I want to marry my far related uncle but I fear Allah (swt) for hurting my aunt, what should I do?
Asalaam alaikum
I knw its going to be hard not to judge but pleas try.not as i feel bad as it is :-\
For such a long time i have obeyed my parents even when i have known they are wrong but they have never appreciated it. My dad is very strict and cares more about my brother aunt gran and people than our (me sis n mum) feelings..
Recently they got me engaged to a guy who was bad but every time i would speak up they told me the guy is rich etc.
Recently my uncle who is married to my mum's sister told me how he didn't want to marry her (as he was forced by his family). He is unhappy and wants to do nikkah with me.
To be honest i like him to and i want to marry him but i know everyone will get hurt. but i really want to put my feelings first for once cuz my family didnt care about my feelings but i dont want to hurt my aunt and i'm scared Allah wont b happy. What should i do? Should i marry him?
Ayesha 22.
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Wa'alaykumsalam Ayesha,
Firstly, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. You did well with regards to obeying parents till now. But when parents force you to marry against your will, it is not a sin to go against their wishes. Forced marriage is a void marriage in Islam.
You said that the guy you are engaged to is 'bad', it would do a great deal if you can elaborate of how exactly is he bad ?
If you truly do not want to marry him then don't marry. Stand up for yourself. Because once you accept this marriage by force, you're gonna end up regretting etc if he turns out to be really bad.
Secondly, in my opinion, it is disturbing that you want to marry your aunty's husband. I've actually never heard of that. Anyways, this decision of yours WILL obviously hurt your entire family's feelings big time especially your mum and aunty. You can never live with them in peace if you do this. How old is your uncle by the way ? It maybe that, you're uncle lied about him being forced. It maybe that he just wants more etc. I honestly wouldn't advice you to marry your uncle. Did your uncle told you directly that he wanted to marry you or did he approach your dad, because if its the former then he is in a way cheating his wife.
For once, forget about your uncle. Think of a situation where your uncle never existed, would you still deny the guy you're engaged to ? Because it maybe that, you like your uncle thats why you deny anyone else ? Just saying !
I know that you want to put your feelings first atleast once but "marriage" is a sensitive situation. It has to be dealt with good planning and logical thinking. All aspects has to be kept in mind before coming to a final decision. All the positives and negatives of what your decision would do should be dealt with etc. Your community can help you in your married life if needed but if you hurt them, then you're alone.
Know that whoever you want to marry, you need the permission of you wali ( father ), if he have valid Islamic grounds to deny you, then obey him. If not, then the wali shifts to the next elder relative and so on.
Its best if you have patience. Ask Allah to help you. Pray salat al isthikhara before making a final decision on whom you want to/going to marry. Insha'Allah Allah will help you out.
Just to add, Is your unlce planning to take you as a second wife ? Thus making your aunty your co-wife. Or Is he planning to divorce her just to marry you ?
I really can't grasp it. Now I pity your mum too. This is not good.
For the unity of your family, forget your uncle.
Ayesha22,
I don't know if it is even permissible to marry the husband of your maternal aunt - while she is still married to him. You should seek advice from a Mufti regarding this. Having said that, even if it is permissible, I think it will be a very foolish and damaging path for you to walk along. Whatever disagreements or problems you have with your own parents and family, this is no justification for you to marry this man. It will damage your family relations immensely.
At the same time, the following question also arises in my mind: why have you and your maternal aunt's husband been talking with such closeness that the matter of feelings and marriage between you both has arisen?
I believe it is in your best interests to keep your distance from your uncle and at the same time take a deep look at your inner character, behaviour and goals in life. Family relations are so important in Islam, if you pursue this path, you will damage them greatly.
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It is also wrong to force you into marrying someone against your will. So, find the courage to reject it and then focus your mind on something positive till you find a husband that will be good for you.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Wa Alaikum Salaam Warahmatullah Sister Ayesha,
In Islam you cannot marry your Auntys (or sister's) husband unless she is dovorced or not there anymore.
But I will advise you that, you should not to be the reason for her divorce. As Brother Ali (علي ال شيخ) said above: "You can never live with them (your family) in peace if you do this." And this is part of the wisdom why it was prohibted.
Just forget your uncle completly, and even if he divorce your Aunty do not marry him. Who knows, he might do it again to you. He might find another girl, that he likes most and then tell her that you were forced to marry him.
Dear Ayesha.
I know being forced for a marriage just for the sake of money is not right but what i feel by reading your story is that may be your finding a way to get out of this relationship. Who knows what your uncle intensions are plus you should have kept this in your mind that hes ur mom's sisters husband and you should have kept him in some limits, you cant trust someone who says that hes in love with u not with your aunt,thats a very common statement used by many men inorder to seek women attention. I would just suggest you that pls dont fall for this uncle trap..it will ruin you, get to know ur fiance before you make assumptions. Hope you find a way out! Wish you goodluck sista! 🙂