Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Christian Girl pregnant by a Muslim man, what to do?


Pregnancy test.

Thank you for reading.

I am a christian girl from a strong christian background. I wanted to ask for some advice relating to my circumstances at the minute. I am 5 months pregnant with my second child. My first was baptised in the church.

I don't know much about the muslim religion, but have been reading different things online. Where do I stand with this Muslim man?

I am willing for the child to be brought up muslim as long as my first child is brought up that way too. I don't want differences in the two children. The more I read about the muslim religion the more I grow to love it.

we have split up now because I think it's best for us both as his family doesn't know about me and he said they aren't going to forgive him when he tells then he is expecting a child.

Where do I stand with this man? Will he ever be able to marry me? As for the child, is it better for him to walk away and let me raise this child myself, or should he help raise the child as well? We speak on the phone, but anytime I ask what is the right thing to do he gets angry and asks why I didn't abort the child. He hasn't helped with the pregnancy at all, and I've been doing everything on my own with a child already.

Any advice would be great as I don't want him to commit anymore sins, but I also love him very much and want to spend my life with him. I also need him to be here helping as I've been very sick during the pregnancy. Thank you in advance.


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12 Responses »

  1. -mscg13
    I am 5 months pregnant with my second child. My first was baptised in the church. WHOSE CHILD IS THIS?
    we have split up now ...WS THIS JUST A LIVING TOGETHER PERIOD?

    Where do I stand with this man? Will he ever be able to marry me?WHAT IS HIS COMMITMENT TILL NOW ?
    He hasn't helped with the pregnancy at all, and I've been doing everything on my own with a child already.WAS THIS ALSO HIS CHILD ?

  2. Salam sister,
    There are a few big issues in your post that are very important. No 1: You are a great woman to read about Islam, consider raising your children in it, and respect your partner's deen. No. 2: It is against Islam to date and have sex before marraige, so please do stay away from him unless you are getting nikkah (marraige). No. 3: Abortion is the worst option according to Islam; it's the same as murder, and Allah (swt) prescribes an eternity of punishment for both. No. 4: You need to respect yourself and ask yourself if you really want this man to be father of your children and life partner, even as he is not offering assistance with your babies nd tells you to abort. Another question for you: where is the father of your first baby, and will he continue to affect your life or that of your babies' lives?
    Im no expert in advice but I have told you what I know, and I hope it helps much 🙂 May Allah (swt) make it easy for you.

    • Hi Shereen,

      I know my reply has been way far from the date of your post.
      I just wanted to know do you have any hadith or phrase from quran for reference supporting your statement: No. 3: Abortion is the worst option according to Islam; it's the same as murder, and Allah (swt) prescribes an eternity of punishment for both.

      Actually, i have same situation with her. My exbf and his father asked me to abort, saying the pregnancy is haram and the only solution is abortion. i decided not to and broke up with him. I took all responsibilities bearing my baby.

      Hope i could get reply from you.
      Thanks a lot!

  3. Firstly it's great that you are interested in Islam and would like to raise your children as Muslims. May Allah guide you to accept this beautiful religion. As for your dilemma, it's impossible for anyone to know whether this man will marry you or not. You mentioned that you do not want him to commit any more sins, so keep your distance from him, as any relationship outside of marriage is not acceptable in Islam. However, this does not give anyone the right to abort a child, just because it is inconvenient for them. Even if he wants nothing to do with the baby, it's still your child, so please don't feel pressured to abort. Allah will provide for you if you turn to Him. All the best.

  4. If this guy is telling u to abort the baby just coz u ask him what the best thing to do is then this guy is not bothered about you. He can marrry u as u are Christian so ur marraige will be halaal n he does not need permission frm his parents either but he could of married you by now. Give him a alternatum, now or never or goto hell. Wen I was 5 months preggo I had all my marital family around no one helped even though I had problems with the pregnancy. But my sons dad never helped or even bothered to ask if I was ok n that hurt alot. Ne way lo g story short got divorced n happier. U do what ur brain tells you, not ur heart. If he loved you you wld b married by now. I dont trust men like that.

  5. Bad as this might sound this guy aint gonna get married to you u can tell by the way hes saying about his parents... Looks like hes not bothered about his parents / religion either bcoz if he was firstly he wouldnt do this to u... 2nd he would use protection! For goodness sake! If hes saying abort the child is this guy bothered at all, how many times have u seen guys do that and use parents as an excuse.. Hello if you were bothered re: parents u wont do that at ALL.!! As for religion honey we'll welcome u woth open arms... Islam is peaceful and has so many rights for women.. Dont believe in the culture crap... The only reference u need is the Quran... May Allah guide u right and I pray for the betterment of u n ur children.InShaAllah.Ameen.

  6. I think everyone gave out excellent advice and questioning. I looked for the writers response to advice questions to see what further advice, I could give. Does the writer still need advice and help?

    I actually went through a similar situation, but not exactly same situation.

    You mentioned, the more you read about Islam, the more you grow to love it, are you considering converting, or should I say re-verting? Does he want you to convert? Has he ever discussed interest in marrying you? If so, was religion as issue?

    To me, you don't stand anywhere with him because he doesn't stand anywhere with his self. He is a coward. If he is over the age of 18, he can marry you whenever he pleases, the real question is, does he want to and will he marry you?

    Regardless, if you all get married or not,he should help you with raising and caring of the child. He should tell his parents now that you are pregnant, if he doesn't you should, but him a deadline to let him tell his parents on his own. If he decides to marry you now, then let him tell his parents about your pregnancy.

    He asked, why didn't you abort the baby? Ask him why did he commit a sin by fornicating with you and why is he encouraging you all to commit a further sin by aborting the baby?

    I suggest that you seek counseling, maybe like parenting counseling and if he willing, go to couples/marriage counseling. InshAllah (God willing)

    As salamu alikum( May peace be with you)
    And May Allah protect

  7. assalamu alaikum,

    sister as a christian you have the same concept of what a sin is..and you have recognized what happened should not have been done in this way. a muslim or christian knows if you make a mistake you have to own up to that mistake and deal with the consequences as they come. This guy im sure he is upset but a man that voluntarily walks away from a situation that he has ownership to is not one you want in your life.Allah swt has willed this, you would NOT have gotten pregnant if it wasnt a purpose behind it.i cant tell you to have an abortion or not, you know what religiously this means, but i will say that you need to create a good life for you and that baby...i wouldnt tell his parents, that is his responsibility cant make anyone responsible. Dont seem desperate to keep hiim or his attention. Cry it out, realize what you did and move on. If you are a christan and that is your belief do not convert for not give up your life for what he wants in the promise that he will be with you. Dont sacrifice what you believe in as this man has already proven he cannot own up to his fault.Just put him on child support when this child arrives and if he chooses to be around he has to be constructive to the baby's life.

  8. I am a christian who fell inlove with muslim guy,, were dating for months . Everything was fine , i let my family to know him and he did that also after a couple of months of dating he got me preg. And everything falls apart were fighting everyday , he suggested me to abort but i dont want . Until he accept my decision.. Now im 5 mos preg already when he wants to leave me coz he said his family will never accept my baby and we cant be together while im willing to fight for him and convert to muslim.. He didnt even ask me to marry him . He wants me to realize that we'll do more mistake if we stay in our rel. what should i do i still love him .. He said he loves me but this rel. wont work

    • Well am a Christian dating this guy for three and a half years just found out am pregnant when i told him i was pregnant he was mad and wanted me to abort the baby,he said his families would not accept me nor the baby.Now his families are involved in his life and they want to chose a wife for him.what should i do?

      • I don't know your circumstances well enough to say. If he is from an honorable family and they know he got you pregnant they would require him to marry you. If they are less than honorable, then probably not.

        It depends on who he is, who you are, if the relationship can be run, and a bunch of other info that I'm missing. Sorry to hear you're in this situation though.

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