Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want a love marriage

Love marriage or arranged marriage?

Assalam o alaikum,

Today I want to share my problem and need an advice, too. I like a guy. We studied together. He also likes me. He proposed me on last day of our degree. I told my mom that he wants to send his parents for me, but my mom refused just because he was my classmate. She said my father won't agree on this ever, plus he will disconnect my sister's study too. I told her that he is a good guy and he simply wants to send his parents, and as a guy I like him too as he is so helpful to everyone and kindhearted, and he knows how to respect women. But still she is resisting.

For me the concept of a happy marriage is just like a fantasy story, because I haven't seen such thing in my home. My mom and dad used to quarrel and blame each other for everything almost. Growing up with this situation, I almost hate men and the idea of getting married because I don't wanna spend the rest of my life like this. My father has provided us everything, except love and affection. He is good for his nephews and nieces, but for us he is totally the opposite person.

I asked my mother just to meet them once at least, but she says my your father will never agree and he will blame her for sending me to the institute, and she can't make life more hell. I told her to try to convince him in a proper way, but she doesn't agree, and she said that I'm trying to break her trust by saying this.

On the other hand, the boy who I wanna marry has a good job, he is hard working and trying to get even better so my parents can't refuse. His mother is ready to meet. They have their own house and he is a good person.

Kindly give suggestions. I don't my want my sister to suffer because of me. And I think it is dishonest to have someone else in the heart and mind, and marry someone else. We like each other and want a halal method to be together forever.


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3 Responses »

  1. As-salamu alaykum sister. I understand your frustration. It's very strange for parents to stand in the way of a good match and marriage. What is their objection? Are they planning to marry you to one of your cousins, or what?

    First, you cannot be forced to marry anyone you do not like, as forced marriage is strictly forbidden in Islam. For example the report quoted by Imam Bukhari from al-Khansa' bint Khidam:

    "My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah (PBUH). He said to me: `Accept what your father has arranged.' I said, `I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.' He said, `Then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.' I said, `I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter's matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them).'"

    Furthermore the Prophet (sws) instructed women not to refuse a good man who comes seeking marriage, as he said:

    "If there comes to you one with whose religion and attitude you are satisfied, then give your daughter to him in marriage, for if you do not do so, fitnah and mischief will become widespread on earth." (Tirmidhi)

    I suggest you mention this latter hadith to your parents. You might also take the step of simply arranging for the other parents to come visit, and see what happens. Be persistent and keep on trying until your parents realize that you are serious about this match. If all else fails, you could marry him without your parents' permission, since there is no valid reason for their refusal.

    Wael Editor

    • Salam Wael,

      I know that you guys don't allow anyone on here to exchange emails or whatever and I completely understand. I've been a member of this site for years now and it never seemed to fail me. I know that this may seem odd but I am genuinely in the worst place ever. I swear I am at home and I've been home unable to leave the house for 5 months now and I'm going CRAZY in my head. I know that you and all the editors of this site give great advice so I was wondering if there is anyway that I can talk to any of you directly? Through email, or whatever is most comfortable for you. PLEASE. I really need help, I'm so desperate.

      Thank you.

    • Salam Aleykoum Brother Wael.
      I logged a question in October 2018. I still have not received an answer. Others' questions sent in after mine have been answered. I am not sure what I have done wrong. Maybe I missed a step? Could you explain to me what I need to do to have it answered. Thank you.

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