Parents don´t allow to marry man I love.
Assalaam aleykum.I read all questions and comments about how girls and guy love their boyfriends and parents are not agree for their marriage. And I want to ask people who wrote here on website did they find the way how to be with people they love. It is already 3 years, I am in the same situation and now it is becoming harder everyday. The man I love is from different country and my parents didn’t allow me to marry him last year when he came to me and said me to stop talking to him but I keep to talk to him even if they prohibit.
Till now they have some doubts that maybe I talk to him and they check me all the time. But they didn´t catch me on hand so they take it as we don´t contact to him. But because of this we hardly can find much time to talk but still we miss each other and love, this summer my cousin is going to marry and we with my family are going on it and I am afraid that there they will look for some guy for me to marry and will push me more because I am already 25 years old and in my country girls marry till 24 maximum so I already lost my time. But I really from all my heart want to be with man whom I love because I cannot even imagine how should I like or love some other man everyday. I don’t want it. And I want to be with person I love and who loves me.
My parents don’t understand it and they don’t like him simply because he is from other country and other nation (he is Indian but muslim). Please, anyone share with your experience how to make parents agree. I don’t want to hurt them also and don’t want to run from home. But to make things like they want and to get marry on other man I also don’t want. Knowing myself I can go mad if anyone will push me for this.
Please, help with advice those one who already turn mind of their parents on their side. How you did it?
Thank you and may Allah bless all of you.
Leyla
Entries(RSS)
Assalamu alaykum Leyla,
I understand and feel for you, it is tough, this situation is tough.
This is a problem faced by a lot of Muslims as well as non Muslims. May Allah make it easy for you.
You may get advices on this website which say marry the one whom you love, or obey your parents they know the best for you and leave this guy etc. opinions on both sides.
What I personally feel is an inspiration in such matters from one of my cousin's. Though it is haram to have an affair with a guy in Islam. But this my cousin had one with a guy in our neighbourhood since she was in class 12, in her last year of high school. Then she did B.A and the M.A, and all the while they kept on meeting outside and this girl's family would not agree to marriage. Why? Because the guy was Muslim yet from another state in India and our family has roots and our family is Qaadri and Syed and they thought the other guy's family is not and in India this caste problem is too much of hinderance in marriages.
But both the guy and the girl had made firm decision to marry none but each other. Many proposals came but she did not pay heed. On the other hand, she kept on waiting, waiting and waiting that finally her family would agree. So she got married at the age of 26 at last after 7 or 8 years of the affair. We seek refuge in Allah from love affairs, but she did get through it by Allah's help and this strategy.
Now they have a beautiful daughter, the guy prays 5 times and keeps her happy as well. Before her parents were thinking this marriage would put them to shame, but with passing time and their daughter getting older and more firm in purpose to marry that guy, they gave in. They arranged for a good wedding ceremony and married her and all things went off well by the Mercy of Allah.
So this is one formula, if both are firm, stick to their ecisions and see if something can come out and parents agree. But it needs lot of patience and some quarrels at home as well. It is up to the individuals if they are ready to do so.
Apart from this du'aa all the time is important. But, what I feel is Allah is well aware of who is the best person for our good dunya and good aakhirah if we trust Him.
I think we never pray so much to Allah for making us Qur'an Haafiz or making us firm on deen or saving us from His Punishment of Fire or Making us good practising Muslims as we pray with such devotion to get a girl or a guy.
I may sound a bit bitter, but as Muslims, our life, our efforts should be way beyond love affairs and making them the "central point" of our life and efforts and prayers. Where as all of that should be only to worship Allah to fulfil His purpose. But we make these problems as look huge problems when they are not and we make a person "our life" when only Allah deserves to be said " Allah is my all" without Him I am nothing.
Well,
Sorry for my rudeness sister. But I tell for your own good. Do as you like, but remember Allah, do justice, do not break someone's heart. If you make a promise fulfil it.
If your parents do not agree and you can wait and he can wait and the waiting helps then go for it. If it does not, then look some where else someone good and get married.
Remember that we can live without anyone except Allah. The Prophet (peace be upon him) was the most beloved of the Sahabas, they could lay their lives for him, when he passed away, did they all die? No. They lived, they did strive further for Islam and continued.
So, people may come and go, this is the reality of the world, but Allah remains and this is the Eternal reality.
So turn all your attention and adoration to Allah, the Alive, the Eternal, the Ever Living God.
I said about your marriage what I could think now, other people may give you their view points, choose the best of all and may Allah make you prosper and help you and keep you in the folds of Islam always.
But remember any sort of relation like friendship-engagement+dating - love affair - is displeasing to Allah as Shaytaan is always the third in the company of the two and brings them much harm by his whispers and they rebel to Allah by ignoring His commands and obeying to the whispers of Shaytaan. So pay heed to what I say, may you prosper Sister.
77. O, ye who believe! Bow down and prostrate yourselves, and worship your Lord, and do good, that haply ye may prosper.
78. And strive for Allah with the endeavour which is His right. He hath chosen you and hath not laid upon you in religion any hardship; the faith of your father Abraham (is yours). He hath named you Muslims of old time and in this (Scripture), that the messenger may be a witness against you, and that ye may be witnesses against mankind. So establish worship, pay the poor due, and hold fast to Allah. He is your Protecting Friend. A blessed Patron and a blessed Helper! - Surah Al Hajj.
Read the Qur'an much and turn to Allah, that is the Straight Path sister.
And please keep on posting and updating with your life situations, progress,etc.
Salaam.
Your brother,
Munib.
* * *
Therefor give good tidings (O Muhammad) to my bondmen, who hear advice and follow the best thereof. Such are those whom Allah guideth, and such are men of understanding.- Surah 39, Az Zumar, verse 17-18.
@ Sister Leyla,
I forgot to write something, which I remember now.
Allah knew Khadija (may Allah be pleased with her) was fit to be the Prophet's wife and he to be her husband and both of them as perfect for each other for their roles of life. She supported the Prophet a lot in the early years of Islam and trusted him when no one else did, as we know from reports, Allah knows best.
Ibrahiim (peace be upon him) had Hajraa as his wife, Allah knew she would be fit for him and help in the cause of Allah.
So remember something, Allah is well aware of you and your needs and more aware of everything you can even imagine.
Allah says something related to this in Surah An Najm, I cried a lot of times while learning the below verses of this Surah in January this year, when this verse came, I used to shed lot of tears:
31. And unto Allah belongeth whatsoever is in the heavens and whatsoever is in the earth, that He may reward those who do evil with that which they have done, and reward those who do good with goodness.
32. Those who avoid enormities of sin and abominations, save the unwilled offences (for them) lo! thy Lord is of vast mercy. He is best aware of you (from the time) when He created you from the earth, and when ye were hidden in the bellies of your mothers. Therefor ascribe not purity unto yourselves. He is best aware of him who wardeth off (evil).
Sister Leyla,
Allah is aware of all our needs. This verse also suggests that even when we did not have brains to think in our mothers' wombs, still Allah was aware of us and gave us and nourished us and knew us well how we would be and who we would be and to this moment He is best aware of those who ward off evil.
So insha Allah he will give us what is best for us.
And regarding the worldly reality and eternal reality, I wanted to quote an ayat, but again, Shaytaan caused me to forget:
26. Everyone that is thereon will pass away;
27. There remaineth but the countenance of thy Lord of Might and Glory.
28. Which is it, of the favours of your Lord, that ye deny?
- Surah Ar Rahmaan.
Sister turn to Allah. You can live without anyone, but not without Him. I am sure it seems hard for the first few days, weeks and months, but if you make Allah your goal, nothing will seem hard enough or impossible.
42. And that thy Lord, He is the goal;
43. And that He it is Who maketh laugh, and maketh weep,
44. And that He it is Who giveth death and giveth life;
45. And that He createth the two spouses, the male and the female,
46. From a drop (of seed) when it is poured forth;
47. And that He hath ordained the second bringing forth; - Surah An Najm.
Salaam and sorry if I hurt any feelings in my ignorance.
Your brother,
Munib.
* * *
Therefor give good tidings (O Muhammad) to my bondmen, who hear advice and follow the best thereof. Such are those whom Allah guideth, and such are men of understanding.- Surah 39, Az Zumar, verse 17-18.
I’m sorry sister for the domestic issue you are having with your parents. The very parents who bought you up, perhaps sacrificed so much that you will never know so that you could have comfort. Amazing how when we grow up we fail to comprehend the greatness of bringing up a child in this harsh world!
You said:
“But I really from all my heart want to be with man whom I love because I cannot even imagine how should I like or love some other man everyday. I don’t want it. And I want to be with person I love and who loves me.”
Sister, have you ever thought about how transient this love can be. Many have proclaimed to love, made proclamations of undying passion for someone and once they have obtained the object of their desire, that very same love withers and dies- all that remains is bitterness and broken dreams.
All I will advise you to do now is to calm yourself down. Step away from your issue to look at it objectively. Now, matter how deep your love is for this man, it will never be deeper than the love you father has for you or the love your mother has for you.
I’m not saying give in to your parent’s demands- that would be unfair to both you and the husband they may choose for you. Nobody can force you to marry anyway, that is both Islamically wrong and cruel.
All I’m saying is what brother Munib said- Wait. Patiently bide you time. Don’t constantly think or talk about this issue within your family circle. 25 years old is not old! Lets be realistic about this, many women are choosing to marry later in life so you need’nt worry about your age. Right now you are lying to parents about not talking to this guy. Let me ask you, what exactly do you achieve by talking to him? Don’t you know enough about him already? Must you carry on this liaison? If you both love each other can that not be enough for now. Ask yourself this, if you asked him to wait for you, will he do it? Will he wait 5, 10, 15, 20 years? Only you can answer this question.
If he will wait then God willing you will be together but only if you take the correct avenues to achieve this. If you cannot communicate with your parents about this anymore then seek assistance from community elders, the Imam, etc.
But more importantly sister you need to concentrate on building on your relationship with your immediate family- mend the broken bonds and be patient. Occupy your time with other things, and like brother munib said spend time in worship. Please sister don’t waste your youth hankering after this one thing and never achieving anything else. We only live once, you’ll only be young once, and do you really want to spend your youth solely occupied by this one issue.
I pray Allah makes it easy for you and you find a resolution to your problem.
Salaam alaikum,,,,,, is good for me to read your post and also the comments of hafsa and b.munib. . . . . . . I will only restrict me self on how to convince your parents to allow you to marry the man you love. Because if look at the situation of married couples in the world, most of the couples having trouble with d marriage is simply b/c of lack of understanding each other. . And also b/c couples where not allowed to marry poeple they love, that is why divorce is now very common in the marriage system. . . . my sister, i guess ur parents are very religious and know very well that every muslim is the brother of every other muslim and in islam there is no racism and no tribal influence. . . If for instance u are an arab, an indian muslim that fears Allah is far far far better than an arab who do not beleive in Allah. . . And the best among us (human beigns) in the site of Allah is the one who fears Allah the most (irrespective u are arab or indian or african etc). . . sister, i guess ur parents might have forgotten this, so u can easily remind them starting with ur mother (or d one u feel u are very free with among them). . Try to give them convincing reasons why u want to marry this man. .( maybe b/c he is good, he is religious etc) and in all u love him so much (and vice vasa) and also both of you understand each other. . . . I trust ur parent will listen to u after all this. . . . And lastly i will like to urge u to seek Allah's guidiance and inshaALLAH, He will surely help u. . . . . . . ALLAH KNOWS BEST. . . . . Wassalamu alaikum warahmatullah. . .. . . . . . . . . Mohd
I am in the same situation as you
so believe me i know how much u are hurting
i have sacrificed my love for my family
i just stumbled across this site and i am in the same situation but he is from the same country also same village what is the result that came from allah?
Hi , I do believe this is an excellent blog. I stumbled upon it on Yahoo , i will come back once again. Money and freedom is the best way to change, may you be rich and help other people.