Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I feel like he’s the one, but it’s just not happening

Okay.  I am stuck in a very nasty situation.

I will be honest okay. Okay so.. I met a brother from my sect on facebook.  He wrote about how his niece is sick and he needs a miracle prayer. I sent him a message regarding his niece and that I'd pray for him. I did not expect him to reply to me. But he did. He got my email address and sent me a lengthy email.. and started sending me emails etc and called me sister.

When we got to know each other I realised that he had everything I prayed for. The only problem was that I was confused if we will get married because a friend warned me that his family is too into each other and they won't listen to him if he mentions your name.. because love marriages can't happen in their family. One day I asked her 'what if you meet someone you prayed for?' she said 'well it could be a test..' and I did not understand what she meant by a test.. so I said 'what if he is 100 % like what you prayed for in a husband  and you can only see him out of trillion people.. and you know he will be your hubby because he has those qualities..' and she said 'well then God is behind it..'

I was still confused.. so I did Istekhara.. and I got positive feelings.. and everytime I did, I had more positive feelings.. so I decided to be with him and wait till he speaks to his parents.. He told me that he will try his best but he can't guarantee that we will get married.. because he loves his parents and won't go against their wishes.

So one day he asked me out.. and my other friend said I should meet him to see what sort of person he is.. so I met him. We spent 8 hours together and he ended up doing things... (but not the real thing .. if you know what I mean).. it was out of control.

After that we repented and stopped seeing each other, and we just email and keep everything clean. It has been 2 months and we have been very religious, so I pushed him to speak to his mother and he decided to speak to her on the phone.

He told her the reasons why he does not want to marry the other girls on their list and that he thinks I am perfect for him. She told him off  because I think she got angry about how he is refusing to marry the girl of their choice (they are very picky.. they look at wealth, status, etc.. so all wordly reasons). and he said how I am a nice girl and I am good from inside and out. and his mother said 'WHAT ? is that all you look in a girl? family values ? parents ?' and he tried explaining but she told him off and hung up on him and didnt speak to him for days and told his father (his father has a short temper) but surprisingly he did not say anything and has been quiet? And he has kept himself in his room for days.

Now the problem is that the person I want to marry is saying 'I don't think God want us to be together..' and he is all hopeless and I don't know what to do? I have been praying a lot.. and I did Istekhara ..and it has given me positive feelings. I am just so confused that I want to know if I get positive feelings from Istekhara then does it mean it's God's will? Should I keep praying that his parents accept me? Or should I move on and pray that God gives me a better husband?

- Hopeful1

Tagged as: , , , , , , , ,

5 Responses »

  1. Salaam,

    All praise be to Allah the Lord of the Universe and Master of The Day of Judgement.

    The relationship you have formed with this man is HARAAM, it is HARAAM, it is vile and Haraam. We have been warned numerous times, we don't need any more warnings, we all know that socialising between males and females is strictly prohibited for reasons like this.

    You are yet another female who is infatuated with some male who has clearly used a sad incident for his own advantage. Shame on this man for sending that lengthy email instead of just typing the words Jazakallah.

    Often people tell me I'm ruthless in my comments but I don't know how else to describe situations like this. This man abused your generosity by praying for his family member.

    If you feel he is a suitable partner, you must tell your father and ask him to speak to the boys parents, if they reject your offer and I wouldn't blame them for it as you are guilty of pre-martial relationship with him, then you must accept it and learn and move forward.

    Too often young females are led astray by young men giving them false hopes, I know this because I almost fell into this shameless act but I was fortunate enough to find Islam again within and outside of me.

    Sister, to be honest I don't care if this man has the behaviour of the most righteous man on Earth, you should not have any communication directly with him at all, or in fact any non-mahram.

    I pray you realise the mistake you and he have made and that you chase happiness in the way the Prophet asked us to, in order to please Allah. Ameen.

  2. salaam,
    i pray that you are doing well and in the best of health by the grace of Allah.
    i feel for you and your situation i really do.
    first of all i am glad to see that you have acknowledged your shortcomings as a muslim and have truly realized that you have sinned and are thus as a result repenting for your mistakes. i pray that Allah showers you with His mercy and forgiveness.
    we all make mistakes, some of us worse than others, but there is a reason that Allah is the All-Forgiving and Most Merciful...He knows we are an imperfect creed, and He knows better than any of us that we will sin and therefore require His mercy kindness and forgiveness.
    do don't worry, ask for forgiveness and pledge not to do it again and inshallah Allah will pardon you for your sins.
    i understand and can completely relate to how confused you may be feeling in regards to whether you should carry on praying for Allah to bring you two together in marriage, or whether you should try to move on and pray instead for help with that. i am also in a similar situation whereby i'm not sure what i should be making dua for anymore.
    i have done istikhara too but to be honest am not really sure if i feel more positive or negative....but if i was in your position and i felt positive, then personally i would carry on making dua for Allah to bring us together and help us overcome any obstacles in the way. youtube a video called 'never lose hope in Allah', it's a really short talk by sheikh bilal assad in which he explains to never ever give up in the power of dua, because Allah loves patience and is with the patient...He loves to hear His servants call out to Him by His beautiful names and ask of Him. he says to never give up on your dua and never become impatient with the fact that your dua does not seem to be any nearer to an answer...because Allah might just be about to grant you your dua when you give up on making that dua. just purely basing my answer on that, then, i would not give up on my initial dua, which is for you to be united with your loved one. this is just my opinion and inshallah there are other more learned and wiser people who can respond to your query and answer you more efficiently.
    but inshallah this helps, you are in my duas, i pray that Allah sorts out your affairs for you the way you want them to be, and i hope He grants you patience and strength and peace. Ameen

  3. Asslamu alikum, Sister

    You have my greatest sympathy, and i can understand what you're going through.
    I also had a facebook, and met alot of boys who claimed to my brothers at first...
    and later they're admitted having feelings for me so i totally got rid of it. Its not a safe
    place at all!!! And its very wrong to be talking to boys in the first place!!

    To be honest with you, Facebook is the not the best way to meet people, but alhamtillah,
    you've met the right guy wheras other people i know have met a guy but when they
    decided to meet in real life, they werent expecting him to be like that.

    And like what hkh24 has said, never give up making dua because allah maybe just
    have decided to grand your duas but you gave up in the last minute.
    And sister, not to be rude but what you did was HARAM, this wasnt the best
    way to meet you perfect patner. Allah has already decided who that will be
    and as time goes, you will meet that person.

    Anything that happens, happens for a even if you
    do not marry that person, then allah has better plans for you,
    and you shud accept that. Only Allah knows.
    So sister keep praying, ask god forgivness for what you have done
    and Inshallah, Allah will show you the right path.

    All the best of luck to you Sister.

Leave a Response