My parents disowned me for accepting Islam and I am lonely as I cannot yet marry
Muslim women in Rome, Italy
Assalam alaikum to all.
I am an Italian girl of 21 years old and exactly one year ago I returned to Islam.
I am currently living in Rome and I am engaged to a Iraqi guy and we love each other so so much. But we are living far and we are just waiting each other to marry inshAllah once I will finish my degree because I still have two years for studying and completing my master degree. We usually meet just once a year when I travel to Syria and then for the rest on the year we return to our countries for studying.
My family is Catholic and they didn't approve both my conversion to Islam both my decision to stay with this guy and they separated myself from them telling me that "they dont consider me anymore their daughter". So I found myself living alone completely for all this year without having no-one near me to help me or support me and also being far from the man I love.
I am typing you because i need some suggestions from you that surely have more experience and more knolowdge on Islam than i do! I am feeling really lonely and each day passes i feel all so heavy on me! I feel discouraged because i think of the future and i think that still there are two years to wait before i can leave Italy and go to my fiance and inshallah to marry him... what i specially feel bad for is that we not married yet and I feel so scared to lose him in this life and also in the other one cause im scared to remain alone cause i really have no more a family i can rely on.
I would like to know if there is some du'a that makes the heart feel in peace .. I prayed a lot Allah swt to give me strength and to protect both me and my fiance during the time we are far but my heart keeps on being really upset and i would like to hear from someone that is outside me and him just to feel a bit better.
thanks a lot
maryam
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Dear Maryam, As-salamu alaykum,
Congratulations on accepting Islam and I admire you because I know it must be very difficult to do so while your family is excommunicating you and you feel so alone. May Allah reward you and make it easy for you.
You need to develop some female Muslim friends in the local Muslim community. That way you won't feel so lonely. Other converts especially might be able to relate to you and help you through this difficult time, since they have done it also. I think this is very important for your religious development, and so that you can have a support network.
I have some reservations about your marriage to this man. Have you met his family? Do you know anything about him aside from what he has told you? Do you plan to live in Iraq after marriage? Life in Iraq is very, very difficult these days, and your university degree would not do you much good there. And how will he provide for you?
Also, though your fiance may be very loving and kind, Arab man are often (not always) more possessive and controlling than what European women are used to.
I'm just worried that this is all based on a feeling, and has not been thought out or explored properly.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalam Alaikum Wael and all the editors of this amazing website. This is Maryam again 🙂
I actually bumped into my own post few nights ago and I was amazed to read all your comforting words and encouragements. Thanks to everyone my brothers and sisters.
After so many years I would like to let you know that me and the Iraqi boy have spent time in getting to know each other and finally after 5 years we decided to get married, alamdhullilah. Everything is good mashallah expect for my native family, which unfortunately continues to have hard feelings on us.
I pray everyday that Allah my soften the hearts of my parents and my little brother, and show them the rightful path. For now nothing is happening and it is very hard on me to discuss with them and have open talking since after all these years they have kept being hard on me.
But Alamahdullalh I am strong in my belief and I know I am on the right path.
I just wanted to thank all of you for the duas and support provided
Assalam Alaikum,
Mayram
Five years is a long, long time to get to know someone before getting married. But Alhamdulillah that you have decided to marry. I'm glad to hear that your faith is firm. May Allah guide your family.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Maryam: me and the Iraqi boy have spent time in getting to know each other and finally after 5 years we decided to get married, alamdhullilah. Everything is good mashallah expect for my native family, which unfortunately continues to have hard feelings on us.
Is he going to move to country you are citizens of? Have you met his family? Has he put any conditions on marriage?
Dear Maryam, Asalaamualaikum,
I agree with Wael. I am sure you must be feeling very lonely with no family contact, just be careful that feeling lonely is not clouding your judgement here. It is always important to have some reliable people, be they your family or good friends to help you in matters of choosing a spouse as they will be objective where as you are already emotionally involved. Moreso when you are considering someone who lives so far from you.
Wael gave some useful advice Maryam, try to find some good Muslim sisters to befriend to take some of your loneliness away and inshaAllah they may also be able to assist you in securing a spouse aswell.
May Allah soften your family's hearts towards you and make your journey to Islam easier,
Best Wishes,
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com, Editor
Assalamu alaikum Maryam,
This must be a very difficult time in your life. I am a revert also so I know that it can be very trying at times. You are not alone when you say that your family has disowned you. Many people new to Islam have experienced the same thing. Even new Muslims who's families have not abandoned them can feel alone.
Coming to Islam is the best thing that has happened to me, but in the beginning it was a little difficult. First off, your family doesn't understand the changes that you are experiencing. It's no longer easy to associate with the friends you had before your conversion. Most of them are engaging in things that you were trying to remove yourself from. The way you dress, how and what you eat and drink has changed. You are a different person to your friends and family. So from that standpoint it may take some time for them and yourself to understand the changes you are going through. Be patient and trust in Allah.
In the mean time I would do as brother Wael suggested. You need to find some sister or sister's who you can talk to. These will people who can help you through the difficult times when you are feeling lonely. Go to your local masjid and learn about your deen. Study as much as you can. Since you are considering marriage at some point you should know your rights as a wife and the rights of the husband.
Here is another thing you need to try and that is reconcile with your family. At least make the effort. Let them see the positive changes in you. It may take a while but don't give up. Remember, family ties are extremely important in Islam even if your family are not Muslim. I am the only Muslim in my family but I still spend time with them and give dawah whenever possible.
I too have some reservations about your marriage. Do you know if he has told his family about you? If so how do they feel about you marrying him. What do you know about him other than what he has told you? Understand, some men are very persuasive and will charm you like nothing you have ever seen before. He will make you believe that you are the only one. Before you go through with this you really need to know as much about him as possible. Find out how much he knows about Islam. You would be surprised to find out that many people who grow up in Muslim countries don't know much at all about the religion. What many of them follow is their culture and not religion. That is why it's so important for you to learn so that you can never be fooled. Where will you live after marriage? Iraq????
I think that you should take your time. Learn as much about Islam as you can. Make istikharah and ask Allah for guidance.
Your Brother in Islam
Abdul Wali
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear Maryam , i found you some supplications that are for the times of distress i hoope they would make you feel better . Just remember that returning to islam is the right thing to do . I am sure that although you are feeling bad about your parents you still feel comfortable and peaceful inside and I pray that allah would lead your parents to thr right path . As for you marrying the iraqi guy if you are a bit confused or you feel lost about marrying him there is this istikhara prayer and supplication that you do so god would make things go easier if its Good to marry him Or he would make it go away if its Not Good , Allah would make you feel comfortable for marrying him after it and thats how you know you should go for it and its ok to repeat more than once untill you really feel positive that you want to marry him for prophet mohammad advised Muslims to do it in every major step .
Supplications :
-"O Allah, upon me has come down, My Lord, something whose weight burdens me and upon me has fallen something whose carrying oppresses me. Through Your power You have brought it down upon me and through Your authority You have turned it toward me. None can send away what You have brought, none can deflect what You have turned, none can open what You have closed, none can close what You have opened, none can make easy what You have made difficult, none can help him whom You have abandoned. So bless Mohammad (Peace be upon him) and his household, open for me, my Lord, the door of relief through Your graciousness, break from me the authority of worry by Your strength, confer the beauty of Your gaze upon my complaint, let me taste the sweetness of benefaction in what I ask, give me from Yourself mercy and wholesome relief, and appoint for me from Yourself a quick way out. Verily I turn to You and there is none but You to answer my prayer "
-"My Lord, of Your glances, give me one glance, and thereby remove from me that by which You have afflicted me and return me to the best of Your mercies. Respond to my supplication for my power has become frail, my stratagems few, my situation severe so nothing remains for me but hope in You.
-"O Allah, surely Your power to remove my burden is like Your power with which You have afflicted me! And surely the remembrance of Your acts of kindliness comforts me and hope in Your showing favor and Your bounty strengthens me, for I have not been without Your favor ever since You created me. So respond to me, remove my concern, relieve my gloom, return my state to the best it has been, and repay me not according to what I deserve, but according to Your mercy which embraces all things. O Possessor of Majesty and Munificence! Bless Mohammad (Peace be upon him) and his family, hear and respond to the call of a distressed servant of Yours, O Almighty!"
and remember that Reciting and listening to Qur'aan and doing charity work always open your heart and lightens the burdens on the Muslim .
As For Istikhara Prayer :
WAY TO PERFORM ISTIKHARA:
First pray Two Cycles (raka') of ritual Prayer (nafil) such that in the first raka' after Surah Fatiha (Allhamd…) recite Surah al-Kafirun (Chapter 109) and in the second raka' after Fatiha (Allhamd…) recite Surah al-Ikhlas (Chapter 112). After finishing prayer recite this (supplication/dua')
TRANSLATION: "O Allah! I seek goodness from Your Knowledge and with Your Power (and Might) I seek strength, and I ask from You Your Great Blessings, because You have the Power and I do not have the power. You Know everything and I do not know, and You have knowledge of the unseen. Oh Allah! If in Your Knowledge this action ------------------------------------------------ (which I intend to do) is better for my religion and faith, for my life and end [death], for here [in this world] and the hereafter then make it destined for me and make it easy for me and then add blessings [baraka'] in it, for me. O Allah! In Your Knowledge if this action is bad for me, bad for my religion and faith, for my life and end [death], for here [in this world] and the hereafter then turn it away from me and turn me away from it and whatever is better for me, ordain [destine] that for me and then make me satisfied with it."
How many times?
It depends. Sometimes it takes only once to get the answer and sometimes it takes longer. It is better to do istakhara seven (7) times. If you have received an answer as explained in the section below, stop doing istikhara. You do not have to continue to do isitkhara for 7 days. It is better that right after reciting the supplication, given above, sleep with ablution (people who cannot keep the ablution for longer times due to health problems do not have to worry about ablution before falling asleep) facing the direction of the Qibla (facing the Qibla is not required but it is a Sunnat of our beloved Prophet Peace Be Upon Him). It is better to recite salutations (durood/ salawat) on the Prophet Allah's Grace and Peace be upon him before and after the above Dua (supplication).
Prayers for you and your parents to soften their hearts and Lighten their vision to Islam .
Assalaam Alaikum Maryam,Alhamdulillah.You embraced the best deen.I too reverted to Islam 7 yrs. ago.It was difficult journey to reach a safe place where i can follow Islam but Alhamdulillah i am a practising muslim now.My parents stopped talking nicely to me when they got to knw that i married a muslim boy and when i was blessed with a baby they disowned me.No phone calls.Miss them badly tried calling but they r not comfortable talking so just for their comfort i message them.But the intiative is left for me to sms them all the time.May Allah give them hidayah.Things wud be good for u too InshaAllah.Just be steadfast in following Islam.May Allah gie you good friends and family memebers
Regards
Fatima
WSWRWB Sister Maryam
You can visit this website.This has most of the duas.InshaAllah it wud be helpful.If you want we can be friends.I too am looking for islamic friends.
http://www.islamawareness.net/Dua/Fortress/ .
Regards
Fatima
Maryam,
Congratulations for accept the deen of peace. I happen to be proud of being moslem women - everyday, I feel so blessed that I remember our Al Kareem, in spite of all life obsticle dancing around in my life. We all know our Lord will never leave us and as long as we sincere about ourselve, nothing can let us down. Insya Allah.
Like Fatima above states, there so many Dua you can search on that website, but the most powerful dua is to read as many Al-Ikhlas and Ayatul Kursyi - when I am overwhelming those the two powerful surah I read.
May the Lord continue to shower you with His Baraqah, Hikmah and Prosperity. Amin YRA.
Salaam wualakum sister, i am 16 leaving in uk and born into a agnostic famiy and i have found a boy my age who has been raised in a muslim family we both went through trouble in life and we started becoming friends. our love for eachother grew and i fell in love with him but he has always been in love with me. he has helped me so much and has helped shown me that i am a muslim. He helped me take my shahada with the help of a brother and 2 sisters for witnises. being a muslim you are tested the most as we need to show our faith in Allah which makes muslims so strong. There have been many obsticles in our way but we try to over come them. i recently had a naqaar[engagement] done with that boy a and i hav never felt so happy. his family have been so welcoming mashallah whereas mine have been opposite. They have become so abusive and they tell me i cant be with him so i ranaway and stayed with him and his mum and stepdad i could finally be me. i could pray i could be a muslim. But then 3 days later my family took me back home yesterday,and said i couldnt be with him and if i do they will disown me. i know they mean it i have never seen them so serious. All i can do now is go college and when im 18 move out and live with him but i fear my famiky will disown me. insh they will see i am a better person as a muslim. so sister u r not alone there r many reverts going through the same insh they will see u r still the same person but better. If there are any sisters and brothers out there that can help guide me for the sake of Allah then jzk. Salaam wulakum