I want to end the relationship and repent but he will be too hurt
I am a nineteen year old muslim girl. I'm in love with a muslim guy since 8 months....been through many problems because he suffered from depression and anxiety and used to frustate me. He made my life miserable but i thought if I love him I should support him too. So I stuck by him even though he used to threaten me that he will die if i leave him, or he will take all my nekiyas if i leave him. He even tuk kasams from coz he didnt trust me when I said i will be with u.
I was patient and cared for him more than myself lest he wud spoil his exams. He has become emotionally very weak. I am just scared to tell him whats on my mind. The point is as muslims now I have realized it is wrong to have any relationship before marriage, even if u wanna marry each other. Plz help me. I dont want to be a sinner...nor i want to hurt him......
Our parents are also hurt coz I have this relationship. My mom wants me to break up, she thinks I can get married to a better guy after I complete my studies and become a professional doctor after 3 years. Tell me what to do under Quranshareef's light...i will repent for the sins i have done by being in a relationship..now that i clearly know it is un islamic...what should i do...should i break up??? i sincerely want to repent for my sin and not continue with this, but we both will be too hurt...he wud even curse me...I am scared help me...???? dua mein yaad.....jazakallah khair.
-saba_ben
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Salam O Alaikum sister Saba,
Sister, you should cut all the ties with this guy who you are with as you know it is haram to be in a relationship with someone of opposite for whatever reason. If he is serious about you and you think that he is the one who you want to spend your rest of life then ask him to ask for your hand by sending his parents over. But, what you have told us; it looks like he is not the right person for you to get married because 1) He is emotionaly blackmailing you by telling you that he will die knowing that you are a very caring person 2) He is not religious and don’t follow Islam which clearly says that dating is prohibited in Islam and 3) very obvious reason that he has some serious trust issues which are going to make your relationship with him very difficult after marriage.
You don’t need to feel sorry for him sister; you should not feel guilty for whatever decision he makes in his life; no one is going to question you. These are all mind games he is playing with you, just to keep you on his side in whatever way. Sister, suicide is not easy and is one of the most hated act committed by anyone regardless of their faith especially Muslims. It angers Allah (swt) further becuase it reflects a person’s weak Iman and faith in Almighty Allah (swt). Alhamdullilah, now that you have realised that you have been committing a sin by being in a haram relationship with this guy (even if it wasn’t physical), repent and mend your ways sister. Start praying, reading Quran with tafsir, join other sisters in your area be it a mosque or other activities who can help you learn more about your religion.
I totally agree with your mother sister, at this time your studies should be your first priority. Had he been a pious/practising Muslim man and would propose you decently and you both were compatible with/attracted to each other; things would have been different and I would have advised you to get married but it’s different. YOU ASKED “SHOULD YOU BREAK UP”; I would say definitely do so sister what is stoping you when you already know that you both are committing a sin. Believe me sister, if you trust Allah (swt) and start practising your religion then he will reward you with someone a lot better than this guy Insha Allah. Also, sister once you qualify as a doctor; I am sure you will have better suitors Insha Allah. So, don’t waste your time and energy which you know is not good for you and will harm you or cause you heartache in the long run. It all sounds easy but it won’t be as you both will feel pain of this break-up sister but it is the best thing you will do. Once you will get over this and look back then you will realise that this was the best thing you did. Oh and don’t worry about cursing sister; why? Because nothing can harm us when Allah (swt) is on our side and even something bad happens then, it’s by the will of Allah (swt). It’s ridiculous when people say that someone cursed them because it falls back upon them and they suffer themselves.
Insha Allah we will keep you in my prayers and I pray that Allah (swt) give you strength and courage to take the right step to end this haram relationship and lessen your pain. (Amin)
Wasalam,
Your brother in Islam,
Muhammad1982.
IslamicAnswers.com Editor.
Salam Saba,
I am sorry that your are feeling this way. You are young and innocent still which is why navigating your way through this situation is feeling so difficult.
Saba, guilt is not a good reason to do something, nor should it ever form the basis of your decisions. Is it very important that we master the art of self discipline as early as possible in life, because life will throw many temptations to stray from the right path, and these temptations will come in all manner of guises.
However strong your feelings of guilt and sympathy are - your loyalty to your beliefs must always be stronger. The way we cultivate this strength is through practice. At first, your loyalty and dis line to your beliefs may be weak and fragile - however by exercising them throughout life, they become stronger and stronger.
Therefore my advice to you is to recognize that you are in a conflict between what you know is right and what you know is wrong. Everything else about the situation is just the worlds way of trying to you from what is right, and to use your own emotions against you to keep you to the wrong path.
Make the right decision, and bear the emotional pain of it with faith and strength. In time, it will be easier - and you will feel much better for it.
Peace,
Leyla
Editor, Islamic Answers
Allah knows best, but you want to break up with him because of the difficulties he is going though and that it is hard for you, if it wasnt the case you wouldn't want to break up, so repenting is just a way out.
The fact that you are already in this relationship well you have two choices either terminate it and repent.
Or have a long discussion with the guy, tell him that the relationship is getting difficult and you want things to change, if he is depressed and that is getting you down ask him to consider taking anti depressants, also say to him that you feel guilty about being in a haram relationship and request that you both become practising muslims and get an islamic marriage and work on improving yourselves!
i would like to encourage you to stop fornicating, however a discussion is important! you don't need to terminate the relationship altogether, but do go to the masjid and consider marriage if you do have feelings for him and he feels the same for you, if he is willing to change himself and become a better person then you should consider marriage because you have already been together, and it wont do u any harm if the marriage doesnt work out.
And Allah knows best, don't make any rush desisions, think deeply, pray to allah repent from fornication, ask him to repent and tell him u want islamic relationship or else u will leave him