Islamic marriage advice and family advice

in love with a boy but he is poor

Posted by • October 2, 2010 • Printer-friendly

empty wallet, poorI am in love with a muslim boy but he is somewhat poor.

My family came to know about this and they are scolding me and not talking to me.

what should i do now?

- nazia_in_net


Tagged as: , , ,

10 Responses »

  1. SisterZ
    October 3, 2010 • 7:39 pm

    Dear 'Nazia_in_net', Asalaamualaykum,

    You havent given much information here, so its difficult to be specific. However, maybe your family are just worried that this man will not be able to support you financially if you marry him?

    Being in love with someone is an emotion. Thats ok, as long as it doesnt cloud your judgement and decision making or turn you away from your Deen. It could be that the man earns enough to live a comfortable life, so what is your parent's definition of being poor? It could be that this man has just finished his studies and is looking for work, hence does not have any real savings yet. But he may have the drive to work and support his family. If this is case and he is also good for your deen and hereafter, then present this proposal to your parents in a way that seems attractive to them.

    In the mean time, I will remind you of the importance of observing both internal and external hijaab and Islamic etiquette when getting to know any man for marriage purposes.

    SisterZ
    IslamicAnswers.com, Editor

    Reply
  2. Jannah
    October 3, 2010 • 10:34 pm

    Salamu Aleikum dear Sister,

    I have to say first and firemost that Islam is against any forms of class distinctins that exist in the Islamic

    world of today. In Salah, we say: Asalamu aleyna va ala ibadilah salehin.... when we greet the people

    who are saleh, good and righteous believers irrespective of class or background. One of the scholars

    in Islam even stressed the importance of marrying his daugher to one of the Salehin and insisted on

    that. Moreover, in Islam, you have to obey your parents as long as they abide by Islamic etiquette.

    They may tell you to take off the hijab, to marry a rich, wealthy person without Imaan and good morals

    or to become a model for FHM. In that situation, you aren't allowed to obey your parents, the law

    of Allah has priority. Obey them as long as they follow the religion.

    You didn't describe your situation in detail, so I can only give you the basic knowledge I have about

    this topic. If the guy is from a good family, has good akhlagh and possesses good characteristics,

    it would be unfair to reject the proposal because of his wealth. My husband is studying at the moment

    and god knows we aren't the richest people alive( we live in a one and a half room appartment), but

    we are happy and practise our faith. I can't live without him and wouldn't prefer to live with a rich

    man without akhlagh. My mother in law( who lives in the Middle East) can't understand

    why I'm happy as in their coummunity and culture, people constantly watch others and dream

    of big houses and gardens by which they define themselves. Unfortunately, in many middle

    Eastern countries, people have forgotten what luck in life really means.

    There are tendencies in many middle-Eastern countries to focus primarily on looks and wealth

    when you look for a partner. But in Islam, the highest priority is deen, akhlagh, then looks and

    at the end wealth. He should be able to provide for you financially, but it's not right to reject

    a good boy because of his financial position. If he can meet your basic needs and is a good

    Muslim, if you love him and feel attracted to him, don't reject his proposal.

    Obey your parents, as long as they obey Shariah. There are cases in Islam ( maybe depending on

    school of law, but I think we all have this in common) when you can actually disobey your parents

    in looking for a spouse, consult an Imam or a scholar and try to solve this problem with a third party.

    But only if the parents are stubborn and leave the Islamic guidelines of Allah aside. And believe me:

    Many parents out there forget about Islam and think of money, status , looks ........ , raise their children

    as obedient slaves although in Islam they have a will of their own.

    My dear Sister, I don't know much about your situation, maybe if you became more specific, I could

    help you in a better way.

    Jazakallah

    Reply
    • nida
      June 17, 2013 • 5:45 pm

      assalamualaikum jannah. i m writing this just as a token of thanks, i m into the same situation and feel depressed sometimes.

      i want to marry a guy , he is very gentle kind, very very deeni mashaALLAH, and his goal of life is to live a deeni life perfectly according to shariah and not to make properties do investments and and raise children in an expensive school..

      he has completed his studies and is desperately looking for a job in bhopal ( inda). my parents tried to explain me the circumstances which might come if i marry him , like u wont be able u enjoy ur life, fulfill ur desires, deeni life is ok but in this era money is very important, i feel depressed sometimes butconsole myself with the fact that whatever rizq is in my destiny i surely will get that, whether i marry a rich guy or a poor one.

      after reading ur view i got a lot of strength ad hope, as he also says to earn and to provide u with the necessities is my farz and i shall do it inshaALLAH.

      jazakALLAH soo much ... u make me feel much better by giving your example. 🙂 may ALLAH bless u both and take lots of work of deen from u ameen.

      Reply
  3. Abdullahi T. Abdullahi
    October 9, 2010 • 12:34 am

    Salam, am from nigeria. I came across this girl two months ago and we are deeply in luv. I'm twenty years of age while she's twenty four. I finished my high skul since 2008 but due to financial problems couldnt continue. The gal is a graduate of medicine, n 4 dat, her parents want to force her to get married by next year. And i dare not tell my parents ! They'l kill me!! She often gets admitted into they hospital anytym she tinks about the possibility of our marriage. She threatnd 2 commit suicide if we dont get married. I cant do without her. She came wit an option that i should make her pregnant but i refused bcoz it'l make things get worst. If i dont marry her, i fear that i may start drugs, drinkin and zina,etc. Am stuck, plz advice me (dnt 4get dat am 20 and she's 24)

    yours: bappah

    Reply
  4. Jannah
    October 9, 2010 • 7:19 am

    Salams Bappah,

    please don't think of violating Shariah by committing zina, drugs etc. And don't start an illicit relationship.

    If Allah wants the two of you to get married, there are other ways to reach this goal.

    Suicide is haram in Islam, whilst no boy is worth that and in this situation, it's also a form of black-

    mailing the parents.

    Please stay away from any foms of disobeying Allah

    Reply
    • SisterZ
      October 9, 2010 • 7:55 am

      I agree with Jannah completely.

      Furthermore if your 'love' for one another leads you to disobeying Allah, it is then no longer 'love', rather an 'obsession'. If you claim to be Muslim and claim to love Allah, you wiill fight to marry this girl in every halaal manner. If after all that, you are unable to marry her, you will accept this as Allah's Will and move on.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      Reply
    • Wael
      October 19, 2015 • 5:19 pm

      Waji, please register and submit your question as a separate post. In the meantime I can give you a quick answer: listen to your father and marry the boy. Your mother and sisters' reasons for opposing him are not Islamic and not sincere. Your father has the better head on his shoulders, it seems.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      Reply

Leave a Response