Marriage without telling your parents
Asalamualaikum everybody.
Im a Muslim and I am 18 years of age, I just wanted some advice regarding marriage without telling your parents. Well I was born a Muslim Alhamdullilah, but only about a year ago I have started practising properly. Before i started practising Islam, I dated this guy for about 3 years and he is absolutely amazing and I really do love him, and he loves me alot. But we are not in a relationship anymore because its haraam, but we are commited to each other. We go to the same college, and its really hard not to be around him because we have the same group of friends etc.
I have been wanting to marry him for the last year since he came back from umrah, we both are very keen on getting married as soon as possible and Insha'Allah we do, because we dont want a haraam relationship or commit any sins. But the problem is that we are both worried about our parents and we both arent financially stable to support ourselves. I was wondering whether we could get married islamically without our parents knowing, to make everything halal and get married again to him later in about a couple of years with the big wedding ceremony and everything? I know it sounds stupid, and why dont i just tell my parents but its really complicated. I just really want to know if you can do that islamically?
It would be great if anyone could give me advice on this.
Jazakallah Khair
- hk
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Assalamu alaykum Sister,
You should stop yourself from unnecessary contact which may lead to fitna or the sin of zina, you seem to be mature and Insha Allah will do best to safeguard yourself against this.
Allah says in Surah Al Maidah:
5. This day are (all) good things made lawful for you. The food of those who have received the Scripture is lawful for you, and your food is lawful for them. And so are the virtuous women of the believers and the virtuous women of those who received the Scripture before you (lawful for you) when ye give them their marriage portions and live with them in honour, not in fornication, nor taking them as secret concubines. Whoso denieth the faith, his work is vain and he will be among the losers in the Hereafter.
Islamic marriage is making Allah a surety over the marriage, claiming rights on one another in the name of Allah and abiding by the laws and limits imposed by Allah upon the believers.
One of this begins with the marriage ceremony itself, it has to be in honor, not done secretly, the marriage should be proclaimed and better witnessed by people so that the society becomes aware of the relation between two people and there is no accusation against any of the two of an illicit relation. Allah is well aware of marriage even if done secretly, but we live in a society, with other humans, and so we have to make the marriage known, it is important for others to know xxxxxx is your husband and you are xxxxxx's wife to avoid fitna.
What if tomorrow this marriage does not work and something airses between you two where you need to make claims based on Sharia law? How would you prove you have been married?
Hence for the good of both parties, they should marry in respect and honor and not secretly, it is best for the interest of the guy and the girl.
This age is such that you want to make sure : O I don't fall in zina, I want to marry, family won't agree, I still want him etc. But we should better stand by the Book of Allah.
If you decided firmly to marry someone, both parties should pray to Allah and wait firmly for the families to agree and marry them. But there is a way of approach to all things.
Playing with laws of Allah could lead to great danger, so better is to go by the safer way. Be someone's wife well respected and in honor, rather than remain in hiding and tell 100 lies while hiding one truth.
May Allah help you, make du'aa and do the best for your dunya and aakhirah, Insha Allah.
Salaam.
Your brother.
As salamu alaykum,
Secret marriage is forbidden in Islam, your marriage has to be on "day light" with this I mean following the straight procedure, proposal, commitment, nikkah, all that you already know, you need witnesses,....All that will guarantee that everything is done properly, why don´t you two give a try and talk to your parents about your wish to get married young, maybe you would get surprised by the answer, only Allah(swt) knows.
Sister Sarah, share this reply with us in other post:
"As far as I know, one of the conditions of a valid marriage is that it must be done openly. The husband and wife must be known as a husband and wife. Secret marriages are not valid in Islam.
Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) is reported to have said: “There is no (young) woman who got married without the consent of her guardian except that the marriage will be invalid.”
For a marriage to be valid certain conditions must be met:
1) Consent of both parties.
2) "Mahr" - a gift from the groom to the bride.
3) Witnesses.
4) The marriage should be publicized. (It should never be kept secret as this can lead to suspicion and troubles within the community.)
taken from http://www.jannah.org/sisters/marr.html
Please dont consider a secret marriage as its not valid. Also it will come out in the end, and may cause even more problems. .........
These posts maybe interesting for you:
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/i-want-to-get-married-but-we-are-too-young/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/marry-now-or-wait/
All my Unconditional Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
salam,, my name is kamran,,my parants are agreed who ever i get marry to,
but .....
(Question deleted by Editor)
Kamran,
Please stop asking your questions on other people's posts. You need to log in and submit your question as a separate post. You were advised of this earlier today aswell by Br Wael.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
1) Consent of both parties. -> I assume both of you guys are willing to do this.
2) "Mahr" - a gift from the groom to the bride. -> As little as $400
3) Witnesses. -> Ask a couple men on the street
4) The marriage should be publicized. -> nowadays you can send a tweet and that is good enough.