I got divorced to be with my boyfriend, got pregnant, but now my boyfriend won’t marry me
I live in the U.K. A few years ago I went to Pakistan. I got married to my mother's relative, with out seeing this person. I gave consent to get married to him. I already was dating someone back home in the U.K. for over 5 years. I came back to the U.K. and I made a promise to my self that I will make a go of my married life and try to forget about the person I was seeing before I went to Pakistan.
Everyday went by and my relationship with my husband wasnt getting better. He came to know that I was seeing someone before I went to Pakistan. Things got really bad for me so I asked for a divorce. He refused to give me a divorce. He kept in contact with my mum and sister and kept telling them negative things about me. When I came to know what he had been saying to them, I lashed out to him on the phone. He denied everything. Whilst things were bad for me at home I turned to my ex partner who I was seeing before I got married. He listened to me and gave advice. I knew my husband wasn't going to give me a divorce and my family wouldn't allow me to get married to the person that I wanted to be with. I took the wrong step and ran away from home.
I couldn't marry my partner until I obtained a divorce from my husband, so I went to the local mosque and told them that I want a divorce, but my husband is in Pakistan. They told me that they can get me a divorce, on the grounds I provide them with his details and address. A year went by and I became pregnant by my partner. I know that I commited a big sin getting pregnant but I didnt want to commit a bigger sin by getting an abortion. I kept the baby, my divorce came through, I was finally a divorcee. Another year went by, my partner kept delaying us getting married. I don't know what is stopping him. I got pregnant again, and again I kept the baby. It has been nearly three years and we still aren't married. I don't know what to do anymore, who to turn to, how to go about performing our nikah, and sorting our lives out. Please help me.
~ Sophie1
6 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Salaam Sophie.
This is one of many good reasons why pre-marital relationships are forbidden in Islam. Allah swt knows best. You should seriously speak to your partner and find out whether or not he is ever going to marry you. If he continues making excuses or refuses then for the sake of your Aakhirah you should leave him. Zina is a big sin, and if one continues indulging in zina while repenting it is not accepted. One of the conditions of repentance is you have to leave that sin and make the firm intention not to return to it.
I am sorry as it must be hard to hear but it is the truth. Do not despair of the mercy of Allah swt though. If you are sincere and you make amends and repent, He will forgive you InshaAllah. Stop any haraam contact with this man and turn to Allah swt. Start praying if you dont already and work to get closer to Allah. (Recite Qur'an daily, even just a page.)
Conditions of repentance:
http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1069
There follows a list of some of them:
1 – Giving up the sin immediately.
2 – Regretting what has happened in the past.
3 – Resolving not to go back to it.
4 – Making amends to those whom you have wronged, or asking for their forgiveness.
Here are some duas for repentance:
http://www.islamawareness.net/Dua/forgiveness.html
As for a nikah, if he does finally agree then you can have a small nikah. Make sure that the basic conditions of nikah are ok to ensure its accepted. E.g dowry.
I pray that Allah swt gives you the strenght to do the righ tthing
Ameen
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
x
Salaams Sophie1,
I feel your pain and i am sorry for your pain. Your reply really shocked me sister after what you been through your chose your love and to make matters worse he never made an honor woman out of you. I think you need to ask him when he will marry you and if that don't happen then you have to leave this relationship. Sister forgive me this sort of relationship is forbidden in Islam and one reading your reply just goes to show everyone can make mistakes. You must repent and ask allah forgiveness for hurting people for your mistakes. May allah grant your wish to marry whom you loved
Salaams
For now you should distance yourself with this man. Remember he isn't even your husband so you should not be alone with him. Give him an ultimatum- either you'll get married or you will not continue this relationship with him.
As you sow , so shall you reap .
Thats all I can say .
sister you were married and even before the divorce could come through you got pregnant what was the hurry you prefered the world instead of akhirah .If this sin was committed in Islamic country you are bound to be killed do you now imagine the seriousness of the situation . Is the guy muslim you got pregnant how many times ? Adultery is what you have done grave sin under any circumstances .Repent and keep on forgiveness till your last breadth inshallah allah will forgive may be this situation will take you to jannah.
Sister,
you are being taken for a ride by this partner of urs whose the father of your children but doesnt care to marry you. He has dishonoured you and you still stand around waiting for more problems. Pick yourself up, go to a woman's shelter and get elp. Start a new life away from such evil men and do NOT look back.
Am sorry if i sound harsh but seriously, u need to get respect for yourself and then others will respect you. Dont allow any many to use u, get u pregnant and just use u as his meat when he needs relations.
Allah guide you and help you to realise your situation isnt good.
May Allah protect your children and keep their ears always familiar to quran and islam ameen.