I’m getting married, so why am I dreaming about my ex?
Asalaam walaikum brothers and sisters
I hope you don't judge me but I keep dreaming about my ex who's hand I asked for but her family never agreed well her dad didn't her mother was over the moon that my family asked. She was forced to marry her relative because she couldn't speak up to her dad. Well she tried but he was not having any of it. Her dad is a very stubborn old school kinda man.
I was there on her wedding through all ceremony she kept making eye contact with me, I wished then may be I didn't do enough and thinking it should've been me next to her. Just imagine watching the love of your life being given away to another man, was heart braking. I still blame myself even though I felt like I was being dragged into a dead end relationship as she wouldn't do anything as she was too scared.
During when my family asked for her hand, I went to see my peer Saab, they adviced do dua and pray and leave it all to Allah SWT as I was having thoughts of running away with her but my peer Saab said not to plus my ex wouldn't ever agree to it.
It's been just over a year she has been married and now I'm getting married next year inshallah in the summer. We've not spoke for over 2 years. I'm having dreams me speaking to her, seeing her what does it all mean? And when I wake up it just brings all the pain back and I just want to contact her. I still love her and always will because she left a big hole in my heart and to be honest I'v still not been able to get over her. She was my first love. I really don't know what to do.
Sometimes I feel may be dropping her a message etc but how can I? Would it be right to? She's now a married woman. I don't know how their marriage is like as she doesn't live near me. But she is a member of my family.
But all this is unfair on the woman im marrying as I have been speaking to her and also have feelings for. But I don't know if I could ever love her the way I loved my ex. I feel like I'm lost and honestly do not know what to do or what steps to take.
Its driving me crazy honestly.
nafees7861
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hello brother I am not a big scholar or a big Man of wisdom honestly i am just 13 I may be helpful to you I just wanted to ask that is she happy with her new family
is she Happy with here husband
Does she has Kids
Your his ex you might be able to tell if she is happy or not if she is happy bro and living a good life then I would suggest to forget here and start a new life with someone new in your life But if the Cases are nagative then you might try a way to contact her and ask
As you told us about the dreams I cannot tell but this might also be a sing showing or telling something well it's up to you I gave you the choices it's your path to choose
looking forward to see your reply and other Bigger scholars then me
Asalaamu alaykum brother Allaah(S.W.T) sometimes gives us tests it's different for each individual sometimes it's thoughts that may lead to an action,habits etc but we all get tested remember everything was written for even before we were born and it'll go as planned by Allaah for us not by the way we want it to go for us.If you were to be together you would have been but she married someone else and could not stand up to her Dad well it could be God forbid that she's not happily married and there could be a chance for you to be together(married)but also that she's happy, content with her life and you might ruin everything by contacting her bringing back old feelings etc. Neither her husband,kids nor you and future wife deserve that.Stop torturing yourself try to control your thoughts it'll be hard @first but as time goes on it'll become eazier and take out the sting you feel when thinking of her or dreamt.Turn to Allaah he's. Always waiting to assist you make dua for this in each namaaz for sabr your heart to accept and move on and make dua for the lady too have a good life be happy etc even it not be with you wish the best for her.amazing what dua can do but try to sort your self emotionally out before getting married to your future wife I would hate the thought of being married to my husband and he's inlove with someone else from he's past no one wants to be in this situation focus on yourself your life leave the past behind who knows your future wife might just be the partner selected by Allaah for you and the love you don't feel for her is blocked by the love for your ex.All the best remember us in ur duas too.In shaa Allaah
Assalaamu Alaykum,
Brother Umar, I know you're young and mean well. But honestly in situations like these, trying to find out if someone you used to care about is unhappy in their current situation will only invite fitna. They are non mahrem, the past is the past, so it's not his business even if he still has feelings for her. It's better if he try to work on getting those erased.
Brother nafees, it doesn't seem to be a very wise idea to marry someone with such unresolved emotions for someone in your past. It's not fair to your future wife, even if you have a level of feelings for her. Ideally you would marry someone who you cared about so much that the thought of your ex wouldn't phase you at all.
I think you should postpone this marriage until you can resolve these feelings fully. You don't have to end the engagement, just take the time to work on yourself so you can give your future wife what she rightfully deserves. Or, it may be that you need to open your options up again to find someone you feel more strongly about. But don't go into this marriage in this state, or else you are risking hurting both yourself and your wife with this shadow constantly tormenting the both of you.
To answer the other part of your question, I don't think the dreams mean anything more than the fact that you still care about your ex and are hanging on to her inside. I wouldn't give them any more meaning than that, and if you try to do so you are only feeding the sickness.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thank you Amy so much sorry to reply late but I was a little busy sorry if I said anything wrong or bad it was just what came in my Brain and heart both so sorry I had said what I had to say Best Regards from me
Thats soo deep.... i just.... this made me shed a tear or two, not out of pity, but out of hope : i wish you all luck.... inshaa allah.
I totally agreed with Amy.. that is what I was about to say!
Dear Brother
Life is a test. Sometimes Allah tests us by sending a person in our Life and then taking her back. If you two lovers did not commit any sin then you have passed the test. Congratulations for that.
Now you have a different test. You both will be tempted to meet again and disturb each others families but you guys must not fall for that. You two must pray for each other and this will lessen the pain. Only Allah knows the reward in heaven if you two ex-lovers pass this second test too.
Now we come to your potential spouse. During sex, Male is the main actor . For a successful sex act, male's mind,brain and body must be unified. If you keep regretting the past then you may not be able to make a family with anyone(impotency).
Stop regretting the past and start making yourself capable of building a family.
Asalamu Walaikum to you all and a very big thank you to every one of you for your replies and not judging me.
What can I say I have just woken up and dreamt about her again. I really don't know why Allah SWT is putting me through all this. Today I dreamt of my ex getting married and her elder sisters saying they wished I was the one to marry their sister.
I have decided that im going to leave all this behind because the girl I will be marrying would run to the moon and back for my happiness. I love her a lot. It's just the fact that I have never endured heartache and when you give everything but still get denied it hurts.
It's been over 2 years now that I have not spoken to my ex who is now married I have no clue if she is happy or not as she lives in another town far from me. She has no kids. But I personally think I shouldn't contact her.
But I believe to move on is the best way forward, I honestly never think about her until I dream about her then it just reminds me of the heartache. But when I'm around and talking with my wife to be inshallah were like the best of friends and she would make such a perfect wife. I pray to Allah Swt to bless our future with blessings and Insha'allah brothers and sisters also do dua for us.
I'm a happy man and now enagaged. Iv made my self accept that these dreams will be with me and one day will get erased with the help of Allah SWT, if Allah SWT wanted me to marry my ex then he would've when the time was right 2 years ago. It was not meant to be. Life is a journey and sometimes a struggle but with the will of Allah SWT gives hope and gets better.
I questioned my self today if I had the chance, would i go back to my ex? That would be a no! The reason why one should never dwell on the past as Allah SWT has better things waiting for you. I love my wife to be, when she smiles I feel at peace, she tells me right from wrong, I can be sensible but childish at the same time. Iv just completed my degree and now will be graduating in November, Alhamdulillah life is getting better.
Please keep me in your dua's and I will also.
Your brother Nafees.
Hudafis
OMG ! Its a heart wrenching story..its like u are telling my story..i have gone through the same thing except i had not attented the wedding of the guy i am not as strong as you are..it's been 2 and a half year..but now those dreams scares me ..i don't want that guy back in my life...i don't want to go thorough those things again.. Time will cure ur all pains InshaAllah..
but my sister
as Allah says that if there is any option you should give priority to your first husband not a new one......
Brother Nafees,
It’s been 6 years since you last made a post. Just out of curiosity, how is your situation now?
dear nafees7861
iam also facing this issue lot of time... your and my story is almost same.
most of the time i see a dream of my ex-wife. in some dreams i found her in bad conditions even my mother has also seen like this..
in some dream i conveyance to come back in my life ....
in reality she got married and she keeping my child illegally.
some time in dream i conveyance to sleep with me for life time... or u can say conveyancing to come back.....
even my second my wife see her in black hijaab....
yesterday again i saw her ..... where she has my daughters and iam saying to allow me to meet them or contact them and i try to have se.. but she refused and she says that her husband only say to beat but not beat.......in yesterday dream i also conveyancing to come back iam ready for nikah with him....
one thing i like to tell that she is my first love and i never forget her....... i still love her and want to bring her back for the sake of my love , for the sake of children.... etc
can any one tell me what is this and what is mean to see her again again n again
Dear brothers and sisters,
I'm 17 years old, I went to my home country for a year because my parents wanted me to forget about my ex who I was with on and off for around 5 years, he's my cousin.I understand now that it was a teenage crush. But going to my home country has made me fall in love with my other cousin. I did not have any feelings towards him at first because I was too obsessed with my first love. But after a while, I realised that I started having feelings for him. We started a relationship, he is very religious as is his family. He's a hafiz, 18 years old. We were together for quite a few months, and now I'm completely in love with him. I tried testing his love by getting my ex to make him jealous, and that's when I realised he does love me. A few weeks before my departure, he completely stopped speaking to me out of the blue. I know it is wrong to say, but I think his mum has done something to him, because she always hated us speaking even as cousins. How can he be completely in love with me one day and the next he doesn't even want to speak to me. It became worse and worse until he would swear at me every time he saw me around the house. And now I'm back in the UK, and it's been a couple of months I thought I was over him I've been trying to distract myself but I've been having dreams about him constantly every day. And In all the dreams he hates me, and can't stand me. What does this mean?
See... U dreams are usually from your subconscious mind.. They sometimes have some meanings. In islam, dreams are classified and there are ways to know what does that mean. If u r seeing ur ex like in a casual manner.. Like the time you spend together before.. Then its because you are thinking of her or because of your subconscious mind. But if you see unusual dream (not speaking about shaitani dreams) like her with snakes or any other animals or birds or even plants or flowers then they surely have symbols because islam never left anything incomplete. Allah knows human nature and he had given us the ways to interprete those dreams. Try to figure in which category your dream lies and then take the next step. Don't just contact her.