Should I divorce my agnostic wife?
My question is whether I should be with my wife who has slowly but surely moved farther from Islam. Her background is such that her father and older sister (who she is very close to) are agnostic and don't believe Islam is a religion to be followed.
My wife has also become this way. We have no children, but she says that when we do (if Allah allows) that I can teach them Islam, but that there are certain things in the Quran she does not agree with and would not want her children to be taught those.
I don't know where to go from here, and we both think that breaking this off is the best idea. Although we love each other and still care about each other, it seems that this topic will not dissolve.
Any advice would be very helpful. Thank you.
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Am guessing she was a convert?! Brother hate to say this but u brought this trouble upon urself. I thnk u guys should separate because she has stop practicing. Plus Ur future kids future is in line. True u love each others but Inshallah u will fnd a better, practicing woman, who u can live ur life with in harmony. Good luck.
First of all this is Fiqh related issue. Thus you should consult a scholar.
Whatever limited knowledge I have, I think the marriage is automatically annulled if anyone of the spouses apostates. Now I do not know if being agnostic falls in the category of apostasy. There is however no doubt that agnosticism is enormously serious matter.
QUOTE[but that there are certain things in the Quran she does not agree with and would not want her children to be taught those.]UNQUOTE
This is also serious. There are two things. Acknowledging and practicing. For example: Allah has declared usury haram. Now if someone takes usury but at least acknowledges that usury is haram but takes it because his imaan is weak, he would remain within the fold of Islam but he would definitely be committing a big sin. However, if someone does not have the decency to acknowledge that usury is haram or if someone rather thinks that the law of Allah is unjust and makes no sense and thus reject if with disdain, then he or she would be expelled from the fold of Islam. I go not know what her disagreement with some verses of the Quran means here (rejection or non-practice).
Now start persuading her. If it fails, do as the scholar says.
rizawan903, everything Stranger has said is correct, however I suggest not rushing to separation or divorce. What needs to happen here is Islamic education. Find some videos by moderate Islamic scholars that address some of the issues that concern your wife, and watch them together.
Also, start reading some basic Islamic books with her, like Islam in Focus. Maybe one of the simple seerahs (biography of the Prophet Muhammad pbuh), like The Sealed Nectar.
Stop discussing this issue of divorce or dissolving the marriage. As long as you have that hanging over your heads, you will not be able to make any headway. Try to be a loving and kind husband.
Keep trying. See if you can meet some other Muslim couples (especially if they are practicing Muslims) and make friends with them, have them over for dinner, that kind of thing. Fast together in Ramadan, beginning right now (I am sure you are, but if your wife is not then get her to join you - you can mention to her some of the important health and psychological benefits of fasting). Get her to pray with you sometimes, even if her heart is not in it fully. I have heard of people who have converted to Islam after being taught how to make wudu', or how to pray, or how to fast, because the physical rituals of Islam are quite powerful in themselves.
Give it at least a year. In the meantime don't have any children just yet. You made a commitment to her, and part of that commitment is to be her shepherd, to guide her in Islam, and guide her to Jannah. When your flock (even if it's only a flock of one) wanders toward a cliff, you don't shrug your shoulders and say, "Oh, well." You try to save it.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Rizwan903, I agree completely with Wael.
Your wife needs some Islamic education but in a gentle, loving and inviting environment. Leave the matter of divorce or separation until you have tried your best to clear her misconceptions and misunderstandings of Islam. Although Allah knows best.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I just caught a few words of a lecture by Dr Zakir Naik; and this post came to mind.
Naik highlighted a very interesting point. He stated that when Allah revealed the Quran, the first revelation was not about Salaah, Sawm or Hajj, nor was it even about believing in the Oneness of Allah(swt) Himself. The first word to be revealed was 'Iqra' - 'read/recite', emphasizing the importance of reading and education in one's life.
The same can be applied to the author's wife. She needs subtle learning/reading/education in Islam as was mentioned above.
Allah (swt) knows His creation more than anyone does and even the order of revelation has a Divine sequence which helps to counsel man.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear Sir, Please help me out
We are both Muslims me and my Wife. But she is very stubborn and hates me. She was asking me to divorce her, several times. But I don’t pay attention to that because I am not interested in divorcing her I love seriously.
Last year 2009. When we are living in Tamanrasset a state in Algeria. She asked me that she when to spend Eid El Fitir with her parent in Adrer another state in Algeria. And I said ok. After her going the last news of her and her parent I heard is that they emigrate to Sahba in Libya.
So you see what should I do in Islam?
Thanks I am sidi Mohammed Ahmed Zaidan
Waiting to her from you soonest.
Rizwan, Is there a reason why she if feeling Agnostic?
Try to understand it from her point of view.
Try to understand why she doesn't like those parts of the Quran...
then try to explain it to her.
Assalamualaikum,
I'm in the same predicament as the author of the question. Only difference is I'm in a tighter situation as i only got to know that my wife and her family (especially the father is an agnostic/atheist by way of thinking while the mother is neither here nor there)
I've been married for 3 years and have 2 lovely kids.
If i have not been blessed with children i wouldn't think twice to separation, but since i have kids i decided to stay on for the sake of my kids. but that too has backfired big time.
My mother in law hogs my 1st child (2 years old) and i'm afraid to even think about separation now. mainly because i doubt that i will have custody over my kids, given the laws that favor the women despite anything, Plus her family is well to do as opposed to mine and they are Law Literate.
I've tried to slowly bring my wife to the deen but it is very hard and it gets harder every single day. Especially during meal times as we eat together and they as a family openly slander muslims (the bad ones) while at the same time stereotyping every muslim to be the same. Most of the time i keep quiet as i respect them in their home (staying with them because wife insisted)
I really don't know what to do because i still love my family and i don't want to lose my kids to them if things goes sour while at the same time i don't want my kids to be influenced by their mother, and my wife is beyond any reasoning.
I can only make duaa and leave everything to Allah.
What do you guys think i should do, because it eating me inside and making my depression worse day by day.