Is there any way for milk brother and sister to marry?
Salam to all,
I am writing in regards to my eldest brother. My father brought his family to the States almost about 6 years ago. At the time my brothers and I were in our teenage years. And we were very excited to be meeting our cousins and having family for the first time, they were our age. I know understand why Allah forbids being close with cousins because if you are not ACTUAL brother and sisters, feelings do in fact take place.
Anyhow my brother Allumdulliah is not a deeply religious person but follows Islam to the best of his ability and is an honorable man. At the new age of 18, he realized he was harboring romantic feelings towards our cousin...she was 18 as well. I was very close to her at the time and she conveyed to me that she too cared for him.
My brother was raised in the States but never so much as showed interest in any girl because of the fact that he is so shy of girls and I think he fell in love with this girl because the only other female relationships was with me(his actual sister) and our mother. He told my mother that he loved our cousin and wished to marry her. There were a few complications and some family concerns because its was a pending marriage within the family. But eventually everything was settled, but the girls side brought it to our attention that when my brother was born he was at our home country and had his future mother in laws milk. It was more then forty days so that would make his impending wife his milk sister, they consulted a local Imam and he said the marriage would be unlawful and so the marriage was canceled.
Needless to say our relationship to our fathers side suffered severly. I watched my brother fall apart. It was horrid to see his state, my father sent him for Hajj to try and heal his pain. He turns 23 soon and he seems a lot better and has not showed us that he cares or is hurt, but I believe he still loves her. And she is now turning 23 soon but has not agreed to marriage as off yet. I believe that they wish to marry each other and do love one another but they love Allah more so they accepted that they are not meant to be.
But I love my brother and I wish to see him happy, is there any way for a milk brother and sister to be married?
-amrista12
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assalaamu alaikum sister,
What a sad heartbreaking situation for your brother and cousin/milk sister to be in unfortunately.
No sis, there is no way for them to marry...your brother is now a brother to all of his suckling mothers children, which includes this cousin of course, and is deemed as her son.
It is best they get over it and they have no other option but to start forcing themself to see each other as brother and sister. What was wrong in all of this is that you guys , and especially your brother, was not informed about this all throughout his life. When a woman gives milk to anothers child, especially if that is someone close like ur niece/nephew...then it is very important to make sure u bring em up with the knowledge that u are now a part of that family and its haraam for u to think of marrying into that family. U have to let em know from a young age of all their milk bros/sis and treat em like u wud with blood bro/sis in order to avoid them ever having any feelings.
What went wrong here, which happens unfortunately with many people, is that the parents do not inform the children and only when marriage comes up, do we find out that so and so happens to be our brother/sister.
May Allah swt make it easier for the two of them and help clean their feelings from any emotions left, ameen.
was salaam
As Faith said, there is no way for them to marry. It is absolutely impossible. They are brother and sister. And I agree with Faith that such relationships should have been disclosed and known from childhood.
Your brother needs to stop pining over this woman and open his mind to the possibility of love and marriage with someone else. He fell in love with the cousin only because of proximity, as you pointed out. He can just as easily love another good woman.
I am against all first cousin marriages as a rule, since they bring an increased risk of birth defects in the children. So maybe this was a blessing in disguise.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Brother Wael,
I find marrying your own cousin to be somewhat weird too. It's like your marrying your sibling.
My question is, why is it allowed in Islam?
Islam does not have to regulate every single thing that is unhealthy or strange. Islam gives us the broadest moral guidelines. Beyond that it's up to us to use our common sense, our conscience and even our modern scientific understanding.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Asslam-Alekum,
Aren't we mixing our US based biases in Islam here.Or if I may say cultural biases. Since prohibition in US for cultural marriages I think predates modern genetics... and in most European countries their is no prohibition of cousin marriages.
If cousin marriage is so unhealthy then why did Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) married Zainab bint Jahsh(r.a.), apart from Zainab(r.a) being wife of his adopted son, which was one reason to tell people that its allowed in Islam. I think cousin marriage is allowed in Islam. And since quran didn't forbid it and Muhammad(s.a.w.) did it. Then how can it be unhealthy/strange?
And the reason which is mostly given for forbidding cousin marriages is higher probability of accumulation of recessive genes in the off springs, but aren't we all sons and daughters of single couple? Adam and Eve? And weren't there cousin marriages in early human "evolution"? And if you extrapolate this point aren't we all cousin? 🙂
regards,
Cousin marriage is not haram. It is allowed in Islam. But that does not mean it is the healthiest choice. It is a scientific fact that marriages between first cousins increases the risk of serious genetic defects in the offspring from about 1% in the overall population, to as much as 4% in cousin marriages. And if the couple are themselves children of first cousin marriages, the risk can increase to as much as 12%.
Furthermore, I think that the cultural practice of restricting marriages to family only, aside from being genetically unhealthy, breeds a kind of xenophobia and narrow-mindedness. It leads to tribalism and racism.
It's much healthier to bring in new blood, allow the gene pool to mix, and to open oneself to new cultures. It's good for individuals, good for families, good for society, and good for the world.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I'm in deep love with my cousin. But I was fed her mother's breast milk when I was a baby.
Now, if I cann't marry her then why did Islam support emotion between male and female which fulfils in permanent relationship.?
Why?
sayem, Allah created love in our hearts between male and female so that we can marry those who are halal to us, and have happy, loving families. Everything in life has rules, and our emotions and desires are good as long as we utilize them within the guidelines Allah has given us. Try to wean yourself away from your attachment toward your cousin, and seek some other good partner for marriage, Insha'Allah. Don't covet what you cannot have.
If you need more advice then please submit your question as a separate post.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Asalumwalikum wa rehmat ullaha hi wabarakata hu I want to know about my mom brothers daughter take milk from my mom once I was 5 years younger than her now I want nikaha with her is it possible to nikkha with her she take that time milk with my sister for once plz reply me as soon as possible
Well, I have a similar situation here like your brother. I wanted to know if they are okay. They are 35 by now. Did they move on?Are they still waiting for each other?