IslamicAnswers.com: Islamic Advice

"He says it will add five minutes to his commute..."

Before I ask my questions, I would like to explain my situation. I will try to do as short as I can.

I was born more than 30 years ago in one of Soviet Union Respublics, meaning that I was raised up as atheist. My journey in to believing God started when I was arround 16, after the liberation from Soviet Union. Then I met my first boyfriend, whose family was very religious and had suffered a lot during soviet union times because of being religiuos. they were christians.

I learned a lot, and only them I can thank that I embraced to Islam. Even though my journey was full of mistakes, but today i am thankfull for all of it. one of my mistakes - my lovely son, which i had very young. he grew up without a father, as the father refused to acsept his son.

after some years i married and emigrated to UK. the marriage was not successful and was very painfull. but thanks Allah, i met lot of wonderfull people including my husband which i am married now.

I embraced Islam 4 years ago, before i married second time. My husband is wonderful and a very good muslem, but still we have sometimes some misunderstandings and i do not have where to ask for advise. we married 3 years ago. he moved in to me to UK from Morocco.

i have supported a lot my husband emotionally (and financially till he got a job), as i saw how hard it was for him to be in country he does not know and even didnt plan to live in. i am still supporting him in every step if he just ask. But i started to feel that i do not get the same support from my husband when i need. I had 3 miscariages, the last which was just recently, which was very serious, i had an internal bleeding and had to have an operation to remove a falopan tube.

Now my GP sent me to perform lots of test to figure out the problem why i am miscarrying. My husband has to perform some tests as but he refuses, motivating that he does not like to be in hospital enviroment. (it is not the first time he says that - when i miscared the second time he didnt want to go with me to hospital, saying he feels uncomfortible there.

Eventualy he went with me, i am very thankfull for that, but it caused me even more stress, as i wanted my husband near me, especialy knowing that most of the doctors are male in that hospital.) I am feeling very upset at that moment, we even had a argumant, which i started. Its not an excuse, but i still feel emotioanly wery weak and so need my husbands support. I dont know where to find the words, which would show my husband how is important those tests, without causing an argument.

I love my husband a lot, but sometimes his atitude to some things makes me cry and even makes me think that i would beter being single just with my son. and then would feel guilty for thinking like that and not being patient. but i never said that loud to my husband.
So my question is can my husband to refuse the tests (it involves a semen test) the GP prescribed us?

I mentioned before that i have a son (14 years), from previuos reliationship. I would like to know what my husband responsibilities are towards my son (sons father refuses to acsept my son) and waht my sons rights are.

there is another situation i need some advise. we are living in a local authories house given to me, when i lost house due to my ex-husbands behaviors (he was drinker and been to prison). I am responsible for decisions about this house by agreement between me and loacal authority.

Now i have chance to swap this property to another. when we went to look at it me and my son liked very much, as it more spacious, newer, and the rent is lower. My husband said very strict no, without giving me any reason why the accomodation is not good. without the reasons i mention before, i liked the new place because i need to move from here due my emotional reasons. it remind me a previous marriage, which was very painfull.

i tryed to give all those reasons for my husband, but he only says i have to understand him, he does not like place, it ads 5 more minutes to his journey to work. (he goes by bike arround 5 miles). I feel that this move would ecourage him to sort out his driving lisence and give even more benefit to our family.

So my question is do i have right to make this decision to move to another property? My husband pays just half of bills, we both are working full time. The bills goes from my account, my husband only gives cash towards bills and food. (£400.00, from which £100 is for food). he has saved a lot money in that 2 years he works and would not spend anything more than that £400, unless he needs some clothes or to buy gifts to his family or tickets to go home (to morocco). while i have to repay the debts which was left after unsuscseful first marriage, i have to support my son (my husband does not support financialy my son), and would like to support my mum, who does not work and only lives from what i and my brother gives. I have to support myslef (mean clothing etc) and usualy week before wages i am strugling to meet the ends).

My husband says i have to try harder to save my money.

please do not think i just complaining. Overall i am very happy with my husband, i just need to know what it is my rights, responsibilities. I want to create happy enviroment for my family, where would not be fight and misunderstood.

I am appologise for writing so long letter, but i do not have who else to ask. In town where we live there is not a muslim comunity, the nearst is arround 40 miles away. And i even dont know who would be our Imam. My husband thinks that it is not nessesary for my to go to Mosque. But i feeling very lonely n ot to have with who to talk about my problems. My family not very happy about me embracing to Islam, and i would not want them to know my problems, as the probably they would get wrong Ideas about Islam. Thanks Allah, I met a sister from Lithuania, who also embraced Islam and with who I can talk in my own language and who can understand how i feel. But even with her I would not talk about those matter i mentioned in this letter.

I am appologise for the mistakes in my writing, as English is not my first language. I will be looking forward to hear froms You, and may Allah reward you for all this patience to read my letter.

- shaymae36