Loss of my baby took away desire to live
Khalid al-'Absi said, "A son of mine died and I felt intense grief over his loss. I said, 'Abu Hurayra, have you heard anything from the Prophet (saw) to cheer us regarding our dead?' He replied, 'I heard the Prophet (saw) say, "Your children are roaming freely in the Garden."'"
I converted to Islam four years ago and for this I am thankful my husband. We are married for four years and were waiting our first baby. My pregnancy was with no complications or anything what would give a reason for any concern. On 24th of August 2010 my baby came to this world. Next day he was taken away from my arms and from my life for ever.
I didn’t loose my faith just every day since that day feel me dead inside me and wish Allah to take me and let me be with my baby.. I didn’t get anything in life easily. Grew up without father, had worked hard since teenage, had very abusive relationship with a man. I was sure that now came time for the reward and Allah will let me have that beautiful miracle that I carried inside me for all those months.
I don’t know how to come back to this life and don’t know if I even want to. I keep distance from everyone, spending my days at home and feel bad when need to go out even to buy food. Just week ago I had another shock when I got my period as I already thought that I already 3 months pregnant. But it was all only cause my imagination and desire to be pregnant. I know my husband is sad about what happened to us too, just no man will ever feel what mother feels to her child.
I am asking Allah to send my angel back to me and I believe that he can do it, although my husband says that angel can not come back on earth and that he will wait me there in heaven. But only my thoughts about my baby coming back to me gives me a hope and reason to continue . Is this wrong?
I am living with the idea that my baby was just so inpatient and wanted to see his Mum and Dad even for one day.. and now he will come back when his real time to come to us comes. Is these hopes and thoughts haram? Can this miracle happen? I am afraid that if I will have other than my lost one I will not love him or her , that I will still think only about my first one..and will wish to have only him on my arms..
Yousra
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As salamu alaykum Yousra,
Thank you very much for sharing, .....I can understand your pain perfectly, it really seems that there is nothing in this world that can soften the suffering and a deep sense of not being understood fill all our lfe and blinds our own understanding, .... as you said you have been through a tough life, but, now, you have a husband that stays close to you and loves you, please don´t disminish his suffering, men don´t alloud themselves to show it the way we do and for sure, he is trying to be strong to give you support and everything you need to move on, Alhamdulillah.
It has been seven months now, let your baby go in Peace, and put yourself and him in Allah(swt)´s Hands, surrender to Him, He is the All-Knower, He will do what is right for you and your baby, ... Alhamdulillah.
If you are not able to go along with your life you should go to counselling, if you feel you can do it alone, I will tell you a couple of hints that helped me to go out and get ready for Life again, Alhamdulillah.
First of all, be the woman any child wants as a mother, look yourself at the mirrow and see how loving, caring, sweet, patience, compassionate you are, insha´Allah. Being in front of the mirrow, smile, yes I am not crazy, smile to yourself, you may cry at the begining, it´s normal, but you can do it, smile from your Heart, then wash your face, comb your hair and put yourself pretty.
Then even if you don´t want to, dress comfortably and warm (wear comfortable shoes to walk)and go for a walk (50´) you need to get strong, after 40´ you begin to put calcium in your bones, you will need it, don´t need to go fast, much better if you walk consciously I mean, I want you to be here and now, if you find yourself lost in your thoughts, please come back and stay conscious of here and now, again, this consciousness may last a couple of minutes the first day, don´t worry, it will increase with practice. Should do a walk everyday if you can, insha´Allah.
Eat healthy (remember you want other baby, then he/she will need good soil to feed themselves)plenty of variety, fresh and good quality of food.
It is good that you have your time to rest, maybe other 40 minutes, you don´t need more, at this time, be conscious of your whole body and try to see where you have tension, go with your mind to that point and be conscious of the tension once you have done that let it go, everyday you will discover something different, and you will get extremely conscious of yourself, a good exercise while you are resting is to breath in, see how your belly raises, and breath out, as relaxed as you can, don´t worry if you fall sleep, with practice you´ll get it.
I assumed you are doing your prayers, see the label at the top of this page, named Duas, may help you, insha´Allah.
I almost can see the smile in your Heart already, shine and go for excellence, be the woman you are called to be in this world, insha´Allah.
All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
One more thing, there is a beautiful meditation that you can do if you want,
Islamic Meditation for Relaxation and Spiritual Comfort
http://islamicsunrays.com/islamic-meditation-for-relaxation-and-spiritual-comfort/
Salaams
I'm so sorry for the pain which you're going through and the loss of your baby. Some things are meant to happen in life and for a reason. Allah alone knows why.
You do not have to forget that you once gave birth but you need to take care good care of yourself. You want to have another baby. Stress isn't good especially if you trying to fall pregnant. Try not to be alone. Surround yourself with people. Talk about your feelings. Let out your emotions. make Dua to Allah to bless you again. Insha-Allah it will happen again for you.
Rumaysa
My dear Sister Yousra, Asalaamualaykum,
I am so sorry for your loss, it was purely Qadr of Allah and you had no control in it. Ask Allah to reunite you with your child in Jannah. InshaAllah you will see him and hold him again but in the next life and Allah has Wisdom in everything He does. Everything is a test, our children, our wealth, our health - for you it has been your child.
I found this on the net, it tells us how our beloved Prophet(saw) reacted to the loss of his beautiful baby Ibrahim, I hope you find some comfort in it inshaAllah:
These sentences were uttered by the Prophet of Islam while mourning for his dear son Ibrahim, who was breathing his last in the lap of his kind father. The Prophet had fixed his kind lips on the rosy face of his son and bade him goodbye with a very sad face and a heavy heart and at the same time with full submission to the Will of Allah.
"Dear Ibrahim! We can't do anything for you. Divine Will can't be changed. Your father's eyes shed tears, and his heart is sad and grieved for your death. However, I will not say anything which may invite the wrath of Allah. If there had not been the true and certain promise of Allah that we too shall come after you, I would have wept more and become more grieved at the separation from you".
Love for one's off-spring is one of the purest and most sublime manifestations of human spirit and is a sign of health and purity of one's soul.
Seerah-i Halabi, vol. III, page 34 and Bihar, vol. XXII, page 157. http://www.al-islam.org/message/56.htm
***
My dear sister, may Allah The Most Merciful replace your and your husband's pain with emaan so sweet and pure, may He envelope your marriage with peace and serenity and may He fulfil your desire and love of motherhood with a pious and healthy child. The Prophet (saw) supplicated: "O' Allah, make me pleased with your decree, so that I may know that whatever has befallen me was not meant to miss me, and what has passed me by, was not meant to be in my lot."
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Senior Editor
Salam Aleikum
Thank you sisters for each of your words .Sister Maria I will try to follow the steps you advised me to take as I really need to do something about myself. There are so many things and upcoming changes in our life and I really need to become able to concentrate and think about the future. It’s just so hard to live with the broken heart and ill soul.
Everything feels like had happened just yesterday. I hope that one day I will come back to myself…to feel and love life same way I did before it happened..
Wasalam Yousra,
Alhamdulillah. So nice to know about you. Take care my beloved Sister, I have you in my Heart and my prayers are with you, insha´Allah.
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
As-salamualikum sister Yousra,
Me got the same griefed and lost my boy born on 6 July, 2011 and got dearest to Allah (Swt.) on 9 July, 2011. I can not control myself but we must keep believe on Allah (Swt.) that he knows well, think well and do well. My spouse has broken down but I am giving the consolation that almighty Allah is seeing everything and certainly he is doing better for us and our beloved baby demised recently.
I condole the same for you keep the firm believe on almighty Allah (Swt.) he will do good with you, your familly and to your baby passed away.
May almighty Allah (swt.) give you strength to bear such grief and make you rest life in happyness.
Salim
Dear Salim,
I am sorry to hear about your loss. May Allah give you and wife sabr and fill your emptiness with the sweetness of eemaan. InshaAllah, your baby is at peace and as we speak, he must be enjoying the company of all the other beautiful children who have passed away in infancy, plus they are being taken care of by Ibrahim(as), SubhaanAllah!
I trust Allah will replace your pain with a warm comfort very soon.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamu alaykum dear sis yousra, i sympathize wit u ova ur loss.May Allah console u nd put smiles on ur face again.AMIN. I went tru a similar expirience abt 3 mnts back nd i still feel sad nd depressed. Am trying 2 b strng nd 2 console myself dat my baby is in jannah nd we'l b reunited sme day insha Allah.pls do take hrt.wasalam alaykum.
My dear Sister Jameelah,
This was Qadar of Allah, may Allah(swt) help you accept this with sabr and may He(swt) replace your loss with the sweetness of eemaan. May this become a path for you to Jannah, aameen.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamu alaykum dear sister Z,may Allah reward u 4 ur consoling words,ur words touched my depressed heart.i pray dat Allah SWT accepts d help u offer us as an act of ibadah 4 u on d Day of Gathering.AMIN
JazakhAllah dear Sister,
Allah will reward you for your sabr, remember we all actually belong to Allah(swt). He places us here on earth and will take us when He(swt) wills too. Try to seek comfort through this, inshaAllah you will be reunited with your little one in Jannah, aameen!
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
AssalamoAlaikum Sister,
I totally understand what you are feeling. It is so easy to fall into hopelessness when you feel that things have never come to you easily as you see it come to others. May Allah SWT forgive us for our shortcomings but I truly feel that Allah is not only just, but He is our creator and He knows the pain we feel at losing a child we wanted so much. He compares his love to that of 70 MOTHERS, letting us know that the love of a mother is incomparable.
Your child is waiting for you in Jannah as an intercessor, inshaAllah, please always remember that.
My son was born on February 16, 2011 and passed away on February 23, 2011. I had my Ibrahim for only a short while, yet I will never forget him and my love for him never diminish. I consider him my eldest child and firstborn. I think about him everyday. I write to hm everyday and this helps. I pray to Allah for sabr and healing and Allah has blessed me with some sort of sukoon, or peace.
I cannot take your pain away, but I can let you know you are now in my prayers. I even started a website for Muslim Neonatal death, because there are no resources out there. http://www.ibrahimstree.com. Please check it out. You can read more about my baby and how I dealt with my situation.
Lots of love,
Sabina
Dear Sabina, Asalaamualaykum,
'Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Illayhi Rajioun'. I am very sorry to hear of your painful loss, may Allah(swt) ease your pain and reunite you with your son in Jannah Al Ferdous.
It is an excellent thing you have done by setting up your website. I am sure that it will be a source of relief and counselling for many. InshaAllah, we will refer other people who have lost a child to your site aswell.
May Allah reward your for you patience and efforts.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamu alaykum dear sisters, i am going through the same situation and i cant stop thinking there was something i could have done since they said prayers can change destiny, maybe i should have prayed harder. fasted or slept early the day before. i had twins in april and one died in may lived for 16 days. oh its such a terrible pain at times i cry myself to sleep. im trying so hard to be strong for the other twin and my family but it seems i cant move on. the worst pain ever.
Habiba, when we say prayers can change destiny it does not apply to major events in our Qadar like this one, which are fixed and beyond our control. What happened to your child was not your fault and there is absolutely nothing you could have done about it, neither praying harder, or fasting. As you said, be strong for the other child. That child needs you to be a positive, loving parent.
If you'd like more advice, please log in and write your question as a separate post.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
slmz, sister and brother
i went t through the same experience. my baby was born on the 21 nov 2011 healthy and normal on the 23 march 2012 at 4 months he passed away from pneumonia a.Allah put us through test in life only to grant us better for the hereafter.i am grieving my little angel everyday but Allah has resorted a better place for our babies.
it is very hard to accept but Allah is the provider of everything.Allah has sent us blessings that we will only understand the day of Resurrection.pray to Allah he grant us strength and hope. our babies are all brother and sisters playing in Jannat with Ibrahim(aslm).
sister Shafeeqa(South africa)
Hello sorry for what happened. I just have a few things to say. First of all to be a Muslim you have to believe in Destiny and fate. That is key to happiness. Until you believe in that you will not understand Islam the way it is ment to be. Second you have to accept what has happened and thank Allah for what ever he had written for you. Third don't just look at your problems look at people who have it worse and realize that what your going through is probably far less painful then what someone else has gone or is going through. Iam sorry I really don't mean to tell you that u should not fell pain. Just don't lose faith. Trust me Me and my wife have been through a few things ourselves. One of my daughters was diagnosed with a very rare syndrome that reverses there ability to do anything. We were told that our child would not live Past 2 years old. During that time while expecting her to pass away. My other 5 year daughter drowns in our back yard poll on fathers day. My wife gets pregnant and has another disabled child. Alhmdallah they are our angels and the light of our house. I was almost distroyed emotionally after all these things happening all at once... But wasn't really performing my religion the way it was supposed to be preformed.. After I started understanding my religion I became more relaxed and eccepted what was ment for me.. Alhmdallah. Sorry on my lack of explanation I hope you get the idea.. May Allah guide you.
Asalaam sisters of islam
let me start off by telling you my story..i embraced Islam about seven years ago Alhamdulillah..Allah has made things so easy for me since then..Although at times i was questioned as to why i decided to turn muslim.how could i leave christianity behind after it has worked for me for so long..Alhamdulillah through these tests and many others, i could still keep my head high and walk as a proud Muslim.
Two years after we got married, 4 years ago we were blessed with our first son..Mashallah boy..he is currently running around like a typical 4 year old..we soon had another miracle, my three yr old..with the most cutest dimple ever..four months ago i gave birth to our last born.another boy!we decided to have my tubes cut as my husband has two kids from his previous marraige..today three weeks and four days ago; we lost our last little miracle to SIDS..one saturday morning i had just found him cold and blue in his cot..we did jot perform an autopsy but it was declared as a cot death..He was a perfectly healthy baby boy. He had the most beautiful eyes i had ever seen.growing beautifully..
for the past three weeks i have been going through the days as if its a blur. Everything seems so unreal. Itbseemsas if ill wake up tomorrow morning and ill find him in his cot..i can even hear him crying at times..my husband and i really would like to have more kids now..my home feels sooo empty and so does my heart..i have found solace on my musallah Alhamdulillah but i also go through the guilt. What if i had woken up earlier..why didnt i check on him earlier..
I need guidance so badly. I wonder if thisbis Allah punishing me for sins committed before and after turning muslim..i have put my faith in Allah SWT and i know his the giver of life..theres days when i get so sad i just want to stay in bed. But i have to soldier on for the sake of my family.my boys i have and my husband..his been nothing but loving and supporting and we try to give our best to our kids. Theres times i so badly wana cry but have to keep it in incase one of the boys see me..they've asked questions and i can see me braking down infront of them makes them edgy and full of frustration. Im sure they dont even know jow to release their own emotions.i feel so helpless. A failure. I dont know how to handle them at times and how to react. We try to talk about our little angel as much as possible..
i know his waiting in Jannah for us..i can only make duah that we will all stay on the straight path Insha Allah..May Allah make this easy for all of us Insha Allah..today seems to be a good day for me..however tomorrow is so unpredictable..I went from having hopes and dreama for my boys to become pious and good muslins Insha Allah to just hoping and praying that they willwake up tomorrow morning..How do you move on???
Wasalaam
Broken sister (south africa)
Assalamualaikum,
After six years of marriage i had twins on 17 september 2014.Daughter died after four hours and son died after 17 days.My life is finished.Dont know what to do,from where i can find peace.plz pray for me.i feel mys3l; totall6 helpless.i hv lost my both angels one by one.
Salaams,
I know how hard it is to lose a baby. May Allah ease your pain and be a support to you in the unique and compassionate way only He can. Please be reminded of the hadith:
It was narrated that Abu Hassaan said: I said to Abu Hurayrah: Two of my sons have died. Can you narrate to me any hadeeth from the Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) which will console us for our loss? He said: Yes: “Their little ones are the little ones (da’aamees) of Paradise. When one of them meets his father – or his parents – he takes hold of his garment – or his hand – as I am taking told of the hem of your garment, and he does not let go until Allaah admits him and his father to Paradise.”
Narrated by Muslim, 2635
Please know that you will be reunited with your children in the hereafter, in shaa Allah. In that realm, you will never be parted from them again. Whenever you think of your babies, think of the hope you have to be reunified with them forever. In shaa Allah that will bring you a measure of peace.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor