How to bring my Love back
Assalam-mu-Alikum
Do You Really Want Her Back or Is It Just Rejection? Whenever we lose something, it’s natural to want it back. Breakups are a perfect example of this. But here’s a question to consider… What are we actually pursuing: the girl or just our ego?
My name is Faizan, I am from india, my question to all of u is that how do i bring my love back. I was in a relationship with a muslim girl for more then 2 years and I also want to tell u that we used to meet hardly once in 6 months because I thought meeting with a girl is not good and it leads to other big sins. Well i never had sex with my girlfriend its not that I couldn't have , I could have had sex with her because she loved me very much the reason I didnt was because its a big sin its haram and moreover i didnt want to loose my virginity before marriage , i wanted to gift my virginity to her on our first night. Before knowing this girl I was in a relationship two times but they broke my heart they ditched me.
I never did anything wrong with those girls as well even i could have had sex with them also but I didnt after my break up I stopped trusting girls i used to hate girls, so finally I met this girl who I want to bring back in my life again..we used to talk to each other daily and finally after 7 months she saw me chatting with other girls which made her very sad and she told me that she loves me, she cried like anything I said ok I love u too...but i could not trust her because of my past even i told her everythin thing about my past so did she. She never had any affair I was her first love and she was my third so i used to chat with other girls agin she caught me agin and again. She caught me talkin to other girls 4 times, but still she didnt leave me because she was in love with me.
Now few days before her cousin had divorce it kind of changed her mind so she told me she can't talk to me because if we marry we will end up in divorce because of chatting with other girls and she left me. From the day she left me I have realised that i have done wrong with her. I can't live without her now I am soooo much in love with her which i didnt know before. I can't see her with any guy, if any guy will touch her I swear I will die. I didnt know I love her soo much. It has been a month since she left me she does not pick my calls now. She picked my call only once and told me she dosent love me anymore and I kept crying on phone and told her i love her sooo much but she does not trust me now. She is sayin so because of her cousin who got divorced.
I think she still loves me but I am confused whether she still loves me or not. I am a changed man now, I don't like to talk to any girl now neither I want anyone else except her in my life. I dont want to keep relationship with her I just want to convert it to marriage please help me out..what should i do?
-Faizan11
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Salaam Faizan.
There are a lot of issues here, so I will try my best to break it down. The main issue is you cannot force someone to take you back or to love you. You need to accept that it is over and she has moved on otherwise you will drive yourself crazy. Sometimes even if the person changes, the betrayal of what they did in the past is not something the partner can get over so the relationship has to end. My guess is seeing the divorce woke her up to want she wants in future and she saw past the cloudiness of 'love' and had common sense. You cannot blame her if you were continously cheating on her, she may not be trying to get back at you, it is likely she doesnt want to risk her future with someone who will cheat.
Please read this carefully: http://islamicsunrays.com/stop-trying-to-change-others/
Which brings me to the most important point. Dear brother, I do not want to judge you as only Allah swt knows what is in your heart but are you aware that pre-marital relationships are haraam in Islam. You should not even be talking to girls, yet you are actively seeking to get her back. You have not mentioned anything about sin etc so maybe you are not aware so I will give you some info:
Zina is sex before marriage or sex with someone other than your spouse (if you are married.) BUT what many are not aware of is there are other forms of zina, (not just sex). Like zina of the tongue - sweet or lustful words etc. So keeping a girlfriend is a form of zina, even if it is just an emotional relationship. It is still a sin.
"The zina of the eyes is the gaze (at that which is unlawful, eg. Nudity); the zina of the ears is to listen (to talks of nudity which excites the carnal desire); the zina of the tongue is to speak (what is evil); the zina of the hand is to touch (the female which is unlawful to you); the zina of the feet is to walk (towards immorality); the zina of the heart is to desire (what is unlawful), and it is the private parts which either commits or shuns the actual act of fornication." 8
When a man and woman are alone together, shaytaan is the third. (Tirmidhi)
So please acknowledge this sin and repent dear brother, we never know when Allah swt is going to take our soul.
Conditions of repentance:
1 – Giving up the sin immediately.
2 – Regretting what has happened in the past.
3 – Resolving not to go back to it.
4 – Making amends to those whom you have wronged, or asking for their forgiveness.
With respect to this girl, give it some time and try to move on. If she contacts you and expresses an interest and you still have feelings for her go to her family and ask for her hand but do not have unislamic contact or loving relationships/close friendships with girls again. But you cannot force her to fall in love with you. Also be aware that it is quite normal to feel as though we love someone when they reject us or move on but sometimes we don't actually love them. Its just our ego cannot take being rejected. Something for you to thing about.
You can move on, dont let anyone tell you you cant. You can live without her, with time your wounds will heal InshaAllah.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Alsalam mu Alaikum Faizan
I hope you take sister sara advice seriously.what you have done is totally wrong and ask Allahs forgiveness and end this act.
love is so wonderful.And with love everyone will get the freedom and happiness to leave on this earth.Love is one of the greatest blessings Allah has bestowed on humanity.Our greatest love is to Allah His prophet(s.a.w).Islam do not forbids love.A muslim can love his parents,family,cousins,relatives,his wife,children and friends e.t.c.
But we must not love each and every person.You must be careful that there is a love that will leads you to happiness and a love that will leads you to darkness.And there is a (halal)love and a (haram)love
When you knew this girl loves you and you love her too why didt you go to her parents and ask her hand in marriage in the way of Islam instead of falling in this relationship.Marriage is the bound witch ties two lovers together forever.Marriage is a reward given to us by Allah.It ties a muslim boy and muslim girl forever with happiness and joy.But relationship is the bound witch burns two lovers.and it is from shaytan it burns to lovers with cheating,betray,lying,sadness,blackmailing,and heart broken.
You can easily see the difference between two couples who are married and two couples who are in relationship.and you can see yourself how u have ended.
Why do u want to keep girls as a toys playing with them?why dont you marry one of them?dont you think it better?
A love out of marriage can never had a good ending and it will never be successful.So ask Allah to forgive you and stop searching a love in such ways.Whenever you love a girl go and ask her parents and get marry in the way of sunnah and shariah.Forget your past with this girl and with all the girls u have contact with.Begin a new page in your life stay away from shaytan steps.Ask Allah to choose for you a true girl that will be your true wife forever.
Leaving aside the whole Islamic factor,which you know the ruling of,it being haraam etc.
Theres some points I'd assume you should know for the day you get married.
- You cannot be a coward and expect a girl(your wife,oneday) to love you by manipulating her with emotional abuse,because that is what it is.
-Theres no such a thing as 'love' before marriage . The only true love that exists is that for Allah. When you love someone for the pleasure of Allah,Allah Ta'aala will place love between you.
- You cheat-bear the consequences.
- You only realise somethings worth after it's gone. Don't do the same with your wife.
- You cannot take the fact that SHE dumped YOU- Get over it! Feeling sorry for yourself wont make it better. Your ego refuses to accept it, but I salute her. She's opened up her eyes. When will YOU wake up?
iv read your story i have agreed with what everybody else have said st think was that you was doing was talking with other girls and have her along your side.She saw a clear pic of what was gone happen to her when she heard about the divorce.She could see herself in that palace so she did what was best for her future
Salaam,
wallah Laaiqah you have said the best statements ever. That is exactly what it is and i m very happy for the girl to do a right thing by leaving this harram relationship which was not going anywhere. I pray for all sisters in islam not to fall into any harram relationship and only to wait for good muslim man to marry them.
It is very sad to see a muslim brother wasting his time by playing with girls on the net rather than dedicate his valuable time on education, productive work, 3ibadah and family
Amna
I n my boyfriend use to love eachother. but my boyfriend rejecting me.I want him back in my life I want to marry him only I can't be alive without him.I want to marry him next year please help me. I asked many people to help me but no one help me.they asked me lot of money but I m from a poor family can't pay money to them please help me I can't live without him I m dying day to day without talking to him my days are deserts to me.its better to die if I won't get him
When I get my boyfriend back and get married with him pleas tell me
Plz reply me
Mounika, As-salamu alaykum. First, I removed all the names and birthdates you provided because this has nothing to do with true Istikhara. It is a false and shirk custom. See this article:
Istikhara for marriage based on birth dates and names
The people who want to charge you money for so-called "istikhara" are frauds and liars. They only want to cheat you.
Second, there are no boyfriends and girlfriends in Islam.
Third, everything you've said about "I can't live without him" is nonsense. You can live without him, and you are not dying without talking to him. Give yourself time and you will get over him.
If you need further advice please register and submit your question as a separate post, thanks.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor