She lost her virginity. Can I marry her?
So I´m a muslim man stuck with a muslim woman in a relationship outside marriage.
However, this is something I plan to put to an end by marrying the woman though I´m in a dilemma.
The woman in her past lost her virginity to another man and therefore isn´t of purity. Despite some sort of activities being undertaken between us we have never committed zina. This is something of the past.
However, is it still permissible to marry this woman islamically?
Imran
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Salaams Imran
Yes you should be able to marry this woman. Seriously haraam activities do have consequences and this is one of them ISZAAT/REPUATION for our sisters being played. At least she is honest with you and let the past be the past. If you really love her then marry her sincerely as vice versa back to you. I would not have a problem if a man was not a virgin therefore I let the past in the past and look to the future with the one I would inshallah choose as I believe everyone deserves a life to be happy. My strong advice to you as it seems you are really insecure about this issue is think long and hard before you marry this sister in concern, as I do not want this sister to suffer due to how you feel and quite rightly so but it is your choice.
Wishing you the best w/salaams
As salamu alaykum Imram,
Tawbah is the first step for both of you. Stop sinning and true repentance.
After tawbah your sins will be sealed between Allah(swt) and you, this way you can follow with the right procedure to marry her, insha´Allah.
And as Sister Samina said, think seriously about marrying her, you will begin your life from cero without looking back if you do it the straight way, are you ready for this? is she ready for this?
On the top of the page, there is a link for Tawbah and other one for Istikhara, you may need to ask for Allah´s (swt) guidance to make the right decision, better if both of you do it, insa´Allah.
Allah(swt) knows best.
All my Unconditional Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
If this girl has done thauba, and you witness taqwa then you can marry her. For few months disconnect from her to let her grow her taqwa and yor taqwa. Share keenness to marry with parents. Through mehrams, let news about your taqwa float. Onc you both have taqwa, and you do istekharah, and decide, insha Allah this shall be solid foundation for long standing marriage.
If you both don't have taqwa then you may start suspecting her after marriage. If taqwa is criteria to select someone to marry then it shall be the best deal.
Wa salam
Javed
Imran, what do you mean you are "stuck"? You are not stuck with anything or anyone. Frankly, that's rather an insulting way (to the woman) to describe your relationship. If that's how you feel, then end the relationship and move on. You are not doing her any justice by marrying her if you do not want to be with her.
One of my themes on this website is personal responsibility. Take responsibility for your own life. You are not stuck with anything.
If I misinterpreted what you said, I'm sorry. If you have feelings for this woman and you truly want to marry her, then you need to forget about her past. Assuming she has made her tawbah to Allah, then her past is behind her and both of you should let it go. If you can do this honestly and sincerely, then sure, go ahead and marry her. But if you can't let go of it, and it's going to be an issue for you, then do not marry her. It would not be fair to her to subject her to continued jealousy and resentment for something that happened in the past and cannot be changed.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalaamu'alaikum Wa Rahmatoullaahi Wa Barakaatuh
Bro...first of all like our Brother said above...make Tawbah...both of u.
Always be gratefull to Allah Ta'ala...make salaatul Istekhaarah...ask advice from ur parents, scholars mature men who is practising their Deen.
Bro never ever tell ur parents this...really everyone's Imaan is not the same...im sure no parents will ever accept some1 who is not pure but certain cases does...this should remain between u n Allah Ta'ala.
But please Bro be sincere to the Woman coz in life ull face difficulties and if by ur weaknesses u get Angry n u cant control....u may tell her things that will hurt her deeply (hope u understand wat i meant).
I dont wana both of u to feel pain...Alhamdulillah its a big step but Allah Azza Wajal will reward u for that 🙂
By the way, always encourage good n forbid bad...first of all u first...then ur family n ur muslims bron sis...oki
I knw u already knw zat...just reminding....hehe....Take Care bro...Allah Ta'ala is with u...
Ma'asalaam
Assalamu alaykum,
One can make mistakes in ignorance and we ought to forgive.
Are we without sins? Have we not sinned? Don't we want Allah to forgive us and be gracious to us? Then shouldn't we be forgiving and gracious towards others?
An example of this is in the Qur'an, Surah Shuraa:
18. (Pharaoh) said (unto Moses): Did we not rear thee among us as a child? And thou didst dwell many years of thy life among us,
19. And thou didst that thy deed which thou didst, and thou wast one of the ingrates,
20. He said: I did it then, when I was of those who are astray.
21. Then I fled from you when I feared you, and my Lord vouchsafed me a command and appointed me (of the number) of those sent (by Him).
So before Allah guided Musa (peace be upon him), he was astray.
Similarly, if someone has acknowledged their fault, being good Muslims, it should be forgiven and an Islamic life should be begun and further efforts to please Allah should be made to make maximum use of this life and make provision for a better aakhirah.
Read the Qur'an a lot and ponder upon every ayat you read and then ponder upon those ayats when you see things mentioned in is happening in the skies and the earth.
We also pray for Allah to make your way easy and bless you with a good life of dunya and aakhirah.
All this emphasis on female "purity", but men get so much freedom. There is always an excuse for males doing wrong. At least, you can always blame it on the woman! There is no rule saying a man must marry a virgin! But if you're going to treat this woman badly, feeling like you were cheated of something, for God's sake please don't marry her. You don't sound like you love her.
dear to all sisters and brothers,
i have a best friend who i was raised all my life with. shes 22 now and had white boy friend & they actually had sex she didn't realize she was making a big sin but later on she came to reallaztion that she committed a big sin and if she asks for forgiveness... well allah forgive her? i feel very bad for her because she is punishing herself by staying single all her life. and shes just going crazzy cant share her feelings with anyone else but me and shes so lost. i tell her that all is very grateful and he will forgive u but she doesn't listen. so any good advice you guys have for her? please tell me that allah(swt) will forgive her??
Dear Megan,
Tell your friend that Allah will forgive her is she truly repents and she shouldnt waste her life in despair. This is not what Islam teaches. Please pass this on to your friend: http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/tawbah-in-islam/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/tawbah-in-islam/poem-turning-back-to-allah/
If you have any further questions, please log in and submit as a separate post.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
so what does she have to do now?
What do you mean Megan? : )
Megan sis,
Please tell your friend to repent and become better Muslimah. She should focus on other things in life and maybe in couple of years down the line she should consider marriage. She must not disclose her sin to anyone, not even the potential spouse and you as a Muslim friend must NOT reveal her sin to anyone as this is considered major sin. Your friend must keep this part of her life to herself and Allah (swt) only. Be there for her and take care of her. Do halal activities together- I.e. your friend shouldn't spend too much time by herself as she will dwel into her past and may become depressed. Tell her to pray five times a day and give zakat as it is farz upon all believers- regardless of sinned or not sinned.
May Allah swt guide us all to His path- ameen.
,,,,
Parveen sis
Dear imran, assalamu alaikum..
this is not fact, because u have known about the girl who has lost virginity so u can say it.... but if u dont know aobut the girl then what to do?? if the girl take taubh then it will better for u....
you merried a virgin girl but she can continue physical relation with another man when what will you do? when you will have been quarreling with each other...
hazrat Ali {ra:} said, a girl who will merried by you.....so you should create a grave in your mind so that u can engrave the fault in the past....
Assalaamu’alaikum Wa Rahmatoullaahi Wa Barakaatuh
Same story bhai log but before i proposed her i knew everything about her but not about her virginity i asked her u have done anything wrong in ur past she never told me about that now 3 years have passed to r relationship never try to zine she loves me more then i thought she told me about her past just before few day's of r marriage i was shocked and then i shared this with my maulane he told every girl face same problem but girls never tell before u will marry her after marriage the will tell everything about there past. Ur lucky she told u everything about her never live her alone thanks to him
next month im marrying her pray for as brother and sister and thanks for ur advice jazak Allah hu khaire Allah hafiz