Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How do I meet men at my age?

Who will marry me?

Salam All,

I need help from all of you. I am a 48 year old woman. I am looking for a muslim Pakistani/Indian/Bangladeshi man to remarry. I have no family here. I am divorced, my children are grown up, and I feel very lonely.  I do not have many friends. I want someone mentally compatible and kind. I have gone to mosques and other groups, but there the men and women are separate.

How can you meet men? I tried dating sites, but they are rubbish and time wasting. Mostly men are not interested in commitment. I work too, but when I am alone I feel depressed, even when I pray and have some activities.

Due to being divorced, no family invites because this is a norm for a Pakistani family. Where can I meet more Muslim people, especially Pakistani? Please give me directions, days are passing and it is killing me. Keep me in your prayers, too.


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7 Responses »

  1. Its ok to feel lonely

    Your right about the dating sites.

    Also you got children you shouldn't feel lonely. I understand and know the feeling you going through but me being single I wouldn't change it at all but at times like you wish I was married. Sometimes I think its a sign from Allah showing us we need to have sabr and keep asking and leave the rest in the hands of Allah inshAllah for the best and better.

  2. I'm not sure where you live. Overall, it is pretty difficult to meet and marry for a muslim woman your age. Loneliness is not an illness; you can get used to it and you can do things to make it less intense. Cultivating other interests and engaging in other hobbies and activities will help. Do some volunteer work on the weekends.

    Also, I think you should stop focusing on a certain ethnic group. Pakistani's have unusual cultural behaviours - a lot of unmarried muslim women become very alienated, and it looks like you are, as well. It is also ok to have non-muslim friends if they are good people and respect your beliefs. You really can't afford to be that selective at this stage of your life.

    Try to look at the bright side of things. You have children, and some day grandchildren -- then your life will not be lonely at all! Many muslim women including myself never got the chance to marry and have children, so you one step ahead of us because you will always have a family.

  3. Precious star , you are advising her to take interest in some other activities than getting married ? I feel there should not be any restriction for marriage at any age .Unwanted cultural practises are bad and not in line with Islam.She is right to look for husband at this age .

    • There is no restriction in islam for getting married.

      But the reality is age is an impediment in Islamic cultures. Where exactly is she going to find a husband without a family member helping her and introducing her to suitable men? Very few Muslim women get marred after age 35, especially in the west. If she was 50 would you be telling her to have a baby? No, because most women can't have babies at age 50. Same logic applies to getting married at that age.

      I'm just giving her the same advice Muslims give me. Turn your attention to other interests since the chances are now slim. She deserves to be happy -- we all do. But we don't get everything we want in life. We can be sad about it or move forward. We can continue to make dua, there is nothing wrong with that, but there are no activities recognized in Islam that generate marriage proposals. The involvement of family is critical, and she does not have that.

      Cultural practices are very bad but they exist -- we can't change them. Islam in the west is tied to immigration and cultural practices -- unfortunately. And if she is not living in the west then she has no choice but to conform to the cultural practices of her environment. I am not agreeing with any of this, I'm simply bring realistic. We have to work within the circumstances that we have. If the pool of available men is very small, and she does not have an advocate to help her access that pool, then for her own sanity and well being she must find a replacement for her wishes and desires.

  4. As-salamu Alaykum,

    Whether you are 28 or 48, the best way to meet people is simply to be socially active in places that are important to you. Going to the mosque, for example, is good because you are more likely to meet people who are religiously committed. I do not mean, though, that you will meet men in the mosque or that this should be your goal. To the contrary! But the more you interact with and get to know the women at the mosque, the more likely it is that people will come to know of your situation and possibly recommend a match. You can also be active in organizations or causes that require your skills or expertise, or you can do other things like take classes, practice a hobby you enjoy, etc. This way you are living your life normally and filling it with beneficial things, and at the same time you are opening yourself up to the possibility of meeting new people. And I want to emphasize here again that "new people" should mean "women" in most cases. I also do not think it is unrealistic to remarry at age 48 or even older. I have lived in an Arab country for a long time and have seen many older/divorced women getting married, so it does happen. It is a matter of destiny, however, and I think one should maintain a balance between acceptance of one's fate (whatever it may be) while also being proactive in order to achieve one's goals. Ask Allah SWT for guidance, and I am sure you will not go wrong.

  5. One way is, to look for matrimonials in newspapers. Look for a widower. Dating sites are no good, people are desperate and looking for sex only.

    • SVS, a marriage search is not the same thing as searching for a used dishwasher or used car in a newspaper. Single muslims should not be the subject of an advertisement.
      The reason why families help with marriages is that it offers protection to the girls involved. I'm not saying it always works out that way, but the rationale behind it is we don't have to do our own investigations to find out if someone is a predator, deviant, has bad habits, etc.

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