He seems to enjoy having power over me
I started dating a Muslim man a few months ago. He does not have kids, but seems to be someone looking for multiple relationships at the same time. I have not seen him with anyone, but we don't see each other that much. That gives me suspicions.
Once we were supposed to meet, but did not set up a time. I went to a store while he was looking for me. Basically, we did not see each other that day. He came by next day very angry and almost hit me. It seemed like he enjoyed hurting and releasing his anger on me. I did violate his trust, but it was not deliberate. I said I was sorry, but he did not want to listen.
Next time he came by in a better mood and seemed uncomfortable with what he has done. He was much nicer that day, but never apologised or said he was sorry.
What should I do: break up with him or give him another chance???? Does his anger mean he actually has feelings for me?
I am scared to talk to him about break up because he seems to be very attached to me. His behavior makes me nervous. Once he said that he can beat me up sometime. I thought he was joking.
He seemed like such a nice guy when I first met him. We had a great time at the beginning. I thought we were in love. But now I am just very confused. It seems that he simply enjoys having power over someone, control and manipulation. He never sets up meeting time in advance, just feels free to come to my house any time.
What should I do???? Please advice.
- JustAGirl
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Salaam, sister
Firts, I would like to say something about this relationship you have with this man.
I noticed you didn't mention marriage in your post. Are you planning to marry him at all or are you just dating him for the fun of it ? You know, boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are not accepted in Islam.
If you're trying to get to know each other better in order to get married later if all goes well, then that makes it a little more okay, since apparently you don't go out together and you two meet at your house. And I hope, that by "my house" you mean, your family's house and not some house where you live alone in which case what you're doing would be haraam. A man and a woman, aren't supposed to be alone together in a room or in a house.
Now, about your question. It seems to me your "boyfriend" might have some anger issues. You say he almost hit you once because you didn't show up !!!
"Once he said that he can beat me up sometime. I thought he was joking." Aren't jokes supposed to be funny ?! This one certainly is not. And I think you should take this threat seriously. Get out of there while you can. Break up with him immediately. I think this guy is a bomb that could go off anytime and you don't want to be there when it does !
Best of luck, sister.
Wafa.
Why would you want to stay with this man? He sounds absolutely awful. He might indeed have feelings for you, but he is emotionally abusive, and I have not doubt that he is physically abusive as well. His "joke" about beating you up was not a joke at all, but a veiled threat.
Get rid of him right away. If necessary, change your phone number and add a secure lock to your door. Get a restraining order if you have to. But get away from this jerk.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Hello,
I did happen to notice that you said you wanted to get out of the relationship. Do! I agree totally with Weal. Leave him now and take his advice. And that you said you were scared to approach him about breaking up. Don't if you are scared then do it by phone. Or Take family you feel safe with to do it personally. BUT do NOT approach him alone about breaking up. No man jokes about beating a woman. It is a threat.
It seems he has jealousy issues. The thing is you should never feel threatened in a relationship. It seems your instincts are working for you. You seem to need permission to follow them. You've got it. It seems pretty bad to us too. If you ever feel fear toward your partner in any relationship that is the time to leave immediately.
Because I know how damaging it can be for you. My first husband beat me so severly he permanently damaged my spine and it has left me disabled. I would not wish that on anyone.
LEAVE HIM NOW! Do not do it privately alone with him.
Love is your business.
Believe your own decision !