Husband has been cheating on me for five years, should I leave him?
She found that he's cheated her
I have been married for 7 years. Recently my husband told me he has been cheating on me for the last five years with random women.
He has asked for forgiveness and wants me to take him back; at this moment in time we are separated.
He said he was led astray by shaitaan and promises never to do these things again. I am not sure I can trust him or go back.
-anisa
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assalamu alaikum
sister this "shaitaan made me do it" just is a cop out to me..an easy way out to place blame on something other than the self. HE KNOWS it is wrong AND HE DOES IT ANYWAY. period point blank. He is not only exposing you to disease but also committing adultery which is a sin that he is committing ..obviously he has a problem with controlling his nafs..if he cant love himself enough..then he def cant love you enough to not expose you to promiscuity.
people make mistakes but five women?? when is the ending point? 100? when he gets HIV OR A BABY?
SEEN IT TOO many times..
please get tested. i cant say would you should and shouldnt do.but we teach people how to treat us..he is not only committing a sin that we are not commanded to do but he is also disregarding your time and love and the commitment made between you him and ALLAH swt...
as for me..i am a nurse i ahve a great family, and had a good profession ..i have six small children back to back..if my husband cheated on me..i would without a doubt leave him.but i have the access to option to leave...i dont have to be married to save face...i think there is a thin line between being a doormat and a dutiful wife. have you made yourself available to him? to me, if never refuse my husband he shouldnt feel the need to cheat. and this excuse of men are different..i beg to differ. we just dont want to acknowledge women have as much desire as men. but.. your situation may not permit or you may want to stick it out.tha tis up to you.. but IF he does it again..well you had a chance to leave..so again if he knows you wont go anywhere he will have no reason to stop.
he should fear ALLAH SWT
Salam my beautiful sister.
I can't believe I am saying this, mostly because I'm really sexist against men, and encourage any woman to just call it quits when it comes to marriage and men.
But, there's something different about this time. Shaitaan will do absolutely anything to break a marriage apart. And the devil who succeeds, is crowned. How disgusting.
Sister, I know how hurt you are. I am hurt just for you. But, please, for the sake of Allah, don't let this break your marriage. Put your trust in Allah, and expect only from Him that your marriage will be stronger and better from now on.
May Allah give you the highest level of Jannah for being so patient and strong. May Allah bless you with children who are just as kind, and patient as you are. May Allah take your soul away only when He is happy with you and has forgiven all your sins. Amen.
I will keep you in my prayers, sister. Now, you just stay as strong and beautiful as you are.
Love,
your sister, Hooria 🙂
"I'm really sexist against men, and encourage any woman to just call it quits when it comes to marriage and men."
Y
*You might want to change your attitude - sexism is wrong whether it's against women OR men.
I agree. It is wrong, but after seeing how badly women are treated next to men, I can't help but get defensive.
Yeah it's not just women that get treated badly. Women treat men badly as well, it's just that for some reason, it's more acceptable for a woman to mistreat a man.
I agree you that women are mistreated in almost every society
even it is europe or Muslim countries
but It doesn't mean at all that all men are alike
if some woman mistreat her man
does it mean that all women are like her ??
if someone is doing wrong its his/her individual act does not mean that whole gender is wrong/bad
I know women become psycho when they over think about gender discrimination just consider everyone as human regardless of gender you will get satisfaction
walaikum assalam,
Forgive him if hes made sincere taubah , take your time and be patient .
Its easy for women to come up to you and tell you to break it off. They think its like drinking milkshake.
There are many good muslimahs who cannot find husbands and theyre just growing older and older.
I say accept his apology and make sincere dua to Allah to fix things.
If you trust Allah , Allah becomes your kafeel ...He takes your responsibility upon himself.
May Allah reward you immensely and give you strength to bear this with patience.
He Must be sincere Otherwise Why would he reveal to you a secret which he managed to keep hidden for 5 years ????!!!
Dear Sister.
assalamu alaikum
No doubt, being our biggest enemy shaitan sometimes lead us astray as said by your husband but we human being commit mistakes ourselves too and we should admit this too. It sounds flimsy excuse to put the blame of everything entirely on satan only.
I know how hurt would be feeling knowing this all and it’s really not easy for anyone to let go such thing easy. But if you feel that he has made sincere taubah and you still feel that you love him and can trust him once again by giving him another chance then why not…but for that you need to forgive him as forgiveness heals the wounds and to restore good relations between the people. We cannot expect Allah’s forgiveness unless we also forgive those who do wrong to us.
I am not married though but i base my response on general principle of forgiveness and giving another chance in any relationship. At the end of the day, you are the only one who knows your circumstances and you are the one who has to run this relation.Think of everything and decide accordingly. The forgiveness should come from your heart and if you decide to go back to him, if should be wholeheartedly. If you feel like, go for it as per your will and time but keep your eyes open too so he may again not go astray and you may not hurt yourself again.
Your Sister.
Walaikumsalam sister,
best option is to forgive him, because he came to you that he realize his sins and wanted to live with you a halal life
let him ask forgiveness to Allah [SWT] who is most merciful, with 2 rakaths of nafil salah
have a medical checkup
my dua for you both........
U make it sound so easy to forgive. Infidelity is one of the most hurtful rungs anyone can come across, especially for a women cuz she puts so much into a marriage and thinks her husbands gna be faithful. I know how u feel sister as I was once married, and cheated on. I wud say plz do istikhaara too especially in times like this. One cud forgive but it's definitely sumthing to question if u can be with him again.
I'll pray for u Sister
ANISA ! SLAM ALYKUM
SISITER YOU BETTER FOR GIVE HIM AS ALLAH IS FORGIVING US ,BUT TELL HIM TO READ SURATAL NOOR WITH THE MEANINGS IN HIS LANGAUAGE ! AND ASK HIM WETHER HE CAN ALLOW U TO DO SO ? AND ALSO REVIEW YOUR BEHAVAIOR WHAT COMPEL HIM TO DO SO , ARE U QUREL OR MORE DEMANDING OR SO ON SO FORTH , AND RECTIFY YOUR SELF AS WELL . KEEP ME REMEMBER IN YOUR PRAYERS .
Sorry but why does she need to review her behaviour? Her husband cheating is no way a reflection on her. Everyone has a free will. There is no excuse for such behaviour.
I suggest you review your thinking
Br. Riaz,
Assalam alaikum,
I might agree with you on the OP "reviewing her behavior" if he actually married another woman--but he didn't, you see he cheated and had sexual relations with women, none of whom were his wife. Further to that, he also cheated on all the women with whom he was cheating with. Should those women also review their behaviour for being "quarrelsome" or were they also "compelling" him to cheat on them too? No doubt, those women shouldn't have had a relationship with him either, but each is responsible for their own actions.
You make it sound like some men have no control over themselves and women use them like remote controls.
To the OP, I would suggest you take your time for your decision. Make isthikharah. Talk to someone who can be objective (maybe your mother/father, or an Imam)--and then pray to Allah to guide you to the best decision. Please get checked for sexually transmitted infections (and your husband to do the same). I would also consider counselling to help you make a decision--because his behaviour during this time will help you decide. I am sorry for what you are going through.
May Allah ease your difficulties.
Ameen.
You can forgive him if you want, but just remember something: A leopard never changes his spots.
He has been having sexual relations with many women for most of your marriage. Did he know he was doing wrong? Absolutely, but he did it anyway. Do you think on the Day of Judgment we will be able to say "Shaytan made me do it"? Of course not -- we are going to be held accountable for our actions.
He has exposed you to many sexually-transmitted diseases. Please go see a doctor immediately and get tested.
You deserve to live your life with honour and integrity. This man does not know what that means.
Nope......If he cheated once or twice , maybe I'd say take him back, but to carry this on for FIVE YEARS!!!! is too much, his heart has been cold enough to continue this for a long time, and in my eyes he's a lost cause....this is my opinion
It sounds like he came to YOU and revealed this out of a blue. That is VERY different from 99.9% of the stories here where men deny it or hide it. He felt guilty enough, and honest enough with himself and you, to reach out to you. That requires immense courage to be truthful to you and himself and a lot of self-incentive. If that is the case please be kind and forgive him. Otherwise if you had suspiscions that you conveyed to him and forced him to admit this, then move on
Hi, my name is Daniya. I have caught my husband so many times, cheating on me with random girls/women... Every time, I ask him/confront him he denies everything... We have been married for 8 years now... We have 3 children together... Recently, I went to visit my family... When I came back home... I noticed hair (long hair) on the bed, in the washroom, everywhere in my guest room.... And, when is asked abt it he denied doing anything wrong.... I don't know what to do... Pls help...
Daniya, you have a choice to make. If you have the financial capacity and will to leave him then do so. If you are not prepared to do that, then you must live with it. Your husband is obviously not going to change.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Brother Wael I think you should make a page where people can complain :/ I posted an urgent prob but non of you editor bother to help me and now I am falling apart more and more brother.
I'm sorry sister but the demand for assistance is high and our resources are limited.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalaamualaikam
Sister, it isn't a case of people not bothering, it's a matter of the workload. The editors of this site are all volunteers, and we work on this site in addition to having full-time jobs, studies, family commitments... There's only so much that any person can do, and only so many questions can be posted at once.
If you have submitted a post for publication it will be in our pending list, awaiting publication, although there is a waiting time of over 1 month from the time of submission at the moment, sadly (due to the sheer volume of posts we receive).
In the meantime, it might help to search our archives for posts on the same topic as yours, as you may be able to find guidance there, inshaAllah.
May Allah ease your burdens, sister.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
Sister Nadia, I don't know what your problem is but remember Allah is with you. He hears your duaa, and he knows your pain, everything you conceal. May Allah keep you steadfast and on the right path always in shaa Allah.
Awe poor baby shi'a tan made me do it!!!!!!!!!!!
That is honestly the most ridiculous rubbish I've ever heard leave him now.You deserve better do you want to hear this same line in another five years or have your children played off to the tune of this rubbish I take it yor not a doormat have some self respect and get out.
If you find ur self in the same situation again shame on you
Sister Shamila, if you can't be patient with people and offer your advice in a kind way, then this website is not for you. Boasting about yourself and ridiculing other people's situations is not helpful. What's the point of such comments?
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Why do the women on here act so destitute you are strong enough to go on a computer and raise your concerns please grow some back bone and develop some self respect please believe and be guided by god don't just sit there sort it out if not for you for your children how good an example are you setting your children that it's ok to be a doormat and play the victim all day long while doing nothing to change ones circumstances ,surely you don't want to see your children be treated the same way kids grow up to practise what they see.before you say oh your not muslim blah blah blah !!!!
I am muslim I've worked hard my whole life out myself through education have a good career and that didn't come from sitting around complaining its up to you if this is the example you want to show your children I certainly want better for my daughter cos I obviously have much more love for my child then you do for your
Dear sister Shamila,
It is wonderful to hear that you have had a successful professional life, MashaAllah. Unfortunately, some women did not have the opportunities you did, and this certainly isn't a page about lazy people in society who just want to complain. Their trials are just different than yours.
It might be easier to leave a spouse for selfish reasons than to in fact stay for the sake of a child. Staying with a spouse for the sake of a child is sometimes the most selfless act because of so much love for that child; so sorry to say, I don't agree that you necessarily love your child more than others--but glad to hear how much you love your daughter.
Finally, none of us can claim victory or success over a trial that we have not been tested with. So, let's be thankful that we are not the in shoes of others who not only are in a trial, but have different circumstances and backgrounds than us.