I committed zina with a married woman
Dear brothers and sisters,
I don't know where to start but I will get to the point. I don't know what really got into me yesterday but somehow I got myself having sexual intercourse with someone's wife and I wasnt thinking about any of the sin that I was about to commit because the feelings in me wouldn't allow me to stop doing it and we both agreed in doing it.
On the next day I get this feelings in me that I realized I made the great sin ever. I cannot stop thinking about it, it made me to lose my dignity as a man and started crying. Now I'm asking you as a brother to you all, please help me if there is way to ask for my forgiveness and I want to pray Allah for my repentance.
I know what I did was totally wrong and some of you will think that I dont deserve to be helped but if none will suggest me for help then I wont be able to help myself at all.
Thank you
~ Shahab
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Salaam brother.
Do not despair of the mercy of Allah swt, as long as you are sincere, Allah swt will forgive you if you repent.
"The Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) said: “Allah, Blessed and Exalted is He, says, ‘O son of Adam, as long as you call on Me, I shall forgive you of what you have done, and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if your sins were to reach up to the clouds in the sky, and then you were to ask for My forgiveness, I would forgive you and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if you were to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and then you were to meet Me after death, not worshiping anything besides Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as the earth.’” [Tirmidhi]"
Here are conditions of repentance taken from: http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1069
"Because this is a serious matter, there have to be conditions attached. The scholars mentioned the conditions of repentance, based on aayahs from the Qur’aan and ahaadeeth. There follows a list of some of them:
1 – Giving up the sin immediately.
2 – Regretting what has happened in the past.
3 – Resolving not to go back to it.
What next..
With respect to earning Allahs forgiveness, you must first give up the sin. So end your relationship with this lady and cut contact. Do it as you fear Allah, do it to please Him and He will reward you. Do not feel guilty/sad for the lady. Change your contact details if necessary.
Also Allah swt has commanded us to hide our sins, and not reveal them unless absolutely necessary. So do not disclose your sin to anyone. Keep it between you and Allah swt.
The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "My entire nation is safe, except al-Mujahirin (those who boast of their sins). Among the Mujaharah is that a man commits an (evil) act, and wakes up in the morning while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret, he says: "O so- and-so! Last night I did this and that." He goes to sleep while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret but he wakes up in the morning and uncovers what Allah has kept a secret!" [Saheeh al-Bukhari]
Did you use a condom? If not, get yourself tested for STIs at a local clinic. This is for the protection of yourself and your future spouse. The only time you cannot hide the sin, is if you have (god forbid) contracted an STI. In this case you will have to tell your spouse.
Avoid going anywhere near zina with anyone. Never meet any non-mahram woman alone and stay away from opposite gender friendships. Also avoid physical contact with women. It is permissible to speak with them if necessary when people are present but avoid being too friendly and talking about personl topics. When getting to know a woman for marriage make sure her mahram is present!
Also make tawbah. Work to improve yourself - if you do not pray, start praying your obligatory prayers. If you are really struggling, start with 2 a day and increase. every few days.
Most imprtantly do not despair of the mercy of Allah swt.
"The Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) said: “Allah, Blessed and Exalted is He, says, ‘O son of Adam, as long as you call on Me, I shall forgive you of what you have done, and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if your sins were to reach up to the clouds in the sky, and then you were to ask for My forgiveness, I would forgive you and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if you were to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and then you were to meet Me after death, not worshiping anything besides Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as the earth.’” [Tirmidhi]"
Commentary: "Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) loves it when people ask Him to forgive their sins. He is overjoyed with their repentance, since He hates to punish anybody. At the slightest excuse He washes people’s sins away. The only condition is that the human being must truly regret in his/her heart that they did what they did. The sinner should be ashamed of their misdeeds, and discontinue committing such sins. If the resolve to avoid the sin is not there then one has not actually repented.In this hadith, Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) tells us that no matter how many a person’s sins are, should they even reach the sky in heaps, Allah would forgive the sinner if they were to turn to Allah in repentance. In a different hadith, the Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) told us that Allah’s bounty is so vast that He would actually convert all the sins into good deeds, should the person truly repent. We should not postpone repenting of our sins and reforming ourselves to when we become old, since nobody knows when they will die."
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I also wanted to add dear brother to cry to Allah swt. Ask Him to forgive you and do not despair.
Wake up in the middle of the night for Tahajjud and pray as much as you can. Raise your hands, cry and ask Him to forgive you. Speak to Him.
Allah swt loves the repentance of His slave and rejoices when he repents. So please do not despair. Regret your sin, but know that Allah swt is the Most Merciful.
You may experience feelings and thoughts such as "I am unworthy of forgiveness" or "there's no point praying, it will never get accepted etc". Dont listen to them. These are the whispers of Shaitan trying to make you despair. Don;t let this sin stop you from moving forward and growing in deen.
Give yourself time and if whenever you remember the sin, don't despair but say Astaghfirullah and ask Allah to forgive you.
Please have a read and a surf of the links below. They are beautiful posts MashaAllah, almost therapeutic to read
http://islamicsunrays.com/category/forgiveness/
http://islamicsunrays.com
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
JazakAllah sister, May Allah swt reward you for your contribution on this blog.
Allah wil blees u my akhy i was afraid and i was lost and my hope was gone and my faith of being for givness was hopeless but u ... u help m
Thanks jazhulaukheir akhy
Jazak-Allah my sister in Islam may Allah the exalted increase your knowledge and taqwah day by day.
You need to really ask yourself, "what in the world is going on in my life, that I stopped to this act? What lead me to disregard Allah (swt) and plunged me into this sin?"
You need to understand the by fornicating with a married woman, you have set up the possibility for destroying her life, her's husband's life, her children (if she has any, I hope not) and their extended family. You've laid the groundwork for the community to be affected and not to mention your own life and that of your own extended family. Adultery while forgivable is one of the most despised sins because it tears a community apart, it harms everyone and there is never a remedy for it once it is made public, if that should happen.
You need to assess your life and figure out if sex is such a lustful desire that you couldn't have found another avenue such as marriage? How did this situation come about?
Ponder these questions and thoughts day and night. What you have done may potentially follow you forever. That's the severity of this sin.
And I want to say something else, because it's often overlooked: just because Allah (swt) will forgive you, doesn't mean that you are off the hook. If you don't reform your life soon, you may find yourself in a place where you never thought you'd be. It's already happening, so you need to turn it around quickly.
U sinned , so did the other women both of u are at fault ,
Dear bro, he already knows that he committed a sin, he asked for help so don't push him.
Jazak-Allah khairan.
if her husband will come to know about this sin, it will be harmful for your life and for that woman's life also. allah will forgive you if you seriously repent, but society and her family will never forgive you if this sin will come out. you have destroyed the life of that married woman , what is the need of doing it with a married one. even with any unmarried girl also. just pray to allah for your safe life...
khuda hafiz
how did he destroy the marriage of that married woman? she destroyed it herself!
Good response from sara and prof. , but both of you have missed a point. What about the lady's husband that was cheated. Allah only forgive sins between him and his slaves, but he doesnt forgive when people cheat on the other unless and until the cheated person forgives the person that cheats him.. Now when this man commited adultory with someones wife, two things are involved, he has disobeyed Allah by commiting zina of which if he sincerely ask allahs forgiveness, then allah may forgive him. But He has also cheated on the lady's husband and until he seeks forgiveness from the husband, Allah would never forgive him. So now after asking Allah to forgive you, you must also ask the husband for forgiveness. And if you think the husband cannot handle it and it could result in problems, then be very sure that on judgement day Allah would surely judge between both of you and Allah would compensate him with your good deeds (your reward) because Allah is a just God. And nobody knows the exchange rate, maybe Allah would compensate him with 1000 sallah that your offered or 10000 or more, no one knows. And if you dont have enough good deeds to compensate him, then Allah would pack his sins and mount it on yours. . . . . . . So my advice is if you cant confront him with the issue, then you better start preparing the good deeds that you will pay him with in the hereafter.. You better start engaging yourself in righteous actions because some of your good deeds would be paid to him as compensation and no one would be wronged. And if someones bad deeds outways his/her good deeds and he/she is a beleiver (muslim), such person would have to spend some time suffering in hell fire for his/her sins to be roasted before he would be brought back to paradise. The heat of hell fire is 70 times as hot as the worldly fire, imagine how painful it would be. Also if your good deeds outway your evil deeds whilst you are a beleiver (muslim), then for such people, Allah said paradise is for them and they shall dwell therein forever. . But who ever dies while he/she is a disbeliever (ie as a nonmuslim), Allah (God) said such people are going to hell fire and they shall abide therein for all eternity.
By even approaching the husband, this Shahab could do immeasurable harm, not to mention endanger the lives of those involved. There is no telling how the husband would react. In this case, Shahab is going to have to live with what he has done, ask for forgiveness from Allah (swt), repent, give charity and reform his lifestyle.
He should never approach the wife or the husband ever again.
Shahab should definitely not tell the husband under any circumstances! This will only cause more problems, incurr more sin and most likely will break up the ladys family. Professor X is correct that he should have nothing to do with the lady he committed zina with or her husband or anyone related to her. This sin should be kept between him and Allah swt.
As for seeking the husbands forgiveness, it is not necessary in this case. The ruling is you need to seek the forgiveness of the person you wrong, UNLESS it will cause them hurt or problems. For instance contacting an ex to ask for forgiveness for a mistake is not a good idea - it opens the door to zina. So the consequences must be weighed up. By telling the husband, you will be wronging him even more!! And his family and any kids if he has any!
If a person is unable to seek the persons forgiveness, they should pray for the person that they have wronged. So Shahab should make dua that Allah swt has mercy on the husband and blesses his marriage etc.
But under no circumstnaces should he tell the husband
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I too did not advice him to tell the husband, I was just trying to bring out one point. That surely Allah would judge between , the innocent husband and the cheaters/adultorers (both the lady and the man in question) and no one among them would be wronged. So he should start preparing the good deeds that would be used to compensate the innocent husband.. Of course Allah may forgive His part if shabab ask for His forgiveness. But Allah would surely judge btw them because Allah will not do injustice to the one who is cheated .. .
May Allah give you the ajr...thanx sister...the second para explanation was very much needed...
Brother, your sin was not nowhere near as great, as much of an abomination as the shameless married woman.
Just ask Allah to forgive you, make hijra if you can.
and dont look back.
Dont sadden because A l l a a h does forgive sins, but you must show regret to A l l a a h.
If you can't afford to make hijra, then dont look at her shamefull face ever again, dont tell her family as it could cause killings, injuries, scares for life, and im sure you're aware many cultures have so called "honour" killings where they take law into their own hands.
may A l l a h forgive you and me.
'her shameful face' what ????she is not the only one who took part in the act it was him who also took part in the act why are being so harsh on her even if she is married it takes two to commit zina when Adam and Eve ate from the forbidden tree eve wasn't only punished but Adam was punished too.
Salama upon you.
Because of her position as a married woman.
A person who is unmarried may be driven by the shaytan out of impatience to fulfill his desire, Thus his punishment is 99 lashes [the punishments are only under sharia state].
As for the married one, he already has an easy way of fulfilinf his desire anytime he wants.
So when he goes elsewhere, it is only out of pure greed, pure transgression, pure evil so the punishment for this one is death, because he is much much more dispicable, dirty, greedy in the sight of A l l a a h.
It has nothing to do with her being a woman unlike in some stupid cultures, where the people overlook the zina of their sons, and kill their daughters for committing zina
You can refer to the book of a man called Muhammad Bin Saalih al-'Uthaymeen [ra] to some of the wisdoms behind some of the punishments which most people regard claim are "barbaric".
Salaam Brother,
My understanding is that stoning to death applies to both as long as one of the parties is married?
100 lashes will only apply if both parties are unmarried? Is this true?
No one carries the burden of another.
So the unmarried person will always get 100 lashes, except in the case of incest [ sexually penetrating a female relative], or the act of homosexual penetration [both the reciever and the giver], or beastality [penetrating an animal] then in this case, death applies regardless of who is married and who isnt.
A l l a a h 'alm.
Remember, the punishments are only carried out under a sharia state, under the islamic court union, no one can take law into his own hands and kill his wife because she has commited adultery.
I am engaged and My fiancé is in another country. I kissed another guy... What should I do in this situation, should I tell him but I don't want to lose him and have him hate me for the rest of my life. What should I do to prevent cheating on him again? Thank you brothers and sisters.
Angel, if you want a detailed answer, then please log in and write your question as a separate post. My short answer would be, do not tell your fiance, make sincere tawbah to Allah, and from now on stay away from all men who are not your mahrem. Don't be "friends" with them, don't chat, and do not be alone with them.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
dont tell your fiance, make serious tawbah to allah... and dont make any contact with other boys. it will be better for you.......
Inshallah Brother I will keep you in my duas. Allah (swt) must be guiding you already as it seems you feel genuine remorse for my actions.
I recommend you read/ watch Dorian Gray, even though it is written by a Christian there is a valuable moral lesson for everyone, you may relate to it. Take a stand for yourself and make a change now.
*oops i meant your actions, this is what lack of sleep does.
Salam!
How about if the husband is late?
And does that mean someone most sleep with your wife even after thauba?
Babs
Babs, I don't understand your questions. If the husband is late for what? And what do you mean "someone must sleep with your wife"?
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I mean if the husband to the wife I slept with died, how do I seek for his forgiveness?
My second question is this: it is well known to me that if you have zina with someone's wife, same most have to you. Can Allah protect your wife after your seek for forgiveness?
Thanks
Seek forgiveness from Allah.
Your second statement is false. The fact that you committed adultery has nothing to do with someone sleeping with your wife. It just means that you committed a major sin and you need to make tawbah to Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
a married women gives me such love and affection that i lost my way and committed zina. she gave me gifts, cook food for me, sent messages of care at morning time lunch time and dinner time, She told me that her parents had died and his father is not given attention to her because of her social and financial status. his husband was abroad he didn't fulfill her desires for more than 6 to 7 months. i was 6 years younger than her. anyhow her concern, love and affection makes me blind and i mistakenly done sins. she left home because of her husband's cruelty and had taken divorce from her. i fall in love with her and decided to marry with her but her husband had taken her to home forcibly. i was trapped by her she did alot for me that force me to take care of herself give her love respect and marry with her. am i wrong or that female, sin at my part was just to give her time and comfort on sympathetic grounds to make a orphan lady happy. although sin is sin whatsoever is the reason. may ALLAH forgive me but i was mislead and used by that lady she kept me unaware of consequences now her husband threatened me if you contact her again i will kill you. she had ruined my life, i was giving support to a divorced and orphan lady but atlast when i decided to marry with her she make such a dangerous situation for me that i remain ever contact her, i loved her and i sacrifice my relations for her. now i want to change me path but the moments and memories are following me at every point in time, i cant sleep at nights. may ALLAH forgive me.
Please I want to seek clarification
At what point does zina committed. has zinah been committed if the man organ only touches theoutside part of a female organ, without penetrating.
Also what advice will you give to a woman whose husband stayed away from her for more than 1 year and in an attempt not to commit zinah the woman derive pleasure by masturbating herself or ask another man for oral sex without the man penetrating into her. Has she committed actual Zinah for doing this.
Salams sister Bayo,
Indeed it's zina because a married woman (unmarried as well) is not supposed to be having such relationship with any man except their husband. Your husband should not be away from you for more than 3 months unless you both agreed to it due to certain reason such as working/studying away etc. Yes, oral sex, exposing oneself to another man on internet, sending/receiving pictures/videos etc are all forms of zinna. So, please avoid all this, repent and ask for forgiveness. Ask your husband to take you with him and don't abandon you for long periods of time. You also need to take responsibility for your own actions and educate yourself on this matter.
Please follow other advice offered under this post and other similar posts and if you still need advice then please log in and write your question as a separate post with more details and it will be published on it's turn iA.
Muhammad1982,
IslamicAnswers.com, Editor.
In fact I am in a dilemna as I do not want to remarry having surferred a set back from 1st marriage. I quit the first marriage because the man was fetish. This new marriage with one issue with a man who has got a wife before without issue. But it was as if he has abandoned me because he comes home may be once in 6month or 1year from a distance of about 1hr drive. Often times he visited his 1st wife that we are in the same town but he never visited me. I resulted to oral sex with another man as last resort instead of allowing him to penetrate me so as to satisfy my sexual feeling in order not to have medical issue that I had in the past for not having sex for years. I dont want to remarry and likewise all my effort to see my so caled husband as when due even once in a month has proved abortive.
Assalaamualaikam
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Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor