Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My girlfriend left me to marry someone else and I can’t get over it

Heartbreak revenge

She broke my heart and I want her to feel the same pain that I do

It all started 2 years back.  I've been in love with my girlfriend for the last 2 years and I loved her more then my life and anything else. I loved her with my whole heart  and never even saw any other girl except her. Everything was going smoothly and we saw a dream of marriage. Suddenly, she went to meet her sister (3 weeks back) who showed her some other guy whommy girl wanted to marry. When her sister told me that she is planning to marry someone else, I stopped trusting her because I always had complete trust on my girl friend.

When she came back and I asked her about it and she did not even talk to me. Later I found that she blocked me the same day. I tried to talk to her but she never responded or answered my phone calls.

I spoke to one of her friends who told me that she is getting married with this other guy and it's a love marriage. I am all broken into pieces and I do not know how to overcome  it. Its hurting me every single second of my life. I feel betrayed and feeling like a piece of trash that she used and threw away. She did completely wrong to me.

I can't take a revenge on her because I still feel love for her. My nights are sleepless and I am not able to even do my job. My life is completely shattered. I can't even think properly or talk to other people. I am always lost in thoughts of her.

She cheated on me and I can't forget her. I tried many times but I have failed to do it. My heart is full of pain and I want her to go through the same pain. I wish that someone should cheat her like the way she did to me, and she should go through the same pain.

Am I thinking wrong??

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48 Responses »

  1. Dear 'Shahid', Asalaamualaykum,

    Being betrayed by someone you love is one of the hardest things to deal with. I understand your anger, your restlessness and your hurt. But right now you are in a state of heightened emotion, any decision you make in this state will not be what you would do if you were feeling stable. Try telling yourself this: that your girlfriend is the one who is flawed, because she chose to betray you, you do not want to waste another second of your life on this girl, taking revenge will not take your pain away, it will just fuel the negative feelings in you.

    Now, asses your relationship with Allah. Have you always stayed with the limits set by Allah in your relationship with this girl, or did you cross emotional and physical boundaries? Did you follow Allah's rules or the rules of your nafs/desires?

    Shahid, try to heal your pain by turning to Allah. Do tawbah for any sins you have committed and ask Allah to replace your loss with something better.

    May Allah heal your soul and heart and may this difficult experience be a stepping stone for you towards deeper piety, aameen

    SisterZ Editor

  2. assalamoualaikoum brother
    please, i am going to be very long in my reply...please bear with it and am sure after reading it, ALLAH will guide you towards what is best for you brother
    I am a physics teacher and alhamdulillah i earn a lot with my job. my mother was a sugarcane field labourer.She toiled to give us( me and my 4 brothers) a good education. Today i can say am being given a golden opportunity to look after my mother. Brother.. i loved a girl. We have been together for 2 years. we had decided to get married. But just before ramadwan this year, she met another guy. Since then, she started to lie. she even told me that she has tumour and she is going to die in 4 months. i talked to her friends and i found out that she was lying. She told her friends that she lied to me so that i would go away from her. I dont know where i have wronged but right then, i was dying. just like you r feeling brother. Please continue reading. i started to sms her night and day, phoned her.. even if she lied to me i told her that i have forgiven her.. that's where i did the biggest ,mistake of my life. listen to me brother. today when i think about all these, i say to myself, why i did not just go away from her right at the moment when she lied to me. trust me brother in 3 or 4 months, u too u will think like this.
    I was so serious about her, that i even went to her place to meet her parents.

    listen to me brother. just forget about her. she has left you for someone else. it is going to hurt but i have been through it. she was just looking for someone to take care of her expenses when she was with u brother. if ever u got physical with her, it was just to please u and to make u believe that she loves you. and i can say for sure that the girl is below 18 yrs old. u just tell us her age..
    just dont let her ruin ur life and job brother.
    i have been through this. but that does not mean that u just mourn over her and stop ur life. no brother. ALLAH loves you. ALLAH has shown you the truth.
    What if this happened after u were married to her? then wat would u do?
    trust me brother, i have been through this. I know what am telling u. i was planning to marry zeenat. But would i have trusted her? NO.
    It may be that am saying yes i would trust her becoz i love her a lot. But what is the guaranty that after marriage, she will be faithful? please do not misunderstand me..
    Do ur swalat five times a day, ask ALLAH to give u strength and LOVE for Qur'an shareef, deen al islam, ALLAH's love and the love for our beloved Prophet ( saw) in your heart. Read Qur'an shareef everyday. u will forget her. i remember crying in musjid in my swalat because i had lost zeenat but what was the use? did she returned to me? never. she was playing with my emotions. now never. i wont let this happen to me. and if u want to know, my age is 29 yrs and she was 17..
    I did all these to forget zeenat.
    And alhamdulillah, i have stopped thinking about her and making my life miserable. Dont forget brother, this girl is going to make u do thingss that ALLAH will disapprove. Why not turn to ALLAH and surely u will be happy in this life, on the day of QUAYAMAH u will recieve good news and INSHA ALLAH, ALLAH will forgive our sins and give us a place in JANNAH.

    hey brother, after all this, today am a better muslim.. as sisterZ said

    May Allah heal your soul and heart and may this difficult experience be a stepping stone for you towards deeper piety, aameen

    she is very right....
    May ALLAH guide u brother

    • Assalam O Alikum
      sir imteaz i want to talk to you sir.. its very important its a matter of life and death.. (contact info deleted by editor)

      • Salaams,

        We do not permit the exhchange of personal contact information on this site. If you have a truly emergent situation, you can log in and submit a post, and we will post it immediately. You can also contact your local authorities or emergency line if the situation merits it.

        -Amy Editor

  3. i am going through similar pain right now. feels like commiting suicide. but should i punish myself for someones selfish behaviour. Let god judge and punish the sinner. Try to get on buddy. Will be difficult. But try to play some sports. Get urself interested in other activities u like. Hope u do better. All the best

    • Praba, I hope you do not think of committing suicide again as it isCommitting suicide is wrong, it is a sin.

      If you did this, you would do more damage to your soul than the damage your ex boyfriend/partner inflicted upon you.

      Revenge is unhealthy, but if you really must do something, then try to 'move on' in a well thought out manner. It is the healthiest form of revenge. Although, I would recommend anyone in this situation to purify their intentions and move on in order to please Allah instead.


  4. it sucks dude.i know it coz im going through it right now.My Ex gf is gonna get married on next month.i've been with her for nearly two years.All sweet talks she gave to me back of the day are just disappeard.All of sudden she is happy to marry someone else.Seriously it totally hurts..But look at the bright side dude.There r many nice chicks around the world and now you have freedom to hook up with any of them.Just let her go.Everything happens for a good reason.Cheers dude

    • well said dude......very true....

    • well said...vry true...................

    • so true dude .. same is the case with me .. my gf is so happy to marry someone else .. she broke up with me by making excuse of her parents .. and she has no regrets .. i keep wondering how can someone .. who used to swear her love to me every hour can marry someone else so easily .. how can someone change so much .. the truth is that i never knew her .. she lied to me all the time .. i never call her .. but she always calls me to make me more misreable

    • By hookup i hope you mean marriage. Otherwise, that is truly haraam and you will only get hurt more.

  5. u are soooooooo right.these kind of people deserve could she???and not answer your phone calls???she should a least explain why she did that to u......

  6. whats kills me is the facts they lie,same wih my gf... i would have been fyn if she gave me a valid reason.. but the lies just hurt....

  7. I would have smashed ta girl to pieces if i wer to be in your place dude.. trust me!! See in my case i will tell you, I had proposed the girl who was my childhood crush.. She disagreed n i was hurt.. For long time till i got new life (getting a medical seat) Then she came behin\d me n proposed me.. But this time i ignored.. But later on i agreed n i just was predecided that i would live the girl after some days.. I had physical relation with her.. N after some time i just left her since ter was no sense in carrying on with the relation as i was still in the start of my career n her father wanted her to get married soon..It was just a good time pass for me.. After some days i failed in my career n i came to know that the girl had got the job alresdy in bangalore.. I dont know wt made me fall behind her but i just fell behind her She just kept on ignoring to come back in my life.. N then i just started get hyper n i started using all sort of bad words on her.. I t was that time wen she told me that she already had loved some1 else n she is getting married to that person soon.. and she changed her phone number n everything n removed me from her frens list in orkut.,. I just get hyper on her like anything n i am seen wasting my time thinking of things to changemyself in life n getting furious on her n scholding her.. I just feel like cutting that b**** in to pieces just because she dumped me?? Am i right person?? What is just wrong with me??

    • Vaibhav, forget these thoughts of hurting the girl. That will not help you. You treated her poorly in the first place. You were not sincere. Forget about her, and focus on your relationship with God. It's very obvious that you need a connection with God in your life. Change your ways and live a more sincere, honest life, and you will find some peace.

      Wael Editor

    • Salaams Vaihab,

      I agree with Wael, if you don´t mind I will give you some tools to heal your emotions and your thoughts, insha´Allah.

      Thinking is not enough to change, you can begin healing with the following actions, insha´Allah.

      Good character, protect ourselves from the terrible disease of rage. The Prophet Muhammad (saw) has taught us some strategies for dealing with anger. For example, he said:
      ......“I know a word, the saying of which will cause him to relax, if he does say it. If he says: ‘I seek Refuge with Allah from Satan’ then all his anger will go away.” [Al-Bukhari; Vol. 4, No. 502]
      .......And he said,
      “Anger comes from the devil, the devil was created of fire, and fire is extinguished only with water; so when one of you becomes angry, he should perform ablution.” [Abu Daud; Book 41, No. 4766]
      .......Abu Dharr narrated: The Apostle of Allah, (saw), said to us: “When one of you becomes angry while standing, he should sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise he should lie down.” [Abu Daud; Book 41, No. 4764]
      .......In another hadith, the Prophet,(saw) said: “If one of you becomes angry then he should be silent.”

      Check this post, between the comments you will find one from Wael where you will find described seven steps to improve your iman and may help you to heal your emotions, insha´Allah.

      I hope it helps, insha´Allah.

      My Unconditional Respect,

      María Editor

  8. Assalamou alaikoum warahmatullah wa barkatuh,being betrayed by any body is the hardest thing 2 deal with,talkless of gf.Because my elder brother has lost his lyf bcoz of gf while he were told that the girl would not be given to him to marry;4 hearing that he be out of his counstious 4 some weeks.After he has healed then he being into rage nd terrible anger,by that there was a day when he was driving bcoz of his angful manner he got an accident and he died.while we knw that being angry is the samething as being drunk bcoz when we 're angry we don't knw what we 're doing but when the intoxication is over we repent.

    • Walaykum as salam warahmatullah wa barakatuh,

      Mzubair, I am sorry for your the pain you and your family are going through, "inna lillahe Wa inna ilaihee Rajee' oon"( "We are from Allah swt, and we have to go back to Allah swt"), I will pray for your brother, insha´Allah. Thank you very much for sharing your experience.

      It hurts me when I listen that someone dies in dramatic conditions, not just his life has a message, his death has a message and we have to listen to it to be able to stop other human being to go through the same experience he went through, insha´Allah. If we spread the message and the tools to get out of it, we will work for consciousness, we need that the people awakes and learns that this can be avoided, I would love many people to listen to your words, because this can be avoided and the Prophet(saw) prevented as about the rage giving us tools to improve our condition when we are attacked by it, Alhamdulillah.

      Not everybody knows how to deal with the negativity of life, some people seems to have a natural way of shining through even the worst of the nightmares and others may get caught in the simplest situation, this is our human condition, to learn to navigate between those extrems, I believe it is the healthiest way.

      To be conscious that having outburst of rage, it is not normal, that rage is a black spot that has to be polished and can be done, there are many tools that can be used using a physical, emotional, mental and spiritual approach, we can gain back our purest character insha´Allah, but first of all, we have to acknowledge we are living a situation that it is taking control over us, this way we can begin to move in the direction of finding solutions, insha´Allah.

      We don´t have to punish ourselves, we are not better or worse, we are all human beings going through different trials, what we have to do is to look for solutions to our trials, going closer to Allah(swt) to acknowledge our trials and be able to have our senses open to the possible doors or windows opened to find solutions, insha´Allah.
      When we are under the effects of rage, our head is full of blood "boiling" and our senses become numb, we are not able to think, talk or act properly, then if we recognize we have this problem better to stop and learn how to deal with it, heal our wounds and save us and others from this evil attitude, and as always only can be done with Allah(swt)´s blessing, insha´Allah, Alhamdulillah.

      Your brother has touched my Heart deeply, now he is giving us a message that you are showing to us, his suffering lead him to death and with your words you are preventing others from the consequences of anger, Alhamdulillah. God bless you and your brother for helping us to open our eyes and our Hearts to the dangers of rage.

      All my Unconditional Respect,

      María Editor

  9. Salaams to all
    I really feel sorry for all brothers and sisters who have suffered in this situation. I strongly advise you all must repent for your errors too and having anger is not worth it this only makes situations worse. Words later on in life do have big consequences and from this you must learn to forgive and move on. I know it is hard but every time you think of negative think why we fast, why we can’t drink water etc. Trust me you still have a second chance there are people who are married in the halaal way are in a lot worse situation then you, and would do anything to be in your place single and not married. You all made mistakes by being betrayed but why make yourself feel worse if you learn something positive out of this trust me Allah will still look down on you and has I always say this is a test to see how far every human is willing to go, change or not the choice is yours w/salaams

  10. Some people are fearless of Allah and lie for something nobody sees the bad apples until too late but why seek revenge or want to kill yourself. I hope this brings it home that you all deserve to be happy but there reasons why things happen. Not everyone is perfect but we all deserve to live and learn and that I hope you all realise to do improve by asking allah to make things better for you w/salaams

  11. hi friends,
    I don’t know how to tell this to u..
    my girl friends going to be married on this coming Nov 6th, 2011
    I am ready to marry her, but she is not interested. She thinking about her parent's pride and all.

    (Remainder of question has been deleted. Ram, please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you. - Editor)

  12. Hi bro,
    My girlfriend of 5 years who shouted everywhere for our marriage in his family n mine is now going around with someone else when just for 3 months i shifted far from her,i too think to suicide every moment ,do want to take revenge from her as how can she think of her happiness by leaving me so helpless n sad,but wat can we do yaar,my love was true and i dnt want to do anything bad to her otherwise i could have spoiled her life in a second

  13. perhaps i have lost my life ,today, because , she will marriage tomarrow ...29/2/2012....................
    what can i do

    • dear Lalit,

      good she is getting married. now you will start to heal. its good that this chapter is closed. it will hurt , hurt and hurt..... but then you will start looking ahead not back. with time you will heal. this girl was not worth it. a person who cannot stand up for you when its needed is not worth having to spend life with.

      you need someone who value you and you value her. its a 2 way process not just take take and take by one person.

      you are better off with a person as selfish as her.

      just keep yourself to your self. spend time with you . dont go around finding out what happened at wedding etc. it will only delay healing.

      just try to switch off for a while. live on basics like eat, sleep, pray, no emotions. its difficult to do it but you can do it by leaving things to itself. now you are thinking that WHAT CAN I DO? how can i turn it round. dont try anything. just do some brianless work, like washing all the dishes or washing your car , or cleaning the house. or fixing a broken window, this will make you tired and help you sleep. behave as if you are on a land where there is no one around you. and inshallah soon you will start to recover. try to talk less during this time. talking about such things can be theurapetic but it also makes u live the pain again and again and again.

      dont hurt yourself more. although its hurtful but she is not worth spending life with.

  14. hey buddy even im in same situation. its not that she dumped u think that u dumped her it ll make u feel better n she is not lucky to have u in her life then y do u worry about it may be one day she can forget her husband but she cannot forget u through her whole life she will realise what she has missed u n u said u still love her make her good wish for her married life

  15. what ever happen happen for a reason bro, you may be broken , but one thing, if she is happy then if u really love her u should be happy too, no matter it hurt u, i advise u, to leave eveything go away very far and make ur life, i know u feel lonely coz it had happen to me also, but go away in any place of the world work work hard as u can,. and try to make ur life and if u cant forget it do like me stay alone for life, but remember one thing, god is here and one day people who make u suffur will surely pay, may be not here, but when they die, the judgement of god is something, have faith bro. and one day when u die, u be happy and all these pain will end

  16. Dnt think such bad of her.. let her enjoy her life.. thats true love.. If she loves u she will come back.. If not,, then jst think that God want u to be single for the girl who is best than her..

  17. Hi Mate,

    Im in the same situation here.
    We were been together for more than 3 years and got seperated for an year now.
    She contacted me again and everything was in place for a month.
    But Suddenly She said that she is going to get engaged and asking me to get married to some other girl.
    I really dont know what to do.
    I knew she have an elder sister who havent married yet.
    How to confirm it. I dont have any other contact apart from her phone number.
    Please help!!

    • Prasanna, women won't sit around forever and wait for you to propose. If you're serious about her, then propose marriage. If you are unwilling or she is determined to marry the other guy, then there's little you can do.

      Wael Editor

  18. i also suffering from similar fiancee and i were engaged 17 months ago and after 6 months we r getting married but few days before she msg me that she have an affair with someone and she dont want to to marry me but she wanted me to not tell her name to anyone and just say no to marriage but i tell everything to her parents now she saying that it was a mistake and she is ready to im confused abt marriage
    she is cheating me from when i dont know what happend between them
    pls someone help me to take decision

  19. Asalam walaikum dont marry anyone who gives you false hopes it will only end in tears, walk away turn to Allah and dont look back, stay strong

  20. Brother shahid143 and everyone else who has written about their experiences in losing their loved one to marriage to someone else, how are all of you doing right now? Have you healed? Have you gotten closer to Allah and found comfort? What advice can you give to those who are suffering from this type of betrayal now that time has passed since your initial heart break? Have you moved on in your life and Alhamdulilah found someone better? Let us know.


  21. Betrayal and false hopes are the worst thing that can happen to a person, i feel relief Alhamdulilah. Allah knows best.

  22. InshAllah it will get better! I have been betrayed and lied to for 5 years and I loved him deeply back then but now I feel nothing at all because I made the choice to let him go and I was firm on my decision to cut off all contact and never looking back. If you do this and keep your heart attached to Allah then inshAllah everything will be fine and you will be happier than you were before. You will be happier on your own than you ever were with this person. The day will come, you just need to hold on. And then when you love again it will be much more stronger and a wiser type of love. You will not be as obsessive and naive as you were before and you will be able to guard your heart better. Remember, every time you fall in love (after you healed from your previous love completely) it will be as if you fell in love for the first time. In my experience, it is not the person you love but the feeling of love the person makes you feel. That is why so many people are being so much abused and they still love the other person. Do not be like that, once you direct that love towards something greater like Allah's pleasure then you will be able to find a person who you can love by the love you feel for them, the person they are and love them for the sake of Allah. I will give dua for each and every one of you to be able to find the one Allah has destined for you and for you to find real and true happiness in this life and in the next inshAllah.

  23. it happens .... It does hurt a lot when u have to attend ur ex's wedding wid ur parents , walk up right to him , wish him a happy married life , and then come back ... Smile at him if he sees u by mistake but still not shed a drop of tear ... He got married last year n it was his 1 anniversary on 3rd april 2013 .. U feel the pain ripping u right through ur heart ,... But let me tell u something .... Life is something precious.... So jut tell urself one thing '' if nothing is well then its not d end '' ... Perhaps there is someone else waiting for me somewhere who knows ... God bless all ..amen

  24. seriosuly guys firstly Asalam walaikum to all you brothers n friends

    i feel so ditched how could a girl leave u ..n still say i love you but cant get married to u as u of not my caste...and her family will have problem dealing with society....

    i just left my career for my love.... i left foreign opportunities so that one day it all will fall into piece...N now i am broken...wish to end my life on her wedding night...

    i dont have any goals in my life left...

    • Assalaamualaikam

      A broken heart can feel like it will never get better and like you can't possibly live without what has been lost, but in time, these feelings will inshaAllah heal and you will be able to not only keep living, but enjoy living. Don't harm yourself or try to end your life - suicide is a very permanent solution, and is a grave sin - no matter how hard things are now, nothing we face in this life is so bad that Hell would be preferable. May Allah protect us all and guide us to keep to His path.

      Take some time to heal, turn to Allah and the Quran for comfort and guidance, and try to say Alhamdulillah for the blessings that remain in your life.

      If you regret leaving your career and the opportunities that you had, why not try to get back into it? Provided you didn't leave on bad terms, you could approach your previous employers and explain that you feel you made the wrong decision and could they consider letting you come back? Alternatively, you could find a new job in that field, and new opportunities, inshaAllah. It is possible to do so - an example that comes to mind is a family friend of mine, who left a career in education to have a family, and then a few years later due to circumstances needed to find employment - she asked her local school about voluntary work, then teaching assistant jobs, then teaching jobs - after a few years she was a head of department again. If you are prepared to work hard and maybe start in a job that isn't quite at the level of your previous one, you should be able to find a way back into your chosen career, inshaAllah.

      If you are seriously considering suicide, I would ask that you take some time to speak with someone about it; they may be able to offer a different perspective on your circumstances and your decisions. Some helpful contacts may be the Samaritans (which are a non-faith-based organisation), Breathing Space (based in Scotland but they have a website), Mind, and Lifeline - these organisations have websites, so you could look online and find relevant contacts. Alternatively, you could ask your family doctor or GP to give you details for local services, or ask at your mosque as many larger Islamic communities will have Islamic counselling or support services available.

      May Allah help you heal, guide you to stay on His path, and protect you from physical and mental harm.

      Midnightmoon editor

  25. I am sorry if I offend but I cant help thinking that the emotions these men vent here are exactly the same as what women experience when their husbands marry a second wife, only a thousand times worse since that means she must share for the rest of her life, have her husband be intimate with another woman every other night for the rest of her life, have a husband who is having babies with another woman. How come here nobody gives the advice "You must want for your brother what you want for yourself"? Such hypocrisy! No no, men should never have to follow the advice they keep giving women in order to follow their own lust. So I tell you now my piece of advice: You must want for your brother what you want for yourself!! So fight your nafs and be happy some man can find happiness with the woman you love, and be grateful you won't have to share her and feel this pain over and over again every day for the rest of your life.

  26. Well friend thing is everything happens for a reason
    u have to beleev that she is gone and its for the good
    dont hold grudge against her
    because holding a grudge against someone is like letting them live in ur brain with out rent
    i have xperienced alott and wentt throughh same pain but thing is
    i hope it helps may be not cuz am also not a good advisor

  27. Yeah you are right, the same feeling of your give a very strong reply.

  28. I was in the same position, my live in girlfriend, she went to see her mother Supposedly but she traveled to Istanbul to ex bf while I went away for a month to USA for work. I learned by some investigative methods and she continued to lie to me. It broke me like you described but I took revenge. She got married to this other Guy, and I sent porno graphic photos of her to her new husband and his mother. He divorced her same day. I mostly forgot her now and I feel much better. I'm now in love with another girl, who showed me what a truly great woman is. So don't worry happiness will come brother. Put your trust in God

    • Brorher ramzi you did disgusting thing to sent nude pictures to her husband and her family .How are you a muslim.If she did not marry with you why you ruined her life.

  29. Salam! I wanted to move where one of my half cousin is living ten years ago...

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