Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Christian Muslim marriage

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Do Muslim - Christian marriages work?

Question:

Salamu aleikum!

Dear readers,

I would really need advice on what to do. My fiance is Muslim, I on the other hand am Christian. At first we agreed that we will get married, even if. our parents do not agree. I know this is not the right choice, but of course his parents were thinking like this because they didn't know me yet. Since then I've met them and. I really love his mother, sadly I still don't know his father yet. He met my mother and they don't seem to get along. icon sad %photo After I met his mother, she chainged her mind and said to him that we can get married, but we cannot have children unless I become Muslim. I thought this is quite fair, because. I know we would get the children mixed up with two religions. He also told me he would like me to be with him for eternity. I have to tell you, that my dream always was, to pray to God with my husband, to have somebody who supports me in spiritual life. And I can also see, that this is what he wants.. On the other hand I cannot change, until I don't believe, this is what he said. The only thing he doesn't want to accept that I do. Once he told me he respects me so much, because my faith is so great, he can see how much I love God, and how I appreciate true. love. It seems he forgot what he told me before.

I have to tell you a story...it might seem silly, but I believe in small miracles, signs, which are made by God. My whole life, when I was praying for something, when I was in front of a big decision, somehow I got the answer. Meeting the right people, hearing the exact word, which I was searching for...I think you can understand me. I told my fiance I will change, but only if I will get my sign. I don't feel I got it... he says I just don't see it, but its there.

Please don't judge me, because all I'm getting is judgements from everybody I know.

Yesterday he really hurt me, and he said "what do you believe in, what is that?, its nothing", and how do you pray, how can you pray like that? It really hurt. As I learned from the Bible, God will be. the only judge of our faith. I can be going to church every. Sunday, so everyone will see me and say, she is a real believer, she is here every Sunday.... but that doesn't make me a believer. If I am a believer, that means I will be good with other people, I will be kind with the beggers, in my job, at home, with my family, and I will be praying.. I am of Protestant religion, which is different from the Catholic, in quite a lot. of ways. Sometimes now and in the past also, I was just praying to God to help me forget about the things which separate. people in religion, and find the things that are the same in all of them. I know, you will write I am a bad, non-religious person, but it is not true. Can you believe me, that my heart and soul is shouting out to God many many times, but maybe. I don't find the right path, the right traditions that. I can really believe in.

So my final problem from all of this is: my fiance just changed his mind and said again, that we cannot get married, if I don't change religion, and that he will test me if I am doing it from real faith or from just love, that I would do it, because I want to marry him.

What can I do?!

Sister Noorah's Answer:

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim

Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah

Welcome to the site and thank you for trusting us with this important question. Interfaith marriages are fraught with problems and dealing openly with them BEFORE marriage is always the wisest course.

I think your fiancé is right to be cautious in considering marrying a Christian. It is permissible in Islam for a Muslim man to marry a woman from Ahl al-Kitaab, the People of the Book, which is Christians and Jews. Still, it is something not to be done lightly. In Islam, we marry not just to satisfy the desires of this worldly life, but also to have a companion for our everlasting life in Jannah, Paradise. So it is important to find a mate with the same religious values as we have.

The divide between Christianity and Islam rests on one major issue, and that is the belief of the divinity of Jesus Christ. Christians believe that Jesus is God and the Son of God, one of a Trinity, and that they can only approach God through him. This is considered to be anathema to Muslims. We believe in strict monotheism. There is only One God, and He created and sustains the universe without any partners or assistance. We do believe in Jesus, peace be upon him; We believe that his conception was a miracle, and we believe in the Virgin Birth (There is even a chapter in our Holy Qur'an named after his mother Maryam.). We believe he was the final prophet for Bani Israel, and that the Injeel (Gospel) was the Scripture revealed to him. We believe he is the Messiah and that he will return to slay the antichrist and to rule justly on the earth. We believe that he was fully human. Just as Adam, peace be upon him, was created without a father or a mother, Jesus, pbuh, was born without a father. This does not make either of them divine.

As you see, it boils down to the issue of Jesus' humanity, and this is a vast chasm that completely separates Muslim from Christian. Unless you can resolve this difference, there probably is no future for you with this Muslim man. It is also true that one of the conditions of Muslim man marrying a Christian is that any children will be raised Muslim, so even though you are willing to agree to that now, it may become a contentious issue when you actually have that little baby in your arms.

My advice to you is this: I suggest you both step back and stop seeing one another. I think that you, for your own sake, should study Islam for at least the next few months. I do not say that you should do this for the sake of marriage to a Muslim, but for the sake of your own soul, regardless of whether you were to ever see this man again or not. You can visit a local mosque if there is one in your area, or you can learn from beneficial websites, such as the following;

http://www.witness-pioneer.org/vil/Books/M_tui/

http://www.sultan.org/books/islam-in-focus.pdf

http://www.islamicity.com
http://www.islamway.com
http://www.sunnipath.com

Take the time to study. If, at the end of whatever time you take, you are still convinced of the divinity of Jesus, then I would say that it is impossible to marry this man. From your point of view, could you risk your afterlife by marrying a man who does not believe in Jesus Christ as his personal savior? If you could, then I have to say you are not a true Christian. I really think that your personal faith that you practice now is probably very close to Islam. You sound like a moderate, modest woman who tries to understand what God wants from her and to act on it on a daily basis. This is the essence of what God wants from us Muslims as well. It could be that your contact with this man is God's way of directing you to your spiritual home, Islam.

You are most welcome to return to this site with questions that will inevitably come up as you study about Islam. We will do our best to answer according to the teachings of Islam, and we will ask Allah to guide you to what is best in this world and the next.

Fi Aman Allah,

Noorah
IslamicAnswers.com Editor


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40 Responses »

  1. Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim

    Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah

    Welcome to the site and thank you for trusting us with this important question. Interfaith marriages are fraught with problems and dealing openly with them BEFORE marriage is always the wisest course.

    I think your fiancé is right to be cautious in considering marrying a Christian. It is permissible in Islam for a Muslim man to marry a woman from Ahl al-Kitaab, the People of the Book, which is Christians and Jews. Still, it is something not to be done lightly. In Islam, we marry not just to satisfy the desires of this worldly life, but also to have a companion for our everlasting life in Jannah, Paradise. So it is important to find a mate with the same religious values as we have.

    The divide between Christianity and Islam rests on one major issue, and that is the belief of the divinity of Jesus Christ. Christians believe that Jesus is God and the Son of God, one of a Trinity, and that they can only approach God through him. This is considered to be anathema to Muslims. We believe in strict monotheism. There is only One God, and He created and sustains the universe without any partners or assistance. We do believe in Jesus, peace be upon him; We believe that his conception was a miracle, and we believe in the Virgin Birth (There is even a chapter in our Holy Qur'an named after his mother Maryam.). We believe he was the final prophet for Bani Israel, and that the Injeel (Gospel) was the Scripture revealed to him. We believe he is the Messiah and that he will return to slay the antichrist and to rule justly on the earth. We believe that he was fully human. Just as Adam, peace be upon him, was created without a father or a mother, Jesus, pbuh, was born without a father. This does not make either of them divine.

    As you see, it boils down to the issue of Jesus' humanity, and this is a vast chasm that completely separates Muslim from Christian. Unless you can resolve this difference, there probably is no future for you with this Muslim man. It is also true that one of the conditions of Muslim man marrying a Christian is that any children will be raised Muslim, so even though you are willing to agree to that now, it may become a contentious issue when you actually have that little baby in your arms.

    My advice to you is this: I suggest you both step back and stop seeing one another. I think that you, for your own sake, should study Islam for at least the next few months. I do not say that you should do this for the sake of marriage to a Muslim, but for the sake of your own soul, regardless of whether you were to ever see this man again or not. You can visit a local mosque if there is one in your area, or you can learn from beneficial websites, such as the following;

    http://www.witness-pioneer.org/vil/Books/M_tui/
    http://www.sultan.org/books/islam-in-focus.pdf
    http://www.islamicity.com
    http://www.islamway.com
    http://www.sunnipath.com

    Take the time to study. If, at the end of whatever time you take, you are still convinced of the divinity of Jesus, then I would say that it is impossible to marry this man. From your point of view, could you risk your afterlife by marrying a man who does not believe in Jesus Christ as his personal savior? If you could, then I have to say you are not a true Christian. I really think that your personal faith that you practice now is probably very close to Islam. You sound like a moderate, modest woman who tries to understand what God wants from her and to act on it on a daily basis. This is the essence of what God wants from us Muslims as well. It could be that your contact with this man is God's way of directing you to your spiritual home, Islam.

    You are most welcome to return to this site with questions that will inevitably come up as you study about Islam. We will do our best to answer according to the teachings of Islam, and we will ask Allah to guide you to what is best in this world and the next.

    Fi Aman Allah,

    Noorah
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. hey how are you? hope you are doing well, after readin this i quiet understand your one sided situation. i can tell your trying hard to make things work, you seem like a decent person.

    from my point of view it seems your fiance is unstable i mean you wrote"we agreed that we will get married, even if our parents do not agree." ? ok seems like he is willing to marry you regardless

    and now your fiance change his mind by sayin"my fiance just changed his mind and said again, that we cannot get married, if I don't change religion, "? so what happened? it seems to me he had no intention of marrying you as a christian woman.

    theres one more i wanna quote"After I met his mother, she chainged her mind and said to him that we can get married,"? since your fiance mother gave you the approval he should be the happiest guy goin but instead it had an opposite effect. its possible that your fiance mother probably told him that in order to marry you, you have to convert to islam.

    then a again i maybe wrong, so my advice is if he tells you to converts jus to marry? tell him no, ok tell him to accept you the way you are if he cant then its best to go your seperate ways...

    oh nearly forgot il tell you a lil bout some familys, theyre two faced. in front of you they will be the best friend by smiling and bein polite etc but behind your back they will bad mouth you and insult you, so be careful..:)

    peace............................

  3. Hi Brunella,
    Hope you are OK. You seem to be a nice person, capable of expressing herself honestly. I wish my advice could be of use to you.
    I grew up in a country with a mixed population of Christians and Muslims and got the opportunity to get to know the Muslim culture through my daily interactions with Muslim neighbors, acquaintances and colleagues. Although I am a Christian, I have read the Koran in order to improve my general knowledge and better understand my colleagues and friends of the Islam faith. I am afraid I have to warn you on a couple of things:
    1. Be aware that men are considered superior to women as stated in the Koran, and this is the spirit of raising children from their early childhood. For example in Islam a son, in the absence of a father, could be a ' wali' ,i.e. guardian of his mother, so to say to represent her to court or to give permission for the marriage of his mother to another man, in case of death or divorce of her previous husband. Can you imagine a 18 years old boy to be a representative of a 50 years old woman? Well, for us, the Christians this is difficult to solely imagine, left alone to comply with, but for Muslims this is normal.

    2. There is a text in the Koran, the famous verse 34 of the sourrah 4 (named "the woman") saying that a husband has the right to beat his wife if she does not obey. There are many attempts from Muslim scholars to try to interpret this verse differently, but the truth is if you copy/paste the Arabic text in any on-line Arabic English translator, you will get a translation like "...reprimand her (your wife), then do not share the bed with her, and then (if the above does not help) beat her." Domestic violence is very often a problem in Muslim families, since boys are raised with the understanding that it is not a big deal to beat a woman.

    At this point I would like to express my sincere admiration of this web site for condemning the violence against women and advising women to end abusive relationships. I personally find this web site based on common sense and providing feedback worth reading.

    3. I totally agree with sister Noorah that it would be very difficult for a Christian mother to agree to let her child be educated in a different faith. In my opinion there are many points in common between Christianity and Islam, specially concerning the description of a pious man/woman and the basic virtues in one's character-honesty, kindness, forgiveness, modesty, strong belief in God. The main difference is how the application of those virtues are translated in the daily life-for instance a Christian woman who has a coffee with a colleague (man) is still a pious woman, but it may be viewed differently in the Muslim context. Sister Noorah herself said that when there are non-mahram men visiting her husband, she only serves them and does not sit with them. Do you think, Brunella, you would feel comfortable with this requirement?
    I remember another posting on this web site from a Christian girl who has married a Muslim and once she wanted to visit an old friend, "unfortunately" a man. Her Muslim husband got furious and he even wanted a divorce, because seeing a man friend is unacceptable for a woman in Islam (specially married), while it is absolutely normal for Christians. Think of this. Are you willing to sacrifice your freedom of choice of friends?

    Well, this comment became too long and I think, Brunella, you are an intelligent girl and you understood the point I am trying to make. In summary it is that "do not wear a shoe if it does not fit" and honestly I do not think that you are aware of what the "shoe" you intend to wear is. So, I would confirm the advice of sister Noorah to take your time to study Islam, read a little in the internet, get to know the Koran and then take a decision if you would feel comfortable with the Islam faith.
    I personally do not appreciate the pressure that your fiancé puts on you, as correctly pointed out by Ahmed. If he loves you, he has to accept you the way you are. When he fell in love with you, you were a Christian, right? So, how come at the time when he got to love you, your faith was OK, and now it is not? There's something fishy here and perhaps Ahmed is right that your fiancé had the intention to get you to convert to Islam, but he waited until you get the bait and become vulnerable to his manipulations. Be careful, girl, because it is you and only you responsible for your life and it is you who will bear the consequences. Even worse if you have children, because they will have to bear the burden of wrong decisions based on wishful thinking, without having any fault for these wrong decisions.

    I hope my comment will be posted. I realize it is off the mainstream Islamic tone of this web site, nevertheless, it would be a sign of strength to publish a different point of view, all the more Brunella's question requires a Christian look on the situation too.

    Best wishes to all for 2010.
    Thaara

    • thanks alot for the info, i totally agree with what u wrote. im in a relationship with a muslims. things are going great and all but im starting to have second thoughts about spending my life with her. she is a christian that converted to Islam.

    • I was in a similar situation once and I got married,I did not listen to any elders. I have been married 5 years and have a daughter. It is extremely challenging daily! I would not recommend it. I love my husband and pray we can make this work but in the end you will make the greatest sacrifice and become angry and resentful. As sister Noorah said when you have a child you will want to raise her in your faith and it's a Muslim mans duty to raise his children Muslim. Islam is a beautiful religion but it's very hard to change your entire upbringing from Christianity. I did study Islam before I married and it all seemed fine but the heartache is daily. Never knowing where you belong. Just wanting to take your child to church and not being able to. I wish you the best. May God bless you wherever your faith leads you.

  4. Assalamu aleykum dear sisters and brothers :)

    Here I am reading your posts, though I didn't visit this site for more than a year I think. But it's nice to read your thoughts. Barak Allah feek for your help. In the meanwhile, some complications came along.
    I converted to Islam, alhamdulillah.
    What will happen, later on only Allah knows, but at least I am on the right path now inshaAllah.
    I thought I will write you so maybe you can follow the statistics on how many people convert to Islam :p

    May Allah bless you and your families,
    Tazmeen

    Dear Thaara,
    Thank you so much for your comment, I really appreciate your concern, its sweet of you. Although there are some things, which you misunderstood about Islam (but hey, Ithe Muslim is speaking out of me now :) ).
    I just want to tell you I am living a Muslim life without a husband, and I see the benefit of it. Having a coffee with a friend is your burden, only God will judge you for that, nobody else. I had coffees with many friends, but it was never friendship...or they liked me, or I had a crush on them. And the best way to eliminate any doubtful feelings is to not have any at all.
    Islam as the name says it as well, is all about peace. This website doesn't say not to beat up women because it is a good website, it says it because this is what Islam commands to all believing men. And a hit with a miswak (as in the hadith) is exactly as getting beaten up with a toothbrush...really really agressive :))There is a hadith (unfortunately I don't know which one, if somebody knows, please quote it) which says that Muslims should do what Christians do, but believe in the One True God.
    I know, you know what I'm talking about, if you saw believing Christians. Helping, caring, smiling...the only things is to believe with all your heart in the Creator. Just think. When you are by the sea, or on a mountain top...Who are you thinking about? Not the Creator?
    There are many misunderstandings about Islam, but at least you read the Quran, that is really good. If you feel something isn't quite right, try to read it again and ask some Muslims about what the verses really mean, what the logic is behind them. Because Islam is not just a faith, it is a whole new world, which gives you proof of the unseen and logic to understand it.
    I wish you all the best, may God AllMighty bless you and your family, and guide us all to the right path! amin.

    Take care,
    Tazmeen

  5. Hi Brunella,
    I wish you peace and fulfillment in your new life. You will be a person with unique experience that knows the "two sides of the coin". The Christianity will not be erased from your heart, because this is the faith of your first seven years, but you will learn a new approach to life through the Islam faith. I believe people like you are useful for the whole mankind, because they can act as "translators" between the two faiths, since they understand both, the Christian and Muslim mentality. In my opinion a lot of the problems in the present world stem from the ignorance and the misunderstanding, rather than real insurmountable differences.

    There is a basic psychological principle that "the suppression is the mother of obsession". So, suppressing the wish to have a coffee with a friend by not doing it, does not necessarily eliminate the wish of doing it. Quite the contrary, it increases it. And after all, it is the wish that matters, right?

    There's a short story of two monks, one old and one young. They were forbidden to touch a woman. Once they were walking by the bank of a river and met a beautiful woman sitting there and crying brokenheartedly. She explained that her child is ill, but she cannot go and help him, because she cannot cross the river. Then the old monk, moved by her pain, took her in her arms and fetched her on the other side of the river. The two monks continued their walk, talking on other things, but the young one could not forget the image of the young woman, her curvy body and long hair, so at a certain point he could not help, but exclaimed: "So, my brother, you touched that woman!" The old monk replied: "What woman? Ah, yeah, I helped her, but I have forgotten about her already." So, in your opinion, Brunella, who sinned more: the monk with pure intentions and innocent heart, who actually touched the woman, or the other one who did not touch her, but got obsessed by her? Think about this. There are no simple answers to the human heart quests, no matter what religion says.

    Recently I have been visiting the police station and there the police patrol brought a Muslim man, because he has beaten heavily his wife. From the description I understood she was beaten much worse than with a toothbrush"¦the man did not display any sign of repentance and very bluntly explained to the police officer that he smashed his wife because his religion allows it"¦ It is not that some bad Christian men do not beat their wives, of course this is not the case, bad people exist irrespectively the religion, but what worries me is that for Muslims there is a framework of belief that justifies violence on women. This is dangerous. That guy there did not feel guilty at all, because he felt his behavior was normal by the Islamic standards.

    Well, again, I wrote too long a comment. And again I hope it will be posted, since it is only fair that I would be given the possibility to reply to Brunella's comments addressed to me.
    Once again, I would like to express my appreciation of this web site for the excellent service, fair play and respect to all participants.

    Good luck, Brunella in your challenging mission. I wish you all the best with my whole heart.
    Thaara

  6. Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim

    Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah

    Mashallah, wa Allahu Akbar! I am so happy that Allah has guided you to Islam and I am pleased to count you as my sister in faith, Tazmeen. I am happy that you have resolved the difficult situation you are in and I am confident that you can move forward as a strong Muslim woman, aware of her rights and responsibilities in Islam.

    I am happy that Thaara has written and that she has taken the time to learn some about Islam, but I of course do feel she has the wrong perception of Islam's position on women. Islam does not consider men superior in the sight of Allah, but men and women have different natures and different jobs to do in this worldly life. And I think it is highly unrealistic, given the reality of fornication and adultery, to say that unmarried men and women, Christian or otherwise, can have platonic relationships. It is better to be safe than sorry, and it is a protection for men and women to avoid unneccessary mixing.

    Also, the cute little anecdote about the two monks is not indicative of the teachings of Islam. In an Islamic context, any Muslim man would help such a woman, because it is more important to aid a person in need than to worry about touching a non-related woman. In the Muslim story, both men would have helped her and neither would have been sinning.

    I pray that Allah blesses you at the correct time with a pious Muslim brother to be your spouse and help you complete half your Deen, Ameen. May Allah keep us all on the Straight Path, the Sirat al-Mustaqim, and reward us with the best in this world and the next. Ameen.

    Fi Aman Allah,

    Noorah
    Editor, Islamicanswers.com

  7. Woman do have rights in islam...MANY rights. here are SEVERAL but NOT ALL examples:

    A Collection of References from the Quran and Hadeeth about the Rights of Women guaranteed by Islam

    Spiritual Equality of Women and Men
    Allah has got ready forgiveness and tremendous rewards for the Muslim men and women; the believing men and women; the devout men and women; the truthful men and women; the patiently suffering men and women; the humble men and women; the almsgiving men and women; the fasting men and women, the men and women who guard their chastity; and the men and women who are exceedingly mindful of Allah. (Al-Ahzab 33:35)

    Attitudes towards women
    O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may take away part of the dower ye have given them,-except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good. (An-Nisa 4:19)

    Collaboration and consultation
    The believing men and women, are associates and helpers of each other. They (collaborate) to promote all that is beneficial and discourage all that is evil; to establish prayers and give alms, and to obey Allah and his Messenger. Those are the people whom Allah would grant mercy. Indeed Allah is Mighty and Wise. (Al-Taubah 9:71)

    Examples of Consensual Decision Making
    If both spouses decide, by mutual consent and consultation, on weaning [their baby], there is no blame on either. If you want to have your babies breastfed by a foster mother you are not doing anything blame-worthy provided you pay to the fostermother what you had agreed to offer, in accordance with the established manner. Fear Allah and know that Allah is aware it what you are doing". (Al-Baqarah, 2:233)

    Women's Right to Attend Mosques
    Narrated Ibn Umar: The Prophet (p.b.u.h) said, "Allow women to go to the Mosques at night." (Bukhari Volume 2, Book 13, Number 22)

    Narrated Ibn Umar: One of the wives of Umar (bin Al-Khattab) used to offer the Fajr and the 'Isha' prayer in congregation in the Mosque. She was asked why she had come out for the prayer as she knew that Umar disliked it, and he has great ghaira (self-respect). She replied, "What prevents him from stopping me from this act?" The other replied, "The statement of Allah's Apostle (p.b.u.h) : 'Do not stop Allah's women-slave from going to Allah s Mosques' prevents him." (Bukhari Volume 2, Book 13, Number 23)

    Ibn 'Umar reported: Grant permission to women for going to the mosque in the night. His son who was called Waqid said: Then they would make mischief. He (the narrator) said: He thumped his (son's) chest and said: I am narrating to you the hadith of the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him), and you say: No! (Sahih Muslim Book 004, Number 0890)

    Ibn Umar reported: The Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) said: Do not deprive women of their share of the mosques, when they seek permission from you. Bilal said: By Allah, we would certainly prevent them. 'Abdullah said: I say that the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) said it and you say: We would certainly prevent them! (Sahih Muslim Book 004, Number 0891)

    Yahya related to me from Malik from Yahya ibn Said that Atika bint Zayd ibn Amr ibn Nufayl, the wife of Umar ibn al-Khattab, used to ask Umar ibn al-Khattab for permission to go to the mosque. He would keep silent, so she would say, "By Allah, I will go out, unless you forbid me," and he would not forbid her. (Sunan Abu Dawud Book 14, Number 14.5.14)

    The Common Performance of Ablutions
    Narrated Ibn Umar: "It used to be that men and women would perform ablutions together in the time of the Messenger of Allah's assembly." (Bukhari: 1: Ch. 45, Book of Ablution)

    Women's Right of Proposal
    Narrated Sahl: A woman came to the Prophet, and presented herself to him (for marriage). He said, "I am not in need of women these days." Then a man said, "O Allah's Apostle! Marry her to me." The Prophet asked him, "What have you got?" He said, "I have got nothing." The Prophet said, "Give her something, even an iron ring." He said, "I have got nothing." The Prophet asked (him), "How much of the Quran do you know (by heart)?" He said, "So much and so much." The Prophet said, "I have married her to you for what you know of the Quran." (Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 72)

    Women's Right of Permission
    Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "A matron should not be given in marriage except after consulting her; and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after her permission." The people asked, "O Allah's Apostle! How can we know her permission?" He said, "Her silence (indicates her permission)." (Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 67)

    Narrated Khansa bint Khidam Al-Ansariya that her father gave her in marriage when she was a matron and she disliked that marriage. So she went to Allah's Apostle and he declared that marriage invalid. (Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 69)

    The Right of Women not to be Forced
    Narrated Ibn 'Abbas: Barira's husband was a slave called Mughith, as if I am seeing him now, going behind Barira and weeping with his tears flowing down his beard. The Prophet said to 'Abbas, "O 'Abbas ! are you not astonished at the love of Mughith for Barira and the hatred of Barira for Mughith?" The Prophet then said to Barira, "Why don't you return to him?" She said, "O Allah's Apostle! Do you order me to do so?" He said, "No, I only intercede for him." She said, "I am not in need of him." (Bukhari: Volume 7, Book 63, Number 206)

    Asserting Women's Rights
    Ibn Al-Jauzi narrated the virtues and merits of Umar bin Al-Khattab (Allah bless him) in the following words: Umar forbade the people from paying excessive dowries and addressed them saying: "Don't fix the dowries for women over forty ounces. If ever that is exceeded I shall deposit the excess amount in the public treasury". As he descended from the pulpit, a flat-nosed lady stood up from among the women audience, and said: "It is not within your right". Umar asked: "Why should this not be of my right?" she replied: "Because Allah has proclaimed: 'even if you had given one of them (wives) a whole treasure for dowry take not the least bit back. Would you take it by false claim and a manifest sin'". (Al Nisa, 20). When he heard this, Umar said: "The woman is right and the man (Umar) is wrong. It seems that all people have deeper insight and wisdom than Umar". Then he returned to the pulpit and declared: "O people, I had restricted the giving of more than four hundred dirhams in dowry. Whosoever of you wishes to give in dowry as much as he likes and finds satisfaction in so doing may do so". quoted in: "On the Position and Role of Women in Islam and Islamic Society"

    Seeking advice and comfort
    Narrated 'Aisha (the mother of the faithful believers): ... Then Allah's Apostle returned with the Inspiration and with his heart beating severely. Then he went to Khadija bint Khuwailid and said, "Cover me! Cover me!" They covered him till his fear was over and after that he told her everything that had happened and said, "I fear that something may happen to me." Khadija replied, "Never! By Allah, Allah will never disgrace you. You keep good relations with your kith and kin, help the poor and the destitute, serve your guests generously and assist the deserving calamity-afflicted ones." Khadija then accompanied him to her cousin Waraqa bin Naufal bin Asad bin 'Abdul 'Uzza ... (Bukhari Volume 1, Book 1, Number 3)

    The Characteristics of a Believing Man
    Narrated AbuHurayrah: Allah's Messenger (pbuh) said: a believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another. (Muslim Book 8, Number 3469)

    The Education of Women
    Narrated Abu Said: A woman came to Allah's Apostle and said, "O Allah's Apostle! Men (only) benefit by your teachings, so please devote to us from (some of) your time, a day on which we may come to you so that you may teach us of what Allah has taught you." Allah's Apostle said, "Gather on such-and-such a day at such-and-such a place." They gathered and Allah's Apostle came to them and taught them of what Allah had taught him. (Bukhari Volume 9, Book 92, Number 413)

    On the Treatment of Women
    Narrated Mu'awiyah al-Qushayri: I went to the Apostle of Allah (pbuh) and asked him: "What do you say (command) about our wives?" He replied: "Give them food what you have for yourself, and clothe them by which you clothe yourself, and do not beat them, and do not revile them." (Sunan Abu Dawud: Book 11, Number 2139) "The best of you is one who is best towards his family and I am best towards the family". (At-Tirmithy). "None but a noble man treats women in an honourable manner. And none but an ignoble treats women disgracefully". (At-Tirmithy).

    A Husband must keep the Privacy of his Wife
    Narrated AbuSa'id al-Khudri: Allah's Messenger (peace_be_upon_him) said: The most wicked among the people in the eye of Allah on the Day of Judgement is the man who goes to his wife and she comes to him, and then he divulges her secret. (Muslim Book 8, Number 3369)

    A Husband's Attitude
    'Umar ibn al-Khattab (RA) said that a man came to his house to complain about his wife. On reaching the door of his house, he hears 'Umar's wife shouting at him and reviling him. Seeing this, he was about to go back, thinking that 'Umar himself was in the same position and, therefore, could hardly suggest any solution for his problem. 'Umar (RA) saw the man turn back, so he called him and enquired about the purpose of his visit. He said that he had come with a complaint against his wife, but turned back on seeing the Caliph in the same position. 'Umar (RA) told him that he tolerated the excesses of his wife for she had certain rights against him. He said, "Is it not true that she prepares food for me, washes clothes for me and suckles my children, thus saving me the expense of employing a cook, a washerman and a nurse, though she is not legally obliged in any way to do any of these things? Besides, I enjoy peace of mind because of her and am kept away from indecent acts on account of her. I therefore tolerate all her excesses on account of these benefits. It is right that you should also adopt the same attitude." quoted in Rahman, Role of Muslim Women page 149

    The Prophet's Disapproval of Women Beaters
    Patient behavior was the practice of the Prophet, even when his wife dared to address him harshly. Once his mother-in-law- saw her daughter strike him with her fist on his noble chest. When the enraged mother -in-law began to reproach her daughter, the Prophet smilingly said, "Leave her alone; they do worse than that." And once Abu Bakr, his father-in-law, was invited to settle some misunderstanding between him and Aishah. The Prophet said to her, "Will you speak, or shall I speak?" Aisha said, "You speak, but do not say except the truth." Abu Bakr was so outraged that he immediately struck her severely, forcing her to run and seek protection behind the back of the Prophet. Abu Bakr said, "O you the enemy of herself! Does the Messenger of Allah say but the truth?" The Prophet said, "O Abu Bakr, we did not invite you for this [harsh dealing with Aishah], nor did we anticipate it." quoted in: Mutual Rights and Obligations

    And Allah (swt) knows best.

  8. I have a similar case too. I have a relationship with a muslim. Am a Nigerian and he is Palestinian. We both are in love with each other. He told his mother about me and she likes me though we have never met. She told her son that the only way we could get married was for me to be converted to a muslim!!! And I feel its God's calling cause my previous relationship was also with a muslim who later got married to a fellow muslim because his parents never wanted me. But now, I have a caring man,who is willing to marry me but if only I can be a muslim. I really don't know what to do now!!!

  9. Salamu aleikum!

    i want to seek for advice.. i want to convert from christianity to islam. I want to change my life into a better one .. I think Islam can help me a lot. But I had a marriage with a christian woman before. We are now separated, do you think it will be a big hindrance for my conversion? and can I remarry to a muslim or another christian if ever possible i will fall in love again when I am now a muslim for Example? Or do I still have to file for a divorce?.. Please response.. I am shy to ask for advice in a brothers for muslim .. think it's better to seek this online for now .. Thank you very mush in advance..

  10. i am a Christian & have been very interested in comparing christian & islam. both have a common ancient Jewish basis & faith in God-however in Christianity obedience is up to the individual, whereas in Islam it is enforced by the state. Yet God reads hearts & minds, not external appearance. I do have concerns-Islamic marriage seems to be a financial contract with emphasis to stay together, whereas the Christian marriage is a lifelong exclusive partnership. It seems that for a christian woman to enter Islam is to enter a world of shadows which may or may not be gentle, & where she is doubly a lesser citizen as a) being woman & b) being christian. Men are to treat with respect, but were they not, there is very little protection. Unfortunately this is due to a) the culture of women not going on to higher education & work, & b) the total lack of understanding of the true Christian culture in the Middle East. They equate the Western Democratic world with Christianity, which we know to be false, but they are simply underinformed. I have an Islamic friend, but as I told him-I can pray 5 x a day, take food halal only, but do not ask me to convert to a religion where woman can be killed for turning down a marriage proposal! I enjoy a life in the sun, & a life in shadows would depress me..! Christianity & Islam would do well to learn & practice the best of one-another! As for one's husband to be able to have other contract wives, this offers very little protection for women! I am just looking into this, but please correct me if I am wrong.

    • Cassie, you seem to have some bizarre ideas about Islam. This claim that a religion can be killed for turning down a marriage proposal is utterly ridiculous. And what is this nonsense about "life in the shadows"?

      Furthermore, obedience in Islam is not enforced by the state. No one will come around to your home to make sure you are praying.

      Either you are a troll seeking to stir up trouble or defame Islam, or you are badly uneducated about Islam.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  11. hello friends,

    I am in a big problem someone i need to help me please. I got the same problem which brunella has but the difference is am a Christian boy from catholic and the girl whom i love is a Muslim.

    (Remainder of question deleted by Editor)

    • Dear Naveen,

      Your situation is a common one. Muslims believe in 'laa ilaha il-Allah', translated as 'There is no god but Allah'. This is a very deep yet simple message if one looks into it with an open mind.

      Please log in and submit your question as a separate post.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  12. sallam evey one, i am in allot of stress and unedr pressure, I am a divorcee mother of 3 and was married to my cousin hence the reason why my family are against me getting married again, but yet i have tried meeting new people but eneded up haveing un successfull relationships, these men are muslims but tend to show me the hope of marriage then leave me.

    (Remainder of comment has been deleted. Please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you. - IslamicAnswers.com Editor)

  13. Hi. i am a catholic christian and my boyfriend is a muslim. i adore him for his faith. i really love him. though his parents don't like me. they want someone else for their son. i love him and the thought of him with someone else is hurting me. what should i do? my boyfriend told me that he will marry me, that he will not allow to be married to someone else aside from me. should i believe him? his parents are manipulative. my boyfriend told me that i should convert to Islam so that his parents will like me and so that we can marry. is it right? What should i do? i need advice from both muslims and christians. thanks.

    sandra

    • Dear Sandra,

      I am sorry for the situation you are in. There are many women who have written in to this website with the same story and question. Please read those cases and I am sure you will find the advice you are looking for. If you need further advice, please log in and submit your question as a separate post.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  14. Another thing. Please delete My posts. I feel I've revealed too much about my life on an open forum.
    Thanks
    Salam

  15. Hello. I've been reading the posts above but I have a question no one asked here before. Can a Christian woman with a child out of wedlock marry a Muslim man? Is it common in Islamic countries for a man to marry such a woman, would it be disgraceful for him?

  16. I need help! I recently married a muslim. I am divorced and have 3 sons. But my parents are concerned about him beating me, controlling me, and maybe killing me. I know he loves me. He is from egypt... He is very sweet and caring now. But we will not be together again for many months. I know the media has a big influence on how my parents think. They read letters online from women married to muslim men that are forced to become muslim, are beaten and not allowed out of the house. but they are only looking for the bad. My mother told me the koran says to kill all non-muslims. Please give some advice and some answers. Should i be afraid?

    • tisha, I am Egyptian, and I know many Egyptian families. I don't know of a single husband who beats his wife. The men I know are kind and easy going. Don't believe everything you read.

      And the Quran does NOT say to kill all non-Muslims. That's garbage right-wing propaganda. Judge people based on what you know and see from them, not what others tell you.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  17. Hi everyone,

    I learn a lot from your comments here. I have a muslim boyfriend and I love him a lot. I dont let pressure take into our relationship as I believe in time things will settle. Our religions are all different in unique aspects but that doesnt we cannot live harmoniously with each other.

    Conversion to muslim, religion of children, parents and friends, and place to settle; all are kept in my mind but I am not distracted to them. I love my boyfriend with all my heart so as God. As a Catholic woman in faith and in culture, I learn the value of respect and individuality. Let us all live happily and be good to one another.

    Thank you,
    I

  18. Hi,
    I'm a Catholic guy in love with a muslim girl. We love each other dearly. I told her that she doesn't have to convert to marry me. However, my family wants her to convert. I'm ready to go against my family for her but she suddenly told me one day that she wants to convert to christianity.

    I really appreciate her gesture but I don't want her to convert just because she loves me or just because my folks want it. I would feel really guilty if that is the case. Any suggestions how do I approach this?

    • Rick, I appreciate your concern, and your unwillingness to force your girlfriend to convert. You should know that Islam does not allow a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim man. Her marriage would never be accepted by Islam, or the Muslim community, or likely by her own parents. If you really want to do this woman a service, let her go. Let her practice her own faith in peace. Or you can convert to Islam yourself.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  19. I am a Christian woman in a relationship with a Muslim man I was raised to believed than there's only one true living GOD and all the different religions seek him in a different way. We are all GODS children and was taught to love everybody as a equal different is good and besides who's to say which religion is right as long as you have a relationship with GOD and live right My question is if we marry do I have to convert I don't feel religion should change the bond than we've formed there's only one GOD why should it matter how you go about reaching him?

    • Wanneka, a Muslim man is allowed to marry a Christian woman, so you would not be required to convert in order to marry this man. If you need any further advice then please log in and write your question as a separate post. Thanks very much.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  20. Hi,
    When i read ur story,I sweer that its the sam with mine.1 week ago.our story bgn in 2010,I met a man,he was hudsm,brillant and all girl dream....I felt no reaction when he announced to me that he is a muslim.We got 2 years of better relationship.2 moths a go he proposed to me.I was exited to get married ...but atter he told me all things I had to be prepared,(his familly..children..)..trust me,it is not easy as you think...Finally I canceld our fillancl ceremony bcs I stil not sure what our familly will bcme...We still tgthr right now..H understand me
    SUGGST:never B hurry,It will come one day..if your not sure...if there's problem,may be God will never make you part of...It may be a sign to stay back and take lessons from...:)

  21. Hello all,

    This is a very interesting website and thank you for your views

    I am catholic christian and I have been dating a muslim for one and a half years and we want to get married for a long time now. During the relationship he has always said that its okay for the kids we’ll have to go to church with me and when they are older about 18 they can choose which religion they want- christianity or islam. I always thought this to be that he accepted they would be christians. How wrong was I about 3 days ago where he has insisted that the kids have to be muslim and that is his religion and he is not willing to compromise on that. I felt so hurt and initially I said I wanted them to be catholic, now I’m willing to compromise that they should learn about both religions and he is absolutely refusing this and thinks I will change my mind if I love him. I have said that we need to compromise as we have different religions and the kids are half of me and half of him. I cannot see myself changing my mind and the thought of them being muslims does not sit well with me, because firstly I dont know so much about islam apart from them praying 5 times a day, ramadan, women covering their head, the big dividion between men and women e.g. cannot pray next to eachother in the mosque, the men appearing very controlling, also as a christian I would feel left out and dont see how I can fulfil my mothering duties without understanding islam, also its not even a case that I can go to the mosque and pray next to my muslim male boys. I know how very involved I need to be as a Mother, I am also concerned about the extreme rules and pressure from the wider community. To me it seems all too contrived. I am catholic but i am very liberal and like my kids to be liberal too, I dont want the girls to cover their heads and bodies(neither do i want them to walk about in too revealing clothes) but also to believe there is one God.

    I just cant see any future in this relationship and also a main concern is how strongly he holds on to his faith and he is not willing to compromise to me spells further issues. I feel I have wasted my time. I met him when I was 32 , now I am 34.

    What advice can you give me please.

    Thanks

    Alex

    • Hello Alex. The religion of the children is generally a non-negotiable subject with Muslims. We tend to feel very strongly that our children must be Muslim. I'm afraid that you may be right about the two of you not being compatible. I can't tell you what to do of course, but I don't see an easy future for the two of you. It might be time to cut your losses.

      I would suggest, however, that you look into the beliefs of Islam before making a decision. For the moment, don't get hung up on cultural practices, or separation of women and men in the mosque (not all mosques are the same). Rather, look into the fundamental beliefs of Islam regarding the Oneness of God. You might find that it makes sense to you.

      Best of luck to you with whatever you choose.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Thanks Wael,

        There may be no future because as I see it, the muslim man is unwilling to compromise and clearly does not see my christian faith as worthy.

        This is sad especially because he says he is open and different, but if he was then he should respect my wishes and compromise. MY faith asks me to raise the kids as catholic but I am willing to compromise.

        We are all different people and when we decide to come together, there needs to be compromise.

        Thanks Alex

    • Hi Alex,

      I would suggest that you take some time to learn more about Islam, as a few of the issues that are worrying you appear more to do with cultural practices than Islam itself. You could discuss this with your partner to explore his feelings about his faith and how he would want to live as a family. When learning about Islam, try to keep to reputable sources, as there is a lot of prejudiced stuff in the media which should be disregarded. If there's a mosque or community centre nearby it might help to visit and talk with people there.

      Relationships require communication and compromise, but there are some issues that are too important to people for them to be able to compromise on them.

  22. Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

    The following site is EXTREMELY deviated and I'm sure Muhammad Waseem and Abu Abdul Bari would totally back me up on this one:

    http://www.sunnipath.com

    I think it is now Qibla.com , but better called MUSHRIK.com because there is a fatwa by this man named Faraz Rabbani where he LITERALLY approves of making dua to other than Allah.

    In addition the site has extreme bidah and deviancy. I would advise anyone to NEVER go to that site.

  23. I am so in love with my husband....I was raised christan all of my life. I have a son from a previous relationship whom I have also raised christen. I married a muslim man 2 yrs ago and I love him more today than yesterday. He has said he would not steer me wrong and there are things about islam that I don't necessarily agree with however he would like me to speak to a woman in Islamic faith to get her point of view. I trust my husband however I don't want to upset GOD. Can you help give me with some clarity?

    • mek, I suggest that you log in and write your questions as a separate post. Ask about whatever is troubling you and we will try to answer.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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