I discovered a secret second wife and child
I am converted Muslim woman from Philippine and I am married to a Muslim Indian man for 6 years now and residing in Dubai since we got married but we still don´t have children..
I am happy staying with him for 6 years but suddenly I found a piece of paper stating that he has a second wife and has a child with her..
I talked to my husband about this matter and he explained to me that he was forced to marry this woman because of his ill mother requesting him to marry this woman. Because of my husband's love and respect to his mother he was forced to marry this woman or what we so called parental marriage.
My husband now showing more care and love to me after i found out the matter and is swearing to me and to God that he is loving me more than his second wife that's why he is pleading me to give him a second chance but i don´t know what to do and very confused to decide.
He want that he will keep also the woman at the same time, and explaning to me that anyway his second wife is in india and only going to vacation there every 6 month and esp. only for 15 days to 3weeks.
Meanwhile, he is now very eager to have a child with me and we went already for check up the months before i found out the story of him having second wife.
At the moment, we are staying together but im on trouble deciding if its right that we still continue our relationship and ready to have a child despite the fact that i can´t accept that he has a second wife.
Please help me.. i need advice!
zimrah
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Sister Zimrah, As-salamu alaykum,
I can understand that you would be shaken and disturbed after discovering that your husband has secretly married another woman. Of course polygamy is allowed in Islam, but the disturbing part is that he has been lying to you for a long time. Now you must question his fundamental honesty, and wonder what else he is lying about...
To your husband's credit, it does seem that he loves you very much, and wants a life with you.
Only you can decide if you can forgive your husband for being dishonest, and also if you can accept that he has a second wife. I do think that if you can accept the current situation, you will probably continue to have a happy marriage, Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaam Sister,
What a hurtful situation. Your husband has been lying to you its up to you what decision you make but what i don't understand is that his mother forced him to get married fine but did she force him to have that child as well??
I feel sorry for his first wife and that child. No women and child deserve to be abandoned. My advise to you is to think hard before having a child with this man it will make things more complicated and his intentions to do so.
Peace
Salaams Sister
You probably feeling very hurt especially finding out this after so many years. Sister in islam polygamy is allowed but your husband lied to you for so long. He left a woman and a child in India and he's living with you. If he could do that to her, what would stop him from doing that to you?
You also mentioned that he is very eager now to have a child. Could it be because he is afraid that you want to leave him and maybe thinks that the child will keep you in the relationship? Is his family in India aware that he is married to you? Does his first wife know he is married to you or if she finds out later, could he say the same story to her as he is saying to you?
How would you feel when your husband goes to india and you know for sure that he is with her? Sister if you have the courage to accept this then you have a very big heart but if you can't accept this then Iet him know. Only you can make this decision but please keep in mind that he has already abandoned a wife and child which makes him irresposible. He is supposed to treat all wives equally and be fair to all of them and be there for all of them.
Rumaysa
Assalamualaikum
Sister he should have consulted you if he wanted a second wife. He hasnt done anything wrong legally but morally its wrong. A man doesnot need his first wifes permission to get married again. I think you should accept the situation and love him more than before and inshAllah he will love you back. Dont go towards divorce just on the basis of this matter. If a woman wants a husband just to herself then she should put in the nikah that her husband cannot get married without her permission. Without that you cannot really stop a man from getting married again.
Read salat and inshAllah do plenty of duas...
peace
I totally agree with sister salma