Husband has married another woman and I can’t come to terms with it.
My husband has married another woman for no valid reason. We have 3 young sons together. I believe it was his family pressure that he did that. Now the situation is that I can't come to terms with it. We are happy together otherwise, except when he goes to her. I feel if he is happy there and that I love him, shouldn't I back off to let him be with her. I feel maybe he is with me just for the boys, since I love him I should sacrifice my marriage for him to achieve happiness, otherwise we both are miserable. Should I ask him to leave me?
-sseshaq
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Dear "sseshaq", As-salamu alaykum,
It seems that there is not much communication between you and your husband. Have you asked him why he took another wife?
You say that and your husband are happy together. So why should you "sacrifice yourself" or ask him to leave you? If you are happy together, then accept the situation as it is, and let your mind be calm and settled, Insha'Allah. Ask Allah to bring peace and acceptance to your soul.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear sister,
My heart goes out to you as I too would not want to share my husband...ever. I could understand if you were barren and could not have children or had some illness that did not allow you to fulfill your wifely duties to your husband. As you have given your husband three sons and have a happy marriage, I believe you are justified to ask your husband why he felt the necessity to take another wife.
You say you believe that your husband married due to pressures from his family but did he ever talk to you about any of this? Were you aware that he married or did he come home after the fact?
I honestly have great difficulty with this subject because I believe in my heart that if one is a good wife to their husband, cares for the home and satisfies their husbands needs in every way...why does he need another wife? Yes, I know it is a husbands right in Islam to marry up to four wives but I personally would not be happy if my husband felt the need to have another wife. I would not be able to accept it becMay Allah lighten your heavy heart and lift your spirits.ause I simply wish not to share my husband, my lover, the man I have built my family and life with. At the end of the day, I want it to be my bed he shares and no other. I am selfish I know but...it is my right.
My prayers go out to you sister. I have only known a few woman in my lifetime whose husbands took on a second wife. Each of those marriages went through their own trials behind closed doors much like yours will too. In the end only you will be able to decide what works best for you in your marriage.
Salam
wa'alykumu salaam
the man should have told his wife before he got the second marraige [this doesnt mean seeking her irrelevant permission in any way], but have you ever put in your mind that a man [unlike a woman] can love many women at the same time and take take of their finances&desires if he has a good job and is healthy.
you muslim women need to understand that a man can fall in love with many women.
eventhough you may not be able to comprehend this, believe me, its true.
dont ever hold your husband back
Assalam Alekum brother Zubayr,
I don't think the point here is about a mans ability to love another woman, on the contrary...I'm sure he can. For a man to take on a second wife, a woman could care less about money or finances. No woman wants to share her husband with another woman...period.
Muslim men need to understand the hurt they cause to their wives when they take on a second wife. If a woman is a good wife...cleans her home, takes care of her children and makes sure her husband is satisfied in every way...why does he take on a second wife? Seriously, answer me that...help me clarify why a man needs a second wife when the first wife is amazing in every way.
For me...I would never hold my husband back from marrying a second wife but I would not stay here and accept that. Money and finances aside, I don't share.
Salam
Well when men can have feelings for mutliple women and act upon it, the women are also entitled to do as they see fit.
The human heart wheter for men or woman has the ability to recover and relearn all emotions including love and so both sexes can find happiness with a second third or fourth person. THis does not mean everyone has to use the ability to go around marrying and wrecking each other's lives at will.
Marriage is a sacred committment and once you commit you need to give it your best , not just find options because your religion gives you some leeway. I have heard people say that since women are the source of offspring, multiple partners are not an option for them as the children need one father.
Mother play a much more significant role in a childs early and developmental role as a result of their bond through childbirth and rearing with their kids, so it is important for the men to realize that they need to value and respect the woman in their lives.
Not add wives to the brood because they can - This is one of the aspects of Islam that I think has been exploited to the maximum by men to justify their multiple marriages.
It seems my post is in a jumble in some areas. I guess that's what I get for multitasking!