Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Questions about Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

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Assalamu 'alaikum, everyone. I have some questions regarding marital intimacy. I've been browsing the internet about these issues, but can't find any satisfactory answers. Thus, I request you all to answer my questions. They are as follows:

1. For the last few days, I've been reading a book written by Yasir Qadhi entitled "Like a Garment." In that book, he encourages married couples to use intimacy as a means to bond with each other. Now scientifically speaking, engaging in sexual intimacy always results in a pregnancy. After having a few children, a couple may not want to have any more children in future. So, how can the husband and wife have sex in order to just enjoy the act rather than making babies? I know pregnancy can be prevented by using external means, such as using a condom. But are there any "natural ways" to prevent pregnancy? This is the most important question which I'm looking an answer for.

2. I've read that a woman loses her fertility earlier than a man. Is this true? At which age does she lose her fertility?

3. Does losing fertility affect a woman's capacity to achieve orgasm?

Please answer the questions above. Thank you.


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8 Responses »

  1. Assalaamu Alaykum,

    I have not read the book you're referring to, but I've heard of it. Usually when an author speaks of being intimate with one's spouse, it means more than the act of intercourse. All types of touching, kissing, enjoying one anothers' bodies- these are all forms of intimacy that do not necessarily have to result in intercourse or pregnancy. Consider the fact that women do have monthly cycles. They cannot have intercourse while menstruating, but they can still have intimate and loving touches etc with their spouse. Or men who have impotence issues, or others with certain medical conditions preventing their ability to have intercourse. They can still find ways to be intimate and so bond with their spouses without it. So consider that when you are exploring how to make your relationship intimate without worrying about pregnancy.

    Let me now specifically answer your questions.

    1. Yes, there are natural ways to prevent pregnancy. The most comprehensive book I know on that subject is called Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. This book will explain in detail how to time your lovemacing to not only avoid pregnancy naturally, but also to achieve it if someone is struggling with infertility.

    2. Women do lose their fertility before men, because theoretically men never become incapable of producing children biologically (barring a health condition or the man undergoes a vasectomy). Men's ability to produce sperm declines after middle age, but they are still able to father a child.

    Women, however, start to experience a decline in their fertility after the age of 35. Women become unable to bear children at all after they complete menopause, which usually starts in the early 50's, but can sometimes start earlier or later. Those hormonal adjustments take a few years to settle out, and once they are complete a woman will no longer be able to bear children.

    3. A woman's fertility has nothing to do with orgasms. Women are fertile or not based on whether they can release eggs regularly. Women release an egg every month, and if it remains unfertilized she has her period and the cycle starts over. Women can become pregnant even if they never had an orgasm in their life, because the mechanics of pregnancy take place in the uterus by way of the vagina. On the other hand, female orgasms are usually brought about by stimulation of the clitoris, which is significantly higher than the vaginal opening.

    So a woman can be highly orgasmic, and completely infertile because her ovaries do not release eggs like they should. Or she can be highly fertile (releasing eggs every month as is normal), but have no idea how to achieve an orgasm. They are two completely separate things that do not influence one another at all.

    I hope that these answers helped, in shaa Allah.

    -Amy Editor

  2. Sr Amy covered it well. Only thing I would like to add is that natural ways of preventing pregnancy are not 100% accurate so need to be taken with grain of salt 🙂

    Also, 40 is critical timeline in a human's life .. that is when hormonal changes occur. Pregnancies beyond 40 years of age are known to have higher ratio of complications. Please see link below for detailed information within age group:

    • No form of birth control is 100% effective- they usually run in the high 90's, and so does well executed natural family planning (human error can sabotage ANY form of birth control). Unless you're including sterilization, which I believe is haram unless medically necessary. At least, I heard it was.

      -Amy Editor

  3. How does a woman know she had orgasm
    I am unmarried and I have someone in mind
    I purposely brought up thoughts today (I feel very bad. I am very attracted to him though)
    This happened like 5 times today where I would get certain pleasure feeling when I thought these thoughts about him

    How do I know I got an orgasm
    I am very concerned about this because I am worried that what I did classifies as masturbation
    Which is haraam
    If it is I do not think I want to have a future with him because I’ll feel so much guilt about it, plus it would feel so disgusting for me to have done sexual stuff while thinking about him before we get married

    How does a woman know she reached orgasm?

  4. J: How do I know I got an orgasm?

    This article may help you find your answer.

    Do you think only masturbation which leads to orgasm is Haram?

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