I hate life, I hate everything!
Tame your Nafs to save your Soul, just as the horse-rider must tame it's horse to save himself. It will be painful at first, but soon you will taste the sweetness of emaan - insha'Allah.
Salam,
I'm really depressed right now. I just don't know what to do. I'm losing hope in everything. I fell in love and now am not with him. I left it and changed myself and I knew it was haram, so we broke up but it wasn't the right way.
He used me and then later on he swore at me and said some horrible stuff and now it's been year and a half and I just can't get over him. I love him madly and deepy. I pray everyday that he comes back and we get married but nothing is happening.
I just hate life someone please help me, we go to the same college and he's always there and rubs it in my face. He's with this other girl and they both rub it in my face and it is killing me day by day. I just don't know what to do, someone please help me!!
Please I think am going mental, seriously!! And I keep falling ill, I've burnt myself and nearly got run over so many times!! I pray and everything; nothing seems to be working!! Why is this happening to me for!!
~Ruks123
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Dear Ruks123,
I am so sorry to hear of what you're going through. Heartbreak is just devastating, and I have been in a similar position and it is so easy for it to 'break' you.
What you need to realise is that you are here, and you are you, for a reason. Allah wants you to be alive because you have so much to live for. As someone who isn't you and therefore isn't listening to the inner dialogue you perhaps are as to not being able to cope, I can tell you that you are alive and you are YOU for a reason. If he has not realised that then you will find the person for you although I guess right now that is simply something you cannot imagine. But as someone who understands and who has felt those feelings almost of total numbness and just feeling totally powerless, although I haven't met you, it is so important for you to realise, even if it's hard, that you are a wonderful person in your own right. You do not need someone, particularly someone who sounds like deep deep down they were perhaps not right for you, to live a happy healthy life and to make you feel down. Empower yourself now, don't let yourself get tied down further by these thoughts. Write everything down, let yourself feel like you are getting it out of your system, let yourself be upset, then fold up that piece of paper and throw it away, and use it as your mark of a new beginning in which you acknowledge that you are a strong, intelligent, good person who isn't going to let this tough trial trip you up. Because you CAN go on. Allah does not bestow upon us a burden heavier than we can bear, no matter how absolutely devastating any given situation can be. Trust in Allah, trust in any close, good and trustworthy friends you may have. Do not let yourself stay at home thining about it and getting down. Empower yourself and show yourself that you are worth it as a wonderful person in your own right. Allah loves you and wants you to live happily and healthily! He is showing you that. Start finding ways to make yourself occupied, healthy and happy. Start cooking for example, I'm sure you could cook for friends and family too once you're confident at it. Write poetry, but ensure you only let yourself write positive things. Read the Qur'aan and realise how important you are and how much Allah loves you. Notice the beauty of the things we often overlook in life, like the sun coming up, or the moon on a clear night, or seeing a child laughing and playing. These are all signs from Allah to show you that life is beautiful and good.
I wish you the best of luck, and not to bring this round to me but I suffer from severe depression and have no confidence or self esteem so you are honestly not alone, and I hope you find contentment soon.
Salaam
x
Ruks123,
1. Transfer to a different college, or even a different city.
2. Stop wishing for something that is not going to happen, and is not even good for you.
3. Make sincere tawbah (repentance) to Allah, and focus on learning your deen, your prayers, Quran, etc.
4. Make good (female) friends and spend your time with them.
5. Join your local MSA if you have one.
Read our article on Suicide in Islam, I know you are not suicidal but most of the advice applies to you as well.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
No sweetie life is already short please enjoy it no guys is worth your tears move on he is not meant to be yours I'm sure there is better fishes in the sea, even though is hard to let him go. I was in your shoe it wasn't worth it now alhamdullah I'm married to someone else my husband is a sweetheart marsallah. So move on you better off without him. I'm sure he doesn't care for you or otherwise he wouldn't have a gf. Good luck sweetie.
You made a sacrifice for the sake of Allah - of course its going to be difficult at first. But thats what happens when we try to give up any unhealthy/bad habit . We suffer from withdrawal symptoms. So remind yourself of why you initially broke up with this guy. In your own words: "I left it and changed myself and I knew it was haram..." So take Wael's advice.
If this doesnt work, remind yourself of 'death'; in a positive way. Taking your life will bring you more misery but if you strive to focus on the bigger picture instead of 'feeling like the victim'; you'll help your 'now' and your 'hereafter'. So wake up and realise the Mercy Allah had on you when you made that choice to stop sinning. At the same time, learn about your deen, a Muslimah has more dignity than to pine over a man who is clearly not good for her. Re-define your identity - step up to the mark.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear I can understand your situation as I have faced all this recently and have been crying and getting mad all the time...I use to feel as I would never be able to live now...But trust me Allah is there to hold our hands and get us out of all this...Dont get upset just stick to your prayers and recite Ayat e Kareema and Third Kalma alot...whenever you have nothing to do and feel sad or devastated and all then start reciting Ayat e Kareema.. Trust me you will feel absolutely fine...Just keep one thing in your mind THAT you can Live without him and you wont die without him...It is just your emotions that have overtaken you right now but once you fight with them and encounter them boldly you wont get all these devastating feelings...Just Trust Allah and Allah and Allah...stick to your prayers and recite Surah Yaseen also...there is no other way to get out of all this...I know its difficult to stay like this like he is infront of you and making you feel uncomfortable and all...just throw him away our of your mind and dont give a damn to him...Dear remember that he wont come back ever to you because he is not destined for you...his part is over in your story so just dont think about him anymore....it is difficult although very very difficult but not impossible...You have to realize that Allah has something good instore for you and once you ll get that you ll forget him...But promise us that you will stick to your namaz, quran and zikr...otherwise you ll keep on suffering and you would get nothing...just live for your Allah and you would notice that everything is becoming...people just break the hearts of their loved ones and leave them for nothing...Allah is the only one who dont leave his people...Just think for about a moment that how beautifully Allah has made you with his own hands...wow...he is the one who love us and we should love him too in return...whn you dont love your creator then just think what would be Allah thinking of us that I love my creation so much and they dont even care and forget me....in the same way, you love your man and he dont bother about you and you feel sad, broken and hurt...
So first love your Allah and than expect anything else from anyone...once you would start loving your creator you wont be needing anyone for yourself...Allah would send the best man for you who have been destined for you...just keep on praying praying and praying and everything would be perfectly fine....
Dear dont kill your self respect, once you let it go then it never returns...so please work on your self...this situation is telling you then you have to polish your self again...See when our furniture gets old, it needs to get repolished to get back its shine again...and if we dont polish it, it appears bad and starts getting affected overall and then we plan to change it at all...but if we polish it then it remains intact and especially its quality...you are a muslimah and you have to polish your Iman...foster it with Zikr, Namaz and Quran...everything would be fine....dont be upset...I can feel your situation right now and can see you too....I know its temporary and these feelings would fade away...but it wont happen until you help your self....
if you need more motivation than do let us know...everyone would here help you
I totally agree with the above advises.
Move to another college start over inshallah you will get better. Do not get depress I know this is easy for me to say this to you but on a serious note I know how you feel because when you want something so bad and even though it is haraam it is better to walk away then to lose every self worth of yourself. Sister it is easy to commit sins, but look at this way serve allah, remember allah and do good deeds and enjoy with what you have now then don't have say ulhumdiallah everyday then you see how lucky you are. You don't need him or a guy like him you want to aim for something better and better you are. It might not a been a good way for him but for yourself it was the best thing you did he was gonna use you and that's it he don't even love you or loved you he had no respect. Concentrate in being strong and studying hard, you don't need to give in just concentrate in getting closer to allah and you will see allah will protect you. Allah showed you he's bad side look at it this way you can live again being you.
I wish you the best and in life sister nothing comes free we learn what we see around us and even though at times we don't like what we see sometimes seeing is a good thing because this is what makes us stronger to have more values to yourself and our selfworth.
Bismillahirrahmaanirrahiym.wassalaatu wassalaamu alaa Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
When we stray from the manners and rules Allah sets for us then we can expect that the results from such will not be good.Since you have allowed your self to engage into a haram relationship now you are suffering from the consequences. I am sorry that this is so and you ARE special.Doesn't matter the mistakes we make Allah is always ready to forgive us,and when we do ask his forgiveness, he is extremely extremely happy more then we could know.
But right now you are suffering the consequence of your decisions with him.You have allowed your relationship with Allah to suffer for the sake of your desire of another person.
If you really want help,...If you really want to have healing,....If you really want your heart back and for it to be healed,then you must forget this man you got involved with.Let it go,....if hes meant for you then whatever you do he will be there irregardless.But right now you need to focus on yourself IF YOU REALLY want to change.
If you want healing in your heart the first thing you need to do right now is make a wudu and put on clean clothes and pray two rak'ats of salaatu Tawbah prayer with the intention of praying two raka'ats of tawbah prayer.and after your done glorify Allah and ask for blessings upon Holy Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and then pour out your heart to Allah and confess your sins and ask him forgiveness and to clean heal your heart.insha'Allah you will find healing and a new begining.
But you have to WANT to change,......Allah will guide you,.....if you want it.
one thing which always comes in my mind is (Question deleted by Editor. Please log in and submit your question as a separate post, thank you. Editor, IslamicAnswers.com)
Ruks hw r u know...
times the best healing fr such pains..hope ur well
I'm going to commit suicide
Rumla, there are many things I could say to you but I said them all already in my article on Suicide in Islam, so please read it. This is Ramadan. Pray to Allah for relief from whatever situation you are facing.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor