Surnames limbo
Assalamualaikum wb,
I am married to a convert Norwegian Muslim man. Prior to this marriage, I was married to another Muslim man. Thing is, my ex-husband totally disregards any responsibilities pertaining to the children(2 kids) we had and my current husband(Alhamdulillah), has claimed that responsibility upon his shoulders. In addition, we are currently expecting our firstborn. I have 3 questions:
1 - Can my children from my previous marriage take on their stepfathers surname for public use while retaining their biological father's name on their birth certificates?
2- How do I name our new arrival without having the name too long? Can we just take on his surname only? Or must we use the full name which consists of 4 separate words!
3 - I have read that it is haram to take on my husband's surname. I have taken on my husband's surname for public use without changing my birth certificate name, and I also add-on my husband's surname only after my father's name with a dash "-" in between. Is this acceptable?
Wassalam.
allezra
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Dear Allezra, Walaykumsalaam,
I am sure Brother Wael wrote an article on the Islamic Naming system, but I cannot find it yet. So I will do my best to answer as much as I know and leave the rest to another Editor to answer inshaAllah.
1. Why do you want your children to take on their step-father's name just in public? What is their to hide? You had children through a halaal marriage, its not as though you have anything to be ashamed about. I do not believe it is right for you to change your children's surnames. Islamically, our surname give us an identity, it shows our lineage, whether we like that lineage or not. There are some good reasons behind this. One practical reason being this, imagine this scenario: Your son is in his early 20's, at university and meets and falls in love with a beautiful young sister. They both have mutual feelings and want to marry. But what if that girl is his half sister?. How would either of them have known that they are could possibly be half brother and sister, since their surnames were different? I know this is situation is a highly unlikely one, but such rarities have actually occured. Yes, I have given you the most random and extreme example and reason for retaining biological surnames, but the main reason is to retain knowledge of family lineage.
2. An Islamic Name is whatever name you select for your child's first name and his surname is his father's first name. Why do you think you need to have four seperate names?
3. I do not think it is quite 'haraam' to take on your husband's surname, but it is not the Islamic way, although many people do this because it makes it easier to be referred to as 'Mr and Mrs Ahmed'. The Islamic way is for a Muslim woman to retain her father's first name after marriage.
InshaAllah one of the other Editors will also take a look at this question and correct any mistakes I have made in answering.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Senior Editor
Everything SisterZ has said is correct. By the way, the article on the Islamic naming system is found on Zawaj.com, in the section on Muslim names. Look here:
Muslim names: a complete guide
Sister allezra, it sounds like you are looking for loopholes. For example changing the name in public while retaining it on the birth certificate. This is playing games with the deen. Do you think that when Allah commanded in the Quran to call children by their fathers' names, He was referring only to what is written on a piece of paper? This was the downfall of the Bani Isra'eel, that they tried to find loopholes and play with Allah's religion.
Your children should keep their biological fathers' surname, and you should as well.
By the way, the custom of changing the bride's last name to that of the husband comes from Christian Europe. Historically in the Christian world, a woman was considered to be the property of her husband, just like his horse or sword. She had no rights whatsoever. So her name was changed to indicate that she belonged to him.
In Islam, we belong to Allah. We are not any human being's property.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Interesting article, where a woman met her long lost brother on a blind date (source: Yahoo Lifestyle)
Had they both retained their father's name, they probably would have realised they were siblings much sonner. Fortunately, though, they realised after their first conversation and the relationship was quickly straightened out.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
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Woman’s blind date with long lost brother
Sarah Kemp, 42, from Edinburgh met London-based George Bentley, 47 on a dating site. After swapping photos and emails the pair met up at a pub near George’s home in East Ham.
After talking for an hour about shared childhood experiences, she realised he was her brother. It was the first time they had seen each other in 35 years.
According to bookies William Hill the odds of such a meeting are 500million-to-one.
Cleaner Sarah (speaking to The Daily Record) said: “We had so much in common and we really enjoyed each other's company. It was as if we'd known each other all our lives.
"To meet your long-lost brother, in a bar, after over 30 years would be something by itself.
"But to meet him in those circumstances - on a date, for crying out loud - really is something else.”
George and Sarah were born in Ashford, Kent but were separated in 1975 when their parents, David and Felicity divorced.
Six-year old Sarah joined her mum in Edinburgh, while David, nine, joined his dad in London. From then on, the families stopped speaking.
When they grew up the pair did try and make contact, but without success. The search was made more difficult after Sarah got married in 1989. She got divorced years later but kept the name ‘Kemp’.
George, a builder, said: “After a while, I think both Sarah and I gave up looking."
When the pair made the discovery they felt embarrassed, but were soon celebrating the happy news by drinking champagne all evening.
They have since met up several times and George said: "This was the meeting of a lifetime and we are now planning to see each other as often as possible to catch up on the time spent apart."