I am still single and struggling to find a husband
Assalamu alaikum. I am a 23 year old woman. I am unmarried and I think allah has not created my husband.
I never in my whole life ever had any relation. To be honest it is only after I got in the university, I learned how to speak with men.
My childhood friends have always had boyfriends. One of them has recently got married, after she had all the fun in the world with her boyfriends.
Whereas I am still single with my parents and relatives struggling to find a husband. I feel jealous towards my childhood friends. Because they get all they wanted and I am completely denied.
Can you help me out? And please dont tell me to sabr as I have already done that for 23 long years.
-ruhijarifa
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Salaams,
Sister, in my opinion you are blessed that you have not had "boyfriends" or much interactions with guys. In this world today, there are so many young ladies being destroyed by the western ideas of having boyfriends and trying to chase this false idea of how to get to know young men. Islamic courtship is the best way to meet and find suitable spouses, and any person who rejects that in favor of the modern "mixing of sexes" is deceiving themselves about finding a happy future or mate. If you find yourself jealous of what you are seeing in people who are doing that, then you are only jealous of a lie. THAT life is never as glamorous as it appears!
I can understand that it is frustrating to still be single and wanting companionship. However, 23 is not that old. Neither is finding a husband now a guarantee that all your problems will be solved, because the posts on this site are enough to show how challenging marriages can be, and how someone can even find themselves single again after an unforeseen divorce.
You say you don't want others to tell you to have more patience because "you've been doing that for 23 years" (which by the way, isn't exactly true. I find it hard to believe you were looking for a husband at birth and through early childhood!), but what if it turns out that Allah doesn't bring you your husband for 10 more years? How will you spend these next 10 years, if not by trying to be patient? You can't "rush" Allah, so it seems like your best option at this point would be to submit to the reality of things as they are, and be patient for your own sake. Without patience, waiting is a way worse experience! Be thankful to Allah that He has kept you out of SO much drama that the boyfriends and girlfriends continually have with one another.
Think of Prophet Yusuf, and the patience he had to keep for what he endured. Do we deserve better than him? Have we lived our lives as purely as he, that we have a right for things to happen right as we want them to? Ingratitude is an ugly trait to have, so make sure that you are not nurturing it by losing focus of the bigger picture....which happens to be the fact that there is a LOT of life ahead of you, and a LOT of things will happen before your life is over. When we are young we feel like so much has already happened, but trust me- give it another 10-20 years and you will be looking at things from a very different perspective!
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
assalamu alaikum sister Amy,
jazzakallah for the post. I am asking you and everyone to pray to Allah for me.
Salaam Sister,
Hope your are good. Don't give up hope, you are still very young! I am 26 now, but when I was 23 the thought of marriage did not even cross my mind, I was so busy with exams, studies, building up a career etc, but we are all unique and have different aspirations. And alhamdulillah that you are one of the lucky ones and have not had a boyfriend! You have kept yourself pure and chaste for your husband, who will be a very special man and very lucky to have awife like you who has saved herself for him. I'm proud of you. Keep patient, be happy, keep looking, ask family, friends, join matrimonial websites and inshaAllah when the time is right the lucky man will come knocking on your door! It is not easy, I have been searching for the last two years, bumped into the wrong person along the way and have now restarted the search but so far it has not been fruitful. But I try to remind myself that everything is decreed and Allah swt has the masterplan, so we should make the effort on our part and then leave it to Allah swt. Also, I do believe it is important to get to know a person before marriage, but make sure you do this in the correct manner i.e. having your wali present, meeting strictly in a public place, and having your parents involved at each step of the way. I am speaking from expereince, I was like you, but if you read my post I had a few mishaps along the way and well I am still suffering the consequences but inshaAllah I hope you can learn from my mistakes and Allah swt guides you to a husband that will help you with good in this world and the hereafter, ameen. Goodluck 🙂
you are certainly better than your child hood freinds
If one have kept themself away from guys all these years then inshAllah why not couple more yearsssss. Allah swt is testing us to see whether His slaves are obdient even if shaitan whispers into the slave's ears or not.
Untill u r not married, keep yourself to yourself... Never compare urself with those who committed unlawful gain before marriage yet they got or are married now... That's not right as u r belittling urself in front shaitan and shaitan feels proud when slave of Allah swt becomes ungratful of true blessings that Allah swt has granted to...no doubt each soul will be questioned of their deeds in the hereafter!!!
All I can say marriage is important but it is definitly not everything in life... There is so much more to life...look after urself my dear sister and enjoy ur life within the Islamic boundries... and when Allah swt says 'be' then no oneeeeee can change that!!!
* but it is not everything
Salaams
Sister you are still so young.Don't give up hope. In time you find your prince charming. Occupy yourself with hobbies. Socialize, Find good friends who you can spend good quality time with. Use this spare time for yourself because trust me after you marry you get very little time for yourself especially after the little baba comes along.
Each person's destiny is different. Don't look at what other's have. Focus on what you have.
Rumaysa
Salaam Sister
Do not worry sister, patients is a virtue, and MashaAllah you have got patients and may Allah keep you strong and accept all your duas. Keep making dua and stay strong, it can be a test of patients from Allah.
Keep Strong and Make Dua
Mrs Yousaf G
You are barely an adult at 23 and have a long life ahead. Educate yourself, be interested in the world around you, meet and get to know people and you will meet the right person. It is important to interact and understand people of both sexes so you can figure out what personal characteristics, qualities and values are important to you so you can look for these in the other person.
Be happy and positive and you will get what you want- you are young only once; live it and love it for all its worth
Your last sentence touched my heart ameen
wow sister your only 23 and want to marry masha'Allah, at 23 that was the last thing i wanted to do, insha'Allah i hope you find what you are looking for.
Salaams Ruhijarifa
Ulhumdiallah you stayed honest and pure. Advice to you do not worry about people and always look ways to improve yourself towards deen of Islam. Sister unfortunately we live in such a cruel world that living in such society this is becoming the norm. Times have changed and this has impacted on people who want to keep intact there pious assets regardless how others are or chose to behave. What you must remember is you are very lucky and blessed that allah is always guiding you and same as you I am still single and following the path of test allah has puts us in. Inshallah your time will come do not focus on other people or their problems just concentrate on yourself believing in allah and inshallah your answer to your dua’s will come true ameen.
Assalamualaikum
There are so many sisters who are in their 30 s and still not married. Keep doing duas and be patient. inshAllah
Assalamu alaikum sisters,
thank you for the posts. I actually had this question discussed in another post (sister samina knows how much lengthy that got). So, no more answers needed, it is a resolved question.
Salaam sister, so are you married now?, its just that I am 23 and In your situation, so was wondering whether your situation has been resolved, x
Salam Alaikum Sister,
Never be in harry,and i ask Allah to get what you wish inchaAllah.
salaam, sister your 23 and your match is still somewhere out there. I am 34 and never been married. I have been looking for along time but what held me back was I all the people I came across had no deen. I can understand what your going through because I am going through it with you.
from what I understand is Allah has created us in pairs and it will happen when Allah wills. I asked the question myself why am I still single and I have thought about this for a very long time. I know me saying have sabr will not help but there can be various reasons why we can find a spouse such as
many we need to realise and make certain improvements to your life
maybe Allah is preparing someone for us who isn't ready to fit into our life or vice versa
could be the right person is married to someone they don't deserve and are awaiting for that chance of finding someone,
surely we are rewarded for putting our trust in Allah and this life is short but 1 thing which gives me hope is knowing if we don't get married in dunya then Allah will get us married himself in the akirah which is a blessing of its own.
sometimes we are too picky also and we want that perfect person but dunya was never meant to be perfect and it will never be perfect. find someone who is firm in his deen and make this your priority and inshallah keep doing dua for all the people who are struggling to find a spouse as the angels also pray for you too.
so you required husband since you were born?