He will decide in one year if we are still married
Assalamu Alaykom,
I need wise advice from an expert to help me with my situation. I'm from Egypt. I come from a religious background and family, and I met a guy also coming from a religious background. I thought we were the perfect match and we fell in love. I don't deny that we did some sinful actions, but after several months he proposed and we became engaged.
One day he admitted his desire of having sex with me but I refused because it was zina, even though we were engaged. Then he convinced me of getting married secretly without anyone knowing except for two muslim witnesses, and I said the statement "zawagtoka nafsi 3ala mathHabi abi Hanifata elnohman" and we specified an amount of money as mahr. Then we had sexual intercourse, but I didn't bleed even though I was virgin.
After that we stayed together for 5 months and repeated these actions. We were totally in love, but had small fights just as many other couples do. Until one day, we had a small fight and then he broke up with me and I didn't have the chance to talk to him. The last time I saw him, he told his mother in front of me: "I love this girl but if you allow me to keep her I will, and if not I won't". So I thought that his parents are the cause of his breakup.
Two days later he called and said that he's the one who made the decision, and that our relationship was over and that we would meet after 1 year and then he would make up his mind if we will get back together or not. He didn't let me talk or even bring up the subject of our marriage. He didn't say the talaq word, he just ended it up like that.
Then someone told me that his parents might have been the reason because they thought we had a sinful relationship and that I was a bad girl. But if that was true why didn't he defend me because he knows that I am a well-raised and religious girl. Anyways, I really feel bad about this because I can't tell my parents- they would kill me if they knew I did it without their permission. I couldn't contact him also because he threatened me not to before one year.
I really don't understand his intentions but I am afraid he won't talk to me ever again. I really love him and consider him as my husband. A close friend advised me to ask for talaq because he didn't defend me and wasn't good for me and to do a hymen reconstruction surgery, but I know it is sinful. Please help me, what should I do? Should I wait. and if he doesn't come back. then what should I do? I also made many istikhara prayers about waiting for him and saw great dreams and woke up relieved ... Please help me.
-concernedmuslima
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Assalam o alaykum wr wb,
I will speak blunt as usual being a student of uloom ul shariah min jamiah ummum qura I would say thay ur nikah is not valid as it was solely for intercourse .
Its clear what happened. He used you then dumped you. He got what he wanted. You should have waited to get married properly with your parents permission and support and not lower yourself and lose all self respect and have sex. I doubt if your nikah was even valid.
I agree with muslim girl
ASSALAMALAIKUM-
VERY UNFORTUNATE THAT HE IS JUST A TIME PESSER AND THE NIKAH HE DID WAS INVALID AND THE TIME YOU SPENT WITH HIM WAS .JUST HARAM AND NOT HALAL AS PER SHARIAH-
HE WONT TURN UP BACK TO YOU JUST KEEP QUITE LEAVE IT TO ALLAH AND WAIT [NOT FOR HIM]BUT FOR THE RIGHT PERSON TO COME IN YR LIFE AND MARRY AND SETTLE DOWN.
BY THE WAY FROM WHICH COOUNTRY THIS PERSON WAS AND ALSO PL REPLY HIS RELIGIOUS BACKGROUND SO THAT IT WILL BE EAY TO UNDERSTAND THE NATURE-
REGARDS
Assalamualaikum concerned muslimah,
Its a pity that our youth do not involve theit elders while taking such long lasting decisions and they act without proper knowledge.
Without any doubt, your Nikah was not valid since the beginning. The proof for this is the saying of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam narrated by Abu Musâ Radiyallahu Anhu narrated that the Messenger of Allâh ﺻﻠﻰ اﻟﻠﻪ ﻋﻠﻴﻪ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ said: ``There is no marriage except with a Wali .’’ ( Sahih)
Two witnesses among the Muslims is fine, but without your Wali, it was never valid. People generally use the phrase "Ala Madhhabil Imam Abi Haneefah (Rahaimahullah)"
But how far is this correct? If Imam Abi Haneefah Rahimahullah knew about this Hadith, he would have said the otherwise. This is not just my saying, but that of the Imam himself. He said:
"When a hadith is found to be saheeh, then that is my madhhab" (al Haashiyah of ibn 'Abideen)
The hadith is Sahih and hence, the madhhab of Imam Abu Hanifah. So your saying that you married him upon the madhhab of Imam Abi Hanifatan Nu'man is not true.
It is possible that some Ahadeeth wouldn't have reached him, which was true, also with some Sahaabah Radiyallahu Anhum.
So my sister, your sexual relation with this man was Zina, as you were not married to him as per the Sharee'ah.
Repent to Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala, so that He Forgives you, He Is indeed al Ghafaar. And hope that He Will Forgive you.
Reconstruction of the hymen is something that the 'Ulama advise not to do, because it involves deception. And Allah's Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam has said: " whoever deceives us is not one of us.'' (Sahih Muslim)
Also avoid telling about the relations to anyone. This is because of the saying of Allah's Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam:
All of my Ummah will be fine except those who commit sin openly, and it is part of committing sin openly for a man to do something at night, then in the morning when his Lord has concealed him he says: ``O so-and-so, I did such and such last night,'' when his Lord had concealed him all night, but in the morning he discloses that which Allâh had concealed for him.''' (Muslim)
This person seems to have married you for the purpose of sexual relation only, after the fulfilment of which, he turned away. He did not pronounce divorce, probably because he wishes to have a relationship with you again, later. Allahu A'lam. I see no good in this relation. I believe you should ask your parents to find you a pious man you can marry.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
U r right brother but dont u think that if he hasnt pronounced divorce b'coz he wants to continue the same thing in future then this man has the potential to mess with her future as well? What i mean is if he has any papers that prove their nikah he could also start blackmailing. Shouldnt she at least tell her parents of the mess so they can take necessary steps to secure he future? I know they will b very mad but if this man acted up again her marriage with the other man can b ruined as well as her relationship with her parents and then she wont have any options.
mayb her parents should confront his parents and get all the written proofs back from him.
Sister,
You may love him, but all this man wanted was to have sex, he was just being a player. Dont be fooled, he doesnt care about you for one second.
You do not need a hymen reconstruction surgery, you dont always bleed the first time so it doesnt matter. The person you marry shouldnt care about that stuff anyway if they are mature and in their right mind. what you need is to ask Allah for forgivness for this relationship, and move on from this bad man.
The important this is to learn your lesson, always do things the halal way and involve your parents- there is no such thing as "secret marriage"- that only means that the man is playing you for a fool and is using your naivete to his best benefit.
Just move on with your life, dont speak to that man again, and pray to Allah that he never shows up again in your life to cause trouble.
Dear sister, what you did about not telling your parents about it was a bad decision. But however, we can't dwell on the past mistake n punish ourselves on it. I advice you tlk to your parents about it( starting with your mother) and insha Allah, they will understand you and hence, find d best solution for you.and forget about that man. Even if he comes back to you, he is not worth your time again.and remember, you should take it easy on yourself, just because u once made a mistake doesn't mean its over. I strongly advice you pray to almighty Allah to chose the best option for you.
Thank you Brothers and sisters for your advice so U all think that he played me , and yes maybe this is true ! I feel very bad and I repented to Allah but I only did this because I thought it was Halal . May allah help me to remove him from my heart and find the true understanding husband . I pray to allah to forgive me for what I have done