Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I have engaged in kissing and touching with two girls, and I am truly repenting for it.

Oh Allah, I repent before you

Assalam-o-alaikum va rahmatullahi va barakaatuhu...

I am an unmarried MUSLIM BOY of almost 20 years of age. I have had 2 girlfriends so far; both of them non-Muslims, both of them, all thanks to  ALLAH, ditched me.

I HAVE NOT ENGAGED IN ACTUAL SEXUAL INTERCOURSE with either of them ABSOLUTELY EVER. I thank Allah Swt for that, but I have engaged in kissing, hugging and touching with the girls. I feel extremely dejected and appalled at these shameful acts that I have committed with them.

I have just realized that, even though I haven't committed the actual Zina, this is no lesser a great sin, in the eyes of ALLAH SWT. I have also realized how evil it is to have a girlfriend. I am crying everyday to ALLAH SWT, to forgive me. and erase my sins.

I feel ashamed, even as I type this. I shouldn't have done any of those and would never do it again, and ALLAH SWT is my witness to that. I feel that these sins that I have committed, are EQUALLY hideous and punishable as zina.

But my problem is, I am constantly in fear of being punished by allah SWT and always feel upset and afraid and depressed because of the gravity of the sins that i have committed.. am not able to concentrate on other stuff because of this , and am not able to be happy like before (like i was before i realized my mistake).

So i am not able to be at peace with myself and i always feel sad for what i have done, all the time because i am not able to believe that Allah will forgive me, because of the magnitude of the big sin that I have committed.

Pls tell me wat to do and how to deal with this,


2. Is it necessary that i be flogged 100 times?
if yes, where and how should i get it done?
if no, why not? pls tell me why i shouldn't be whipped?

3. I find many of u ppl are answering the questions on this site.. if many people answer my question too, then whose answer am i supposed to follow? Who among you is the most qualified and learned answerer, whose answer i can take to follow?

4. Are my sins equally as bad as having committed ACTUAL ZINA? Will the punishment for the sins i have committed be equally grave as that for committing ACTUAL ZINA??
pls tell yes or no , with reasons in both cases..

5. Is it Halaal (Permissible by ISLAM) for me to marry a muslim girl in future?.
or will it be haraam for that muslim girl to marry a sinner like me?
or will it be haraam for me to marry any muslim girl because of the sins i have committed??..

PLs answer all of my 5 questions. ... PLZ
- Ur brother in Islam who badly regrets what he has done.

Everyone who reads this, pls immediately pray for me, to ALLAH SWT to forgive my sins.


Tagged as: ,

18 Responses »

  1. may Allah Talah show you the right path,may Allah give you peace of mind.ameen

  2. Dear Brother ,

    As I am not as educated in this topic as the Islamic website editors the only advice I can give you is pray for forgiveness to god from your heart. NO human is completely perfect we all sin and make mistakes, the most important thing is to learn from these sins.
    About the flogging no I don't think you have to be flogged because we are obligated to conceal our sins thats as much as I know about this topic.
    Yes in the future their is no reason for you not to marry a muslim girl , brother we all commit sins but in my advice is that you keep this between you and ALLAH if you truly regret it and perform a tawbah then it is like the sin has never happened it may cause you more problems if you reveal this sin to anybody in the future.
    In my opinion whether you committed full zina or not , that is not the main thing. The main thing is you sinned a major sin but that does not mean you are a bad or unpure person, purity comes from the soul being pure , the fact that you know you sinned and repented is more important, the mercy of ALLAH is bigger then any sin you have committed and insALLAH god will will forgive you.

    Hope my info helped, sorry am not very educated in this department yet but wanted to make you feel better and know that you are a good person 🙂

    Take care and may ALLAH forgive your sins amen

  3. Dear Brother

    mimi698 openion is corroect.
    No sin is greater than Allah's mercy.
    If u r repented & beg forgiveness from almighty Allah & if won't commited same sin again then almighty Allah will forgive you from those sins.
    You can marry any muslim girl. There is no realition with marry a muslim girl with your past e sins.
    Dear brother don't think more.
    Allah created us. He loves me more than our parents. Think if you tell about ur sins to ur parents & repent for it & tell them u won't do it again what will they do?
    Won't they forgive you as u r their child.
    Think Allah loves u, care u more than ur parents. He will forgive u Insallah.

  4. Salam ,

    Despairing of Allah's forgiveness is actually a sin in itself and it is a trick of shaytan to take you away from the right path( you feel desperate and depressed and because you believe that Allah hasn't forgiven you then you feel like giving up deen all together)

    And no the sin that you have commited doesn't deserve the same punishement as if you had actual sexual intercourse.

    You need to repent sincerely , give up the sin completely and anything that can lead you to it , increase your good deeds: pray at night, learn more quran, lots of dhikr.go to the mosque to pray your 5 daily prayers as much as you are able to. Stay in the company of pious people . All this will increase your iman

    It seems that you feel very awfull about what you have commited and that is a good sign. That is a sign that you regret and that is the first step for sincere repentance.

    So do not despair of Allah's mercy. Read about Allah,s mercy and forgiveness as much as you can it will increase your iman, and give you hope. If i can recommend a book :" i would like to rpent but..." it is really really good

    After repenting, do not tell anybody about your sins, never ever.( it would actually be a sin to do so)
    And then you can marry a muslim girl , no problem about it. And don't tell her about your sin either so you can live in peace and harmony inshaallah.

  5. Asalamyalaikum brother savemeyaAllah,

    Brother all the answer given to you correct you need to seek sincerely. Still I will suggest you to request brother wale or sisterZ or professorX to give you advice. By reading your points to your question sounds like you want to know deeply and understand the situation you in.

    May Allah bless you


  6. Sorry it's brother "Wael" not wale spelling mistake. I appology.

  7. Assalamu'alaikum,

    Brother, before answering your 5 questions, I would like to mention the following Hadith from Sahih Muslim:

    Book 37, Number 6658:
    'Abdullah reported that a person came to Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) and said: Allah's Messenger, I sported with a woman in the outskirts of Medina, and I have committed an offence short of fornication. Here I am (before you), kindly deliver verdict about me which you deem fit. Unar said : Allah concealed your fault. You had better conceal it yourself also. Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him), however, gave no reply to him. The man stood up and went away and Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) sent a person after him to call him and be recited this verse:

    And perform As-Salat (Iqamat-as-Salat), at the two ends of the day and in some hours of the night [i.e. the five compulsory Salat (prayers)]. Verily, the good deeds remove the evil deeds (i.e. small sins). That is a reminder (an advice) for the mindful (those who accept advice). (Surah Hud, Ayah 114)

    A person among the people said: Allah's Apostle, does it concern this marn only? Thereupon he (the Holy Prophet) said: No, but the people at large.

    For this reason, the 'Ulama say that for him, prayer was enough for expiation of his sin. We call this Salatut Tawbah. Pray 2 rakaa'aat and ask for Allah's forgiveness.

    Now, anwering your questions:

    1. Beware of the Shaitaan, who is whispering in your heart that Allah hates you. But Allah's Mercy is Much Greater than His Anger, His Wrath. It is written on His Throne "My Mercy overpowers My Wrath" ان رحمتي تغلب غضبي according to a Hadith in Bukhari.

    Never lose Hope in the Mercy of Allah. He loves you, insha Allah. And read what Ibrahim 'Alaihis Salam said to the Angels when they asked him not to despair:

    Surah al Hijr, Aayaat 55 and 56:
    They (the angels) said: "We give you glad tidings in truth. So be not of the despairing ones." [Ibrahim (Abraham)] said: "And who despairs of the Mercy of his Lord except those who are astray?"

    So, do not be sad, there is a way out. And know that we are all sinners, hoping for Allah's Mercy.

    2. When you haven't committed what the punishment is prescribed for, then insha Allah, you needn't be punished. Expiation for what you did is what is mentioned in the Aayah that is mentioned in the Hadith I quoted above:

    And perform As-Salat (Iqamat-as-Salat), at the two ends of the day and in some hours of the night [i.e. the five compulsory Salat (prayers)]. Verily, the good deeds remove the evil deeds (i.e. small sins). That is a reminder (an advice) for the mindful (those who accept advice). (Surah Hud, Ayah 114)

    Additionally, look at the scholarly opinion on your situation: Is the one who kisses a non-mahram woman regarded as a zaani (fornicator or adulterer)? (

    And this one: The zina which incurs the hadd punishment (

    Insha Allah, this should clarify why you shouldn't be flogged.

    3. My brother, I do not think we have scholars on this website (I am presuming). Most of the people here give advises based on the knowledge they may be having, the scholarly opinions they may be knowing about, and the experience of life they may be having. So, follow what wouldn't go against the Qur'aan and the Sunnah, and would be the one in which you find peace and tranquility.

    4. This question of yours is similar to question 2. This has already been answered. Read the Fataawaa from the links again if you are still confused.

    5. Sins do not make Halaal things Haraam on you (there may be exceptions). Consider an example of a non Muslim who accepts Islam after having committed Zina during Kufr and Shirk. Will he or she be deprived of marrying a righteous spouse? No. Because their sins were wiped out, on their acceptance of Islam. Your sin does not deprive you of marrying a Righteous Muslimah. Infact, you should marry a Righteous Muslimah, in order to avoid any future sin of this nature.

    Now, after answering your questions, I have the following advise:

    Do Sincere Tawbah for what you have done.

    The following book on Tawbah by Shaikh Ibn Rajab is a great one on the subject: Three Conditions to Forgiveness (

    Insha Allah, this will help you be firm.

    And remember the following Aayat from Surah Zumar (Aayaat 53-54):

    Say: "O 'Ibadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah, verily Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

    "And turn in repentance and in obedience with true Faith (Islamic Monotheism) to your Lord and submit to Him, (in Islam), before the torment comes upon you, then you will not be helped.

    I hope this has helped you.
    May Allah forgive you, and give you the best girl possible.
    Muhammad Waseem

  8. Assalamualaykum brother
    let me answer your question as much as i can.
    1. Allah loves when his servants repent to him and he promised that he will forgive them.
    As it has been said above no sin is greater than Allah's mercy.
    Your tawbah(repentance) should fullfill three conditions if it is between you and Allah(i.e there is no humans haqq on u).
    1st. Ask Allah for forgiveness sincerly.
    2nd. You have to decide not to go back to that sin ever again.
    3rd. You have to regret on what you have done.
    this thought is from shaytan and don't listen to it. Allah is Al - Ghaffar(‎الغفار‎), the one who forgives the sin nomatter how large their numbers are. And Allah is Al - Ghafoor(‎الغفور‎), the one who forgives nomatter how huge the sin is. So you have Oft - forgiving lord and you should not despair from his mercy.
    2. No you don't have to be flogged becouse you did't commit Zina. Even if it was Zina and you kept it between you and Allah and you repented sincerely, you don't have to be flogged.
    4. No it is not equal to zina.
    5. Yes you can.
    Allah knows best(‎والله أعلم‎).
    May Allah forgive me, you and all muslims around the world.

  9. Dear brother savemeyaAlla, salaam,

    I hope you are doing okay?

    1. Please do not despair from Allah's (swt) MERCY, He is the Most forgiving. Please see below:

    "O son of Adam, as long as you call upon Me and put your hope in Me, I have forgiven you for what you have done and I do not mind.
    O son of Adam, if your sins were to reach the clouds of the sky and then you would seek My forgiveness, I would forgive you.
    O son of Adam, if you were to come to Me with sins that are close to filling the earth and then you would meet Me without ascribing any partners with Me, I would certainly bring to you forgiveness close to filling it." (Tirmidhi)

    Therefore, brother do not despair from MERCY of Allah (swt). He is the MOST merciful and MOST FORGIVING!!! Despairing hope and mercy from Allah (swt) is great sin. Please refrain yourself from this act and turn to Allah (swt) for forgivness. Allah (swt) LOVES those who repent.

    2- From my understanding no it is not necessary to be flogged 100 times because first of all you are not living under sharia law, which if you were caught in such sin (pre-martial relationship) by four true and reliable witnesses then you may have faced 100 lashes. You are living under western law.

    Second, even if you want to get these 100 lashes, you cannot because such act would be disobedient towards Allah (swt), for the following reasons:

    Prophet Muhammad (saw) said: “My entire nation is safe, except al-Mujahirin (those who boast of their sins). Among the Mujaharah is that a man commits an (evil) act, and wakes up in the morning while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret, he says: “O so-and-so! Last night I did this and that.” He goes to sleep while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret but he wakes up in the morning and uncovers what Allah has kept a secret!” [Saheeh al-Bukhari]


    Abdullah Ibn Masoud (ra) related, ‘A man came to the Prophet and said: ‘O Messenger of Allah! I have mingled with a woman in the far side of al-Medina, and I fulfilled my desire short of actually having sexual intercourse with her. So, here am I, judge me according to what you decide.’ Umar Ibn al-Khattab (ra) then said: ‘Allah had kept your secret, why did not you keep your secret?’ [Sharh Muslim]

    Based on the above references, you cannot disclose your sins to any Islamic authority. What's done is done. It is between you and Allah (swt) alone. It is no one elses business. You need to deal with your CREATOR, Allah (swt) alone by seeking His forgiveness and then never turn to sinful deeds ever again..

    3- Brother, I am not a qualified person but, inshaAllah, the following speaker is qualified, therefore watch and listen to Yasir Qadhi:

    4- The link above should answer your question 4, inshaAllah.

    5- Brother, provided that you sincerely REPENT to Allah (swt) and never to commit such indecent acts again but instead, if you practise more Islam for the sake of Allah (swt)- such as doing charity/voluntary work, your prayers, reading Quran on regular basis, understand the guidance from the Quran, help your family out around the house, finish your studies, get a good job, and many more good acts, then yes you have every right to marry a good and caring pious sister.

    One thing, please never disclose your errors to anyone, let that be to your potential wife. If anyone asks you about your past, avoid answering it.

    Hope you found my comment helpful. May Allah (swt) gives you peace of mind

    Best wishes,
    Your sister, Parveen.

    • subhALLAH i was just about to link this video to him 🙂
      -sorry quick note, he does not have to disclose this sin to his wife because it happened before marriage and was not actual zina either way it was sin which he has repented fore
      however it is a matter of opinion

  10. Assalam o alykum wr wb. Praises onto Allah swt that he has grant wisdom to ask you the question and search answer in the light of shariah .Dear brother in Islam, i would like to thank you for showing keenness on learning the teachings of Islam, and jazakiallah for the great confidence you have in us.I hope our efforts meet your expectations.

    1)Pertaining to your first question Its VERY GOOD THAT YOU FEEL THIS .Because its a sign of iman existing in heart that we have fear of Allah swt umar bin al khattab r.a used to think himself always as hypocrite.(because a momin is never satisfied with his /her deed ,because no matter from how many MAJOR sins you got URSELF SAVED YOU ARE NOT SURE WHETHER U WILL BE ENTERED INTO JANNAH OR NOT.EVEN prophet saws said that i wont enter jannah on account of my deeds.only form the mercy of Allah swt.

    2) Technically ZINA is Arabic word which means immorality and it has two meanings. One Zina carries a punishment and the other Zina does not carry a punishment.

    Prophet (pbuh) said: "Allah has decreed for every son of Adam his share of Zina, and there is no way to escape from it. The Zina of the eye is a glance, the Zina of the tongue is speaking, and the Zina of the mind is wishing and hoping; then the private part either acts upon this or it does not" (Bukhari, 11/26; Muslim, 2046). (this doesnt carry prescribed punishment but it slowly and steadily leads to the punishable zina)

    Zina according to the Qur'an is sexual intercourse outside marriage between consenting adults, whether they are married or not.

    Zina is one of the forbidden deeds, one of the most serious major sins (kabaa'ir) after shirk and killing. (Surah, al-Furqan 25:68-70). The Qur'an says, " And come not near to unlawful sexual intercourse (Zina). Verily, it is a faahishah (anything that transgresses its limits-a great sin) and an evil way (that leads one to Hell unless Allah forgives him). Surah, al-Isra', 17: 32. This means not doing any deed that may get close to Zina, or lead to it such as being alone with a member of the opposite sex, touching, looking, going to evil places, speaking a haraam manner to a woman to whom one is not related, thinking about and planning immoral acts, etc.

    SO IN YOUR CASE AS U SAID THAT YOU HAVE NOT COMMITTED SEXUAL INTERCOURSE THEN 100 FLOG IS NOT PRESCRIBED because the sexual organ must be inserted inside the female vagina, thus any other intimate act, even if it is haraam, does not qualify for any specific fixed physical punishment set out in Islamic law (i.e. hudud). There are conditions of Zina one can refer to in books of fiqh.

    In saheeh hadeeth narrated by Bukhari Once a man came to prophet saws and said that i have committed all the things except zinah in the bushes what shall i do? He saws said repent sincerely as much as you can and OFFER 2 RAKA'H NON OBLIGATORY PRAYERS AT DUSK AND DAWN SINCERELY

    (Ps:Rape is not considered as Zina.)

    3)Choose only that answers backed with saheeh hadeeth and verses from Qur'an referred from salaf saliheen scholars

    4)Yes, this has a great effect on one's faith. Committing the grave sins such as Zina (sexual intercourse and/or adultery), drinking wine, killing unjustly, consuming Riba (usury), backbiting, tale-bearing, etc., has an impact on one's faith in the Oneness of Allah and believing in Him. It weakens one's faith, but a Muslim is not to be accused of Kufr (disbelief) for committing any of these sins, as long as he does not consider them lawful.Ponder on this ! So YOU DONT GET 100 FLOGS BUT ALSO YOU ARE NOT OUT OF THE BOUNDARY OF THE WRATH FROM ZINA.So repent sincerly ,,grow a beard(its mandatory and also it will keeep GIRLS AWAY ),cut the roots which leads you even near to zina.

    5)Now adays its very very hard to get a pious,chaste women un touched. But not impossible well YOU CAN FREELY marry a muslimah who entails the above said characteristics .Inshallahutaala beidhnillah and always expect good from Allah swt.Allah behaves the same as you expect from him.So you may get a pious wife ameen.

    May Allah swt guide us always to right path and grant us pious.better half who will lead us to Jannah ameen

    wallahu alam bi sawaab

  11. Asalaam alaikum,

    All of your questions have been answered dutifully, but what is apparent in your plea is that you may not understand your relationship with Allah (swt). I think that for yourself, you truly need to work on that part.

    One of the most simple exercises to do in this regard is to read the merciful names and attributes of Allah (swt), comprehend their meaning and look for signs on that in your life and in the world around you. For example, let's take the issue of "forgiveness" since that is the most prevalent one you are concerned about. We say that Allah (swt) is Oft-Forgiving, which means that He chooses to forgive us often, because we make a lot of mistakes in our life.

    Yet, how do we see this manifested from Him? Think of it this way: if He wasn't the Forgiving Lord, then as soon as we commit a sin, we would find ourselves in the Hellfire, as without His Forgiveness, there would be no hope of escaping His Wrath. Yet, Allah (swt) is also The Patient One, so He gives us time to turn back to Him and seek reformation. So during this time, you have been actually experiencing two of His attributes, as you sit wondering, "will Allah (swt) forgive me?"

    The act of feeling remorse and regret for what you have done comes from your shame and embarrassment that you chose to sin in the past. However, now, you have seen the errors of your ways. The reason why you are in agony is because your soul recognizes that in that time, you became distant from Allah (swt). This pain inside of you is essentially saying, "I am far from my Lord!" This despondency over the distance that your soul feels as the result of sin is part and parcel of your fitrah which when was first created, was close to Allah (swt). In essence, your soul wants to get back that closeness to Him. Why? Because your soul naturally wants that vicinity.

    Why does your soul want that? The soul recognizes that the best kind of love comes only from the Al-Wadud, The Loving One. Once again, you are realizing a part of this experience in your life due to the fact that when Allah (swt) created you, it was out of His Love. This is the Mercy of Allah (swt).

    Reflect on these points, work on them within yourself and see that this time is a very special invitation from the Almighty. You are on your journey and you need to follow the Right Path again. For this, you have the best manifestation of light to bring you forth, also known as The Al-Hadi, The Guide.


  12. asalamualikum... i m 17years old girl n i m muslim.if someone gives me real detailed of breaking a promise,n d punishment belongs to it, i sweard wid my mother infront of quran, n aftr a month i broke it, nw i repent alot i wana knw wat is its propitiation, n hw can i get rid of dis sin?

    • Salaams,

      There are several posts on our site about breaking oaths made on Qu'ran. Please search our archives, and in shaa Allah you will find the information there.

      -Amy Editor

  13. AoA, I don't know how to express it in words but I committed zina with my ex boyfriend. I was only 15 years old back then but I broke up with him the moment I realized my mistake. Getting involved in sexual act didn't seem like a huge thing since I have been raped several times when I was young. After this "Zina" act I started hating myself. My ex was 10 years older than me and after I broke up with him he started cursing me like I'll never live happily and that I ruined his life, I'll burn in hell fire and all. Hell me please! I have sleepless nights with the burden of my sins on my shoulders.

    • Assalaamualaikam

      Sister, it was wrong of him, as a 25 year old man, to take advantage of a vulnerable, much younger female. You knew, at the age of 15, that what happened was wrong - he was 10 years older, and surely knew that as well. Ignore him and his cruel words.

      I think it would help for you to have counselling to come to terms with some of the things that happened to you. Rape can have a huge effect on a person's wellbeing, psychologically as well as physically - but it doesn't have to define you. Seek support and, if appropriate, legal advice about your situation.

      May Allah help you heal and find peace.

      Midnightmoon editor

  14. Sorry no offense Every one only spoke about the asking tawbah and the sins will be forgiven , we all know islam islam is so powerful and allah is the most merciful but I want to know that the what about those girls they wrere in love with him? Did he commit any thing to them ? Was it some kind of a fake relation? In that case is that girls heart broken and may be she is having a feel of being cheated ?? Wht to do in that case he will be out of sin ?

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