I converted to Islam and left my husband, but I cannot escape him
An old lantern in a Coptic church in Cairo, Egypt
Assalaamu Alaykum, I am a revert to Islam and have been Muslim for about 9 years. Here is my problem. I became Muslim and then left my husband after some time as he was totally against Islam. He followed me, I felt guilty and I went back with him. The same thing happened a few years later. .
Well, My Mother got terminally ill and I had to care for her.. after she passed away, I felt that I must leave him because I saw he would never be Muslim. I left with clear intentions that time. My son called him and told him where we were and sure enough he drove there and confronted me. I told him I would not live with him as I was a Muslim and he hated Islam..
He ended up meeting an Egyptian Muslim brother (my husband was a Christian from Egypt). After some time, he came to me and announced he wanted to be Muslim. I questioned him carefully, I told him he must not come to Islam because of me.
After that conversation, he went to a Mosque and took Shahada. I went back to him as I felt responsible and thought maybe Allah(swt) used me to bring him to Islam. I want to point out in the 5 years that we have been together as Muslim husband and wife, I saw him pray one time, and that was because a brother insisted they pray together when we visited his house. I said to myself, well maybe it will take him longer. I am not judging his intention or rather he is a Muslim or not.
My husband has several moral problems.. he does not pray, he gambles, he is very tight with money, does not like to even buy groceries and when he does, I have to hear about how much he is spending, he never gives me money for myself, and he is often VERY nasty with me. Recently, my daughter asked him if he was a Muslim and he told her "NO". She asked him are you a Christian and he said yes. I told my daughter, I can't live with him if he is not a Muslim. She said I think God would be mad at you if you leave him Mom.
I am torn, I also am not even in financial situation to leave. I am back in college and living on very little money. He works and takes care of everything as far as bills. My children are all adults, so I couldnt get help from government either. I would appreciate any feedback.
Jazaka Allah Khair.
- UsaMuslimah
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Hello,
'She said I think God would be mad at you if you leave him Mom.' she said that because by Christians way of thinking God would be mad. BUT you are not Christian. You are Muslim. You should teach her more of Islam if you can.
Talk to your husband about all these issues. I would go to him and tell him your daughter has told you what he said and that you must leave him now. He has to be Muslim to be your husband. Also that you feel he is unable to financially take care of you because he is worried about the cost of feeding you. A basic need. You need to address the gambling issue. Maybe that is why he is worried about money all the time. Dealing with these issues might get him to properly take care of you. As far as religion you have been suspicious the whole time that he has not been truthful about his motives.
Regardless of everything you know what is right in your heart. You know what is right for you. Do what you feel is in your best interests. Religiously and financially.
Financially you are in a precarious place either way. If you are close to graduating I would stay until your done. Get a job. Then leave. BUT if you are just starting or in the middle of college then you have a big problem. I'm not familiar with Egypt government but with America government you can get help even if your children are adults. You have to have legal seperation or file divorce depending on state you live in. In America if you split and you are not working and he pays all the bills you have rights to alimony(support money) in seperation and divorce.
Wish you good luck.
Salaams,
I advise that we should all be very careful of who we call Muslims or non Muslims. Some scholars assert that accusing someone of not being Muslim when they in fact are (and truly only Allah could be the Knower of who is or is not Muslim) carries the same grave weight of saying that we ourselves are no longer Muslim, and apostasy is a grave sin. Keep in mind that people who are new to Islam, especially coming from other religions such as Christianity, may not realize the depth of claiming "disbelief" and say it haphazardly, without it being 100% true. Allah knows best on these things, so we should avoid trying to decipher who is or isn't Muslim as a general rule.
Pertaining to your situation, the only legal aspect that may apply is the fact that while muslim men may marry non-muslim women who claim faith in God alone, muslim women must be married only to a muslim man. However, it sounds like you were married already when you converted to Islam, and I am not familiar with how those types of situations are typically to be handled. My own thought would be that Allah would want you to honor the marriage as best you can, and only in a situation where your faith and well being are being compromised should you divorce.
Since it sounds like this is your concern, but as you state you have little means to live independently from him, it may be a good idea to start looking for support with your sisters in the Muslim community. I don't know what faith your adult children claim, but I do know that muslim adult sons are to care for their mothers financially if they are in need. You may have to make some major temporary changes by cutting down on your classes to work part time, or maybe take time off school altogether to work full time and get yourself into a self-sufficient situation. Maybe a sister would be willing to help you by taking you in if you were to do this. Unfortunately, you would have to approach this much in the same way a woman who is leaving a physically abusive relationship, as they often are "starting from scratch" and have to work toward becoming independent. Sometimes even contacting a battered woman's shelter for resources of assistance in your area can help, even if you are not battered yourself.
If you move on without him, please know that there are many muslim men out there who would not only be willing to take care of you, but would treat you reasonably and share your faith in earnest. Focus on the positives things Allah may bring to your future instead of the tests He is giving you in the present.
And Allah always knows best