Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Desperate in love

I am 16 years old medical student, I am in love with my cousin from father side.

My problem is that he doesn't talk to me and don't even know about it, he lives abroad, I cannot live without him and I want to marry him but the problem is that my other two cousins like him as well, one is older than him and one is 3 years younger than him he is 22.

I feel they are snatching my love, we used to play in childhood, his father helps us financially as well, maybe he want me to marry his son, my father is very strict but deep down he also want me to marry him as I am a girl and it is difficult to find a good proposal. i can give up my career for him, please tell any dua to change his mind and divert towards me.


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4 Responses »

  1. Assalaamu Alaykum,

    As a side note, I'm intrigued that you live somewhere that you could be a medical student already at age 16. Unless you are a prodigy, most of us are not out of high school at that age...let alone doing uni medical studies.

    Anyway, 16 is very young to be obsessing about the issue at hand. This boy is 22, and right now the age gap between you two is significant. If you were 32 and he was 38, it wouldn't be so bad. But a lot of things happen between your age and his age, that help you develop who you are. Even more, who he is now at 22 may not be who he is in even 5 years. There is so much right now with both of you that is unsettled and still developing.

    That's why taking marriage so seriously, that you are determining you need him and no one else, is premature. You haven't met a lot of young men, and given time and exposure you may actually realize he has very little of what you want in a husband compared to what someone else could offer. For you to say that it will be hard for you to find a husband at your age is not even realistic. Even women 10 years older than you can get proposals, so it makes no sense to seal yourself to some kind of fate before you've even jumped in those waters of courtship.

    Only Allah knows who is best for that young man or you. Maybe one of your other cousins is more suitable. Or maybe not. Maybe he will fall in love and marry someone he doesn't even know yet. We don't know the future, and only being patient with Allah while time passes will reveal it to us.

    My advice to you is to relax, and remember your trust is in Allah only. Believe He will carry you to what pleases you and and Him most of all. You have your studies to focus on, and your youth to enjoy. Use your energies and time to develop your iman and ibadah, instead of obsessing over what is in store for you. In time you will see that those efforts will pay off more in the long run, both as a single woman and as a married one, in shaa Allah.

    -Amy Editor

  2. Salaam Iphone,

    Your answer is SO EASY, sister Amy is right.
    1. Go to school and time will tell
    2. By the time you are 1/3 into your education, you will see that Allah will bring someone who is way, way, cutter, hotter, kinder, nicer that you will sooooo feel in love and then
    2. You will say " Thank you ALlah,
    3. I feel so stupid that at 16, I thought i felt in love with my cousin and when you look at him, he will look so ugly to you that you would want to hit your head on the wall.

    TRUST me..
    4, RIght now, your "lover" is your education.
    I swear I am right.

    Good luck on your education, dont let NO MEN take that away from you.. the regret will hunt you and kill you.


    • "By the time you are 1/3 into your education, you will see that Allah will bring someone "

      -How so , this would involve her engaging in conversations with non mehrams

      "cutter, hotter, kinder, nicer"

      -Thought this was a Islamic advice site , not some fantasy

      "he will look so ugly "

      -What does a persons looks have to do with any of this?

  3. Tell ur dad to have a word with his family and ask what they think

    Look it is my experience my shyness has meant I never got to make an offer to those tht I loved and in the end lost's better u adress it with actions if they will consider u thy will say.
    Otherwise be prepared nt to gt it. As I guys r complex.

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