me more than herself, and we have commited ZINA, I never thought that I would do such a sin, but it happened. At the start of the relationship she told me about her past- that she had a boy friend, and he had kissed her. But now I am very disturbed about it.
-fahad ansari
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Well you are in the same position as her now. You both have done stuff so you shouldn't be 'disturbed'. If you genuinely care about her then stop dragging her into haram and marry her or get your hands off another man's future woman.
Wa 'alaikumus salam, dear brother Fahad.
So, you say that you're disturbed about the girl's past? You're disturbed because she had a boyfriend before you who kissed her. Well, I should tell you one thing: you should feel ashamed of yourself for violating the girl's dignity and taking away her virginity! In fact, you should be ashamed because you did something worse to her than her boyfriend. Brother, you have to realize that you've committed a major sin with the girl. What you two did wasn't right.
My advice to you is that you shouldn't think about the girl's past. What happened in the past remains in the past. At present, you should be thinking about your relationship with her. It's strictly forbidden in our religion to be in an intimate relationship with a person of the opposite sex before marriage. End your relationship with the girl right now before you two engage in Zina once again. If you "really love" the girl, then marry her. Islam promotes mutual love between two individuals of the opposite sex through marriage.
Make Tawbah sincerely to Allah, and promise yourself to never commit Zina again.
OP: At the start of the relationship she told me about her past- that she had a boy friend, and he had kissed her. But now I am very disturbed about it.
I can undersatnd why you feel disturbed now about what she told you at the begining of the relationship. You got what you can get from her, now you are planning to leave.
Let me get this straight. You committed zina with her and now you are concerned about *her* past? I suggest that you take a very good look in the mirror, buddy boy. Either marry her or keep your hands off of her.
I think you are being hypocritical and sanctimonious. If she loves you, marry her. You could reject her and find yourself married to a perfect model of chastity who hates your guts but married you because her parents told her to marry you.
Great response Mr Anonymous. Never could said it better.
Actually, it is Mrs. Anonymouse. It doesn't matter which gender is involved - when people commit zina with each other and worry about the morals of their partner or otherwise lack insight into their own flaws, I heartily recommend reading Shaykh 'Uthman dan Fodio's wonderful Fourteen section book on Ihsan.
Whenever I begin to be a bit to full of myself, that particular handbook to improving the character can be very useful at deflating my ego and reducing tendencies to narcissism.
Salam brother,
Are you listening to yourself? Seriously your disturbed that a boy kissed her? When you have had phisical relations with her?! You shouldn't be disturbed about her past but about YOUR present!
What you guys have done is far worse then a kiss. I don't understand were you looking for a pius muslima to have a relationship with? The only relationship you can have with a women is within marriage. So repent for your sins and propose marriage to her or break the haram relationship off. Although it wouldn't be nice for the sister for you to leave her after using her.
Please reflect on your a actions and move forward in the right direction.
You had intercourse with her, but you are disturbed that she kissed a boy in the past?
In my opinion, she should be concerned about you.
Salaams,
Even if you leave this girl, you have already crossed a line. Future girls will not be interested in you if you tell them about what happened. Most girls who are perfectly chaste are not going to want to marry someone who has done what you have, so consider that when you make your decisions what to do with the girl you're with now. If you love her, and she loves you, and you've already crossed lines together then it's clear you need to make things right and marry one another. Like others have said, her past is the least of your concerns right now.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
totally hypocrite you are seriously and YOU SHOULD BE DISTURBED of your own actions NOW!!!
Assalaamualaikam
I agree with the other posters - for you to be disturbed about her past after you have committed zina with her is rather hypocritical, and I can't help but wonder if you are now looking for an excuse to step back from this relationship. There can be a tendency among young men to view women they have pre-marital sex with as not being women that they would consider for marriage - double standards seem to apply, as these men do not seem to realise that they are themselves committing the very same acts that mean they reject the women.
If you and this girl love each other and wish to be in a halal relationship, then marry her and stop thinking so much about the past. The two of you can repent and make changes in your lives to become closer to Islam, so that you do not repeat the sins you have committed.
If you are looking for a reason to leave this girl, I think you need to take a serious look at yourself and the reasoning behind this - ask yourself if you would feel this way about someone who had not consented to pre-marital sex with you. If you feel that you cannot treat this girl with respect and have a halal relationship with her, then you owe it to her to be honest with her sooner rather than later.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
I agree with the above, however I would strongly advise you to leave her. You're suspicious about her though you committed a grave sin with her May Allah swt forgive you both.
However as you seem to allude that you deserve an untouched woman you'll oppress this sister. You'll use her previous sin & the sin you committed with her to put her down. Even if you want to marry her you cannot marry each other in this state. You both need to repent sincerely and cut of ALL communication. Start fresh and approach her wali. Do not reveal her/your sin openly.
If you do not want a halal relationship with her in the future, and bear in mind once she repents she may not want anything to do with you, then leave now.
Hopefulsis: I agree with the above, however I would strongly advise you to leave her
Now the girl has been used by 2 men. who will marry her. She may be even scared of marrying because she is no longer a virgin. She may suffer every day with fears like what will happen if her future husband finds out.
I am surprised as many readers are adivising this young man to just leave her. If she is good enough for sex, she is good enough to get married to. This guy KNEW about her previous relationship before he had sex with her.
If two people commit zina they cannot marry until they have sincerely repented; this includes cutting of all means which led to it therefore all forms of contact.
' It is not permissible for the zaani (fornicator or adulterer) to marry the zaaniyah (fornicatress or adulteress) except after repenting because Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“The adulterer marries not but an adulteress or a Mushrikah and the adulteress none marries her except an adulterer or a Muskrik. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers (of Islamic Monotheism)”
[an-Noor 24:3].
Islam Qa 183356'
The brother did not ask for a way to put things right but stated that he is disturbed by her previous sin. I am worried that he will either continue this haram relationship with her, in which case it is far better to leave her alone; or marry her but make her miserable as he will hold her to account for that which he has no right to.
Her rizq is in the Hands of Allah swt. If the OP wants to do what is right then this has been advised by several posters. May Allah swt Guide you both to make better decisions and protect you from following the footsteps of Shaitan.
And Allah swt knows Best.
SVS, you have put it very well. If she is good enough to have sex with, she is good enough to marry.
I totally agree with svs as well.
As disgusting the act is when time comes to be serious its really a downhill how a turn off it is for the guys not to marry the girl once the man gets what he wants how SAD is that but that's reality of how some men are.
Brother,
So, you are disturbed by the fact that a this woman had a boyfriend who kissed her? You should be more disturbed by your own actions of committing zina and your blatant hypocrisy in regards to what has transpired.
Salam
this is a punishment from Allah for having unlawful relationship..i was also in a relationship around one year with a very religious girl..we only talked in phone not even touched each other..we never used any sexi words in phone but later we started to doubt each other every much and finally after our engagement our relationship broken up..m frankly saying even if dont do any haram keeping touch with any non mehram will cause to decrease our imaan day by day..mi advice to u that dont feel bad about anything about her past..if u can marry her marry as early if u cant then ask forgiveness from Allah and leave her peacefully,