The father of my 6wk son denies my child!
I have known the father of my child for four 1/2 years. He is a muslim and i am a christian. I first got pregnant at 16 and we decided to keep the baby, my parents kicked me out of my family home and he moved me into his mums house to take care of me and our unborn child. Me and his mum got on very well. Unfortunately i miscarried, he started cheating and lying to me. After 2 yrs later I had enough and done the unthinkable which i regretted everyday and cheated on him which he found out about. We decided to go our own ways had no contact for a little over a yr. During that time apart he had a baby boy with someone else.
Then we got back in contact and he promised to take care of me, love and be faithful and that he had changed.
He told me he wasn't with the childs mother and didn't live with her but takes care of his son. I believed him!
3 months into our relationship we grew apart and decided to remain friends. A few weeks later i found out that i was pregnant. I told him and he asked me if he was the father which i told him 'yes' and he told me to have a abortion because he is not ready to be a dad again and my child will be fatherless.
He changed his number and never told any of his family. I decided to see his mum when i was 6 months pregnant and told her the situation. She told me she still loves me and promised to accept my son and be a grandmother and talk to Abdul. She told me he was married to the baby mother and that they lived together. I was so hurt when she told me.
Abdul later phoned me and denied everything his mum tld me about the baby mother and him being married and co-habiting which he was telling thruth. he promised to be there for his son and asked to have a DNA test which i happily agreed to as i wasnt with no other man, he didnt say anything because he knows he is the father or has a very good chance.
His mother lied to me and changed her mind and so did Abdul. He has only seen my son once wasnt at my birth and hasnt phoned me in over a week. His mum wants nothing to do with me or my son and wants his whole family to forget me and my child. Saying that it is not Abdul's child. When i said i can prove it. He hasn't helped me emotionally financially or physically with anything. he wont take a DNA test! Yet he does everything for his other son.
I am at my wits end i don't knw what to do, i still love him but most importantly want him to be a father to our son.. i havent pressured him at all. i dont know the muslim faith and how muslim sons should be raised. so what do i do? what can i do? or who can i spk to because my son should know who he is. Is it right for a father and his family to shun an innocent? plz help me
thanks.
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hi after reading this i would like to apologise for the pain you are going through. i suggest you loose all contacts with the babys father/family. now it depend on how you wanna raise the child? you can easily get a family credit etc if you finding raising a child on your own is difficult? then find other single parent. also il be here if you wanna chat. hope things work out
Thanku very much Ahmed. Its a horrible situation but i am a good person and i have faith in the almighty to help me. Eventhough i am a christian i want my son to know his muslim religion could u make any suggestions on how i could do this?
salaamu alaikum.ask urself y do u love abdul.....u will find out that u dont actually love him.coz when u love somebody u love their heart thats true love,and this abdul guy.....let me cut it short his not a good guy,so pls try to move on.life is short and it only comes once so try to discard stress and make ur reputation good u can turn to Allah His always here for us and Theres no power and might accept from him.if u lonelyand need love then ask Allah and be patient.
Hi,
I am sorry to hear about your story. It seems as though this guy Abdul doesnt want anything to with taking responsibility with you or your son. Abduls mother also seems to be unwise, she is taking sides with Abdul, when she should be looking at the bigger picture.
Muslim men are permitted to marry Christian women, but as part of that deal, the Muslim man has to ensure that any children they have are brought up as Muslim. I dont know if you know or not, but the Christianity of Jesus is an earlier phase of Islam - that is, its the same religion. So it appears you are taking far more responsibility towards God than Abdul is.
It is shameful and very disappointing to hear about Adbuls sleeping around with other girls (obviously, it is also disappointing to hear you did the same in your moment of weakness). He as a Muslim should have realised his duty - of which there are many and clearly defined.
It appears that Abdul is already married and his a child with his new wife and therefore has no interest in getting back with you. For this reason, you should seriously consider dropping your thoughts on getting back with him.
You appear to be a believer in God. In that case you should consider becoming a Muslim. In Arabic, the word Muslim simply means a believer. The language of Jesus was Aramaic and the name of God in Aramaic is "Allaha". So essentially you are almost a Muslim. This is something I would strong recommend you consider because as you have realised this life is a test for mankind.
You are young and it should be easy to find a new husband. If you become a Muslim, then you will receive double rewards from the Almighty - you will get the rewards Abdul would have received and your own for being a responsible mother. If you choose to become a Muslim, you will be able to find a Muslim husband.
Let me know what you plan to do.
Hanif
Mikayla,
I regret to hear such sad story, but be assured you are not the only one in such situations. This occurs all over the western countries with many Muslim men or shall I say boys. Some along with the support of the families stand up to the plate and try to keep such innocent children in their lives to assure they are raised as Muslims or keep them acquainted with Islam.
I must say that it is very honorable of you in trying to keep your son familiar with his roots and especially his religion. On the other hand I will say this, if you are doing this because of your feelings towards Abdul and you are trying to keep an excuse to keep in touch, then no one can help you but yourself. If this is not the case and from the way am understanding the different events that occurred, it does not seem that way. Then I will tell you this, you need to educate your self more about Islam for the sake of your son, I truly think you would probably do a better job then Abdul and his family. It seems his mother couldn't raise him within the Islamic way, what makes you think they would for your son. But here are some good suggestions to follow:
1. Get as much education about Islam in a very short time as you can, and I will tell you why later in this reply. Learn the basics of how to become a Muslim, how to pray, what Muslims do and why, about punishments of people who commit sins (premarital sex, adultery, Muslims that do not follow the faith or pray, and so on). I want you to turn from a victim to an educated non-Muslim about Islam then Abdul and his family. I would be more then happy to assist in this and so would many good Muslims out there.
2. Once you are ready, I want you to attack (peacefully not with violence) not Abdul but his family. Attack them with knowledge of Islam, and how Muslims should act and behave once misfortune occurs. I would do this in witting with proof and support of every issue you attack with. As I stated above we will help you with this. The point of this is to make them feel unworthy and that they should be ashamed of calling themselves Muslims. What am trying to accomplish her is guilt and a wake up call at the same time, along with shame to him and his family.
3. At some point you will let them know that you don't need them to help your Muslim son be a better Muslim. And that you, could do a better job in raising your Muslim son then they could ever do for themselves and their other children.
Again, what am trying to accomplish her is educating you for the sake of your son, I truly believe you are a good mom and you would do a better job in raising your son then Abdul and his family. Also, if these people have some sense of humanity and love for Islam, they would feel ashamed and realize they were behaving like animals. At the same time, if they do get the wake up call am trying to achieve, then now you have your son with his father and his family roots of Islam.
If this is accomplished, it should give you a replacement to your family that you lost, the support that you and your son need, and would make you very special if not to Abdul then to his family. I will not tell you convert so I can feel better. I would love to hear that from you, but it has to come naturally from you and only you. Not because you love Abdul or to be accepted by his family, they will not save you if they cant save themselves. And they will not pardon you on Judgment Day if they need to be forgiving themselves.
Islam is a great religion and it is the right path for all humanity, but not all Muslims are true followers just as in any other faith. Lots of Muslims believe they will go right to heaven just because they're Muslim (as all Christians believe), not true, you have to be a true believer. I ask Allah to guide you and all of us and through this education about this great religion of Islam, I hope it touches your heart and soul to the straight path and light, for the sake of your son and yourself.
Cant wait to hear from you and your thoughts along with everyone out there. Lastly, I truly don't think this Abdul is for you or any other woman out there, again, what you are interested in is not Abdul, but your sons true identity, correct?
Asalaamualaikum Br Mahmoud...Alhumdulillah, again your advice is very compassionate and also practical.
Mikayla....I'm sorry for the situation you are in. I'm glad that after everything you have been through you have been so open minded that you are seeking help/advice from a more Islamic source than Abdul and his family have given you.
I can't add anymore, as I believe that the advice already given is quite concise. However if you want some sisterly support - just let me know, and I'll try my best inshaAllah.
Asalaamu Alaikum Br Mahmoud...Alhumdulillah,
Mikayla,
Mahmoud has given you the book on how to be, Alhumduliallah... I hope you follow it, as a young girl once I actually found myself in such a situation and I was devastated, although I was not muslim at the time, nor was the young man I was so in love with. A true Muslim family or Man would never have treated you so horribly. May Allah for give them and bless them.. I am sorry for your misfortune but I pray that you listen to Mahmoud and stop being a victim and follow his advice, it is great advice and speaking from one who has been exactly where you are now, I can tell you I know your pain but you can, only YOU... can bring about the happiness for yourself and I can guarantee if you do as Mahmoud has advised you will NOT be a victim and you and your son will be better off for it, Life is truly too short try, not to waste too much time thinking of Abdul and his family and think of yourself and your son follow the path Allah has guided you to. I will pray for you and your little one May Allah forgive me and bless you...
Good Afternoon,
I was reading your post, and it appears that the question you were asking was not really a question of how to get Abdul back into your life so you could be happy as much as it was a question of your son's right to have a father. Now, I'm going to assume that you're located in UK, as you called his mother "mum". I am in the US, so there is hopefully some similarities in our societies that can be of help when I give this advice.
First of all, I think the others gave some good advice as far as informing you that there are RIGHTS owed to each child fathered by a Muslim man. You learned the hard way that not every Muslim man practices his faith as he should. However, the issue is not really about whether you convert to Islam, or even if you raise your son according to Islam if you remain a single mother. Of course, these issues are going to go according to whatever God wills.
If a Muslim man makes poor choices, and then afterward fails to honor his responsibilities by financially and emotionally supporting a child he fathered out of wedlock, you are NOT (as you state you are a Christian) limited to pursuing the rights of your son exclusively through 'Islamic' means. You actually have a lot options available to you, if the UK court system is anything like the US. If you check into your local resources, you should be able to find information on getting a court order that would legally force him to submit to DNA testing. If the testing confirms that he is the father of your son, then you should be able to seek court ordered child support payments that he would be required to pay you regularly. In addition, if he is willing to work out a visitation schedule to see your sons on weekends or various holidays, this can be court ordered as well. However, be forewarned that a lot of times fathers start out with a visitation schedule and after a time abandon it, and do not make the effort to keep their appointments. If he ends up doing this , it does NOT negate the obligation he has to continue paying child support until your son is an adult.
I think it is a good idea for you to research a little about Islam, not only for "ammunition" to hold him accountable to what he says he believes, but also to answer any questions your son may ask as he grows and develops a natural curiosity about who his father was.
Hope this advice was helpful.
First of all, don't dare change tour faith for a "man". You are a child of God, what you need to do is only think of that baby. Put him on child support. He helped make the baby then he can help pay for it. It isn't vengeance, rather responsibility.