I like my cousin – what is the best thing to do?
Salaam,
I am a 15 year old muslim girl living in the UK and i like my cousin (M)...although i never really thought that i would one day find him attractive, i somehow am and the thing is that we both live far away from each other...he lives in the continent of Asia and i live in Europe. My mum knows that i like him and says that in two years time, she will talk to his mother and ask about his studies, future and what he wishes to do as i have told my mother i like him and she seems to have nothing against it...
However, my mum told me that his mother said to her "why don't you get her married to another one of her cousins, A" (A is the first letter of another male cousin's name) . This has really upset me and i know that A's mother only wants me to marry him because of the fact that i am British and he will get a British passport if he marries me. Also, i am afraid that M's mother will ask about my younger sister for her son (M), who i like. I am a religious girl who wears headscarf and i will try my best to wait until i am older but i am confused as to what i should do...
I want to be a option for him to marriage when he is older (he is a year older than me), but i do not want to tell him straight in the face that i like him. Should i ask help from my mother? I do not want to tell my mum this stuff bothers me as i am too shy...i would like your view on this...
Thank you
-S
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Salaam sis.Well, you've already taken a wise step by taking your mother into confidence, since she is the best person to guide and help you in this matter.I don't think there is really much else you can do..Do not, under any circumstances, try telling your cousin directly about your feelings for him..this could potentially lead to huge impending disaster and loss of face and dignity for you and your family, if he and his mother don't take this news well.And both of you are so young, and it would probably be many years before his mother even thinks about getting him married.Are you sure you would even feel the same way about him a couple of years later?And sis, finding some one attractive is not a guarantee that he would be the best spouse for you.Just let your mother handle it in her own way, no need to take anyone else into your confidence.Just pray to Allah in every prayer to make this work out for you, if indeed he is the right choice for you, but if it doesn't work out, try not to take it too much to heart, as Allah would insha'Allah have someone better in store for you.Best of luck, little sis.
assalamalaikum-
1st i would like to clarify the assumption of yours- I am a religious girl who wears headscarf
Because the approval of Allah and the hadees version in this matter is this-
AS MANY PEOPLE SEE A WOMANS FIGURE WITH LUST AND DESIRE-THE ANGELS WRITE AS GUNAH OF ZINA IN YOUR ACCOUNT....
SO IMAGINE SO MANY PEOPLE SEE YOU IN ONE DAY....AND WRITE A LONG LIST OF A MAJOR SIN[ZINA]
Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin (Radhiallaahu Ánha) "Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) said "Allah does not accept the prayer of a woman who has reached puberty unless she wears a veil."Sahih Al-Bukhari Volume 9, Book 89, Hadith # 293
more in this worlds best book
http://muslimcanada.org/purdah.pdf
NOW COMING TO THE MARRIAGE POINT
1ST YOU STUDY STILL 15 YEAR AGE DONT TAKE THESE THINGS SO SERIOUSLY AND THIS WILL EFFECT YR STUDIES WHICH IS PRIORITY AND IF YOU ARE HINDERED IN STUDIES DUE TO THIS MARRIAGE INCLINATION AND DREAMING -THE BOY[OTHERS] ALSO MIGHT REJECT YOU FOR LESS EDUCATION IS ALSO POSSIBLE-
SO 15 IS NOT THE AGE TO RUSH UP IN THIS LIKE YR MOTHER TOLD AFTER2 YEARS SHE WILL ASK THATS CORRECT TIME
SO HOLD TO YR STUDIES HOLD ON TO ALLAH DO HIS HUKUM PROPER PURDA OF YR BODY NOT HAIR AND HEAD-
THEN TRUST ALLAH HE HAS ALREADY WRITTEN SOMEONE IN YR LIFE WHICH HAS TO COME HE WILL COME Man has weaknesses. The Holy Quran declares that in an ayah (verse): Man is created weak.(Surah an-Nisa 28).
Hastiness
Man is a hasty being. He wants to attain his goal in a minute. He tries to have a taste of the prosperity of the Hereafter in this world. He says Our Lord! Give us (your bounties) in this world. They will have no portion in the hereafter.(al-Baqara 200)
However, you need patience and perseverance for this world. The ultimate reality is not the happiness of this world but the prosperity of the Hereafter. It is not sensible to give away the diamonds of the Hereafter for the sake of the glasses of this world. However, man as he does not know the Hereafter makes all his efforts for this world. He tries to enjoy life by saying Life is only this life.. As declared in the Holy Quran; man is given to hasty. (Surah al-Isra 11)
HOLD ON DO ISTHAKHARA[CONSULTATION WITH ALLAH]-NOT RENTED ONE OF THE Q TV DO YR OWN-
Istikhara Prayer For Marriage, Life Decisions and Divorce-
ENGLISH TRANSLATION:
“O Allah, I consult You as You are All-Knowing and I appeal to You to give me power as You are Omnipotent, I ask You for Your great favour, for You have power and I do not, and You know all of the hidden matters . O Allah ! If you know that this matter (then he should mention it) is good for me in my religion, my livelihood, and for my life in the Hereafter, (or he said: ‘for my present and future life,’) then make it (easy) for me. And if you know that this matter is not good for me in my religion, my livelihood and my life in the Hereafter, (or he said: ‘for my present and future life,’) then keep it away from me and take me away from it and choose what is good for me wherever it is and please me with it.”
ENGLISH TRANSLITERATION:
‘Allahumma inni astakhiruka bi’ilmika, Wa astaqdiruka bi-qudratika, Wa asaluka min fadlika al-’azim Fa-innaka taqdiru Wala aqdiru, Wa ta’lamu Wala a’lamu, Wa anta ‘allamu l-ghuyub. Allahumma, in kunta ta’lam anna *hadha-l-amra (this matter) Khairun li fi dini wa ma’ashi wa’aqibati amri (or ‘ajili amri wa’ajilihi) Faqdirhu li wa yas-sirhu li thumma barik li Fihi, Wa in kunta ta’lamu anna*hadha-lamra (this matter) shar-run li fi dini wa ma’ashi wa’aqibati amri (orfi’ajili amri wa ajilihi) Fasrifhu anni was-rifni anhu. Waqdir li alkhaira haithu kana Thumma ardini bihi
Assalaamualaikam sister
When we're considering if someone is a suitable potential spouse, the main things we need to consider are his character and his deen. If you think this boy might be someone you would consider for marriage, then you've done the right thing in speaking to your mum about it - she can then look into his character and observance of Islam, and if in a few years you still wish to consider marriage to him, she can then help you make a decision in a halal way.
It's worth remembering that people can feel attracted to people who might not be a good match for them. It's especially common for people to have crushes on other people when they are in their mid-to-late teens, as this is when our bodies are finishing maturing and minds turn towards finding a partner. So this is a period of time when it's particularly important to make sure you keep your interactions halal and your faith strong - to resist temptation. Again, having your mum be aware that you like this boy is a good thing in that she can help guide you to keep things halal, inshaAllah.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
dear sister,
its time to get correct lane of your life's journey, better is to talk to your mom for 'M' that you want him, hope she'll understand your feelings, don't shy on this, be mature and genuine always.
important is seek Allah's help in your five times prayer without fail and read darud-e-sheriff
--brother,
To: Ali Yousuff,
I do not understand and found it a bit disturbed to see your reply here:
"1st i would like to clarify the assumption of yours- I am a religious girl who wears headscarf
Because the approval of Allah and the hadees version in this matter is this-
AS MANY PEOPLE SEE A WOMANS FIGURE WITH LUST AND DESIRE-THE ANGELS WRITE AS GUNAH OF ZINA IN YOUR ACCOUNT....
SO IMAGINE SO MANY PEOPLE SEE YOU IN ONE DAY....AND WRITE A LONG LIST OF A MAJOR SIN[ZINA]"
Question: Are you trying to say that we as women should stay out of any men (maybe living in a hole) to "avoid" the sin which is commiteed by men? The sister her is telling us she wears her headscarf and I understand that wearing a headscarf is not equal to pious.
" Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin (Radhiallaahu Ánha) "Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) said "Allah does not accept the prayer of a woman who has reached puberty unless she wears a veil."Sahih Al-Bukhari Volume 9, Book 89, Hadith # 293 more in this worlds best book"
Question: Allah does not accept the prayer of a woman who has reached puberty unless she wears a veil??? How about when men reaching his puberty? Is there anything he has to do? Reaching to puberty is a process that Allah create a human being and that is part of the creation. Is there anyone except Ali can shed some light here. This is so prejudice to women, is this hadith even accepted?
ASSALAMALAIKUM XYZ-
I TYPE BLOCK LETTER -FOR VISIBILITY DONT MIND DEAR..........
AND THIS IS SERIOUS POINT -1ST U WANT JANNAH OR THIS FANI DUNIYA PLS DECIDE-
PLEASE DONT BE OFFENDED AND QUESTION ME ABOUT BEING IN HOLE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT WHICH DIRECTLY BLAMES ISLAM IN A WAY AS IF I AM MAKING AND SENDING HADEES TO YOU AND AND THE RULES OF ISLAM DONT APPLY TO YOU AT ALL AND YOU WANT SOMETHING YOU LIKE TO BE IN SHARIAH NOT WHAT ALLAH SUBHANWATALAH LIKES SHARIAH-WHICH HE SENT THROUGH 124,000 PROPHETS AND NABIS- AND ESTABLISHED IT IN THE WORLD FOR BELIEVERS-
IF U R DOING HIJAB U R SAFE AND IF U R NOT DOING U R NOT SAFE-THAT IS 1000% SURE
"And stay in your houses, and do not display yourselves like that of the times of ignorance"[al-Ahzaab 33:33]
PROOF-“And when you ask for something, ask them from behind a hijaab.”(QURAN-33:53)
Undoubtedly, if a woman works with men in the same place, they will exchange talks and soften their speech. Satan will beautify their deeds and invite them to commit adultery. Allah, All-Wise and All-Knowing, orders women to wear Hijab (veil), for people vary; some are good and some are bad, some are virtuous and some are indecent. By Allah’s will, Hijab prevents Fitnah (temptation), blocks its means, keeps men and women’s hearts pure, and shuns suspicions.
COMING TO THIS DEAR Is there anyone except Ali can shed some light here
PLS ASK THE WHOLE WORLD IS THERE ANY QURAN VERSE OR HADEES WHICH CAN GIVE YOU RELIEF NONE FROM 1435 YEARS AND TILL THE DAY OF JUDGEMENT-The evidence that points to the obligation of covering the face for the woman – Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan
“O Prophet, tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to bring down over themselves [part] of their outer garments. That is more suitable that they will be known and not be harmed…” (33:59)
So in the hijaab is prevention from the harm of evil doers (from) what they desire from her. If she covers then the evil doers and hypocrites will have no desire for her. But if she removes (it) then the evil doers and hypocrites will desire what she has..........
IBNE ABBAS-was asked about the meaning of the verse, “to bring down over themselves [part] of their outer garments” (33:59) HE THEN TOOK THE AREA OF HIS GARMENT AND PLACED IT OVER HIS FACE CLARIFYING THAT THIS THE MEANING OF COVERING THE FACE..........
Aaisha (may Allaah be pleased with her) said “when we were with the Messenger of Allaah in the state of ihram (during hajj); when men would pass by us we would put our khimar down over our heads and faces and when the men would proceed by us we would remove it. All this was in the presence of the prophet س لم و ع ل يه صل and he approved of that.
IF YOU WANT JANNAH THEN TRY TO BECOME THIS-
"This world is all temporary conveniences, and the greatest joy in this life is a righteous wife." (Reported by Muslim, 1468).
Allah (Exalted be He) says:
O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies (i.e. screen themselves completely except the eyes or one eye to see the way)
ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANT TO KNOW MY DEAR ALLAH IS GIVING YOU FREE TICKET TO JANNAH&YOU WANT VISA FOR THIS VULTURES DUNIYA WHICH IS ONLY VISIBLE TILL OUR EYES ARE OPEN THEN DEATH AND THEN THE JUDGEMENT-
HOPE YOU WILL COOL DOWN UNDER THE HUJAB AND WIN ALLAH SUBHANAWATALAH AND BECOME A OBEDIENT SERVANT THEN ALLAH WILL SAY THIS IS MY FAITH FUL-
Abdullah ibn Umar (ra) narrated that the Prophet (saw) said: "Indeed haya (modesty) and Iman are Companions. When one of them is lifted, the other leaves as well." (Baihaqi)
He [Iblis] said, "Grant me a reprieve until the day they are raised up."
He [Allah] said, "You are one of the reprieved."
He [Iblis] said, "By Your misguidance of me, I will lie in ambush for them on your straight path."
[Iblis said,] "Then I will come at them, from in front of them and behind them, from their right and from their left. You will not find most of them thankful."
He [Allah] said, "Get out of it, reviled and driven out. As for those of them who follow you, I will fill up Hell with every one of you." (Surat al-A`raf, 11-18)
Muslim men are also told to lower their gaze when they see a Muslim sister? Is that considered a sin?
SVS, I don't understand your question exactly, but yes in Islam men and women are not to gaze at each other lustfully or stare at the shape of other people's bodies. They should lower their gaze out of modesty.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam Ali,
Please read carefully before your reply. READ. READ. READ.
READ WITH CATUTION IF ENGLISH IS NOT YOUR FIRST LANGAUAGE. DON'T HURRY TO GIVE YOUR PRECIOUS COMMENTS. TRY TO UNDERSTAND THE WHOLE SITUATION EVERYTIME WHEN YOU WRITE.
I am not arguing you with hijab wearing here. DO NOT QUOTE TOO MANY QUOTATIONS, BE PRECISE AND TO THE POINT. You do not understand the questions of the one who posted and the one who responded. In fact, most of the time, I found your comments are so tedious and I bet most readers lost interest to read your comment at all. It will defeat the purpose of your comments.
As-Salaamu'Alaykum.
This is why Islam says NO free-mixing after age of puberty!
Prophet (saw) said: "Beware! of who you allow upon women (in your homes) & a Sahabi (ra) asked: What about brother-in-law? Prophet (saw) said: "Brother-in-law is Death!!(Bukhari 7:159, Muslim 26:5400). Free-mixing between opposite sex is not allowed even between cousins. Mohammad[SAW] said: “It is better to be stabbed with iron nail in the head instead of touching [hand of] woman who is not halal for you” Tabaraani in al-Kabeer, 486. Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5045.
Salaam.Ummm, I don't mean to be rude but could you please explain how this Hadith is relevant to this particular post, as the OP never mentioned any free mixing with her cousin, or any thing unIslamic for that matter.All she said was that she liked him and that she wanted to be an option for marriage to him when she is older, and that she has taken her mother into confidence, about this issue, and she needs advice about how to proceed with this matter.I don't think liking someone is unIslamic, as long your intentions are pure and honourable, and you don't cross your limits, like talking or dating or zina.I think liking someone is a natural feeling, and something not under one's control, especially for young teenagers, and is harmless AS LONG as you don't cross the boundaries set in Islam about correspondence between the two genders, or do something really rash, none of which the OP has mentioned.
Brother-in- law is death. What does that mean?
It means that getting too close or comfortable with the in-laws is dangerous and can lead to flirting and even having an affair. The same is true for a man and his sister-in-law. They should take care and exercise the same degree of modesty that they would with anyone else.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaam, This is why Islam says NO free-mixing after the age of puberty!
Prophet (saw) said: "Beware! of who you allow upon women (in your homes) & a Sahabi (ra) asked: What about brother-in-law? Prophet (saw) said: "Brother-in-law is Death!!(Bukhari 7:159, Muslim 26:5400). Free-mixing between opposite sex is not allowed even between cousins. Mohammad[SAW] said: “It is better to be stabbed with iron nail in the head instead of touching [hand of] woman who is not halal for you” Tabaraani in al-Kabeer, 486. Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5045.