Islamic marriage advice and family advice

His snide remarks make me kill myself; I feel suffocated and depressed.

Hadith on Suicide

I can't believe that a day would come when I'd hesitate to even greet someone with a salaam.

Wael! thanks for this website and all your efforts. I have been so much trouble all my life that I think I'd be better off dead. I no longer know what I believe in. I have no faith or hope in anything that life has to offer. Someone I used to hold in high-esteem has destroyed my self-esteem completely. I've been deeply hurt and can't seem to get out of this torment.

He says it's the truth about me, the ugly truth. I never denied it, it's just that it hurts me so much coming from him, the only person who meant something to me in this disgusting place called earth. I've lost my solace in prayers and religion. My life is a wreck, every single aspect of it. I am left feeling ugly and unwanted and he is with the love of his life. He thinks I'm envious of him, far from the truth. I'm hurt. I'm angry. I'm shocked beyond belief how one could disregard my love to this degree of hatred. I'm in shock. I'm deeply disturbed. He opened a can of worms in my life and left. He opened my childhood wounds which I worked all of my life to forget. I don't see any way out of it.

I hate everything and everyone. I'm tucked away in a dark corner. I'm afraid of people. I'm afraid of life. I'll curl up here and die here. Life's not worth it. He tries to make me jealous of his love and makes me feel so ugly and unwanted. I just want to die. I can't bear this pain. He doesn't understand what his words do to me, yet he thinks I envy him when all I'm feeling is hurt, abandoned and angry at my life. I can't accept the thing they call "decree". I just can't. I used to be kind, I have been nice to people and this man has unleashed an awful beast which was hiding in me and I didn't even know about this disease. I really didn't know about life. I'm in so much pain, I can't feel anything except this horrible pain and feeling of loss and emptiness. I have no faith in anything.

Woman with a dead soul.

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25 Responses »

  1. Asalam alaikum sister,
    Your situation very sad and crazy emotionally. I will offer dua for you.
    Please keep your head up sister, nobody can take your dignity from you but you and Allah swt.

  2. Dear my beautiful, strong, loving sister.

    I was 5 years old when I began thinking about ending my life. To this day, I still contemplate on weather I should or not.
    There come moments in my life, when I just want the pain to stop. It gets so much, and you'd think at least I could cry it out, but I can't even cry anymore. No matter how much I try to, I just can't cry.
    It feels like someone puts a complete stop on any of my tears from coming out, and want me to suffer in silence.
    Whenever I try and talk to someone about my problems, they just don't listen.
    Before, I thought it was just Allah trying to make me suffer, but actually...Allah sometimes does that so that we can for sure turn to Him only. He blocks off everyone else in a way to try to only turn to Him for help and counselling. When life knocks you to your knees, it's the perfect position to pray to Allah.

    Now, I want to move onto who ever this person your talking about is. He is nothing more than a loser who probably isn't even in love with whom ever he's with. I'm sure he's just trying to mess with your head, and sister, you need to try and snap out of it. Stay away from him completely. He is nothing anymore, and I doubt he's going to change. If you can, I suggest you move and start fresh somewhere else. Shaitaan can find ways to mess with people, and this is just another one of his ways.
    Listen, many people go around hurting one another. And what hurts the most, is when it's someone you thought you knew, someone you trusted and loved, and who mattered to you.
    My own family is so untrustworthy, I have to hide the tinniest things from them. They pour salt on my cuts, and always drag me down with my past.
    But sister, that's only the DEVIL messing with us.

    You NEED to get away from him, and that's not the wrong thing to do. It is OKAY to ask Allah to separate you from someone who just inflicts pain upon pain on you.
    Cut all ties with him, and if you don't, I highly doubt anything is going to change.

    Sister, I don't feel too happy towards life either. It's not's painful..but Hell is worse.
    If you end your life, your just letting Shaitan win.
    Shaitan will sit there and laugh at you as you lay in your grave, rotting away. And by the way sister, when you die, you don't really actually die. Your still alive, and you'Ll be more lonely then ever in your grave.

    This is the time to turn to Allah. Not Shaitan. Ask Allah to help you, and Inshallah Things will start falling in place.
    Sister, I want to end this off with a final note.

    We are all here for you, and will most definitely keep you in our dua. But Allah loves you more. He will take care of everything if only you atleast ASK him.

    Sister, you are beautiful. And this man cannot tell you weather you are or not, so why listen to him?
    Allah will take care of him. You just focus on your relationship with Allah, and Inshallah you will be fine.
    Think of Jannah.
    And know that this duniya will be ripped into shreds sooner than you think.
    Make dua, pray, and have high hopes for Allah.

    May Allah guide you to the right path, and protect you. May Allah give you the highest, highest level of Jannah and keep you strong, my dear sister. Inshallah, I will see you in Jannah, sister. 🙂

    • Thanks for your kind words. I don't think anyone will ever be able to fathom the depth of what I'm going through, yet you've eloquently tried to offer support. Thanks for that.

    • HOORIA: I was 5 years old when I began thinking about ending my life. To this day, I still contemplate on weather I should or not......Whenever I try and talk to someone about my problems, they just don't listen.

      Why you wanted to kill yourself when you were only 5 yr old? Did you have a real bad family?

  3. Also, if you can, try doing some charity work. It is a beautiful way to take your mind off of yourself, do some reflecting, and healing as well. Inshallah. May Allah be with you.

    • Thanks. I do as much of that as I can and as secretively as I can. May be that's the only thing which has kept me going till now. Remember me in your duas. Thanks.

  4. Walaikum assalam. Thank you for your reply. I'm sorry, I'm not sure if I'm posting it in the right section. I am unable to locate the "post" you mention.

    In a nutshell, I've lost my faith in my religion and my God, after losing someone I dearly loved and he is now married. It's an extremely unbearable pain. I used to write and writing used to be my escape, but I can't write anymore. I have been raised in a harsh environment and grew up believe that bad manners were the norm throughout the world. This person showed me the real me and it's been an enormously difficult calamity for me to go through. The worst thing is that he hid his love for deen and his efforts from me, I assumed he was just like any other guy out there. But I was shown all of his works one after the one, not to hate him but to appreciate him, but that makes moving on all the more difficult. For the first time in my life, in a relationship I realized I was wrong and someone else was right. I didn't know much about Islam, I had no clue what was missing in my life. I am not making any sense. Ever since I’ve been separated from this person, I’ve been in a serious dilemma: should I hate him for showing me the ugly truths about myself or should I love him for working for the deen? I have said horrible things to him in angry spells. I have no control over myself. He keeps saying that I'm sinning and that's why I lost him. But I don't know what am I doing wrong. I've locked myself away from the world to avoid sinning. My belief, soul and my body is weakening. I hate the world. I hate myself. He said I'm not pretty and it has sunk into my being and I strongly believe in his words. This has crippled me. I am not moving in any direction. I am looking for an end or a relief from this. I prayed to God for him, but what I got was the opposite. I'm so hurt because of this.

    You should know about him because he is not just any random man out there. He is someone gifted. He has a writing gift and he helps people through it. I don't know about it until it helped me too. Hating him feels so unnatural to me and whenever I think good about him or love him for him, my heart finds peace and feels tranquil. I still love him – I find this emotion in me for no other reason except that I love him because he loves Allah so much, so intensely. I love him because I feel his warmth all around me and it redirects me to Allah. My heart finds peace after reading his words. All pain caused by him helps me turn back to Allah. He cares and he does so for every one, SubhanAllah – how big his heart must be. Only natural for someone so talented and blessed to try and protect their gifts from all kinds of evil. SubhanAllah, I understand. I love him because his heart cares, not just about himself, but people all around the world, the whole humanity. He is a real hero, the truthful one who doesn’t seek or want any praise for the extraordinary work that he does. He is the real super Muslim man. SubhanAllah, he is amazing. This is the truth. I love him for his resilience and for never giving up. I love him for his unshakeable faith in Allah (swt) have shown me his efforts, one after the other; he helps from behind a veil, a mask. He does that so he can protect his heart from the disease of arrogance and showing off. He detected problems in the Ummah and didn’t just sit there blaming others like most of us do; instead he took action with Allah's help and his sincerity. The fruits of his efforts are in front of my very own eyes. Allah has blessed him with wisdom and knowledge with which he helps people through his words, SubhanAllah. He truly is a key for goodness. Ya Allah, You have blessed him with extraordinary heart. SubhanAllah. He is so disciplined, dedicated and goal oriented. It feels like he is someone worthy of receiving the love of the Creator of the Worlds – how could I possibly then hate someone like that? I can’t. He is an inspiration and a role model for me, SubhanAllah. He must have gone through a lot of pain and sadness and with Allah’s help he must have gained hope, strength and contentment because of that pain – how else would he so articulately be able to guide others through their pains? SubhanAllah. He too must have lost something very close his heart and not only lived through it but worked hard to emerge as a better, stronger and wiser person from that loss, SubhanAllah. He must have seen pain so up close and in the eye and he must have stood up to it and fought it – how else could he inspire others to do the same. His Tawakkul on Allah must be great. He successfully invites people to Allah (swt) – what else could be better than that in the entire universe? Nothing. How fortunate am I to have known someone like him and how fortunate am I to have been guided to Allah (swt) through someone like him, SubhanAllah. This, this is the exact thought in which my heart feels serene and finds tranquility and peace. I love him and I think I love him for the sake of Allah (swt). Perhaps being together physically isn’t as important as being joined together spiritually. I feel connected to him and it’s been so strong and almost impossible to detach from. SubhanAllah, his words speak to the heart, mind and soul. MashaAllah, La Quwwata ila Billah. He is able to do what he does only because Allah (swt) has blessed him with the ability to do so. SubhanAllah… Even though I've lost him and that is the greatest calamity of my life and his words cause me unimaginable pain, but all of them are founded on the essence of truth. He has always been right in what he believes, says, acts and stands for i.e. the truth, even if it’s bitter. Ya Allah, I feel that he is protected and aided by Allah Himself. SubhanAllah. I cannot bring my heart to hate him and remain still with that hatred. Even in the midst of rage, it doesn’t feel right to hate him or talk negatively about him. Through his good character, Allah helped me see and realize my own bad character. Thank You ya Allah for helping me in this way – please make my heart steadfast on this peaceful thought. Please ya Allah. Please don’t allow my heart to deviate from the truth.

    Help me love You sincerely. If I have Your love, all my needs will be met. If I have Your love, I won’t feel empty. If I have Your love, I won’t need anybody else or their worldly love. Ya Allah, tonight I ask You for a love which is sincerely for Your sake, in any manner that you wish. Please bless me Ya Allah, purify my heart of the ill feelings, hurt, injury and all kinds of bad feelings towards this man through whom You have changed my entire life and changing everyone else's too. Why then am I not at peace with this thought nor belief takes root in my heart. What is it that I am doing wrong? I can not see it. Help me change for the best...uplift me and cure me Ya Shafi.... :"""|

    Ya Allah (swt) please forgive me for my past thoughts, words, actions and everything else against him. Help me love him sincerely for Your sake Ya Allah. He must have chosen his wife wisely, Ya Allah, please help me choose wisely too and make peace with this fact and help me make good duas for him. Give my heart peace Ya Allah. Make me so peaceful that nothing of this Dunya ever hurts me or daunts me. Make all of my concerns and goals towards pleasing You and only You Ya Allah. Please guide me through every step. Help me make peace with my past. Help me make peace with him.

    Help me pray for him and his family – with a sincere, grateful and loving heart. Perhaps there is something greater than just being connected physically through marriage. I feel connected to him through a sacred spiritual bond – even though I still don’t understand it fully, I know that I haven’t felt far away from him at all. I have seen his posts where he is trying to justify or is convincing himself of how bad I am going to be for him – sometimes I smile at these posts thinking, “really was it so important to him that he had to write about me like that to convince himself?” While other days, the tear streams won’t stop flowing from my eyes thinking about all bad things he noted and wrote about me. SubhanAllah, QadarAllahi wamasha’a Faela. Now all I want is to make peace with him and all his memories Ya Allah. I know he speaks the truth, even though it really hurts me.

    How blessed have I been to have known a soul like him. Alhamdulillah. I love him for Your sake ya Allah (swt), please purify my love and bless me with that which is best for me, Ameen. Please do not put me to trial because of this statement. Please make my love sincere and purely for Your sake, Ya Wadud. Please join us in goodness only and purify us of all evil, within and outside of us and make him and me from the people of Jannah, from those with whom You are Pleased and from those who are Your Special People, Ameen. Ya Allah, You have separated me from him in this Dunya which has no value in Your Sight but I beg You to join me with him in the eternal abode of bliss, in Your Jannah, please do not deny my dua, Ya Mujeeb, please answer me.....Ameen, Summa Ameen.

    • SubhanAllah i had just posted my response to scroll up and read what you have written.

      MashAllah sis, you said you have lost the ability to write, yet you write so beautifully in words that pierce the heart; the dua you made reminds me of one i always make where i want Allah (swt) to complete me with faith so that i may never need someone in this dunya again, that i can feel free from burden.

      From reading what you said, i really don't feel this man is as great as you say. I mean, you are saying that he called you unattractive and that he wrote many things that make you feel crestfallen, what kind of person is that?

      You seem to have some kind of cyber connection to this man- cut it. Let go. Block and delete him and stop yourself from reading what he writes. Certainly remember him in your dua, but perhaps do this later when you can truly make sincere dua without pain. For now sister, concentrate on forgetting him, honestly. He is a married man now and Allah (swt) has allowed to happen what is best for you- perhaps there is better in store for you than this man you have met. It may not seem true, but trust in Allah.

      Sometimes i would envy those who have higher iman than me because i feel they have their problems sorted that way- instead of feeling envious of this, i tried to mould myself into how they are. Sister, you say all these nice things about him, but instead of focusing on how great he is, look at who he got these characteristics from. Immerse yourself into the life of the Prophet Muhammad (saw) who is the ultimate example for us, and look at the characteristics of his wives and companions and the great scholars that came after him- look to them for guidance rather than this man and his eloquence. If you feel that is too unrealistic, look at more modern leaders such as Malcolm X or Ghandi and look how they used religion to find peace and harmony. Follow those who have created masses of change rather than this cyber man spreading change through the internet or w/e, go to the source of great leaders and those who came after him and try to become like them! Im sure they never called anyone unattractive or evoked such feelings from a woman to then not marry her (assuming he led you on in any way).

      You in no way seem like a bad person sister, and we should never call anyone bad or point out their sins because they may have repented and been forgiven. You seem like an awesome person and i don't think you should listen to what he has said, and if you feel what he said is true, then work on improving your character; we as muslims have an awesome foundation to imitate and we too can be great insha Allah.

  5. Sister, my heart goes out to you.

    I wish i can offer you some kind of comfort from the bottom of my heart, really, i have tears in my eyes from reading what you have written and i feel an ache in my heart. That someone treated you in this way, that made you open up like that and abandoned you is unfair. You have left some things unclear from your message such as the details of the situation etc, but anyone reading this could feel the hurt that you have conveyed.

    Sister, I'm sorry this happened to you.

    But this is the dunya and this is what happens when we give our hearts to someone other than Allah (swt). This is what happens when we think another human being can heal and complete us. This is what happens when we realise that we are alone in this world. I know how you feel, because like you i opened up to someone and they listened to me, and listened to me and listened to me until they knew the full essence of my being and soul and for that person to turn around and then call me selfish and uncontrolled hurt me deeply. Because this person knew everything about me, i believed him. And it may have been true, but this was not the face i showed everyone- only him. And i realise now, i shouldn't have done that. Because when you reveal yourself to others, you hang on their words and what they think of you- and i guess this person was just telling the truth because it broke me since they were who i wanted to love me the most. He made me trust him and i told him everything and in the end, i felt so ugly. So so so ugly. And no one should see this ugliness except Allah because he can forgive us, heal us and change us. Allah has seen all our ugly sins and still calls us to turn to him all the time. This is what you should do now sister, talk to Allah. Tell him about the pain you feel, throw yourself in sajdah and make dua. Submit to him. Insha Allah this way you can feel peace and it can calm this hurt within you. Insha Allah it can heal you spiritually after this person has damaged you.

    I don't know where you live sister, but i live in the west. That offers me some kind of consolation because i see couples everyday breaking up, people who looked like they were the happiest and have everything going for them- they fall out of love and break up. I don't know what happened to you with this man, but i would say avoid him. If you have him on any social networking, block him, delete him, just erase him out of your life. Get rid of or hide anything that reminds you of him- remove his existence from you.

    However, if this man is your husband, again I'm not sure, then the situation is harder. I don't suggest you break your relationship with this man because he has married another woman- instead sister, there are many support groups out there for polygamous marriages that you can check out to cool the fire inside you. Do not resent the religion sister, because look at relationships in the west, even though a guy is married, he might have affairs or have a mistress or they end up getting divorced and the kids are left to straddle the burden of it all. No relationships are perfect so try to make the most of the situation and the advantages that can come from it.

    Whether its someone you wanted to marry or indeed someone you are married to, the key here is to immerse yourself in other things. This may annoy you as much as it has annoyed me in the past when people tell you to find new things to do and keep yourself busy- but it does work. When you have no plan, no direction you fall into this pit of self pity and pain. When you are busy, the pain is still there, but you don't think about it as much- it begins to dull. Perhaps join a class or visit the masjid more. Contact old friends and maybe go to a cafe or to the park. Try to meet up or simply text or call them- even if you find you don't have much in common with them anymore, just trying to make conversation, listen to other peoples problems perhaps, detracts from the constant focus on yourself and your pain. I can assure you sister, eventually the pain will dull. Just throw yourself into the positive things in life and ibadah, in islamic gatherings and surround yourself by things that remind you of the deen and it should heal you slowly but surely.

    Start making lists of all the good things in your life, constantly look at positive and think of improving yourself. Do something you've always wanted to do, go shopping, get a make over, watch crazy movies and just spend time to yourself to look inside yourself. If you feel what this person has pointed out in your character is right, perhaps try improving those aspects of yourself. If you realise that he was the only person to see that side of you, then that is not you. That is only a part of yourself that you shouldn't let define your personality and outlook.

    There is no quick fix to your problem ukhti, but with time and Allah (swt) by your side, insha Allah you can overcome this.

    P.s, please clarify some details on your situation so insha Allah others in the comment section can offer you more specific advice. Jazakillah khayr.


    • Dear "Miss",

      Thank you for taking the time and offering me encouraging and supportive words. I can only pray for you for such kindness towards a stranger like me. May Allah (swt) reward you infinitely for each word. Thank you.

      This guy uses Quran ayahs and hadith to write all about how evil I am. I have started believing it and I can't touch the Quran due to the fear that I'll come across ayahs which he posted on his blogs and my relationship with Quran has been severed because of his words. He has made me give up on Quran. It's not easy to read it. He compared my case with Aziz's wife in Surah Yusuf :"( One night I found myself banging my head nonstop in an empty masjid. I almost drove into another car while driving. I lost my voice for some weeks due to the screaming and crying my eyes swollen. I can't do anything with my life. I am so scared what's happening to me. I have been screaming in the masjid and banging my head in sujood. But nothing changes. My pain and hurt just increase. You might think I wasn't a good Muslim to reach such a stage? I used to be sincere, I used to memorize Quran and teach it too and I used to do it for the sake of Allah (swt). But this man's words have thrown me out of balance and make me hate everything about Islam. He has driven me away from the deen.

      Only Allah (swt) knows what exactly this man is and just like that only Allah (swt) knows what exactly I am. What hurts me the most is that he continues to say derogatory things about me without any regard or remorse about what they do to me. Yes, I do have a cyber connection to this man. He writes on popular websites, runs Facebook pages of popular Islamic personalities (or they are created fake people) and self-help pages and God knows how many tumblr pages. How can I stop myself from reading when thousands of people share what he writes and his words reach my inbox through someone or the other? All of these things have driven me in a corner out of touch with the world. I tried doing that for months and it back fires. I'm still suffering and nothing has changed. Yes, his words have hurt me deeply and only Allah (swt) knows how much and Only He can help me. But sometimes it brings brief relief to talk about it with other people, but it's hard to find ears that listen.

      He is married. Why did Allah (swt) punish me this way when this was my dua for 3 years that I become his most beloved wife? Why did Allah do this to me? I never even looked straight at this man's face out of embarrassment and never even crossed any line. Why didn't Allah remove his love from my heart when I've been begging for that for the past whole year? Actions? That's what people say. I did take actions but I can not continue taking even a breath when his memories come back. Allah sees all of this. Why isn't Allah (swt) helping me recover? Why did Allah show me that he is married just one day before my final exam and I could never complete my exam...why does Allah want me to suffer in pain? My home environment is so toxic, I can't find enough strength to even begin on that topic.

      I find myself going further and further away from the Quran, hadith and deen. He manipulates them so eloquently that it all feels against me and for him. In angry spells I've said awful things. There is no other way for me to express myself. He's so gone yet he is so here with this torturing words. I have lost hope in dua too... I don't think I'll be able to ask Allah for anything with sincerity now. There are so many doubts. I'm sick of how I feel. I want to throw away the heart that I have. It isn't mine anymore and it's disgusting. I was not like this. I hate everything. I'm really afraid if during one of these spells I'll end up killing myself or someone else...why am I being tortured like this. Sins? Did I not ask for forgiveness and mend those hearts which I hurt? Yet I saw no difference. He says I follow my desires? I have no desires and I only every had one such. It's disgusting what he thinks of me and I actually make it a reality :"( I attended knowledge circles, gathered knowledge and my heart is so full of his thoughts that there's no place for anything new. It is sickening. I have lost hope.

      One day I hope all of this will just end :"( may be then the pain will stop....I don't trust myself if I can ever make something out of my life. He destroyed every single atom of hope, motivation or good will that I had. He left me with nothing :"( He is now gone and married to someone :"( Oh God, I can't even breath when I think about this.... :"( What have I done to deserve this? What have I done? Why won't this pain go away....please just go away....leave me alone....I wish I could just turn it off somehow....I wish he could just tell me that I'll be ok and he doesn't hate me....that's all I wish for. I guess I could spend the rest of my life with this knowledge that he doesn't hate me for what I look like or for what I am or where I was born. He hates my existence and I hate it too... :"(

      Pray for my peace and faith, perhaps your duas will be answered...

      • Dear Woman with Alive Soul,

        I've lived and I'm still living the same pain that you are suffering now. Unfortunately, you are so obsessed with him that any rational argument will fall in deaf years. You are caught up in the same cave which coaxes your loneliness and abhors you for your penitence. No matter how pleasingly I knit up the words for you that what You are seeing is only through the lens of this Man., You and me both are sailing on the same boat. Believe me I'm suffering from the same pain as yours.However, my approach is a tad different.

        What does Allah say about it :

        If a wound hath touched you, be sure a similar wound hath touched the others. (Qur'an, al-Imran 3:140)

        Secondly, Please wipe your tears. They are too precious. If not for him, then for your family and if not for your family then for me. If not for me then surely for Allah.

        Allah has not made for any man two hearts in his (one) body (33:4)

        How shall your heart be unsealed unless it be broken.

        In my humble opinion, you are committing the mistake of loving the creation more than the creator. Yes.. Love is cruel and it comes in various shades of horrible.

        Please cease blaming Allah that Why he put you in this situation. Why was injustice done to you.

        Verily Allah will not deal unjustly with man in aught (10:44)

        Now, you may ask why did he come in your life. Why did you fall in Love. The answer is very simple:

        We have made some of you [people] as trial for others - will you have patience? (25:20)

        It is ignominious that this man is using Quran and Hadith to denounce you or his snide epithet appears to you. If he indeed does so with this intention then Allah will take care of him.

        "Whether you conceal what is in your breasts or reveal it, Allah knows it. (3:29)

        I've lived this pain that you are going through for long time. I've suffered PTSD, Acute disorder, and Diurnal Mood variation. So I know your mental state. I would suggest that you cut ties with him and immediately seek some medical attention. Some tranquilizers or Psychotropic drugs will cease the number of negative thoughts cropping in your mind.

        The bitterest things is our today's sorrow is the memory of our yesterday's joy. We choose our joys and sorrow long before we experience them.

        We often borrow from our tomorrow's to pay debts to our yesterdays. It's time you have to choose between Allah and him. The choice is simple.

        Aafa Allahu Annka!

        • MashAllah Farukh has left a great response, i have nothing to add. Those Qu'ran ayahs reached straight into my heart and there is no need for long answers and consolation when each word of the Qu'ran is worth so much.

          Insha Allah khayr sister.

        • Farrukh,

          Thanks for your reply. I'm not obsessed with this man! If you knew what it is to love a person, you wouldn't use such words for me! If you think your "rational argument" would fall on my deaf ears, then why did you bother writing in the first place. You could have just made a sincere dua and remained silent, that would have been much better for me. You say that you've been through the same, so are you trying to say that you too have been obsessed with someone? You should have shared what your "different approach" was rather than calling me obsessed. Men and women love differently and I don't think you'll ever understand the difference.

          You've quoted various verses of the Quran and I can quote many others which would point in the opposite direction altogether i.e. inviting me to hope and continue praying for what I used to pray for. Yes, I want Allah to give an appropriate recompense to him for what he has deliberately done against me, sooner or later that will happen InshaAllah.

          It was very wrong of you to imply that I equate him with Allah! He is someone I loved and wanted to be with - I didn't worship him. I don't have to choose between Allah and him because there is no comparison or choosing of one or the other. You do not have a right of accusing me of committing shirk, no matter how subtly you say it.

          You don't understand my situation with my family. I can not seek "immediate" medical attention. I can't afford it and there is a great stigma attached to it, thanks to my family. So please just don't make it sound like it's all so simple and I'm not making enough efforts to help my self - because it is not!

          • Phew! I have never been castigated to such a high degree for trying to help someone. Look dear, it is easy for you to judge me that I did not love the way you loved this man. There is no quantum to measure love.

            No! I would never accuse you of shirk. My own imperfections are too great to denigrate you to that point.

            Let me now rephrase my statement. When I loved my partner, I made the error of loving her more than I ever loved Allah.

            If I truly loved Allah then I would have never fallen in Love with her before marriage. I would have dared not to transgress divine order in Surah Noor where Allah asks believing men and women to lower their gaze and guard their modesty.

            I consider myself at fault and not Allah.

            When I offer my opinion, I do not want you to accept my opinion until and unless you are convinced.

            Right now , You are indignant at being rejected by this man.... which instead of rejection I say ' Not Selected".

            But, ask your self.. Why are you are angry? What are you cursing him for ?

            If you truly loved him.. you would want him to be happy else it ain't love. True love demands sacrifice. It has to be unconditional.

            How could you ask for forgiveness from Allah when you are not prepared to forgive the other person. Why would Allah forgive you?

            And We ordained for them therein a life for a life, an eye for an eye, a nose for a nose, an ear for an ear, a tooth for a tooth, and for wounds is legal retribution. But whoever gives [up his right as] charity, it is an expiation for him. And whoever does not judge by what Allah has revealed - then it is those who are the wrongdoers (5:45)

            Look dear... you are a gem. A sweet heart to many people. Let not one person's departure dictate your life. You have such a nice writing prowess, Do you think crying for him or cursing him will make him love you back. Look at your keyboard. You are still crying.

            You are crying because You have lost him or are you hoping that his suffering will make you cathartic. Let go of him and his wife. You have no more control over him. Forgive him. Have you forgotten Prophet Muhammad even had forgiven Abu Suyan and his wife Hind who mutilated the corpse of Hamza by cutting and eating his liver as show of pride which tantamount to worst kind of war crime.

            Recite Quran and Pray devoutly. You are gifted person and believe in yourself that you are Allah's favorite Servant. Let go of him~

            Aafa Allahu Annka!

  6. Assalam O Alaikum wrwb,
    Sister, after reading your post and later comments I have to say that as hard as it is to forget and move on; deep down you know that only choice you have is to cut loose and remove this person from your life both to heal and gain your self-confidence. It goes without saying that this is one of the reason why Islam forbids friendships with opposite gender. After reading your post I can't help thinking that you are very confused because a person who is religious does not act as your described this man. Whatever his reasons for behaving this way; it goes against the very teaching of Islam that attracted you to him in the first place. This brings me to inform you that you are in this dilemma mostly for not knowing religion yourself. In your previous comment; you said that he manipulates the teaching of Islam to bring you down; see sister had you taken time to study the deen yourself rather than following what he preaches; you could be in much better place and could stand up to him.

    Sister, I am not having a go at you especially when you are down and low already but don't blame Allah (swt). Take this opportunity to learn and improve yourself in deen which in turn will help in your healing process. You said that you prayed 3 years to be his wife but he is not the sort of person any women in her right mind would like to spend the rest of his life with. You can't see this because you have attached yourself with him emotionally at a very deep level, which makes it difficult for your to see things clearly. Maybe and forgive me if I am wrong; the fact that he writes for different blogs and is admin of some pages on social websites made you think he was very pious and someone who is popular; the reason you were attracted to him.

    Also, it may have been that he sincerely wanted to help you but that was it and you started liking him to point where you started thinking/praying for him to be your husband. He may have only wanted to help you get back to your deen but saw that you wanted more than that and his current behavior is his way of making you hate him so that eventually you will leave him (not that it's right). As I said before; you should cut ties with him and it's even more vital now that he is married and you don't want to hurt another fellow Muslimah.

    Sister, you can't lock yourself away from world. There are many nice people around; besides killing yourself won't be the end of your problem instead you will receive severe punishment until the day of judgement by committing this act over and over again. You will find a lot of videos to help you heal on Youtube and many articles which you may find helpful; you are not the only person who have had to go through all this.

    So, use this holy month of Ramadan to repent, ask forgiveness and move on. May Allah (swt) help you in your trails. Amin.


    • Walaikum assalam wrwb,

      Deep down I don't believe that it is the only way to forget this man and move on. I did cut loose from him long ago, but he and his mother kept coming back in my life to make matters worse! May Allah give her an appropriate recompense because only He can see her truly intentions, Ameen.

      Please do not comment on my knowledge about the deen based on little info that you have just read. Knowing religion is one thing and philosophizing about it is another. Yes, it did feel like you are having a go at me particularly when I've been low already and you knowing that. The reason why I was attached to him was not the blogs or his writing, I found out about that later on after things had ended. There is no one specific thing or day that made me attached to him and I guess anyone would know that.

      You think that he sincerely wanted to help me and his current behavior is a way to push me away from him? Do you think that I don't know about this already? And it's making is worse because I can see what he is trying to do and that is making it difficult for me to move on. I have known this fact. It's really not right. I'm an emotional person and what would have worked for me very well is that if I had been clear and open with me and I would have readily listened to him and moving on would have been easier. He did the same with me, he called me obsessive instead of saying that he isn't interested in me - it hurts a million times more when you men try to cover up things with something else even when you know women can see through it. That's the worst thing you can do to someone who loves you. Please, if you advise someone next time try to not attack them and be wise and gentle.

      You are so worried about me hurting this other fellow Muslimah and you can't see all the hurt that I'm going through? She was chosen because she had a good life, good looks, happy mood all the time and enough money to be educated and loving family? What if I don't have all that and what if I'm hated for my looks, poverty and lack of knowledge because I couldn't afford to pay for it? IS IT MY FAULT? Do you get what I'm trying to say? DID I MAKE MY FACE THE WAY IT IS? This man rejected me on the basis of these things and I'm not responsible for any of that. He isn't camouflaging his "sincere help" - he truly didn't like me and wasn't a man enough to say it to my face. He was a coward and believed that he is doing me a favor be being indirect! He has harmed me a million times more and he'll be recompensed for deliberately doing so! The day that I get hold of her will not be a good day for both of them. I'll scar her for life. Things are easy for such women and they haven't got a clue about what others suffer because of the things they call "blessings". One day they both will regret hurting me for things I can't change and making every living second of my life like hell. They too will suffer InshaAllah.

      If I take my life while I do not have a control of my thoughts or feelings, I don't believe I'll be accountable for that. You don't know what I'm talking about. I'm not saying that I'll consciously sit in a chair and stab myself or take an overdose of pills or kill by overspending - READ THIS CAREFULLY: I'm afraid of my anger and as a result of that losing control. I fear for my life and that of others when I'm not aware of what I'm doing.

      You should also repent and ask forgiveness from Allah, perhaps more than me.

  7. Assalaamualaikam

    Sister, I can empathise with the pain you feel; it can be devastating to lose someone you love and yet have almost daily reminders of the loss. However, you must be careful not to let your pain overwhelm you and turn into anger or vengefulness - that is a dangerous road to walk down.

    A few of your comments concern me greatly, for example, saying that you'll scar this other woman for life. Anger and vengeful acts such as this aren't right, and won't help you feel better - they just make things worse.

    This man's wife has not intended to hurt you, and I'm sure she would feel very sympathetic to the pain you, her sister is Islam, are feeling. Please, sister, try not to judge her too harshly - she may not have faced the trials you have, but she may have her own struggles which you don't know about. Islamic teachings guide us to act with restraint, and to avoid making harsh judgements of others, and to avoid vengeful acts - harming this woman would ultimately only serve to hurt you further in this life and possibly the next.

    If you feel you cannot control your emotions and may seek revenge on these people, for your own sake, cut all ties with them. Block the websites he publishes work on, tell him and his mother that you cannot meet with them anymore, if need be find a new job or new place to stay.

    Pray to Allah and ask Him to help you heal, to help you find a husband who will love and cherish you and treat you with respect. I would advise you not to pray for harm to come to those who you feel have wronged you - instead, pray to be able to forgive them and move on from this.

    May Allah comfort you and help you to avoid straying from the straight path.

    Midnightmoon editor

    • If this woman's husband would have read the post, this is exactly what his response would have been. Wow, how blind are you to the pain and suffering of others and how focused are you on talking about this woman.

      May Allah destroy this man and his wife and strike them with sufferings and calamities for every single alphabet that he has written about me or to cause me pain and increase my suffering. May Allah never accept their duas nor his mother's for all they do is pray for all the good for themselves and work day and night to add to my suffering. May Allah destroy them both and make them broken and full of pain just as they have made me full of pain…

      I had apologized to him and he never accepted my apology nor ever turned back to ask about me :"( Ya Allah, I curse them for every single pain that I've suffered because of this man's words. He deliberately made me jealous of her by describing her in a manner which would destroy my self-esteem…. :"( Ya Elahi, destroy them exactly how they've destroyed me Ya Allah…. :"(

      Ya Allah try them with the same trials and make them suffer my suffering and make them lose those things due to which they deem themselves better than me……for everything that I've been deprived off… he made fun of me…. :"( Ya Allah, destroy them both….

      My life goal is to destroy this man and his wife…. only then will I get my peace….

      :"( Only and if only he had heard me out and didn't try to do what I begged him to stop doing….ya Allah destroy him and his wife…ya Allah destroy them with utter destruction…..they made me cry tears of blood :"( all for love….they call their love for the sake of Allah….he compared me with dirty water full of stools and he called her a pure water… :"( Ya Elahi….he has hurt me deeply….Ya Allah destroy him and his mother and his entire family…. Ameen….

      They'll pay for all the pain I've been….they surely will… I've lost everything that I ever had in my life….he is so arrogant and full of himself….may Allah humiliate him in exactly the same manner that which he has humiliated me and multiplied my pain… YA ALLAH….YA ALLAH I BEG YOU TO DESTROY THEM AND WIPE OFF THEM FROM THEIR ROOTS AND SHAKE THEM WITH A SHAKING SEVERE THAN ME….YA ALLAH YOU KNOW AND YOU SEE WHAT THEY'VE DONE TO ME…..DESTROY THEM YA RABB….DESTROY THEM WITH UTTER DESTRUCTION…..


      I'll kill her and I'll kill her when she'll be hoping to give a new life to someone…..while making my life miserable…..they'll suffer…they'll suffer Ya Allah avenge me….Ya Allah humiliate them as they've humiliated me and my love :"( ……

      :"""""( You'll never be in peace. Ameen....

      • Assalaamualaikam

        Sister, I urge you not to walk down this path of destruction any longer. Cursing people, wishing harm upon them, planning harm.... This is not the path shown to us by Allah. All this will achieve is to harm your own soul even more.

        I would seriously advise you to reflect on the life and guidance of our Beloved Prophet. He and his companions endured great hardships, and many losses - but they did not curse those who harmed them.

        May Allah guide you back to the straight path and help you heal.

        Midnightmoon editor

      • May Allah destroy this man and his wife and strike them with sufferings and calamities for every single alphabet that he has written about me or to cause me pain and increase my suffering. .....

        You seem to have a BIG anger problem. Why do you accept what this guy has written about you as The truth? You need to stop thinking about hurting this guy and his family 24 hrs every day.

  8. Salaam sister.

    I urge you to let go of this grudge for your own sake dear sister. It is not good for you. It does not mean you are not justified to not feel upset but it is us who create our own feelings. And just like we create them we can let go of them. We are conditioned to feel like we can't when deep down we can. Somewhere inside you is that inner strength. Find it and allow yourself to recover. Focus on that rather than seeking revenge. Revenge just eats you up inside and harms you dear sis. You speak a lot about anger and losing control. Make a choice to get it back. Ask Allah (swt) to help you. It is Ramadan now - the month of mercy so ask Him to take your pain away. And have a go at this program by Abdel Rahman Mussa - it is truly amazing and unique SubhanAllah. You can contact him directly if need be but I strongly recommend it - it is life changing. There is also a free audio you get if you fill in the consultation - listen to that too if you can.

  9. My Dear Deedhi, Assalamu alaikum,

    I know how it feels deedhi believe me i've been through a similar situation just 7 months ago.. your mood swings and mine are likely the same. All i can tell you deedhi is this.. you have amazing writing ability,you know how to put your words in the right place so that it will reach the audience/readers clearly.. many of us dont. I too cry and crumble in my bed a lot deedhi.. but ultimately what we can do is nothing other than having hope in Allah swt to make us better. Now Alhamdulillah i am able to eat properly before it was like hell for me to even have some mouthfull of food. So believe in him(Allah) deedhi.. we will be okay soon. Please dont curse them or do any bad duas for them deedhi.. it will eat us up.. I never cursed her but just did some other stupid stuff out of anger... I should have just simply walked away when i realized that i was betrayed and rejected but i tried to get her back which led to some disturbing moments. Dont cry as well deedhi you will get black marks around your can learn more about islam and you can make changes in peoples heart with your words..May Allah bless you and whoever going through the similar situation and may Allah help us to overcome the trails of this dunia.. Take care deedhi

  10. It's just a case of a sociopath playing with the mind, read this and you'll feel sorry for him and the sad life that he has to hide. His own reality is a lot uglier, so naturally he needs several masks to hide behind. Have a good read of this article and the rest of this website:

    He is a sociopath. Simple as that.

  11. Assalamualaikum! i am feeling so depressed and suffocated, i have no mental compatibility with my husband. i m fadeup of my relationship he gives me no importance to me his only life circle on kids he doesnt understand me i want to go for outing on weekends but he cant his only activity after office to spend time on computer and he is also not helpful with me. he thinks kids are only my responsibilty and he is only nagging me about children training and kids school of about on my interest and also we have financial issues also and only on his salaries we dont fullfill our needs i want to do job to overcome this but he dont take interest to be helpful with me on home. he dont take me outside he said if you want to go for a walk or shopping go by yourself i dont stop you we have no any bkind of similar interest i m fade up of all these things and soffocated even now i want to do take many medicines and sleep that i dont want to wake up again after my death may be he realiza what he lost that he doesnt care. how should i get rid of this suffocation and how can my husband become change

  12. some of these comments concord to the conjuring or the exorcist

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