Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Did I hurt my ex-fiance, his family, and especially my father?


I am so depressed and I want your suggestion about my matter.

The problem is that some months ago my dad told my mom that he has a proposal for me. The education of boy is matric and he is very rich. My mother refused at the spot, because I have studied to M.A, so there was a great difference in education. And this thing gives birth to a lot of problems, mental level etc. But my dad insisted my mother go to have a look of that boy.

My mom went to see him with a very bad mood, and when they returned, my mom started fighting with dad that what did he see in that family, they do not match with us, their living standard , their attitude, was totaly different from us, she did not like that boy too, because of his less education (which was told later F.A). and his height was too short.

So my mom refused to get me engaged with that boy. But my father brought his friend to get my mom's understanding to get agreement on this proposal. Dad said if you are not okay with that proposal then you have to search out another proposal on your behalf. They were not agreed at all, I had too much pressure on me so I said okay, but there was something in my heart which used to make me panic because I knew his education was less than mine (actually i get panicky and get aggressive very soon, and have no control over myself, I'm helpless).

I got engaged, and I was happy, feeling satisfied at that time. After some time of engagement, my fiance tried to contact me on facebook, cell phone. I told my parents that I don't want to talk to him, because before geting married this thing (talking to fiancee) creates a lot of problems. They in fact did not take it seriously, and he continued on sending me messages.

I messaged his sister and told her that in our family it is not allowed to talk with fiance, she delivered my message to her brother but he did not stop. I got irritated. My fiance asked his mother and she called my mom to give him and me the permission to talk with one another, so he started texting me. He didn't want anybody know that we talk with one another, even he wanted to keep my dad unaware, but my mom told my father.

Anyhow when I talked to the boy, I did not like him, his way of talking, his conversation, I did not like anything about him. I tried to make myself satisfied with the situation, but I could not.

Then I asked my parents that I don't want this relationship anymore. My engagement got broken. Now I'm panicky if I hurt my x fiance and his family and especially my father? I'm so restless, I say sorry to Allah everyday if I hurt them. Anybody, can anybody tell me that what I did was right or wrong? How can I get rid of that feeling that I hurt a lot of people, do you think Allah will punish me for this? ( Allah na kre ) ?

anaya ali

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5 Responses »

  1. My Dear Sister

    You have done nothing wrong. You have the right to seek the best. Just take it easy.

    Just be regular in your Namaz and recite Quran regularly. Your heart will be at ease.


  2. For future reference you are allowed to talk to your fiance, how else can you get to know your future spouse? It's not Haram to get to know someone. We don't live in a village where we speak to the marriage partner for the first time on the wedding day- just want to make that clear. Get to know them in a halal way of course before someone comments something silly about dating.

  3. I don't think anyone is hurt. Even if there are, they'll get over it. You did the right thing calling off the engagement when you didn't feel the man was right for you. Whether we like to admit it or not, differences in educational level often is a valid thing to take in to consideration. You want your spouse to be someone you have things in common with, so you have common expectations and goals to work towards in the marriage. Just like it's harder to make a Muslim-Christian marriage work than a Muslim-Muslim marriage, you most likely also have most in common with someone who has a similar background to your own, similar ideals, beliefs, morals, values, ambitions, priorities and education.

  4. Dear sister You did right thing .if you are not satisfied then don't go for this marriage ...

  5. Hi,

    There is nothing serious in the situation that you have explained/ expressed.
    Be normal and follow stress relief mantras like occupying urself with the work, listening to songs, being with friends, smiling.
    You have done good thing and realized situation well in advance before starting a relation.
    All d best for your future. Smile always

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