Christian Muslim marriage
I would really need advice on what to do. My fiance is Muslim, I on the other hand am Christian. At first we agreed that we will get married, even if. our parents do not agree. I know this is not the right choice, but of course his parents were thinking like this because they didn't know me yet. Since then I've met them and. I really love his mother, sadly I still don't know his father yet. He met my mother and they don't seem to get along. After I met his mother, she chainged her mind and said to him that we can get married, but we cannot have children unless I become Muslim. I thought this is quite fair, because. I know we would get the children mixed up with two religions. He also told me he would like me to be with him for eternity. I have to tell you, that my dream always was, to pray to God with my husband, to have somebody who supports me in spiritual life. And I can also see, that this is what he wants.. On the other hand I cannot change, until I don't believe, this is what he said. The only thing he doesn't want to accept that I do. Once he told me he respects me so much, because my faith is so great, he can see how much I love God, and how I appreciate true. love. It seems he forgot what he told me before.
I have to tell you a story...it might seem silly, but I believe in small miracles, signs, which are made by God. My whole life, when I was praying for something, when I was in front of a big decision, somehow I got the answer. Meeting the right people, hearing the exact word, which I was searching for...I think you can understand me. I told my fiance I will change, but only if I will get my sign. I don't feel I got it... he says I just don't see it, but its there.
Please don't judge me, because all I'm getting is judgements from everybody I know.
Yesterday he really hurt me, and he said "what do you believe in, what is that?, its nothing", and how do you pray, how can you pray like that? It really hurt. As I learned from the Bible, God will be. the only judge of our faith. I can be going to church every. Sunday, so everyone will see me and say, she is a real believer, she is here every Sunday.... but that doesn't make me a believer. If I am a believer, that means I will be good with other people, I will be kind with the beggers, in my job, at home, with my family, and I will be praying.. I am of Protestant religion, which is different from the Catholic, in quite a lot. of ways. Sometimes now and in the past also, I was just praying to God to help me forget about the things which separate. people in religion, and find the things that are the same in all of them. I know, you will write I am a bad, non-religious person, but it is not true. Can you believe me, that my heart and soul is shouting out to God many many times, but maybe. I don't find the right path, the right traditions that. I can really believe in.
So my final problem from all of this is: my fiance just changed his mind and said again, that we cannot get married, if I don't change religion, and that he will test me if I am doing it from real faith or from just love, that I would do it, because I want to marry him.
What can I do?!
Sister Noorah's Answer:
Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim
Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah
Welcome to the site and thank you for trusting us with this important question. Interfaith marriages are fraught with problems and dealing openly with them BEFORE marriage is always the wisest course.
I think your fiancÃ© is right to be cautious in considering marrying a Christian. It is permissible in Islam for a Muslim man to marry a woman from Ahl al-Kitaab, the People of the Book, which is Christians and Jews. Still, it is something not to be done lightly. In Islam, we marry not just to satisfy the desires of this worldly life, but also to have a companion for our everlasting life in Jannah, Paradise. So it is important to find a mate with the same religious values as we have.
The divide between Christianity and Islam rests on one major issue, and that is the belief of the divinity of Jesus Christ. Christians believe that Jesus is God and the Son of God, one of a Trinity, and that they can only approach God through him. This is considered to be anathema to Muslims. We believe in strict monotheism. There is only One God, and He created and sustains the universe without any partners or assistance. We do believe in Jesus, peace be upon him; We believe that his conception was a miracle, and we believe in the Virgin Birth (There is even a chapter in our Holy Qur'an named after his mother Maryam.). We believe he was the final prophet for Bani Israel, and that the Injeel (Gospel) was the Scripture revealed to him. We believe he is the Messiah and that he will return to slay the antichrist and to rule justly on the earth. We believe that he was fully human. Just as Adam, peace be upon him, was created without a father or a mother, Jesus, pbuh, was born without a father. This does not make either of them divine.
As you see, it boils down to the issue of Jesus' humanity, and this is a vast chasm that completely separates Muslim from Christian. Unless you can resolve this difference, there probably is no future for you with this Muslim man. It is also true that one of the conditions of Muslim man marrying a Christian is that any children will be raised Muslim, so even though you are willing to agree to that now, it may become a contentious issue when you actually have that little baby in your arms.
My advice to you is this: I suggest you both step back and stop seeing one another. I think that you, for your own sake, should study Islam for at least the next few months. I do not say that you should do this for the sake of marriage to a Muslim, but for the sake of your own soul, regardless of whether you were to ever see this man again or not. You can visit a local mosque if there is one in your area, or you can learn from beneficial websites, such as the following;
Take the time to study. If, at the end of whatever time you take, you are still convinced of the divinity of Jesus, then I would say that it is impossible to marry this man. From your point of view, could you risk your afterlife by marrying a man who does not believe in Jesus Christ as his personal savior? If you could, then I have to say you are not a true Christian. I really think that your personal faith that you practice now is probably very close to Islam. You sound like a moderate, modest woman who tries to understand what God wants from her and to act on it on a daily basis. This is the essence of what God wants from us Muslims as well. It could be that your contact with this man is God's way of directing you to your spiritual home, Islam.
You are most welcome to return to this site with questions that will inevitably come up as you study about Islam. We will do our best to answer according to the teachings of Islam, and we will ask Allah to guide you to what is best in this world and the next.
Fi Aman Allah,
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