Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am made to feel so ugly due to my deformed nose

Move ahead with what Allah has Destined for you

Move ahead with what Allah has Destined for you

Dear readers,

I realise my post may not be as important as other posts, and I feel like a fraud for submitting it, but I wanted some advice. I am a 27 year old highly educated girl with a good background. Unfortunately, as a child I had an accident which resulted in my nose being broken, flattened and deviated.

As I was growing up, it was always pointed out to me that I am pretty but my nose was really big, but it never bothered me. As I continued to go through life, people recurrently commented on my nose. I even remember my own mum commenting on my nose, not in a malicious way  but in a sorrowful kind of way. I guess as a child this never bothered me, but subconsciously it led me to develop low self esteem and lack of confidence.

I am now looking to find a spouse, but the efforts have been fruitless so far and I feel its because I am ugly because of my nose. I have started to feel very down to the point where I dont see the point in living, and feel immense anger towards my parents, especially my mum for being so irresponsible with me during my childhood, which resulted in me having a broken nose.

I know she loves me greatly, but I resent her for ruining my face. I cant bear to look at myself in the mirror, I hate my photos, and have developed a  kind of  social phobia and lack the confidence to speak to a potential spouse because I feel ugly, even though I dont think I look as bad as I feel.

I feel terrible because I am constantly arguing with my mum which hurts her, and makes her cry, but I feel so frustrated with myself and with her for letting me grow up with this nose, something that could have been fixed as a child. I feel disgusted with my behaviour but I cant seem to forgive her, I blame her for my low self esteem and low mood. I am now contemplating plastic surgery, but am not brave enough to go ahead with it and think whether I am overreacting or sinning by doing so.

My question is how do  I remove these feelings of anger towards my mum, how do I accept that my nose is deformed and feel happy with the way I look, how do I decide whether to go ahead with plastic surgery or leave it as it is and accept whatever Allah swt brings my way.

How do I make my mum realise that I do love her, but I vent all my frustrations on her because I hate the way I look and dont know who else to turn to, how do I stop feeling anxious about ending up alone. I know this is such a trivial issue compared to all the other posts I have read, but I feel depressed over it, and hate myself and cant seem to snap out of these feelings.

~ random

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13 Responses »

  1. ...

    [Comment removed by editor, due to un-Islamic content.]

    • Your piece of advice, dear Stacy, is strictly against Allah's commands and, as you may not be aware of that and the fact that this website's name is Islamic Advice, it's alright. But please, do not encourage people to do things against their religion, especially not against Islam and on an Islamic website.

  2. dear sister,

    please do not feel that what has happened is your mother fault. no mother in this whole world not think about her children's need specially daughters. give her company spend lots of time with your mother. one day when she will be no more then you will feel the loneliness trust me you will wish that you had some more time with parents. they are getting old take care of them like they did when you wear small.

    as per I know there are operations that are done to remove faults, such as those that result from sickness, traffic accidents, burns, etc. or to remove congenital defects with which a person was born, such as to remove an extra digit or separate fused digits, etc this kind of operation is permissible. there is evidence in the Sunnah to indicate that they are permissible and that the one who does them does not intend to change the creation of Allaah.

    it was narrated from ‘Arfajah ibn As’ad that he lost his nose in the battle of al-Kulaab during the Jaahiliyyah, so he wore a nose made of silver but it became putrid, so the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told him to wear a nose made of gold. Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1770; Abu Dawood, 4232; al-Nasaa’i, 5161. This hadeeth was classed as hasan by Shaykh al-Albaani in Irwa’ al-Ghaleel, 824.

    it was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) cursing those women who pluck their eyebrows and file their teeth for the purpose of beautification and change the creation of Allaah. Narrated by al-Bukhaari and Muslim.

    so if there is some defect in the nose and the purpose of the cosmetic surgery is to remove that defect, then there is nothing wrong with that, but if the purpose is simply to make it more beautiful then it is not permissible to do this surgery.

    last I would like to say that, sister pray to Allah make lots of dua and do shukur Alhamdulillah that Allah gave you, home, education, mouth to eat and talk , ear to listen, nose to smell and beauty to look good. look around you sister there are lots of sisters with some default and some of them are helpless to do this kind of thing.

    may Allah bless you...

  3. Dear sister, As-salamu alaykum,

    I agree with those above who have said that you should not blame your mother. These things happen in life. This was a part of your Qadar, and you should see it as a test from Allah - a test of your character and patience.

    I suggest that you have cosmetic surgery done to correct the shape of your nose. The scholars have ruled that plastic surgery is allowed when it is done to correct a deformity resulting from a birth defect, accident, burn, etc. You are not seeking to alter Allah's creation, but simply to restore your own natural appearance. Show the surgeon photos of yourself as a child (pre-accident) and ask him to restore your nose as it would naturally appear at your age.

    For more details on this fatwa, see Ruling on Performing Plastic Surgery from

    Make sure that the surgeon you choose has a good reputation and qualifications.

    Wael Editor

  4. i had creat my new post. but its not publishing and still its status is pending. so im posting my issue here. plz plz reply me. what to do .

    • miss friend, I deleted the bulk of your comment. Please be patient and wait for your post to be published in turn.

      Wael Editor

      • but why u r not publishing it ? almost 1 month ago i created that post but still in pending :/

        • Assalaamualaikam

          Due to the number of posts submitted, there can be a bit of a wait before publication. At the moment, the wait is about 5-6 weeks. I know this can be frustrating, but please try to be patient - the editing team all do this on a voluntary basis alongside full-time jobs, family commitments, etc. - inshaAllah your post should be published soon.


  5. well i cannot beleive it...i have almost same story...when i was 7, jumped off from a higher place while playing and broke my nose while my mom was away. during all those childhood years i didnt feel that it was a big problem but now as i am 19, i have kind of social anxiety due to it.....i was about to post this kind of question on the internet and i have found this....can u please share with me that how you u dealt with this...because it is getting worst for me...

  6. There are a simple exercises all over the Internet for shaping your nose into a better nose naturally by exercise and massage which can give amazing results in just weeks or a month or two, so please do not try plastic surgery, as it is haram. If you do so you will not be able to even get a wiff of Paradise, as they say. I don't wanna judge, but it seems like you are slightly distanced from Allah right now. Please work on attending to God five times a day and even more than that and pray to him for whatever you need because it is highly probable that you not praying is the only reason why you are feeling down in life, or maybe even if you are praying it may be the wrong way to pray or maybe you're not putting your whole heart into it, please only ask God for what you want or need because you will find a spouse and a nice life and children and everything just as long as you thank God for the fact that you are alive, you have a home, you are still beautiful, you can breath easy, you can live life easily, you're not disabled, and for millions of other blessings. Go straight to God for your problems, he's the only one who can help you. I wish you all the best.

  7. I just want to ask that your nose started to become bigger with time or just after the accident because my nose was crooked while playing when I was a child just like you.. if you don't mind

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