Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How to help my lost friends

Best friends necklace
May Allah bless you bro & sis. I am 16 years I have a problem that bothers me since many years. I have some childhood friends since I was 4 years our friendship was so strong we used to play & have fun a lot.
These friends before they used to be so religious they used to learn Quran they were very faithful and pray on time always.

But after the years past they fall in to a bad company they have totally spoiled themselves. I tried advising them many times but they are not listening to me at all they will make fun of me & said that I am a religious girl when ever I will say to them what they are doing is wrong they replied me that they were thought like that in it is not haram.

They will follow what ever their spoiled friends taught them but they will never follow what I say. They are thinking that I am always disturbing them whenever I will say to them this is halal or haram. They always encourage me to do bad things now they are not even talking to me or caring about me, because I am not following their bad ideas I want to break up with them.

So pls bro & sis can anyone tell me how to advice them plz I need an answer plz


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23 Responses »

  1. Salam Sr. Shystar!

    I am 19 years old, and I have been through what you are now going through. If your friends do not want to listen to your advice and are encouraging you to do haram, then ask yourself if they are true friends. A true friend is whomever will bring you closer to your best friend (Allah swt). If they are not doing their duty, then sadly, you deserve better friends.

    Put all your trust in Allah. If you put your trust in people who do not view Allah as first, then they will betray your trust. However, Allah will never betray you.

    Trust me, it will be tough and painful, but you will make amazing friends in the future!

    Remember, if you make a worldly sacrifice for the sake of Allah, then Allah will reward you with something better than it, inshAllah.

    Good luck, keep us updated on how it goes.

    Sr. Anna

    • you are right my sister Anna.I used to think that they are only the best friends for me.But now thanks to Allah I got better friends who are encouraging me to come more closer to Allah.But u know I just want to know how I will advise them to come back to their religion.

      Because they have totally spoiled they watch sex movies,& wear sexy dresses,dancing,listening to musics,and they even go out at night and they will not come back until at 8 or 7 o,clock am.And they always pray late.And also invite their spoiled friends and on a loud music and disturb the mother also call their mother and talk to her about her girls that she should advise them to stop what they are doing.But their mother is not at all caring about that.She love her daughters so much that she even ignores their bad actions.She dose not what to enter their life she wants them to have freedom and enjoy their life.So thats why they have more spoiled themselves So I just want to know how to advise them.

      They are not even keeping me as a friend because i am not like them.So it better for me to advise them or just ignore them.They might not care about me but I do because they do lot of sins and I am not felling good while seeing them doing that.I want them to come back to Allah and I want them to realize their mistakes.And thank u for responsing Anna u really open my heart.may Allah rewards you.

  2. Anna is right. These are not true friends. When you are a small child, you make friends with anyone around you. The kids who live next door, the kids who sit next to you at school... you do not differentiate between people based on character and faith.

    But when we get older we must begin to choose our friendships based on character and faith. We might realize that our childhood friends are no longer the right friends for us. They are on a bad path, making bad choices. At that point we have to separate from them, and choose friends who are conscious of Allah, who value their faith, who are good Muslims.

    As far as advising your friends, you have already done that, and like the foolish people of Nuh, they don't listen to you, they only mock you. It's time to separate yourself from them. We can't change anyone. We can only change ourselves.

    Wael Editor

    • thank you so much for your response brother Wael.

      I tried advising them many times but it of no use.I want to break up with them but I am scared that my mother might scold me.Because my mom and their mother were childhood friends too.And my father and their father are a closer friends too.we are a very closer family.So i am a bit scared if i break up with them they might tell my mom and she might get angry of me.Because she also loves them as her own daughters because she have a strong friendship with their mother.And they always keep own hurting me and encourage me to do bad things.I really want to end this friendship with them forever but how can i break up with them without making my mother angry of me?

      • Salaam sister.
        You do not have to 'break up' with them. Only detach. I also had a childhood friend and we were inseperable. She was very beautiful and loved guys and attention. I never noticed how she was influencing me, just that I felt inadequate around. She also talked me out of wearing hijab a few times. Shes a great person but we had different aims in life.

        Anyway the point is even if your mums are friends you do not necessarily have to break with her. Just begin to detach yourself mentally from her. Do it gradually and trust me, your mom won't notice. It will take some patience. Just try to spend less and less time with them as time goes on. And as you get older, you will all get busier and grow apart. Busy yourself so you have an excuse. Ask Allah to give you strength to stay on the right path. Now 7 years on, contact between us is generally only on birthdays, even though our mums still see each other occasionally. InshaAllah you will make new friends who will influence you positively.

        Are you the original poster Saja/ is this a joint question?

        Sara Editor

      • Dear Sister,

        I agree with Sara. You do not have to break away and never speak to these girls again. Move away gradually, then it will not be so obvious, but be polite and courteous with them. Are there any girls you can hang out with at school, if so start mixing with them. But remember, you cannot please everyone. If by mixing with other girls and moving away from the old crowd will cause them to rebuke you - stay strong, with time it will become easier inshaAllah. Afterall, you are doing this for the sake of Allah and for the sake of maintaining your deen.

        Sometimes little Sis, when we do something for the sake of Allah, it is not easy. But this is part of our test, it is a struggle and Allah will most definitely reward us for it, if not now then, then later on or in the next life. You will make new friends inshaAllah.

        SisterZ Editor

        • Thank you so much for your wonderful advise sisterZ.But these girls are hurting me everyday as they visit me always at my house.When ever they come to my house they just ignore me as if i am not even there.I really dont know the reason they treat me so badly like that.i tried to explain them how badly i feel by their actions but they just ignore me and start singing.Thats why I really want to end my friendship with them.I really want them to move away from life.

          But Inshallah I will take all your advises.And try to have more patient.I really wish if I can get friends like you sisters but it is too hard to find like you.May Allah bless u sisZ thanks.

          • My dear sweet little sister,

            I have nieces your age who I love immensely. They are the next best thing to having children for me. You have a beautifully strong heart and you remind me of my niece - one in particular.

            I will tell you something that I think may give you comfort and strength to continue being strong. And I tell this to my nieces too: The Messenger(sws) of Allah has said that on the Day of Judgment, there are seven types of people to whom Allah will give shade to. It is stated in Bukhari that on the Day of Judgment there will be no shade except for Allah’s shade. And from amongst these groups, one group will be those youth who spent their youth in the worship of Allah. So continue being strong and you will be one of those who will be shaded by Allah on that very hot day.

            You are a very special girl my dear. When your friends, or rather those 'young girls', behave in a hurtful manner, try not to take it to heart. Think of it in this way: that they do not know, their hearts have not yet been enlightened by Islam. Everytime, they do something that upsets you, make a little dua in your heart asking Allah to forgive them and to replace their ignorance with the sweetness of eemaan. At the same time, thank Allah alot for blessing you with the understanding you have and to make you stronger.

            If you were here, I would give you a big hug and tell you 'it'll be ok soon inshaAllah, Allah will give you good pious friends very soon'. You will be ok inshaAllah :O)

            Tell me Saja, which year are you in at school - I am guessing 'year 11'?


          • Thank you sooooooooooooo much for your great & wonderful advise sisterZ.You really cheered me up.I was felling so miserable & I was getting tense about these girls. but after i read your comment I just started laughing.You are really amazing sisterZ.

            I fell strong right now.& thank you again sisterZ whenever I have any problem i will post it here and I hope you will there to help me.

            May Allah forgives all your sins and make u success in your life & rewards you the paradise of Firdos.Thank u for your time.hope i didnt disturb you if u were busy.I am in grade(10).

          • Thank you for your lovely duas sister, aameen to all of them. Well knowing that something I said brought a smile to your face and heart, made me smile too Saja, honestly :O). You are always welcome to write here and no, you didn't disturb me at all, infact replying to you helped to warm my heart.

            Remember there will/may still be some difficult times ahead, but things will change for the better inshaAllah. So go to sleep with a peaceful heart and mind and ask Allah to keep you near to Him(swt) always : ).

            You Sister,

  3. On the authority of Abu Musa al-Ash'ari (رضي الله عنه ), the Prophet (صلي الله عليه و سلم ) said:

    A good friend and a bad friend are like a perfume-seller and a blacksmith: The perfume-seller might give you some perfume as a gift, or you might buy some from him, or at least you might smell its fragrance. As for the blacksmith, he might singe your clothes, and at the very least you will breathe in the fumes of the furnace.

    I grew up in a very strict and religious family and I am very thankful to allah that, It was this upbringing which made me who i am. I am a grown up woman now, but as a child my father used to say to us, you my children carry on with your busy school life but trust me if i want to check on you it will be a very simple job. I will just investigate your friends. If they are thieves, i will expect my daughters to be thieves, and we were like what ???. If they are naughty, dont ever lie to me you will be naughty. Subhannallah, it is true you can never hang out with friends if you dont like their characters. Alcoholic will be with alcoholic friend, successful educated person will be arround same group of people and a girl with good khulq will be arround good muslim sisters.

    • thank you Amna for your wonderful response.I really fell good right might be not my friend but you are my sister.May Allah gives me friends like you.

  4. Assamlamualikum miss saja i know who are you ,you are my true friend i hope you recognized who i am now the same what the brothers and sisters here are advising u even i advised the same thing i think i made u cheerful by that last call so better to forget them and to just think about me you will be always happy and specially if u do dhikr of ALLAH as it is is said بذكر اللة تطمين القلوب so better to be active and follow this thing sweety and if u feel little bit sick or depressed then it means that u r suffering from the lack of vitamin 'me' now did u understand what i said ????
    May God bless u, love u, enshower his mercy on u and give u a happy and a super duper life[ Ameen]

  5. Sister Saja, if you ever need a friend to talk to, please feel free to chat with me. I'd love to have more Muslim friends who can keep close to the deen.

    • Thanks Anna for your kindness to me.I feel like I got the friends whom I wish to have from long time.May Allah bless u.

  6. hey !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! am i not your good freind

  7. Dear sister, i was away from your post for a while couldn't find you.

    Anyway, I am your real sister, and your friend. May allah make you happy always. You have lots of good people arround you mashallah. Muslims are all big giant family.


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