Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Marriage argument, now he’s ignoring me

Not listening


Aselam alaikum werahmetulahi weberekatuh,

I am a 29 year old muslim girl who got engaged 40 days ago. My fiance lives in the US and he wasn't present for the nikkah day. After two weeks of my engagement, I asked my fiance about the process for a US visa out of enthusiasm to live with him very soon when he called me, but his reply was like in a disrespectful way and in a very high voice, "why are you asking me this now? We just got engaged, and this is none of your business. I'll handle it in my own way".  I tried to tell him that I asked him this out of wanting to live with him soon, which is a good thing for both of us, and that it's not good to be in distance for a long period. But he kept on being angry with me.

After our conversation I sent him a message that he doesn't have a right to shout at me and disrespect me like that just because I asked him that.  It's been now two weeks since that incident, and he hasn't called or texted me ever since. Please,  I beg you to give me advice on this matter.

Jezakumulah kheyren!!!


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12 Responses »

  1. You should have asked your husband what kind of Visa your husband has before you got married. What does your husband do in USA? He may not be in a position to bring you to US soon.

  2. Salaams,

    I agree that the visa issues should've been ironed out before getting engaged. And it certainly is your business if and when you will be living with him.

    However, it is a concern that he hasn't been in contact with you at all. It sounds to me like he's trying to end the relationship in a passive/aggressive way. Ask him to clarify his intentions and end the relationship clearly if that's what he wants. If you don't hear from him even after that, then get the engagement/nikkah nullified on your end by following whatever requirements are necessary for that.

    -Amy Editor

  3. Sounds like he was forced into this engagement/nikkah and hasn't accepted you whole heartedly!

    Advice: Ask him straight out whether that was the case or not

    • You got to be kidding. She is 29 and the guy may be 35-45. How can one force an older guy into engagement / nikah? He is not a teenager.

      • SVS, you'd be surprised. Many men that age are still controlled by their parents, especially men from the subcontinent.

        Wael Editor

      • Behaving like a teenager has nothing to do with age, necessarily.

        Unfortunately, there are many men who won't marry a girl who they like, but will marry a girl their mother likes.

        To the OP,

        Sister, I don't understand how your Nikkah is valid if your fiancé/husband was not there? I don't know if I am reading that wrong, but those are red flags NOT to be ignored.

        It is better to stay in the country where you are then to move afar to be with a man who sounds like he doesn't want to be with you.

        I pray that Allah grants you what is best for you, Ameen.

  4. OP: I am a 29 year old muslim girl who got engaged 40 days ago. My fiance lives in the US and he wasn't present for the nikkah day.

    Looks like your husband may not have proper Visa as he was not even present when the Nikkah happened. Be patient and find out why he reacted that way. If he is waiting for his green card, you may get it the same time he does. If he has a green card it may take long time to get you to US.

  5. Dear sister, I'm sorry to tell you that this man does not want to marry you. Either he was pressured into it and he resents it, or he has cold feet. How much do you know about him? He may have a girlfriend, or may be married already, or might simply not be interested in marrying right now. It sounds like he wants to end the relationship and is hoping you will simply go away.

    You haven't mentioned how you know this man, or how this engagement came to be. In any case, my suggestion to you is to end the engagement. Do you really want to commit your life to a man who is rude, angry and uncommunicative? That doesn't sound like happiness.

    Wael Editor

    • Asalamualilum sister...
      My simple and sincere advide to u is not to marry this guy.. He is like his now , how he wud be after marraige..
      People may think that i am giving u a bad advice but believe me i am saying all this coz i have myself suffered and still suffering.I got engaged to my husband after some time his family started showing signs which were neither accetable nor acc to islam.. It was all just cultural.But as it is thinking about the society and all that i just went for the marraige , result being my 3 years of trauma, insult, deprivation and the list is endless.. Now i always think that i wish i had called off this marraige i cant coz i have a year old baby girl. Have to think of her.. So my dear sister just trust allah maybe he is giving u signs not to go for it and allah has the best of plans for us.. Just do an istikhara prayer and rely on allah...

  6. Sister dont be sad! Maybe he just had a rough day.. And In Sha Allah things will work out for the best.. There are things we want at a certain time but things always happen in accordance to Alllahs plans and We plan and Allah plans and Allah most definetely is the best of planners. Just make dua nd trust your Creator! : )

  7. Also sister, he on this site people will give you the answer in accordance to their understanding and based on their "own" experiences ...but sister always talk to Allah Aza Wa Ja first before anyone else... B/c Allah Aza Wa Jal loves us more than 70 times more than our mom.

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